Several months later once the tour finished, Nick and I were still struggling tremendously. We barely spoke and even then it was mostly arguing. The only solid relationships I had were Demi and Jamie. Jamie turned out to be a wonderful friend and I told her everything. Demi was unpredictable and all over the place while Jamie was very grounded and easy to relate to. I also saw her everyday at work.
Demi was a whole different story. She was a complication for me. I couldn't figure out if I was in love with her or if I just loved her. I didn't know if Nick and I's problems were causing me to look for something that just wasn't there. I was very close to her and she had a way of making me feel safe and un-judged. All my walls came down around her and it wasn't something I was used to. I was vulnerable and if we're being honest I was also hurting.
I loved Nick but I was beginning to think it just wasn't enough anymore. He was always out with friends or working in the studio. Now that I had the firm up and running, I focused on that. It didn't exactly fill the empty space in my heart. Demi on the other hand, she seemed to be able to patch me up without even trying. She wasn't even around right now and I still felt more connected to her than Nick.
I stepped out of the elevator and walked down the hall toward my office. My management firm had finally opened its doors and I was on my way to owning one of the most sought after management agencies in the business. As time went by, I'd become known for my direct and often cutthroat style of management. I was infamous for stealing big names from other firms and making them bigger.
I walked through the doors and stepped into an already busy office. We worked nonstop. As soon as Natalie saw me enter, she brought me my coffee and followed me into my office as she read my schedule for the day. I didn't have a minute to spare.
"Matt called me this morning and asked if you'd be available for lunch. I told him no since you were having lunch with Nick and..."
"Call him back and tell him yes." I interrupted as I sat down and turned on my computer.
"What about Nick?"
"Cancel."
"So you want me call both of them...?" She asked awkwardly.
"Actually." I said as I scanned my emails. "I'll call Matt myself. You can call Nick."
It wasn't really a secret Nick and I's relationship was nearing its breaking point. I really didn't have the energy to pretend otherwise.
"I'll take care of it right away. Anything else?" She asked.
"No. Thank you for the coffee" I smiled.
Once she left I picked up my phone and dialed Matt's number.
"Hey stranger." He answered.
"Hi!" I smile even though he couldn't see me. "Nat told me you wanted to do lunch. What sounds good?" I asked.
"Don't you already have plans?" He questioned.
"Not any that were important."
"Sel..." He sighed. "Give the guy a break."
"Do you wanna have lunch or not?"
"Yeah." He laughed lightly. "You are something else."
"Come pick me up at eleven thirty." I said cheerfully. "Don't be late."
"I'll see you then." He said before hanging up the phone.
I continued to scroll through my emails and drink coffee when I heard my phone go off, indicating I had a text. I glanced at the screen. It was from Demi. I opened it and laughed out loud. It was a picture of Johnny humping a dolphin shaped water fountain. I had no idea where they were but it looked like they were enjoying themselves.
By the time Matt showed up to pick me up for lunch, I was starving. I looked up when I heard a knock at my office door. He walked in and smiled brightly.
"You ready?" He asked.
"Yes!" I said as I stood up and grabbed my phone off my desk.
"I see how it is." Val teased as we walked toward the exit. "You're mad at your boyfriend so you're taking mine to lunch." She laughed.
"Yours is also cuter." I joked.
"You wanna be the third wheel babe?" Matt grinned as he leaned in to kiss his girlfriend.
"I would but I have deadlines I need to make. Your lunch date here is kind of a nazi." She said as she made eye contact with me and smirked.
""You'll pay for that later." I said in a mocking serious tone.
"Have fun guys." She waved as we walked out the door.
We arrived at the restaurant and were seated immediately. He had made reservations. I was thankful that there wasn't a lot of paparazzi either. I found their presence to be irritating and disruptive.
"So." I said after taking a sip of my soda. "What's the occasion?"
"Really?" He grinned.
He had the most adorable dimples and a gorgeous smile.
"Yes. Really. I know you. You brought me here for a reason." I said raising one eyebrow.
"Well......" He sighed nervously. "You're right. I had something I wanted to tell you."
I felt my stomach tie up in knots. I was nervous. I had no idea what he was going to tell me. I was worried it was something to do with Nick.
"Well?" I asked sounding slightly more desperate than I intended. "Spill!"
"I asked Val to marry me." He smiled.
"Oh my god!" I said, genuinely excited.
I immediately stood and hugged him across the table. "That's amazing! When?"
"Last night. She said yes." He added proudly.
"Why didn't she tell me!?" I asked still stunned by the announcement.
"Because I asked her not to. I wanted to tell you." He explained.
"I'm so happy for you guys."
"Thank you." He smiled.
We continued to talk as we ate lunch. I was genuinely excited and happy for the both of them. It also made me feel sad. It made me sad because I realized that Nick and I would probably never find that kind of happiness, at least not with the way things were now. It all seemed kind of hopeless to me. I wanted what Matt and Val had.
When we finished lunch, he brought me back to the office and I immediately buried myself in work. I needed a distraction. By the time I had finished working, it was late. I checked the clock and had Natalie call my driver. I had one last appointment for the day and I'd been looking forward to it for a couple months. I knew the second I saw her, she'd make it all better..
***
It had been a while since I had last saw Demi. We kept in touch, but phone conversations and text messages weren't the same as physical contact. The band was currently on hiatus and they didn't really have a timeline as far as far as the next album went. Demi and Johnny spent their time traveling and messing around with people on social media. They were both quite hilarious. Surprisingly, they managed to stay out of trouble.
She had messaged me about a week ago asking me to pick her up from the airport. Usually I'd have someone else take care of it, but I wanted to surprise her.
I stood at the baggage claim waiting for her to arrive. The second I saw her coming down the escalator I smiled. She was carrying a guitar case and had a backpack hanging from her right shoulder. I was surprised to see her hair a normal shade of brown. She had still had the buzz patch but she looked good.
I walked toward her and she dropped the guitar case at her feet. I wrapped my arms around her neck and squealed when she lifted me off the ground and spun me around as we hugged.
"It's good to see you." She mumbled against my neck.
"You too." I smiled.
Once my feet were back on the ground, she picked up the guitar case and yawned.
"Lets get your luggage and go." I said softly.
"I don't have any." She said as she draped an arm across my shoulder.
"Seriously?" I asked.
"Yup." She smiled. "Johnny and I backpacked around Europe."
"Really?" I said, slightly surprised. "Speaking of Johnny, where is he?"
"He's in Spain I believe. He'll be back next week." She answered as we made our way to the waiting SUV.
We climbed inside and settled in for the long ride. Traffic was a bitch.
"I like your hair." I grinned.
"Thank you." She said as she leaned her head against the headrest.
I suddenly reached out and grabbed a hold of her hands. I had missed her more that I realized and the feel of her hands was a big part of that. It was honestly something that I would never be able to explain. Her hands were both soft and rough. She had callouses on her fingertips from years of playing the guitar. I smiled as I looked down at the chipped nail polish.
I often thought about that night with her in the ocean. If I closed my eyes I could feel her fingertips brush across my skin. I remembered the way she gave me goosebumps and how my body craved more. A single touch from her could make me shiver.
"What are you thinking about?" She asked interrupting my inappropriate thoughts.
"Umm...nothing." I said clearing my throat nervously. "I'm just happy you're home."
I still held her hands in mine. I noticed she was still wearing the bracelet I had put on her wrists a couple years ago. It was worn from the many years of exposure to her hectic and often crazy lifestyle.
"You're still wearing that?" I asked with a slight smile.
"I never take it off." She answered softly.
I let go of her hand and pulled up the sleeve of my blouse revealing mine.
"Me either."
"How's everything goin with the firm?" She asked changing the subject.
I let go of her hands and pushed my hair out of my face. "Amazing." I smiled. "We have so many up and coming artists and we just signed a couple of already established ones, so I'd say we're on our way to having a pretty good year."
"I heard." She grinned. "They are some very angry entertainment managers out there."
"It's not my fault that their artists leave and sign with me." I said defiantly.
"So, you're pretty much a super rich lady now?" She asked with a smirk.
"Basically. Yes." I nodded.
"I have a business proposition for you then."
"No." I said firmly. "I will not buy a small cocaine producing country with you." I joked.
She busted out laughing. "That is not funny. It's mean." She added, raising both eyebrows.
"I'm just teasing."
"Start a record label with me. Fifty fifty." She said in a very serious tone.
"I don't know the first thing about...."
"Yes you do." She interrupted. "You know music and business better than anyone."
"I'll think about it." I said with a slight grin.
"Fair enough." She agreed.
I felt her reach over and draped an arm across my shoulders. She pulled me toward her and I leaned my head against hers as we both stared out the window.
"What are you doing the rest of the night?" I asked.
"That depends on if you come inside or not." She responded.
"Demi....I can't."
"But you want to." She stated confidently.
"Nick is waiting..."
"I didn't ask all that." She chuckled. "It's an open invitation. You have a key."
She leaned in and pressed her lips to her my forehead. I closed my eyes and savored the contact. I didn't want her to go but I knew I couldn't go with her.
"Goodnight." I called out to her as she walked away.
"Sweet dreams beautiful girl." She said as she glanced over her shoulder and disappeared inside.
I suddenly realized I hadn't been inside her new house yet. I frowned at the realization as my driver pulled away, taking me back to reality. I sighed as I prepared myself mentally for the stress of going home. I almost asked him to turn around. Almost.
***
I walked into the house Nick and I shared and smelled food cooking. I was immediately intrigued. Either someone had broken into my house and decided to make me dinner or Nick was cooking. The first option seemed more likely. I slowly walked toward the kitchen and peered inside. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw Nick, shirtless at the stove.
"Hey." He smiled when he turned around and saw me looking at him.
"Hi." I said smiling back at him.
"I'm making chicken alfredo." He said nervously as he turned his attention back to the stove. "I've got some wine chilling." He added. "It's your favorite."
"Nick." I said carefully. "What is this?" I questioned.
I was legitimately confused.
"I want to fix this. I can't take it anymore." He sighed with his back to me.
"I'm listening." I said as he turned around to face me.
"The past few months have been...bad." He said with a frown. "We never used to be like this. I'm sorry Selena. I'm just..."
"Are you Nick?" I interrupted. "Are you sorry? Because from where I'm sitting its almost like you're purposely pushing me out of your life. You either want me or you don't. I don't have time to be that girl. The one that sits around pining away while she hopes her fucking boyfriend gets over whatever he's going through and loves her the way he says he does." I said angrily.
"I do love you Sel."
"Then prove it." I challenged him.
I couldn't help but feel turned on as I looked at him standing there shirtless, in a pair of jeans and a snap back. We hadn't been intimate in months. I wanted him to fuck me.
I waited to see if he had the balls to make the first move.
He didn't.
I slowly started to unbutton my blouse. I walked toward him as I pulled it out of the waistline of my skirt, and let it all to the floor. As soon as I was close enough, his hands were on my hips pulling me closer to him. He tried to kiss me but I didn't let him. He was going to have to work for it. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed away from him.
I reached behind me and unzipped the skirt. He licked his lips as he watched it fall to ground at my feet. He stepped toward to me and I raised my finger and stabbed it into his chest as I shook my head. I pushed him back once again then unclasped my bra. I shrugged it off my shoulders as I pushed my panties down my hips. His eyes were dark as he watched me.
I beckoned for him to come closer. He silently obeyed. He pressed against me and I could feel his erection straining against his jeans. I pressed my lips to his as I reached down and unbuttoned his jeans.
We didn't waste anytime on foreplay. He fucked me on the kitchen table and I came alive underneath his fingertips. It was a release that we both so desperately needed. We let out all the anger and frustration we felt in the most primal of ways. It was almost beautiful.
Later than night as I laid tangled up in the sheets, I felt content. I knew that I still loved Nick and it felt good to actually be certain about it. I heard my phone vibrate on the nightstand. I picked up. It was a text from Demi. It was a single sentence and it damn near killed me.
When you're ready...come to me.