Chapter Twenty-One
❝Love is like a stream of water;
if you must force its path, it was not meant for you.❞
Her eyes were still wide open.
It was past midnight, and she couldn't get over what had happened at the beach. Zach had apologised profusely, and El had to reassure him millions of times that it wasn't his fault. He couldn't have known. Not when she hadn't told anyone about it.
Other than Jeff, Wanda and any person that's been here long, she didn't like parading her newfound fear. Even Daisy, who knew about her parents' death, had no clue. It just seemed foolish and downright embarrassing.
And she didn't know what to think now that the new people in her life knew. In a way, she felt glad — she didn't have to pretend or hide secrets anymore. But at the same time, she didn't like the feeling of someone having something over her that they hadn't before. It was scary. Like they could use it against her.
She knew none of them would, but the dread still lingered.
El sighed. She just needed sleep. Glancing at her phone, she quickly skimmed the missed calls she'd made to Travis. They hadn't been spending as much time together as they should. And remembering what Daisy said — about them being high school sweethearts — she wanted to reconcile that.
But no answer. Her head was buzzing.
Where the hell could he be?
A sudden ping! sounded off her phone.
TRAVIS: I'm in front of your door. Open up.
El frowned and re-read the text. He was here? But — how —
She kicked off her duvet and stepped off the bed, tiptoeing downstairs as quickly and quietly as she could. There was no way Travis Porter was by her door at two in the morning.
But she opened the door, and there he was, his fist about to knock.
"Travis!" she hissed. "What are you doing here?"
"It's nice to see you too, babe," he leaned in and kissed her on the mouth, before letting himself in.
Suppressing her bewilderment, she closed the door softly before turning to him. "Do you even know what time it is? You can't just show up in my front door like this!"
"But I missed you." Travis proceeded to pull her into a bear hug, resting his face on the crook of her neck as her face was buried on his chest. She breathed in his familiar scent, and for a moment, she could forget everything was wrong. "And I wanted to pay you a visit."
That's when her grandmother's words came back to her.
"So the moment you decide to visit again, it's at night? At two in the morning?" El said aloud, pulling back away from his embrace.
Travis sighed, directing his eyes at the ceiling before looking back at her. "This isn't high school anymore, Len. I don't have time to visit you everyday."
"Who said about everyday?" She raised her hands up. "At least don't ghost out, Trav. Gran's been asking about you, you know."
"Nice to know at least someone misses me."
El gave him a look, but he had a counter-look. She sighed and raised on her tiptoes, pecking him on the lips. "Hey, I do miss you. I'm sorry."
"That's the Lenny I know and love."
He tugged her forward and leaned his face down again, but that's when El recognised the smell.
She put her hands in front of his chest. "Travis, are you high?"
"No."
"Trav."
El looked at him right in the eye, but it was dark, so she dragged him towards the kitchen and turned the lights on. He immediately flinched at the fluorescent light, but she saw it: his eyes still brown as ever, but not quite right, either.
"You know I don't have a problem with it so long as we agreed that if you ever took a hit again, you'd tell me." Then realisation hit her. "You were a party, weren't you? When did you start taking them?"
He scoffed and turned away. "Does it matter?"
"Yes, it does!" she hissed, making sure to keep her voice down and biting the urge to scream. "We promised to be honest to each other!"
"Oh, yeah? Why didn't you tell me you went to Zach's party?"
She froze. "Because I knew you wouldn't let me go," she said slowly, looking down for the first time. When she told him Zach had invited them, Travis had snorted and basically said to hell with it. She'd laughed and shrugged.
She hated lying, hated the guilt that went to her bones.
But why did it feel so easy lying to him?
"And look what happened." He let out a mocking laugh. "Turns out Wright's little bitch is a murderer."
"Travis!" She whipped her head at him, staring in disbelief and horror at the words he just said. "How could you say that?!"
"Isn't that true?"
"No, it's not, and you have no right talking about people you don't know like that." El still looked at him in shock, shaking her head like she could erase seeing that part of Travis. "Wait, how did you even know?"
He wasn't at the party.
Travis blinked. "People talk. I heard some surfers talk about it." He raked a hand through his dark hair. "That's not even the point. The point is that I told you, Len, but you didn't listen. That whole group is a bad seed. Wright. His friend. And I wouldn't be surprised if that little brother of his has something going on with him, too... I heard he's retar — "
"Do not finish that sentence." El pointed a shaking finger at him. "Don't even dare, Trav."
"I'm just telling the truth! Isn't that what you want from me?"
Breathe in, breathe out. "Why didn't you tell me Daisy was back?"
Travis was set aback. "I didn't think she was that important to you."
"But we were all friends some time ago, Trav. You don't think I would've cared to find out that she returned?" Especially after none did?
"Fine! Next time I'll keep you posted, alright?! That's if you even answer my calls anymore!"
"I missed one phone call," El let out, blood boiling in her bones, "and you missed thousands. What does that say about us, Travis? That we keep getting back at each other?"
They both knew she wasn't just talking about the phone calls. The lies. The repeated lies, flung at each other as if they were looking at a mirror. And the glass kept cracking and cracking.
"Len," he breathed, grabbing her waist and pulling her towards his body. She gasped at the sudden closeness. "I've just been so stressed, okay? You have no idea. The Championships, college... it's no excuse for any of my fuck-ups... I just feel like you don't trust me anymore — "
"No, hey." Her chest fluttered with guilt, and she lifted his chin up. "I do trust you." She bit her lip. "I'm... I'm sorry I lashed out on you."
El and Travis stayed there for a while, the girl and the boy comforting each other after a tidal wave of emotions barrelled through. From the outside, it seemed that everything was resolved. The girl and the boy returned to each other.
But she just felt an awful pit in her stomach.
"No more lies?" she whispered against his neck.
"I promise," he breathed.
And before she knew it, they were kissing. His mouth was on hers, hard and desperate, as if trying to carry apologies through them. She wound her arms around his neck, and as he pulled her closer, she forgave him.
As he picked her up in his arms and carried her up the stairs, she forgave him.
As they stumbled towards her bedroom and stripped each other bare, she forgave him.
And as their bodies became one, she forgave him. With every push, every drive that pulled them together, skin against skin, the pain started to fade. The lies were pushed aside. The hurt was forgotten. And she let him do it. Over and over again.
Because this was the norm. The two of them, together. This was how it has been for years.
This is how it should be.
The next morning, El woke up in her bed alone.
A/N:
For all of you in healthy relationships — damn, how y'all keep it together all the time?