A/N: The following two episodes are a parody of an anime. Meaning, there are no canon characters from the anime being shown in this story. Even so, I hope anyone who loves the anime enjoys reading this weird parody. Enjoy!
~
The prestigious school that turns out many heroes, AU Academy. Enrolled in their hero course, a group of students run toward their dream, stand up to any difficulties, and save people with a smile...in order to become the greatest Hero!
Students of Class 1-A walk down a street to the training area, wearing their Hero costumes for the first time since enrolling in this school.
One of the students named Delaware is the first to speak. "Isn't this the practice city that was used for the entrance exam?" He scans the area.
Another student named Missouri asks, "Where's the teacher?"
"I'm right here!" shouts a booming voice.
All the students look to the sky. Up in front of the sun, a patriotic Hero in red, white, and blue flashes a vigorous smile, taking a moment to impress his students with a heroic pose before gliding down to meet them on the ground.
"Whoa! It's All Murica!" Colorado can't believe his stoned eyes.
"That's right!" He makes his signature salute to freedom. "As the greatest American Hero since Captain America, I'll be your teacher throughout your time as students of AU Academy."
A couple of students awe, "Wow! So cool!"
A student named New Hampshire raises their hand. "Pardon me, All Murica. May I ask what we'll be doing today for today's training?"
"Good question, young student!" He gives him a thumbs up. "Today, everyone will experience a common Hero-Villain situation: an indoor battle."
Utah tilts his head. "An indoor battle?"
"Yes," All Murica says with confidence. "A common site for conflict involves fighting within enclosed walls. Quite often, many Pro Heroes face challenges in an indoor environment. If they're not careful, the consequences are devastating. This is why everyone needs to get familiar with such a situation and learn how to adapt and adjust to succeed in their objective."
"So, how are you going to test us?" California asks without raising her hand.
"Another good question." He smiles. "Everyone will be split up into ten teams of two, half Heroes and half Villains."
"What? Villains?" the beaver mutant named Oregon frowns. "I don't understand. We're training to become Pro Heroes. Why are some of us being assigned Villains?"
"Excellent question, young lady! Well, you see... Villains...are cunning and..." His forehead sweats. 'What's the purpose of assigning some teams as Villains again...?'
"I see." Nebraska nods her head. "I get what you're saying, All Murica."
"Oh?" He raises a brow. "Is that so? Mind telling the class, then?"
"Certainly." She turns around to face her classmates. "Heroes and Villains are a lot alike. Both sides must calculate and predict each other's moves to overcome the other. As future Heroes in the making, we must understand not only how to defeat Villains but also how to think like one. That's what All Murica is trying to teach us. To see whether we can take steps to outsmart our opponent rather than solely rely on strength alone."
Oregon slowly nods her head. "I get it now. If we can succeed as Villains, we'll surely succeed as Heroes, too."
"That's a smart idea coming from All Murica," says Ohio.
"What do you expect? He's the greatest Hero in the world!" Texas laughs.
'Oh, wow. She's really smart.' All Murica awkwardly smiles. "Excellent, Nebraska! That's exactly what I'm trying to do."
She bows her head. "Thank you, All Murica. I'll let you continue your explanation."
He nods his head. "This is how this trial is going to play out. Every pair of Heroes and Villains will be tested in a building. The Villains will guard a nuclear weapon they intend to launch on a random floor. The Heroes' objective is to stop the scheme, either by capturing the Villains with capture tape or reaching the nuclear weapon within a fifteen-minute time limit. However, if the Villains manage to either capture the Heroes or protect the nuclear weapon when the given time expires, they win."
Oklahoma raises his hand. "So, we're allowed to use the full extent of our Quirks however we wish?"
"Yes. But remember, this trial is mimicking a real-world situation. Indeed, it's important to give it your all, however, it's also important to be cautious, especially in an unpredictable environment unbeknownst to you. Always think about your actions before committing them." He suddenly remembers something very important. "Oh! I recall some students having powerful Quirks that can do immense damage. That's cool and all, but try not to kill your classmates. If I have to, I will stop the match if there's a situation I feel puts a student in danger. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, All Murica!"
"Any more questions before we draw pairs?" He looks among his students and sees no one raise their hand. "Alrighty then. Let's draw up pairs from a lottery box."
Every student pulls a folded slip of paper from the lottery box, receiving a letter and matching it with another student who drew that same letter. As a result, ten pairs are formed among the students.
"Yes! I got an 'A'! That totally means I'll get a good grade!" California giggles as she relishes the slip of paper. "So, who's my ally?" She searches the gathering.
Delaware steps forward. "Um, I guess we're a team..." He holds up his letter for her to see.
She cocks her head. "Who are you again? Delaware, is it? Are you a Northern state or something?"
He frowns. "How did I get paired up with a popular state?"
"Whoever we're facing and whichever role we're assigned, let's work together to succeed," says New Hampshire to Nebraska.
She nods. "Right." She clenches the paper slip with the letter 'I' in her hand.
"Oooh! D for dick! I got Cat Boy!" Florida gives Vermont a big hug.
He awkwardly smiles. "I guess we're Group D then, meow."
Rhode Island stares at the 'G' on his slip of paper. "I guess we're teammates now." He looks back at the Jersey Devil.
"I bet twenty bucks we're going to be assigned Villains," New Jersey chuckles.
"Glad to be your partner." Oregon smiles as she shakes Ohio's hand.
"Thank goodness you have 'J'..." He breathes a sigh of relief. "I can't imagine being teamed up with Bitchigan."
"What was that?" Michigan growls over his shoulder.
It takes the entirety of Missouri's strength to hold her teammate back. "What are the odds of them facing us..." She can only hope they don't match up with Group H.
Utah waves smoke away from his face. "I hope our group letter doesn't reflect our grade..." He frowns at Colorado whose eyes are too clouded by smoke to see the 'F' on his paper slip.
Texas laughs, "Your job is to back me up, okay?" She nudges the disappointed Oklahoman.
"Does anyone want my 'E'?" Oklahoma asks his classmates.
"Can we trade? My current ally is useless..." Maine offers her slip with the letter 'B'.
"Who are you calling useless?!" Idaho pouts. "I'll show you! My Quirk can do more damage than your stupid lobster claws!"
"Gang on," All Murica interrupts the trade. "You can't trade partners."
Oklahoma groans, "Why not?"
"Sorry, young man. Pro Heroes don't always have the luxury of choice on their side. All they can do is work with what they have. So, I expect you to cooperate with your teammate to win."
"Oh, come on, All Murica!" South Carolina butts into the conversation. "I seriously can't work with someone who's a pain in a donkey's smelly rear."
"Same!" North Carolina huffs. "Please move me to another group other than 'C'. I'm sick of getting paired with her."
"Now, now. I'm sure you two can work something out. If you two really want to succeed, you'll need to set your differences aside and work together." All Murica looks to the rest of his students. "The same applies to everyone here. The people around you aren't just friends and classmates. They're your allies. Get along and help each other improve. That's the Hero way!" He beams.
"Can I go solo instead?" South Carolina raises her hand in protest.
He ignores her pleas. "Are there any more questions regarding the rules of this trial before I start the lottery for matchups?" Other than South Carolina, he sees no one raise their hand. "... Awesome! Let's see who'll be the Heroes and the Villains of the first match!"
☆☆☆☆☆
Match 1
Heroes: Group A | Villains: Group D
California is the first to sneak through a window to the second floor.
Delaware follows behind her, looking around cautiously. "Shouldn't we check for traps?"
"We'll only waste time," she says without hesitation. "The group we're facing are basically furries. Or, one of them is a furry." She looks back at him. "Are gator people furries? I mean, they don't have fur."
"We should come up with a plan on how to deal with them," he suggests.
She scoffs, "Here's the plan. I touch them with Midas Hands. We wrap them up with tape. And done. We win. That easy."
He has his doubts. "It can't be that easy."
"Oh, but it is! All you gotta do is stand back and watch me win for the both of us. Afterward, you can thank me for being fabulous as always." She bats her eyelashes.
He scowls. "How did I get stuck with you again?"
"I could ask the same thing," she jeers. "Like, I'm hella grateful you're not that loudmouth cowgirl with her crazy guns, but you're just...so...boring. Like, you don't look or sound like a Hero. No offense, dude."
"Yeah... I hear that a lot..." His feet stop moving, allowing her to move ahead of him.
"Honestly, you look more ready to become an accountant than a Hero. Like, I'm still shocked how people like you somehow pass the entrance exam. Like, when I think of a Hero, I think of All Murica. Strong, brave, talented... And then myself, I can imagine people cheering for 'The Golden Hero' when she makes her grand entrance to save the day. You, on the other hand, look more fit to be a sidekick, watching Heroes like me do all the work while you deal with small fry. No shame in being a sidekick though, but I don't see how someone like you attending a Pro Hero school makes much sense." She stops at an intersection. "You know—"
BOOOOOM!
A giant gatorman crashes down from the ceiling above California. It bellows a booming roar that echoes off the walls of the second floor, forcing Delaware back in shock of the opponent's sudden display of strength among the dust and rubble.
"Cali! Cali, where are you? Are you okay?" He searches around for his ally.
The gatorman locks eyes with him. Much to his surprise, the gatorman makes a toothy grin and waves at him with its sharp claws. "Hey, Delaware! It's me! Florida! You must be in quite a shock, huh!" she laughs. "By the way, have you seen your ally anywhere? I need to knock her out before her Quirk turns me into gold."
"You already did..." He stares disappointingly at the unconscious body lying underneath the gatorman's left foot.
"Oh, whoops!" She steps off the Californian. "Is she breathing?"
He crouches down and presses his fingers to her neck. "... She's breathing."
"Oh, good! I hate to kill my classmate on the second day of school. Hehe."
"This isn't good," he mumbles to himself.
She rubs the back of her scaly neck, probably blushing underneath her mossy green scales. "I mean, yeah. It sucks having your ally knocked out like that. I knew I needed to stop you two from reaching the bomb, but I didn't think I would knock one of you out that quickly. What a shame though. I wanted a bit of a challenge. Then again, this trial is going to be-"
"Florida!" Vermont yells from the hole above her. "He's getting away!"
She turns her head and sees her opponent running across the hall to the next flight of stairs. "Hey! I didn't finish my monologue!" She chases after him.
Delaware keeps his eyes ahead of him as he makes his way up the stairs. 'I gotta think of something. I'm outnumbered. I'm outpowered. I have about twelve minutes left to reach the bomb or reprimand the Villains which is out of the question. What to do? What to do? Think-'
"Meow!" Vermont pounces on top of him from the top of the ceiling.
"Augh!" He falls over.
"Sorry about that." Vermont pulls out the capture tape from his belt. "I'm afraid this is the end for you, meow. I don't want to hurt you, so don't bother fighting back, meow."
Florida comes up the stairs and sees her ally already dealing with him. "Boy, what an easy fight!" she laughs.
Delaware grits his teeth. "This fight isn't done yet."
Vermont smiles. "Great attitude, meow. But this fight really is-"
"Did Florida wrap tape around California?"
He gives him a quizzical look. "Does it matter, meow? She's passed out cold."
"Was she though?"
"What are you talking about?"
"She could be faking it."
"No way, meow." He shakes his head. "After getting crushed by a thousand-pound gator monster, she shouldn't be able to stand. Or, be alive actually, but that's beside the point, meow."
"Or, she actually dodged in time and pretended to be knocked out. That way she could find the bomb while I distracted you and Florida."
His face pales. 'No way. I thought going on the offensive with a surprise attack would benefit us. I didn't think they predicted our attack that far ahead. If that's the case, California is running around the building as we speak.' He looks down at Delaware's unemotional face. 'Or, what he's telling me is a lie? Is it a lie, meow?'
Deep down, Delaware is trying so hard not to panic. His lie is flawed by the simple fact Florida had to step off California's body. There's no way California could've faked it unless she can somehow lift a thousand pounds and place herself underneath a smelly, scaly foot without Florida noticing the whole thing. It would've been amazing if California actually faked being unconscious. Unfortunately, that isn't the case.
Vermont turns to Florida and asks, "Can you go downstairs and wrap California's body with capture tape?"
Florida feels around her massive scaly body. "Um, I think I left the capture tape on the fifth floor. Oops..."
'Fifth floor, huh?' Delaware keeps that in mind.
Vermont sighs, "Well, here's some of mine then." He tears off some tape and hands it to her. "I'll wrap things up here."
"Okay. I trust you." She runs back to the second floor.
Vermont looks back at his opponent and smiles apologetically. "Sorry, meow. Maybe next time you can improve and do better." He lifts his wrists.
"Actually," Delaware speaks up, "I should be the one to say sorry."
Before Vermont can tie him up, Delaware activates his Quirk. Within a second, his hands harden into solid crystal. He pulls the tape apart like string cheese and grabs a hold of Vermont's wrists. Vermont tries to pry his hands out, but his claws do no damage to Delaware's diamond skin.
"F-Florida!" Vermont yowls.
"Sorry." Delaware forces the back of his diamond-covered head against Vermont's face. The grip on his wrists loosens up, allowing him to sprint away. His head and arms turn back to normal to lessen his weight and increase his mobility.
Florida hurries up the stairs and sees her partner on the floor, rolling around in pain. "Kitty! What happened?" She goes over to his side.
"I-I'm sorry, meow! He got away! Ow..." He holds his broken nose with both paws.
She grinds her teeth. "It's alright. I'm not letting him get away, especially after hurting Kitty! GRAAAAAWWWWRRR!" She storms after her opponent.
Delaware hears her roars as he hurries to navigate the third floor. "I need to get to the fifth floor before she wrecks my day."
Florida bellows angrily, "YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR BREAKING POOR KITTY CAT!"
Her thunderous thumps are heard not that far from Delaware's location. He tries not to be fazed and focuses on heading up the stairs to the fourth floor. But as he's heading up, he realizes something crucial. 'I can't outrun her. She'll beat me to a pulp before I lay a finger on the bomb.' He scowls. 'I barely passed the entrance exam because I suck at combat. But...I have no choice.' He continues to run ahead.
The PA system comes on. "Less than seven minutes left on the clock!"
Florida stomps up the stairs and arrives on the fourth floor in an irritated huff. "I better hurry and stop him before he reaches the bomb." She sprints across the hall to the final set of stairs.
Unbeknownst to Florida, she doesn't think to consider her opponent's predicament. Delaware knows he can't go toe to toe with her, nor can he outspeed her. His best shot of winning is to catch her off guard with a sneak attack. But how, one may question. Indeed, he may not be adept in combat, however, he's still...
Seeing Florida run past a room, Delaware leaps out from hiding, ready to flick all five diamond crusted fingers at her. "DELAWARE..."
"Delaware!" she hisses as she tries to turn her gigantic body to face him.
But it's useless to stop him.
"... SMAAAAAAAAASH!" He flicks all five fingers, unleashing a powerful shock wave onto his target.
The strong blast indirectly cracks the floors, the walls, and the windows of the building. Florida attempts to stand her ground, but the shock wave blows her away like a leaf. Her body crashes into a wall that's barely able to withstand the blast. She gasps upon impact and crumples to the floor, unable to get up immediately.
She weakly mutters, "What... What was that...?" Unable to maintain her transformation, her body reverts to normal.
"A Hero," he answers the question with determined eyes. "I may not have the looks of a Hero. I still have a heart made out of diamond. No matter the criticisms, no matter the difficulties, my heart will always withstand the pressure. Next time, never underestimate me again." He presses a clenched fist to his heart. "Because one day, I will become a Hero!"
She smirks. "Hehe... Hahahahaha!"
He gives her a weird look. "Why are you laughing?"
She shakes her head. "You may have put me in a bad spot, but this match isn't over."
"You're right. I need to head to the fifth floor and—" Just as he's turning his head toward the stairs, he's knocked to the ground by a hard hit in the back.
Vermont stands over him with the capture tape in hand. "I expect an apology for the broken nose after this match is over, meow." He manages to smile with a broken nose.
"Yeah! An apology for my broken ribs, too!" Florida laughs.
Delaware grits his teeth. "Damn it." He turns his fingers into diamond and quickly flicks them at his opponent.
Vermont gets off him to avoid the attack. The ceiling above them cracks from the blow. He whistles, quite impressed. "That was close. I'll be sure to avoid that, meow." He lunges at him.
Delaware flicks his fingers again, but Vermont ducks and hits below his arm. The blowback from his fingers creates a hole in an adjacent wall. Delaware leaps back, trying to avoid him and adjust his aim. But Vermont doesn't give him a break. He closes the gap between them and takes a swipe at him. Delaware blocks the attack with his arms, but he's unable to form his diamond armor in time. Traces of blood seep out of the scratches.
Vermont smirks. "It seems your Quirk has limits." He pounds his opponent multiple times before making the final blow—a jump kick to the face.
Delaware is knocked to the ground. He tries to get up, but his body falls back. His vision seems crooked. "What... Why can't I...?" He groans from a piercing headache splitting his head.
"Concussion." Vermont wraps the capture tape around Delaware's body. "My bad, meow. I meant to kick you in the chest. Hopefully, Medicine Woman can help you now that this match is over."
"It's... It's over...?"
"Woo! Good kitty! He's finally defeated!" Florida cheers.
He finishes tying the knot. "It's okay, meow. Stay down this time, and everything will turn out fine."
Delaware can't believe it. Victory is only a floor above him. All he has to do is run to it and touch the bomb. Yet, he can't. The soreness in his feet, the bruises all over his body, he can't get up because of a splitting headache. He goes through this much trouble, only to lose to a kick in the head. How pathetic.
He winces. "Damn it... I was so close..." The feeling of defeat sinks deeply into his heart. Maybe he's not cut out to be a Hero. If that's the case, maybe he should...
The PA system comes on. "The match is over! The Hero team wins!" All Murica announces.
Florida and Vermont gasp in shock. "What?!"
Delaware can't believe his ears. "Don't tell me... She's..."
"That's right!" California comes down the stairs, much to the shocked faces of everyone there. "Thanks for distracting the furries, dude." She gives him a thumbs up.
"How?! You're supposed to be knocked out!" Vermont turns to his partner. "Florida!"
"I-I swear she was knocked out!"
"Did you wrap her in capture tape?"
"Well, I... I was about to, but then I heard you screaming for help, so..." She twiddles her fingers.
Delaware stumbles to get up. "Cali..."
"Hang on, dude. I gotchu." She supports him on his feet. "That Delaware Smash was hella sick! I didn't know you had that much power in you."
"How did you... Your head..." He stares at the enlarged bump on her forehead.
"Oh! I got that from a large chunk of rubble when that fat smelly alligator got the jump on us. It knocked me out for a while, but I managed to wake up and head up to the upper levels from climbing the building." She chuckles, "I almost didn't make it. That Delaware Smash almost knocked me off when I was going up to the fifth floor."
He blushes. "Sorry. I didn't know."
"Why are you apologizing? I got to the bomb, and we won! That's all that matters!" She smiles.
He softly smiles back. "Thanks, Cali. We wouldn't have won without you."
"Thanks, dude! But give yourself some credit, too. If you really want to become a Hero, you need to build up your confidence a little. Okay?" She gives him a little wink.
"I'll be sure to work on that."
"Meeeeoooow... Losing sucks, meow..." Vermont cries.
"Where did it all go wrong?" Florida moans in pain and defeat.
After the end of the match, California, Delaware, Florida, and Vermont were escorted to the nurse's office where they recovered from their injuries thanks to Medicine Woman's help.
~ Meow! ~
Match 2
Heroes: Group B | Villains: Group I
Unlike the previous match, this one is more one-sided. Four minutes into the match, it's already over.
"The Villain team wins!" All Murica announces on the PA system.
"That's it?" Nebraska scrunches her face.
"Yeah," New Hampshire chuckles. "Regrettably, I wish I done more to make myself stand out."
"Well, maybe next time."
He softly smiles. "You're right. No use complaining about a win."
Back at the observation room, All Murica and the rest of the class remain stunned by this short match.
"I've never seen someone use a Quirk like Arbor this quickly and efficiently," Oklahoma awes.
All Murica nods their head. "I've seen such a Quirk in Japan once. Nevertheless, it's truly amazing to see it again. Quite unfortunate for our team of Heroes." They watch Idaho and Maine struggle to free themselves from Nebraska's branches.
"This isn't fair!" Idaho complains. "If this trial were a potato eating contest, we would've won! We lost because of my useless teammate!"
Maine scoffs, "Useless?! At least I tried getting rid of the branches with my lobster claws. All you did was throw your leg at them. You're the useless one."
"Fuck you! I'm not useless!"
"You're absolutely useless!"
Colorado yawns. "Well, that match is a bummer. Hopefully, the next match is more exciting than that one."
"Oh, you'll get your wish alright..." Missouri grumbles as she holds her partner back from starting their match early.
Michigan growls, "You're dead meat, Suckeye!"
"In your dreams, Bitchigan." Ohio flips her the bird.
Oregon sighs. "Can't we all just get along?"
~ Hetalia... ~
Hey, hey, pappa, give me some milk!
Hey, hey, mamma, hey, hey, mamma!
I cannot forget the taste of that
Freshly-baked peach pie I ate before!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
My name's Delaware!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Looking closely, that's the Earth!
Or maybe, that's the Earth?
I am the First State!
Ah, with just a brushstroke,
A wonderful world can be seen!
The Blue Hens think I'm number one!
Go, Delaware!
☆☆☆☆☆
+ In case anyone doesn't know the anime this episode and the next are parodying, it's a superhero anime called My Hero Academia. Specifically, these episodes are parodying the Battle Trial Arc where students team up and compete against each other in their efforts to learn how to become Pro Heroes.
- Fun fact: Kōhei Horikoshi, the creator of My Hero Academia, is an avid fan of American superhero comic books, particularly Marvel Comics. Since the manga's serialization in 2014, the series has quickly sold millions of copies to both domestic and international audiences in addition to gaining an anime with multiple seasons, a couple of films, some video games, and many awards. At one point, My Hero Academia was used to promote one of the biggest superhero movies of all time, Avengers: Infinity War. How cool is that!
+ For this parody, I had to come up with at least twenty states to match up with the twenty students in Class 1-A. Some of the states I chose were referenced as super moves in the anime such as Delaware Smash. The rest were chosen based on Quirks I thought would be interesting to showcase.
- To anyone wanting to know their Quirks, they're listed in the endnotes of Part 2. Feel free to check that out after reading the continuation of this story.
~
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