I put away the chest containing all my possessions securely in the empty cabinet below the drawers. It's almost evening by the time I finish unpacking my clothes, books and office belongings. My mother sent a suitcase of my clothes which should have been with me three weeks back but nevertheless I am grateful. Three weeks without my clothes-it is funny but now that I remember how I really spent those days, the smile is wiped off my face.
Liam is out since afternoon and I have controlled myself enough not to call or message him. The look on his face when I asked about his return is crystal clear in my head. Why wouldn't anyone ask him about his life or his health? This family is... Different. Weird but different than mine. My mother wouldn't let me leave the house without noting down my schedule.
I remove my flats off my legs and sit on the huge poster bed, now our bed. This is like a dream, this is going to be my room. I stare at the photo frame in front of me of Liam's family and recollect today. I understand that Frank's addiction to drinking made him lose everything he possessed, his family, his brother, his work but I don't understand why does everyone treat him like he is some piece of garbage. I obviously don't know the past, and I don't even intend to invade the family's privacy but I strongly feel that they should give him some respect, just because he is an elder.
I am still deep in my thoughts when my phone buzzes next to me. I join work day after and I just don't want to start attending calls already. I just glance at my phone when I notice it is Liam's text message. My breath hitches and I swipe the screen to open the message.
*Liam: Everything okay?*
I smile like an idiot and stare at the screen. I miss him, terribly at that. I should not tell him that. So I decide to take the easier route.
*Tiara: Apart from the fact that Bruno can be let loose any moment, yes.*
Satisfied with my reply, I press send. As soon as I keep the phone away it buzzes and I jump at his quickness.
*Liam: ha ha, drama queen. Are you comfortable?*
*Tiara: Yes, don't worry I am fine :)*
I wait for a minute or two for him to reply so when he doesn't I keep my phone away and get up from the bed. Manners and etiquettes tell me that I need to go out of this room and talk to whoever is present in this house. Now that I think of it, I haven't met Stephanie and Frank's family. I don't even know if I should introduce myself to them or not. Well, I don't have any clue if they were present at the wedding. With the way everyone behaves when they are talked about, I doubt that they were.
I walk towards the balcony of the room and slide the door open. I enter outside and my breath is taken away. The sky is painted pink and purple and the climate is cold, how it usually is. This mansion is not exactly in the city area and more towards the outskirts, hence there is not much noise either. Everything is so calm and serene here. I picture Liam in this balcony with a cup of coffee in his hand, and just observing nature. I know he likes observing things because he was the one who took me to observe those birds back at the island and how he likes isolated places.
I walk outside and pull out a pair of jeans and a simple Tshirt from my wardrobe. I feels nice to finally wear my clothes. But I wouldn't even deny the fact that I liked wearing Liam's clothes better. I decide to take a shower and I change into my clothes. This is the first time that I don't have anything to do in the evening. Normally my evenings are filled with overtime work or parties, both a few times. I don't remember spending my evening doing nothing.
I finally decide to do something I am trying to avoid since morning.
I dial a number on my phone and wait for her to pick up.
"Hello?" My mother picks up on the third ring.
"Mother, it's me. Tiara." I say softly. Even though we are hardly away, I feel like I we have a lot of distance between us.
"Tia, my child. How are you? How was your day?" She says brightly.
"It was okay. Thanks for sending my clothes, though. It is a relief." I say shyly.
"When I heard that Vanessa sent only lingerie with you, I was agitated but I couldn't help but laugh, too. That was really a good idea, I must admit." She laughs.
"Mother!" My eyes widen, "how do you find it funny? It's anything but funny."
"So did it work?"
"What worked?"
"You know, the lingerie. Did you both... Because if you did.... I'll have..."
"Mother! No we did not. Not at all if you are thinking other wise. Oh my god, how can you even think about it?!" I say, flabbergasted, it is downright embarrassing to be having this conversation with your mother.
"I am just asking, sweety." I can still see her smile.
"Those things aside," I emphasize, "thanks for sending that chest of my books. That was very thoughtful of you. I really wanted those here, how did you think of it?"
"What chest? Oh, that. I did not send anything. It was Liam's idea to get your belongings, what he didn't tell you?" My phone slips from my hold as I try to hear her correctly.
"What? He asked you?,"
"He messaged me before you both took your flight in Fiji to keep your belongings ready, your books, your everything. He wanted to make you feel more at home. Didn't he tell you?"
I can't stop smiling like an idiot. Liam got these for me.
"No, he didn't." I say shyly, my cheeks flushed.
"Of course, he didn't. Typical male nature. So did you like the idea?" She teases.
"I loved it. Can we talk about something else? Like the fact that they have a dog! Can you believe it?" I say to take the attention off the topic. As much as I want to hear what he told my mother, I stay quiet because I don't want my mother to think otherwise. Even though I am sure of me feelings for him, I don't want the entire world to know. Something's are just better to keep to ourselves.
There is a silence of two seconds and then my mother bursts into a feet of laughter. I wait for her to stop but she doesn't do it anytime soon.
"A.... dog?" She squeaks.
"Yes." I say annoyed.
"So what, now you are going to live on the terrace?" She laughs on her own lame joke.
"Yes, they are building a bed with cages around it."
"That's definitely something you never would have dreamed of, is it?" I can picture her smiling.
"I know." I say softly. There is silence for some time and then she speaks.
"The house is really quiet now that you have left, completely. Your father has become quieter the day you left for your honeymoon. You know he still holds himself responsible for all this, right?" Her voice is stressed.
"And I am tired of telling him to stop. This was the only way possible and even you know that. He should just move on, mustn't him?"
"Hmm." I can picture my mother zoning out in space, something she does when she is deep in thought and cannot frame her thoughts.
"Tia," she speaks after a few seconds, "you do know that you can talk to me right? I mean, about everything. Apart from Kate, I hope you see me as someone you can depend on"
"Yes mother, of course. Why wouldn't I?" I don't know where is she taking this.
"Good because I don't want you to suffer through this alone. I know how it feels to be married to someone you completely loath, especially someone with a huge ego..."
"Who said that I loath him? I mean now?" I interrupt her.
"You don't?" She sounds surprised.
"No, mother. I don't loath Liam. I mean, it's far from that actually. Sure, we had a few fights before and we even do now. I talked to him about Ryan." I take his name slowly, as if he may hear me himself.
"Why would you talk to your husband about that stupid friend of yours? He never deserved your attention back then and he certainly doesn't deserve to intrude your life with Liam. Why would you, Tia, after everything he has done to you?" My mother was always against Ryan from the start. The only reason why she tolerated him was because she was Kate's mother, Daphne's nephew and they are really good friends. My mother trusted Daphne so when the 'incident' happened my mother forced me to stay away from Kate. After Daphne told my mother that she broke all the contacts with Ryan's family was when they started talking again. My mother would remind me time and again about not trusting Ryan and I went against the world to stay with him.
"Because... I somewhere felt that Liam needed to know about my past, you know? I don't want to hide anything from him. He is my husband, mother, and even though there isn't anything between us I feel this certain need to be honest. I don't want any complications later."
"You wanted to talk about Ryan, I mean, you opened that... chapter of yours?"
"Initially I was against saying anything, I don't like talking about it. But he forced me to tell him. He wanted to know about my past more than me. And he actually listened other than telling me that I shouldn't have dated him, like everyone does."
"I don't like reminding you, too, Tiara but he was a mistake. I just don't want you to live in that horrifying past of yours and want you to move on with your life. Talking about him, remembering him will only polish the scar, not destroy it." Her voice is strained, as per usual. When I broke up with Ryan, my mother reminded me time and again how much big of a mistake that was, and I should have listened to her. I did not need regret or possibly guilt at that time. I just needed someone to listen and not tell me about my mistake because honestly, I knew it was a mistake. I just wanted someone to hear me out, once. Since no one bothered listening, I gave up and didn't talk about it at all.
Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you and nothing else.
"I know, mother. How is father doing?" I ask her to change the topic. She still reminds me of my mistake when she herself asks me to forget about him.
"Like I told you, he goes out in the morning, much before I even wake up. And comes back late at night. I think he is depressed but he really thinks Liam is the perfect choice for you. I don't think he is sad about your marriage." She says quietly. What?
"Then is the bankruptcy hurting him?"
"No, not even that. You know that money was never an issue for your father."
"Then what is it that is bothering him?" I am worried now,
"Before I tell you, I want you to know that this is purely my assumption. Andrew and I haven't talked about it and I don't even think that we will. He is just too much in his own bubble that I am afraid about the time it'll burst." She explains.
"Mother, you are freaking me out. Can you tell me about it?" I rub my hands against each other as I keep the phone balanced between my ear and shoulder.
"I think... I think he misses Aricia,." I pause to hear her correctly.
"What did you just say?" I perfectly heard her but in our family, we have stopped talking about Aricia all together. Initially, when the incident happened, anyone of us would start sobbing, probably me, and my dad stopped talking, practically banned the topic of Aricia. Everyone holds themselves responsible for what happened.
"I know you don't want to talk about it, but we cannot neglect what happened Tiara! You were there, how can you even forget?" My mother's voice cracks. My mother is really strong, she has kept herself together all these years when my father and I needed support.
"I haven't forgotten about it, mother. Do you really think I can forget Aricia? Whatever happened was because of me, you really think I will even forget the dreadful night? What makes you think that!?" When I remember that night, a shiver of chills go down my spine. That night will live with me forever, the night that took my sister away.
"What makes me think that? I don't know, maybe the fact that my only daughter was taken away and my husband doesn't want to talk about it!? " she says and the phone freezes in my hand. She realises what she said but it's already said now.
"Tia, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Child, I really didn't mean that. It just slipped. I'm sorry, Tia say something." She stammers, she is sobbing now.
I pull the phone away from my ears and keep it upside down. My hands start shivering, hot tears rolling down my face. I shouldn't have called her, why did I have to talk about it? Why did she... I close my eyes and feel the tears pouring down my jaw. My mouth goes dry as I turn the phone again.
"... Talk to me child, hello? I'm sorry, it just slipped. Tiara Williams, talk to me dear." Is all I hear when I place the receiver I my ear.
"Mother, I will call you back." I don't hear her as I cut the phone without thinking twice. My phone buzzes as I see her calls but I switch my phone off. I have neglected this for all my life and I can't do it anymore, not when my parents haven't forgotten it, my foster parents.
I was left by my own parents exactly a day after I was born. They gave me to an orphanage and that's where I spent my first year. A week after my first birthday, Mr. Andrew Williams came to visit the orphanage and that's when he decided to adopt me. Turns out, he was my godfather. I don't want to remember this and I want to accept my foster parents as my own. They took care of me as their own blood and flesh. I didn't even know about this till I was 18. On my 18th birthday, I received a letter as gift from my birth mother. I couldn't accept reality, I couldn't accept the fact that the people I called my own my entire life weren't my parents at all. My father and I cried the entire night, he apologized profusely for not telling me but he even mentioned that if I didn't get the letter, he wouldn't have told me anytime. When we lost Aricia because of me, I felt like I had taken away something important from the family that gave me everything. The family that was once happy was now sad and miserable because of me and all I wanted to do was give them happiness. I decided there and there that I would do anything, anything and everything under the sun to help them, to take care of my parents. Those parents who aren't my blood, but who gave me a life.
I close my eyes, not even bothering to keep the tears away. I hate being this weak. I don't blame my mother because frankly, which mother could forgive a person who took their child away from them? After Aricia's departure, a transparent wall was built between my mother and I even though we never talked about it. She tried her best to be my everything, but I could make out the hesitation almost every time. No one knows about it except us. I don't even know if James knows because my father did everything under his control to keep this one secret hidden.
I drift away further into my thoughts when there is slight knock on the door.
An unfamiliar lady with blonde hair pops her head out and smile at me. I get up from the bed, quickly clearing my tears before she sees. I know she is Stephanie, I have seen her in pictures. But in real life, she is much more beautiful. She has shiny hair which reaches her waist and a figure to die for. She is wearing simple jeans and Tshirt just like me but she can carry it off better. She asks for permission to get in and I nod my head. Her high heels click against the floor and I immediately ache for her ankles.
"I am not disturbing you, am I?" She says. She has a thick accent. She must have noticed that I was deep in my thoughts.
"Absolutely not." I smile at her.
"I am Stephanie, your sister in law. You can call me Steph. We should have met before, I mean during your wedding but everything was so jumbled and there were so many guests and the fact that I had to wear six inches high heels in white gown and make sure that I don't fall, all at once. Can you believe it?" She says quickly, and waves her hands in the air dramatically.
"I surely believe the heels part." I say smugly.
She laughs and comes forward to hug me, I hug her back and pull back.
"So are you done with the unpacking?" She asks me as she eyes the room.
"Yes, I just finished that."
"You know, this is actually, actually the first time I'm in Limo's room. He hates to invite anyone here." She continues scanning the room. I remember Liam telling me that he doesn't like to share his privacy and I feel honored to be the first one to do that.
"I heard that."
"I first thought he had a lot of porn collection or vulgar posters stuck around as he didn't want us to see. Guess I was really wrong." She says and burst laughing. She finds the joke that funny that she has to clutch her stomach to stop. Whereas I stand there, completely flushed and embarrassed as I have no clue what to say.
"He must have removed them before I came." I say teasingly. She nods her head and gives me a sly smile.
"Are you free right now? It's just Vanessa and I for the time being. We are seeing some pictures you might like. We may get some time to bond" she says enthusiastically.
I don't want to sit in this room all by myself because that'll make me call my mother and ask her where I went wrong. I don't want to talk to her so I follow Steph down to the living room.
The white lights are changed into yellow dim lights as I walk down the stairs. Everything looks similar yet different. On my way, I see Bruno sleeping at the end of the room who is luckily tied up. Vanessa sits on the couch, she has definitely touched up on her make up and her hair is securely tied in a pony tail. Steph sits next to her and it's then that I notice heaps and heaps of pictures.
"We decided that it's just us for some time, why don't we see some pictures? Have a seat, Tia." Vanessa calls me politely and I do the same, I try to keep my mother and her words out of my head and try to concentrate on them,
I pick up five to six pictures randomly and I notice something.
"These pictures..." I start.
"Are your wedding pictures, I know. I mean, I was the photographer, one of the many. That's the reason you didn't see me there." Steph explains as she shows one picture to Vanessa.
I pick one up myself and see Ruth laughing on Josh's lap. Other one contains James and Vanessa smiling fondly at the camera. Finally I see one picture of my father and mother, Kate and my mother, my other relatives who came for the wedding. I am nostalgic by the time I see all the pictures.
"These ones are better." Vanessa hands me a bundle and I can hear my own gasp.
Picture after picture is of Liam and I. One where we wait for the announcer to make some announcements, where my father delivers that amazing speech, our first dance, each and every moment of my wedding is beautifully captured. This pictures are so beautiful that I can't stop smiling. I am sure I am blushing and my cheeks hurt as I realized I am smiling a lot.
"I have a picture I took which is my favorite," she separates the pile of pictures to find one certain pick and groans after five minutes.
"Where is that picture, Vanessa?" She asks Vanessa, annoyed.
"I think..." Vanessa speaks.
"Oh," Steph says as if she realized something. Both of them share a smug smile and then look at me.
"What?" I ask confused.
"I think Liam has the picture of your first kiss. This morning he asked for the wedding pictures, I handed it to him and left as I had some work. When I returned the pictures were on my desk but he had gone. I think he has that one." She explains.
--x--