Nearly the whole town turned out for the funeral, honoring the six children and one caretaker that lost their lives in the orphanage. Pastor Joseph led the proceedings; speaking of life, death, and the promise of heaven.
I hope it is so, at the very least, for Benjamin.
The grief that hovered just under Terra's mind welled up, and the river of tears came again. She leaned on Will's shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her, taking comfort from his support.
After the service, Joseph came up to Terra and gently took up her hand. "Terra, I know you lost someone very dear to you. Such a thing is difficult. I would be available at any time if you wish to talk."
Joseph shook Will's hand and patted him on the back, then disappeared into the crowd of mourners.
For Terra, the following three days passed by in a mental fog. She could not shake the lethargic cloud that shrouded her or the numbness that dulled the pain. Will shared breakfast each morning and dinner each evening with her, otherwise during the days his services were required at the water treatment plant, which also suffered damage in the attack. He did his best to cheer her up and became frustrated when he could not.
It would be better for him that he did not care for me.
Over and over in her mind swirled the events surrounding the attack as she replayed them. Eventually, she questioned her memory.
There must have been something I could have done to prevent it, or at least protect the orphanage. And Benjamin. Why did he have to die?
Hex left several messages on Terra's viewer to call him, but she ignored them.
They sent me here to find the Hooded Man. I can't even do my job.
She visited the hospital and assisted in the recoveries of some people she helped save, busying herself in anything she could find, hoping that would help her feel better. And it did, for a short time, but the gloom always returned.
I should have done more.
Terra visited the school to help with the damage clean up. Moya greeted her warmly, and they shared a tearful embrace. But too many ghosts lingered there.
I failed you, Benjamin.
The doubts plagued Terra like a disease, and her depression deepened with rumors that some blamed her for the attack. After all, Freehold had so far avoided the conflict until she showed up.
Perhaps it is all my fault. Death follows me.
As a bleak drizzle leaked down from low gray clouds, Terra sat on a bench outside of the community center with head downcast. Water dripped from her soaked hair like tears. Just down the road, the remains of the ruined orphanage mocked her failures.
Ginny walked up and sat next to her, extended a transparent umbrella to cover them both. She peered up at the sky. "Gloomy weather today. Kinda like that dark cloud you keep carrying around." Terra jerked up in surprise at the directness. Ginny continued. "There is a town council meeting this evening to decide where we go from here. You should be there."
Terra tilted her head down again. "It would be better if I was not."
"Do you mean that blame Terra Lorr bullshit?" Ginny huffed. "No one with half a brain believes that. If not for you, it would have been worse by an order of magnitude."
"I am not so sure."
Ginny stood and glared at Terra, raising her voice. "Terra, you have been a ray of gloom long enough. High time to break out. There are many that care for you, especially Will. Take the hint and care for yourself!"
Ginny abruptly departed, leaving only the sting of her words.
Pastor Joseph. He said he would talk with me.
Terra peeked around the half-opened door at the back of the storefront church. Joseph sat before a messy desk, studying intently the papers before him. She knocked on the door to gain his attention. As he looked, a warm smile grew on his face. "Terra. Please come in."
Terra took one step and wrapped her arms around herself. "Would you have some time to talk?"
"Always." He motioned to an empty chair to the side. "Please sit down."
Moments of silence lingered before Terra could muster words. "I... I've been in a dark place these last few days. Ginny told me I needed to break out of it, in her usual gentle way."
Joseph rolled his eyes. "She speaks her mind, doesn't she? There is good reason she never became a therapist."
A small smile broke through on Terra's face. "I think I needed to hear that."
"Tell me what you have been feeling."
"Numb. Hopeless, I guess. I feel alone even though I am not. Unwanted, even though I am welcomed here. I know good people care about me, but I am not sure why they would."
Joseph nodded, affirming her feelings. "How do you want to feel?"
A single tear traced her cheek. "I want to break out, but I do not know how."
He took up her hands. "Terra, you are mourning the loss of someone you loved. Such a thing strikes deep in the heart. What you are feeling is not unusual. It may take some time." He paused, lifting an eyebrow. "But I sense there is more."
"I should have done more. I should have been able to stop it. I don't know..." A second tear followed the first.
"Terra, we are not God. You did your best to protect the children and the others of this town, and from what I understand, many more would have died had you not. We can only do as we are able. No more is expected from us."
"That's what Anna would have told me." She wiped away a third tear.
"Anna?"
"She was my best friend, before..." Terra's words trailed off.
Joseph at first raised an eyebrow, but then let it go, instead offering his council. "Terra, you are truly loved, and you are worthy of it. I believe that with all my heart. You said good people care for you, and they do. Open your heart and let them help you."
Terra nodded slowly, but her head remained bowed. "You don't know what I am. The things I have done. If--"
Terra jumped up and widened her eyes, sensing at least three powerful Talents approaching the town center. She did not need to go into the aura to feel their malevolent presence. One was exceptionally powerful, casting a blindingly bright presence in the aura. She knew this one.
Necros!
Joseph widened his eyes in response. "Terra, what is it?"
"Necros!" Her heart pounded. "The Emperor's Chief Enforcer is here. Now!"
"Here?" Joseph gasped. "What does he want?"
"Me."