I leaned my head up against the cool glass of the window. I could feel the vibrations of the road as the bus moved across the asphalt. I was exhausted and I had absolutely no idea where we were heading. We were finishing up the last part of the North American leg of the tour. Once we finished, we'd take a couple weeks off and head over to Europe.
The nude picture scandal caused a lot of strain on Demi and Ruby's already tense relationship. When they weren't fighting, they were ignoring each other. It was kind of sad. Demi started to flirt with fans and other females on a regular basis. It wasn't something she would have done if she was still in the closet. The freedom that came with the leaked nudes made the whole thing worth it to her. Despite the issues that she was having with Ruby, she seemed happier.
Nick and Demi were in the back of the bus playing video games and yelling at each other. They were both getting on my last nerve. I was cramping and irritable.
"Sel." Demi smiled as she practically sat on me. "Ask me why I'm laughing right now."
"Get off." I groaned as I pushed her off me. "Why are you laughing?" I sighed.
"Someone's grumpy." She teased as she pinched one of my cheeks.
I swatted her hand away and glared.
"Do not start with me. I'm pmsing and I do not have the time for your bullshit." I warned.
She responded by laughing some more.
"Whatever. Anyway, I go on twitter right? And I'm checking my mentions and tweeting people or whatever when all of the sudden people start tweeting me about you. Apparently there are people that want us to get married and have babies....or just have sex. I haven't quite figured it out yet but yeah. They've been tweeting me pictures of the two of us all day. I had no idea most of these pictures existed. These people are crazy." She chuckled.
"I hate twitter." I sighed.
"Our fake relationship even has a name." She grinned. "Delena."
I shook my head and sighed. "Wonderful."
"Oh come on babe." Nick said as he leaned against the entry way to the sitting area. "It's funny."
"I'm just tired and I don't feel well." I mumbled as I pulled my knees into my chest.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" He asked sweetly.
"Yeah. Go away." I sighed.
"Ouch." He said pretending to be hurt.
"I got this." Demi said as she stood up and grabbed her phone and a blanket. "Come on." She said offering me her hand. Get up."
"I'm gonna go play call of duty. Y'all can have fun with the cramps and uncontrollable bleeding." Nick said before disappearing into the back of the bus.
"I really hate him sometimes." I said as I winced in pain and took Demi's hand.
"He's a dude. He doesn't know any better." She smiled as she led me to her bunk. "Climb in."
"Dem..."
"Shut up and do it." She interrupted. "You'll see why in a minute."
I watched as she situated the pillows and grabbed what looked like a heating pad. She plugged it into one of the outlets then helped me climb up into the bunk. Once I laid down and got comfortable, she placed the warm pad across my abdomen. She covered me with a blanket and gently stroked my hair.
"Better?" She asked.
I couldn't help but smile. She was being incredibly sweet.
"Yeah." I whispered. "Lay with me...." I added nervously.
She immediately climbed up and closed the small curtain. I settled in against her and let out a content sigh. She was warm and comfortable. She lightly ran her fingertips over the skin on my lower back. I could feel the goosebumps cover my body when she touched me just right. She pulled out her phone and plugged in a pair of earbuds. I felt her stick one in my ear before she placed the other in hers. I closed my eyes when the music started. It was Stevie Knicks.
She knew how much I loved Stevie. The way she was taking care of me right now meant a lot to me. Nick would never do something like this. It wasn't his style. I reached over and pulled her other arm across me. She immediately understood and shifted so that she was holding me. I snuggled into her chest and breathed her in. Her smell was familiar and comforting to me. Laying with her like this made me forget all about the cramps. My mind was elsewhere.
I kept thinking about when she told me she wanted me. I couldn't quite figure out what she meant by it. Did he simply want me sexually or was there more to it. For me, it was complicated. I loved Nick but I felt myself starting to hold back from him. I could have asked him to lay with me but I wanted her. I craved her touch and this was the only way I could get her close. Nick wouldn't think twice about it either. He knew Demi and I were close and he trusted us both.
I brought my hand up and ran my finger down her jawline. I felt her sigh and tighten her arms around me. I lifted my head and placed a soft kiss on her chin. She turned her head toward me and made eye contact. I wanted her to cross that imaginary line so badly. I wanted her to kiss me. The look in her eyes told me she wouldn't. I laid my head back down and listened to her heart beat. Within minutes I was asleep.
***
I woke up in an empty bunk. I was slightly disappointed. I could hear guitar playing and soft singing toward the front of the bus. I recognized the voices immediately. They were Matt and Demi's.
"Hey." I smiled as I opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.
"Did you sleep good?" Demi asked.
"Yes I did." I answered shyly.
"Did we wake you?" Matt asked sounding slightly concerned.
"No. I woke up on my own." I answered as I sat down next to Demi. I rested my head on her shoulder and she leaned her cheek against my head.
"Awww. Delena." Matt teased batting his eyes as he snapped a picture with his phone.
"Shut up." Demi laughed as she lifted her head and started to strum the guitar.
"Play that song we were just working on Dem." Matt said to Demi. "I bet Sel will like it."
She immediately started playing a song that i didn't recognize I and settled back into the couch to listen.
Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It's nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something
She stopped singing and smiled. "That's it. That's all I got."
"What'd you think Sel?" Matt asked.
I cleared my throat. "It was good. I liked it."
I couldn't help but feel it was about me. We all sat awkwardly for a minute or so then busted up laughing.
"That was fucking weird." Matt smiled.
"Where's Nick?" I asked when I realized he wasn't here.
"He took off once we got to the venue. He said he'd back later. He went to hang out with some freinds or something." Demi shrugged.
"We're at the venue?" I asked confused.
"Yeah." Matt laughed. "We got here a couple hours ago."
"What the fuck?" I sighed.
"I didn't have the heart to wake you." Demi said softly. "I let you sleep."
"Wanna see me break the Internet?" Matt grinned.
"Don't you dare!" I warned when I realize he was gonna post the picture he took. "I look like shit. I swear to god I'll kill you."
"Too late." He laughed.
I threw one of the decorative pillows at him and glared. "I hate you."
"You've gotta give the people what they want. They want Delena."
"Demi. Do something." I grumbled.
She opted to just laugh and strum her guitar. She started playing Gold Dust Woman and I immediately smiled. I loved that song.
"It's actually a good picture Sel." Matt said trying to appease me.
"Let me see." I said snatching his phone.
Demi continued to play while I examined the picture. He was right. It was a good picture. He had placed a black and white filter on it. My head was leaning on Demi's shoulder and she was looking at me with a smile on her face as her guitar sat in her lap. It was actually a beautiful moment.
"Send that to me." I said softly after I handed his phone back.
"I told you." He replied smugly. "It's a good picture."
I picked up my phone and sent Nick a text. It was weird that he never mentioned that he was going to go out and I was a little annoyed he would leave me here when I wasn't feeling well. I wasn't sick, but the cramps were quite painful. If it wasn't for Demi I'd probably still be in pain. The heating pad and sleep helped knock the edge off.
"I'm gonna go find Joe and Johnny. You coming Dem?" Matt asked as he stood up and grabbed his guitar.
"Yeah. Let me grab my backpack and the rest of my shit." She answered.
"Demi and I are doing the radio interviews today right?" Matt asked me.
"Yeah. Let me shower and get dressed and I'll sit down with you guys before they start. It should be the usual."
"Sounds good." He smiled.
"Alright. I'm ready." Demi declared as she put on her Ray Bans and grabbed her guitar. "I'll see you in a bit." She smiled at me.
"Bye guys." I said a they both got off the bus.
Once they were gone I checked my phone. Still no response from Nick. I found the whole situation to be annoying and strange, but I shrugged it off and got into the shower. I had way to much work to do and wondering where the hell my rock star boyfriend was wasn't going to get it done.
As promised I met with Demi and Matt before the interview. The host sat in as well and went over some of the questions they would ask. While they sat in and got interviewed Nick showed up. He was with several people that I didn't recognize as well as Olivia the model that they had used in their last music video.
"Where were you?" I questioned as he approached me.
"I told you. Out with friends. What's the big deal Sel?" He asked defensively.
"Oh I don't Nick." I said angrily. "Perhaps texting me or along me that way I knew you were ok would've been nice. Or maybe telling me ahead of time so that I'm aware of it!"
"I don't have time for this shit." He said as he ran his hands through his hair. "I'm going to to take a nap. Let me know when you're done being a bitch."
"Fuck you Nick!" I yelled after him as he walked away.
Several people glanced my way but I ignored them and walked back to the buses. Nick had never spoke to me like that before. The past couple of weeks had been rough for us. I thought that Nick was my soulmate, but the closer I got to Demi the further away he became. The sad part about it was I wasn't entirely sure that I actually cared. There was something about Demi that just made me feel good. I loved Nick but he didn't give me butterflies the way she did. Now that I think about it, he never did.
I was conflicted and I didn't know what to do. I opted to just leave things as they were. If it isn't broke, you don't need to fix it. I'd find out later that I was very wrong. But for now, this was all I could come up with. For now, I had no choice.
***
By the time the band played the last show of the US leg, Ruby and Demi had called it quits. I found out a couple days before the story broke. Ruby told me after it happened.
Once the tabloids got a hold of it, the news spread like a wild fire. All of the gossip sites and entertainment news networks were looking for a scandal. The truth of the matter was there wasn't one. They were just done. Ruby went back home to Australia and Demi went on with her life.
I found her outside by the buses after the show. She was talking on the phone and pacing back and forth. The vacation that was coming up would do her some good. She looked tired and I knew that she needed a break. When she saw me approaching, she hung up the phone and smiled.
"You look pretty." She said as she looked me up and down admiring my dress..
"Thank you." I smiled shyly. "You wanna tell me what happened?"
She let out a small laugh. "So you heard?"
"Of course. I hear everything."
"I told her I wanted her and that I needed her but there was only one person that I would ever love and she wasn't it."
"Dylan?" I asked.
"No." She said slowly.
"Who?"
"It doesn't matter."
"I'm sorry it didn't work out Demi." I said as I watched her lean against the rail.
"It's whatever." She sighed.
"Do you miss her?" I asked in an effort to try and get to the bottom of her feelings.
"No." She sighed. "I miss the idea of her."
"Doesn't that make you sad?"
"A little." She shrugged.
"It makes me sad...."
"I'm fine Sel. I promise." She said as she gave me a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
I wanted to tell her that everything would be ok and that she'd find someone but I didn't. I doubt she would have wanted to hear it anyway. I wanted so desperately to help her I just didn't know how. She was a mystery to me sometimes and this was definitely one of those times.
"I'm late. I've gotta go." I said with a sympathetic look on my face. "I'm meeting Nick for dinner."
"Have fun." She said unenthusiastically.
"We'll talk when I get back."
"Bye Sel." She said as she placed a cigarette between her lips.
"You're a terrible quitter." I said as I turned and walked away.
"So is your mom!" She yelled after me.
I heard her amused chuckle when I turned and gave her the middle finger. I couldn't hide the grin that spread across my face. No matter what she was going through, she could always make me smile.