I laid across the ridiculous new couch Austin had ordered as I scrolled through Netflix on the flat screen mounted in front of me.
"This is absolutely insane! I can't believe you guys are going to be living together Ams. I told you that you would find your way back to each other!" Michelle squealed.
"It's only until he finds a house out here Michelle. It's temporary. And it doesn't mean anything." I replied, trying to convince her as well as myself.
"Amy! He literally broke up with his girlfriend for you and then asked to move into this expensive ass apartment he bought for you. Can you open your eyes?" She exclaimed with widened eyes.
"He didn't do it for me! I told you, he said she basically didn't want to date someone with a baby on the way so they ended it." I rolled my eyes. "And he's staying here to be close to Ava. Not me."
"He said he was never happy with her! And of course he's doing it for Ava. But I don't think that's his only reason. Believe what you want, but I still think he has feelings for you. Trust me, before you know it, you'll be telling me you guys are back together. Or that you slept with him!" She stuck her tongue out towards me.
If only that could be true, I thought to myself.
I listened to Michelle go on to tell me all about the hot new male nurse that had been transferred onto the unit during my maternity leave.
"So he's been been checking me out every chance he gets and I-"
I suddenly felt a tight pain along my stomach as I heard Michelle's words drown into a blur. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to hide the fact that I was hurting from the radiating pressure and intense cramps I was feeling.
No no no this can't be happening. Not right now. Maybe they were just false contractions?
I gave Michelle a weak smile as I got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. I glanced quickly at the seconds ticking on my watch to time the strong pain that was coursing through my body.
I began to quickly pace around my apartment, hoping it was just false labor and I would be able to walk it off.
"So he finally worked up the courage to-" "Amy what are you doing? Why are you pacing back and forth?" Michelle asked me curiously with a confused expression. "Oh my God are you having contractions?"
I looked up at her hesitantly "I was having a lot of Braxton Hicks recently so I don't think I'm in actual labor. They will probably go away soon." I nervously smiled, trying to convince myself that I wasn't going to give birth to this baby today.
"Well are you timing them? Is walking helping to reduce them?" She questioned as she rushed to my side.
But the more time that went by, the contractions were occurring more often, with each one even stronger than the last. I couldn't deny that it was a strong possibility that I could be in real labor.
I was in the worse physical pain in my entire life. There was no way that it was just false contractions. Even though I so desperately wanted them to be. I wasn't due for another few weeks, but how could I think everything would go according to plan?
I shook my head slowly at Michelle as tears began to quickly pour down my face. "They're only getting worse. I think I need to go to the hospital." I winced in pain, holding onto my stomach as she tried to gather my bag and her car keys.
"Oh my God oh my God okay let's go! We are going to have a baby today!" Michelle exclaimed as she excitedly guided me to the door.
Whether I liked it or not, this baby was coming. Now.
As we made it down the elevator and into her car, I pulled my phone out of my bag. My hands nervously shook with pure panic as I scrolled through for Austin's contact info.
I tried to control my breathing, despite the immense amount of pain I was in. I listened to the tone ringing over and and over again as my heart raced in anticipation.
"Come on Austin pick up pick up, please pick up." I whispered to myself as Michelle muttered curses under her breath as she tried to navigate her way through the New York traffic.
"Your call had been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system."
I dialed a second time, and a third, and finally a forth time. And it went to voicemail. Every single time.
I groaned to myself as I still felt tears falling down my cheeks.
Austin was going to absolutely hate me if he missed the birth of his child. I knew I had hurt him badly in the past.
But this? I don't think he would forgive me for this.
*****
As soon as we reached the hospital, I was immediately admitted to the labor and delivery unit. My OBGYN was paged to the hospital from her office and in the mean time, the doctor filling in, confirmed that I was without a doubt in definite labor.
The excruciating pain was more than I had ever imagined. And what made it a million times worse, was the horrible guilt that continuously kept creeping into my mind each time I caught a break from my contractions.
I must have called Austin atleast ten more times and sent him text message after text message. Why wasn't he answering? He promised he would leave whatever he was doing to come to me. However I couldn't blame him for not hearing my phone calls. He was extremely busy guy, and this was on me.
Me: Austin please answer it's an emergency.
Me: I'm think I'm in labor
Me: I'm definitely in labor
Me: They just admitted me to Bellvue Hospital Center
Me: Please come here as soon as you see this
The frustration and stress was overtaking me and I knew I needed to relax. Michelle hadn't left my side and was constantly consoling me to stay calm to prevent any distress or complication from occurring to baby.
"Ams just relax, breathe in and let it out slowly."
My eyes darted towards the door as I heard it creak open. I was hoping and praying it was Austin.
"Mom! Dad!" I hoarsely exclaimed as I saw my parents walked through the door.
"Honey! Oh my God I can't believe this is happening! I'm going to be a grandma!" My mom exclaimed as she pulled me in for a hug.
"Hey sweetie how are you doing? Are you okay?" My dad gave me a kiss on my forehead.
The tears welled in my eyes once again as I took a deep breath.
"No I'm not okay. I'm trying to not to stress out because of the baby. But I made Austin go all the way across the country so he didn't miss any of his performances and now he's not here for this. I called him over and over and he's not answering." I loudly sobbed into my moms shirt as she smoothed my hair and comforted me.
"Oh honey don't cry, I'm sure he will be here as soon as he can." My mom said trying to lift my spirits.
I had three of the most supportive people in my life surrounding me, on what was suppose to be the happiest day of my life.
But the one person I'm suppose to share this moment with, wasn't here. And it was all my fault.
My heart broke into pieces as I thought about how upset Austin would be when he finally checked his phone. I instantly regretted not ever asking for any of the phone numbers of anyone on his team.
I looked up as I saw Dr. Cooper walk in and apply a fresh pair of gloves.
"Hi Amy. Oh- hello everyone. Can all of you step outside please? I just need to do a quick exam to see how far along she is." She said, signaling for my entire support system to leave the room.
Michelle lead my parents outside to the waiting area and closed the door behind her.
"How are we feeling Amy? Ready to push soon? You're about 8 cm fully dilated and the baby is doing great." She said as she examined me and looked over at the fetal heart monitor.
I sighed in relief and slowly nodded at her. I was feeling much less pain after I had graciously accepted the epidural. And I was happy that my anxiety hadn't affected the baby in any negative way.
That was the last thing I needed right now.
"Is your boyfriend going to be here soon Amy? Because I think it's time we start pushing." Dr. Cooper asked as she took off her gloves and sanitized her hands.
I looked down as I swallowed hard, picking anxiously away at my nails. "I don't think he's going to make it Dr. Cooper." I replied. I ignored the fact that she referred to Austin as my boyfriend, as I was much too overwhelmed to correct her.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Do you want me to call your family back into the room?" She asked with a sympathetic smile.
"Just my mom." I sighed, not wanting anyone else in the room with me.
Well this was it.
I took in a long breath as I prepared myself for what was about to come. In no time I was going to be someone's mother.
I couldn't help but force a weak smile to myself, regardless of the dark cloud hanging over me.