Gauri looked at herself in the mirror.
She spent a restless night yesterday, tossing and turning in her sleep. Her eyes were slightly puffed from all the crying. She tried smiling into the mirror; it looked forced and false. She slapped her face with some water, and tried smiling again. It still looked forced, but a little less false. She wondered why was she so sad and frustrated?
She should be happy. She had found her sister, her mother was well, she had found a brother in Dandi bhaiyaa, a caring family in the Oberois, she was educating herself, she was learning new skills, she was actually working on making a proper career instead of just running her shop for living. She had achieved what she hadn't even dreamt of.
She had thought her entire life would be spent running her shop, looking after her mother, and spreading joy among those kids. She had always hoped and prayed that she would be united with her sister, but knowing the chances of that being close to zero, she had satisfied herself praying for her sister's wellbeing and health.
Shankarji has been merciful, and every wish of hers had materialized, even things she had not hoped or wished for. Life had changed for the better, and had taken a high upswing.
And yet, barring her reunion with her sister, every joy was hollow.
Every joy was hollow, because the one man Gauri was tied to beyond her control, against her will, did not give her straight answers.
Never had Gauri felt more helpless and vulnerable in life, but that's what meeting him had done to her. Where was the joy she spread everywhere? The girl in the mirror looked in need of cheering up.
Kaha jaake dil lagaa liya humne? Na milne ka sukoon, na judaai ka dard (Where did I attach my heart? Neither there is the peace of receiving, nor the pain of separation).
This situation of being stuck in-between was worse than anything, because she felt so dishaheen (directionless).
What should she do? Gauri always prided herself in being dabanng (brave), but she was scared of revealing her feelings to him, afraid of what would be his response.
Thats why she reacted like that yesterday night, throwing him out of her room, because she couldn't take it anymore, his care for her, but without words. For a poet, he was remarkably speechless whenever she asked him anything, so much so that she had given up on asking. And then, she was afraid of what he might answer.
Gauri took a bath, changed and stepped out of her bathroom. She collected all the presents Omkaraji had given her: the textbook he gifted Chulbul, her adoptive mother's portrait, those blue and white bangles, the idol of her Shankarji, and finally the sketch of her biological mother holding her in her arms, born out of his imagination. She was not even going to think of the innumerable other things he had done for her, from saving her life in Bareilly to taking care of her when she donated blood to Annika Jiji, to several other things.
Her behavior in light of all that was unpardonably rude. He must have felt astonished and hurt. None of this was his fault, it was she who could not retrain her emotions. He never wanted her to get attached to him. She must pay for her mistake, he is not responsible for that.
Gauri sighed. She must apologize to him today when she sees him. She took her bag and went out to work.
***************************************
"The service would be fine, Shivaay, don't worry" said Annika, as she sat down to breakfast.
"Yes, Shivaay puttar, everything will be fine. I know you are thinking of that fiasco last year with that Ashok dying at the Ganesh pooja aarti, but nothing like that is going to happen. Don't worry, puttar" said Dadi.
"Thank you Dadi, Annika, its just I want everything to be perfect today" said Shivaay. "This memorial service matters a lot for Oberoi image, apart from helping the families of the victims."
Everyone was too busy looking at Shivaay, to notice Omkara scowling slightly.
Omkara didn't like Shivaay's calculative approach towards this thing. Sure, his brother wanted to help out the victims' families, but that was more out of charity, rather than a sense of doing reparations, of trying to atone for the disaster that had taken place at the Oberoi business unit, for which even indirectly, they were somewhat responsible.
Omkara's scowl widened as he saw Gauri entering the dining hall, and sitting down beside Annika to eat. She didn't look at him, in fact, it looked like she was avoiding looking at him. Omkara stabbed moodily at his scrambled eggs, with his fork.
"Omkara, stop playing with your food" said Jahnvi, offhandedly. She was too occupied thinking of Tej's blunder, and her son's actions irked her.
Omkara looked even more irritated at being called out by his mother like he was a kid. Rudra caught this exchange and snorted.
"Badi hasi aa rahi hai?" (Feel like laughing?) remarked Omkara.
"Well, yeah, its not everyday we see O sulking, though in the last few months there have been quite a few up and down in your temperament" said Rudra slyly.
"The one day of the week you do get up on time since Soumya left, you speak rubbish. You need to go back to sleep, Rudra" said Omkara.
"And you, brother, need to sort out your priorities" said Rudra, sagely, pointing his fork at Omkara.
"Meaning?" asked Omkara, his voice serious.
"I don't know, its something Soumya keeps telling everyone who asks her for advice, so I just copied her" said Rudra.
Omkara rolled his eyes, while everyone else laughed.
Later in his room, Om wondered if Rudra wasn't right after all? He did need to sort out his priorities.
He hadn't been forthcoming to Gauri about anything. He relied on her emotionally, absorbing all her care for him, and yet didn't say anything. And he knew that words mattered to Gauri, he knew that really well.
But he was scared? What if she didn't feel the same way? More than her response, he was scared of himself.
After all, at the end of the day, it was Mr. Oberoi's blood running through his veins. He was born with the capability to hurt his loved ones, even though he never did, and vowed that he never would. But Svetlana's words about him being Mr. Oberoi's son echoed in his ears.
And even if he managed to keep all this aside, he was afraid, afraid to trust again, afraid to be betrayed again. Not that Gauri, who was remarkably selfless would betray him, but she did keep secrets or rather she felt no obligation to confide in him, which was fine.
But how could he trust her, if she doesn't repose the same trust in him? Which brought him back to the same point, that what did Gauri feel for him? And there was no way to figure this out without talking to her. If he can't ask, then why will she answer?
He wasn't egotistic like Shivaay, waiting for the other person to take a step forward. And Gauri had taken many steps in his direction, always been there for him, from helping him find his inspiration to a couple of days back, consoling him about his parents. He must do something more than just painting and sculpting to convince her.
But then if she was always there for him, if she cared for him, then why didn't she understand what he was trying to convey without words?
Why couldn't she see the emotions hidden behind his actions? Why did he need to use words? And if he needed to use words to convince her, then was their equation really that deep? If she felt for him, she would've understood him without the need for words, then maybe she doesn't feel for him?
Ugh! All these confusing thoughts were making his head hurt.
Omkara clutched his hair, in frustration, not being able to comprehend where their relationship was going. Was it even going anywhere or not?
************************************
"Hello?" asked a muffled voice into the phone.
"It is me" replied a calm voice back into the receiver.
"Yes, boss" said the former voice, confirming it was his boss.
"Is the work done?" asked the caller.
"Yes, boss. We successfully breached their security, and planted that usb drive. At the right moment, our contact there would play it" said the agent.
"Have you made sure that all loopholes are covered, and there are no loose ends? We don't want a flop plan like with Gayatri last time" said the caller.
"No boss, every single detail has been taken care of. The information you had provided us, was enough to find the point of security lapse and do our job" replied the agent.
"Good. I'll call you before the operation commences" said the caller and cut the call.
The caller thought about last year, when they had joined forces with Svetlana. Even though Svetlana seemed to have mysteriously disappeared from the Oberoi's lives, the security information she had provided, when she had been briefly handling the Oberoi security, was going to be really useful for them.
The caller had waited for long, really long. Last year, they had missed, but this year was theirs.
P.S. 90 votes done, so here's the update! :-)