"Dude! I think the World Conference can convene! Solving all of today's problems by talking excessively!" America starts this meeting off with a loud obnoxious boom. "For today's problem, we'll be talking about this shit called climate change! If we don't do something about it, the Earth is going to, like, blow up or something like that! We need to act before it's too late!"
"Oui, oui (Yes, yes)! Says the country that pulled out of the Paris Climate Agreement!" France brings up a moot point.
Many countries sneer at the American.
He groans, "Come on, dude! That was two years ago! It wasn't my idea!"
Germany scowls. "Despite setting a plan years ago, it seems we need to go over this issue again."
"Suck ball!" China protests. "We already talked about this! Instead, how about we talk about this trade war the American pig started?"
"Stop blaming me! I know for a fact you're screwing me and not in a sexy way!"
"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have a screwdriver."
"You're cheating me of millions! Don't get me started on the cyber-attacks!"
England sighs, "Can you two settle on something before dragging everyone else into your little war? You're going to ruin Europe's economy if you two don't compromise."
"What a surprise. I thought you didn't consider yourself a part of Europe." Russia smiles creepily.
"Speak for yourself," he huffs. "I swear you're plotting to assassinate me."
"Assassinate you? Why me?" He points to himself in a clueless manner.
"Yes, you! Who else has a murderous aura?!"
"U-Uh... Please calm down, everyone..." Japan mumbles nervously.
Italy stands up with a smile on his face. "Come on, everyone! Make pasta, not war! Don't be upsetti, have some spaghetti!"
"Italy!"
"Eeek!"
"How did you sneak spaghetti into this meeting? You shouldn't be eating during a time like this!"
"Waaaaah! Germany!"
Standing at the back of the room, New York stares at the chaos like it's the end of the world. 'How does Mr. United Nations deal with this every year...?' He watches England and France go after each other's throats. "I can't imagine this getting any worse," he grumbles.
Knock! Knock!
A voice chirps behind the door. "New Yooork! Be a darling, and let me in!"
New York does the opposite, blocking the doorway. "No way, Cali. This is an important meeting among countries. You're not allowed here," he hisses.
"But this is, like, super important! I have a super important announcement to make!"
"No."
"I demand to be let into this room!"
"You can come back once they have their break."
"I don't have time to wait around until lunch!"
"Then, do some shopping. Go get your nails done. I don't care. Just stop annoying me."
"Hell no! I'm coming into that room now, and you can't stop me!"
"I'm warning you."
"California..."
"Don't-"
"SMAAAAAAASH!" She knocks down the doors, sending New York flying across the room.
Everyone turns their attention to the Californian blonde strutting into the spotlight, flashing a dazzling, white smile. "We're back, bitches!" she laughs.
The entire room groans, "Ah shit, here we go again."
☆☆☆☆☆
A young Hispanic man sits on top of the damaged roof of his house, staring up at the baby blue dawn of a warm morning. He laments, "What a terrible year this has been. It's not exactly the worst, but it's difficult, yes." He gives up another sigh. "A couple of famous people got shot in my home. My previous boss said some misogynistic and racist things. America's boss called me a corrupt, broken shit hole on Twitter. Many homes on the island still have no access to water or electricity. I'm still in debt. I'm still living underneath a tarp because I can't afford to fix my roof. And now, another hurricane is coming to my broken home...
... You know. I've been through a lot. Like a palm tree, I'm built to survive the biggest storms. I'm built to be strong. I'm built to live another day and see the sun again. Surely, things will get better... However," he clenches a fist, "I can't hold back my frustration. I've been through mud, rain, and literal shit. This is a tough world. I know that, but... They did me dirty. That I can't forgive. I will never forgive. How could they... How could they..."
He sucks in a deep breath. "HOW COULD THEY CUT ME OUT FROM THE FIRST VOLUME?!" Birds scatter into the sky. "I'm an AMERICAN territory! They had some of Canada's provinces as guests! They introduced some of Mexico's states! They promised me I would get my own episode! I waited! I waited for ten, twenty, thirty... I waited to be introduced in one of their fifty episodes! I waited for FIFTY episodes!
But like always, everyone forgets Puerto Rico! Everyone assumes only fifty states exist, but no! I exist, too! My episode was supposed to spotlight my existence and show I'm not a corrupt, broken shit hole like some people claim me to be. I waited. I waited for the release of that episode to see everyone's reaction. I waited for redemption, for an ounce of respect, for a person or two to understand I'm not a horrible place. Instead, I got a short email, telling me they had to cut me out of the volume due to budget cuts. Budget cuts..."
He slumps in disappointment. "I get it. Fifty states. Fifty episodes. That makes sense. But, where do I fit into all of this? Don't I deserve some recognition? I may have my problems, but everybody does..." He sighs. "What I'm trying to say... 2019 hasn't been a very good year for me..." He slowly gets up on his feet, going back to work to prepare for another hurricane to ruin his life...again.
~ Hetalia... ~
The news anchor on screen gives a summarized report of today's news. "Congratulations, Puerto Rico. You'll only suffer some major flooding to a couple of small islands. Otherwise, Category 1 Hurricane Dorian has spared you from major harm."
Puerto stares at the screen with bright eyes, breathing a sigh of relief. "Whew! Thank God." He's about to sit back on the sofa when his phone starts ringing. He picks up the call. "¿Hola (Hello)? ¿Quién es éste (Who is this)?"
"This is the creator of the show," says the caller. "Once again, I want to apologize for cutting your episode out of the first volume. I-"
"It's okay. I understand." He nods his head through that lie.
"I have some good news to tell you. You're going to appear in the second volume."
His eyes grow wide. "Really? No joke? How do I know you're not gonna do a Puerto Rican pullout on me?"
"Well, you're currently in an episode right now, so..."
"I am?" He turns to the audience. "I am!" He smiles and waves. "It's me! I'm Puerto Rico! I'm an American territory, and I exist! ¡Gracias! ¡Gracias! ¡Gracias! Thank you for noticing me!" He jumps up and down in glee.
The news anchor on TV continues their report in the background of Puerto Rico's celebration. "So, it looks like Dorian is heading to Disney World as a Category 4 hurricane. So, yeah. Nothing new."
~ Meanwhile in Florida... ~
"Get yourself a hurricane-themed cake, folks! Get one to party with Dorian when they come knocking on your door!" Florida sells colorful cakes at a bakery despite these stressful times.
Georgia storms into the bakery, glaring daggers at the Floridan. "There you are!"
The Floridan waves at her neighbor. "Heard about this sweet deal, huh?"
She scowls unimpressed. "What are you doing? You should be preparing for Hurricane Dorian, not idling around making cookies in a bakery!"
"Relax, Princess Peach. I got things under control."
"Do you? When I search inside your house, will I find plenty of food and enough water to last a month?"
"No... But I have plenty of cake! Want some?" She shows her a frosted cake with a picture of Hurricane Dorian decorated in rainbow frosting.
She facepalms. "There's a tree stump in a Louisiana swamp with a higher IQ than you..."
"Aw, don't be so down. Have some cake!"
"Haven't you learned by now? This is no time for cake! Hurricane Dorian is heading straight toward you right as we speak! You need to prepare or die!"
"Hey, now. I'm not the only one dealing with the hurricane."
She cocks her head. "Are you pulling my leg?"
"Nope." Florida turns on the nearby TV.
The local weatherman appears on the screen. "This just in: Hurricane Dorian decides it wants to take a road trip across the Eastern coast of America. From Florida, it'll curve northward through the coastlines of Georgia and the Carolinas. To the people from those states, I recommend you get yourself a hurricane cake today!" He proceeds to eat a slice of cake on live television.
Georgia can't believe her eyes. "What the Hell?! You're supposed to be the only one getting hit! What did I do to get dragged into this?!"
"Want some cake now?" Florida leans over with a cake and a shit-eating grin.
"Ugh!" She slaps the cake out of her hands. "You dumb, gator-loving beach bum! I pray to God Dorian hits some sense into that dense skull! Otherwise, it better be the thickest palm tree on Earth!" She storms out of the bakery in a pissy mood.
Florida scratches the back of her head. "Geez. She ruined a perfectly good cake." She frowns at the broken cake on the floor. All of a sudden, she gets a phone call. "¿Hola?"
"Yeah... We like to order a couple of hurricane-themed cakes please," North Carolina grumbles at the other end of the line.
"We?"
"Ah shit, here we go again!" South Carolina groans in the background. "We already made an episode on this already!"
North Carolina sighs, "Can you do delivery?"
"Sure thing!"
~ Hetalia! ~
¡Oye, oye, papi, give me OJ!
¡Oye, oye, mami, oye, oye, mami!
I cannot forget the taste of that
Key lime pie I ate so long ago!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
¡Oye, I'm Florida!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Looking closely, that's the Earth!
Or maybe, that's the Earth?
I'm the Sunshine State!
Ah, with just a brushstroke,
A wonderful world can be seen!
The gators have their own theme park!
I'm Florida!
☆☆☆☆☆
+ Yes! I finally include Puerto Rico in an episode! Hooray! I originally plan to include an episode about the island around the end of the first volume, however, I end up canceling those plans... Sorry, Puerto Rico! Please forgive me! >_<
- Speaking of Puerto Rico, the island territory has been having bad luck in 2019. The ones I've mentioned include famous people getting shot or killed on the island, former Puerto Rican governor, Ricardo Rosselló, getting caught making misogynist and racist comments toward constituents, President Trump making tweets about Puerto Rico's government being "corrupt and broken", and many homes on the island still recovering from Hurricane Maria. And to add to all that woe, Hurricane Dorian decides to rain down on their parade of sadness. Fortunately, Hurricane Dorian has spared the island from too much damage. Still, I wish Puerto Ricans my sympathies.
+ Speaking of Hurricane Dorian, that hurricane is weird. One moment, meteorologists predict the storm will head straight through Florida. The next day, meteorologists revise their predictions, stating Dorian will only graze Florida's eastern coasts as its curves northward through Georgia and the Carolinas. What a crazy unpredictable hurricane. Although, maybe not as crazy as Floridians.
- The weird people of Florida have found humorous ways to cope despite the incoming storm heading toward them. One of them includes hurricane-themed cakes. Some people find them funny. Others find them offensive. In my opinion, I lean toward the former.
+ Even though I joke about the situation regarding Hurricane Dorian, the storm itself shouldn't be taken lightly. The hurricane has cost millions in damage in addition to casualties across the Caribbean Islands and the eastern coast of the United States. To those affected by Hurricane Dorian, I give y'all my sympathies as someone who has gone through multiple hurricanes. Overall, stay safe during hurricane season.
~
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