"The trouble is you think you have time"
The ticks of the clock and the beats of my heart brought me to the D-day, sooner than I wished.
It was soon August 4. The day I wanted to avoid. The day I was running away from.
Alas! The time always had a way to catch up.
My emotions were all over the place.
However hard I tried to clear up my thoughts, it was still a mess.
All the steps I took to move ahead felt like nothing.
I knew I still had a long way to go.
Laying in my bed in the morning I wanted to hide in there for the rest of the day.
However hiding wasn't meant for me. I wanted to be busy whole day. Every year this day I would try my best to occupy myself.
I had even promised to be present overnight to avoid the emptiness of my apartment.
Sending a quick text to Adi I resumed my day.
------
"Good morning Sria. " Rose greeted me with an extra smile.
"Good morning! Aaj itna khush kyon hai? " (Why are you so happy today?)
I tried my best to give a happy smile.
"Bas! Aise hi!"(Just like that!) She winked walking away.
I sighed moving to settle down my things. I have already gotten used to her nature.
"Rough night? " Snehadi asked when I joined her to discuss about new entrants.
At my confused look, she elaborated "You look too tired!"
"Lack of sleep. " I mumbled.
"You are planning to stay overnight. Right?
Maybe we can arrange for someone else."
She suggested.
"No its okay. I am fine. With 2 more cups of tea, I will be good!"
I smiled at her concern.
"That Won't do! Maybe you should rest for awhile."
"There's no need Di! I am fine! "
I tried to convince her.
Even though she was not satisfied, she let it go.
------------------
That evening I was with some children in the centre. And the main focus of my attention was on Dev, a 9-year old boy who recently came in.
Unlike other victims he was an energyball from Day1.
His mother was a victim of domestic violence.
I never understood how he could be of such high spirits after growing up in such an environment.
I have heard as well as witnessed many cases where children were traumatized for life but this little guy was a surprise.
He would go to any extend to make his mother smile. I hoped I could also borrow some of his energy.
We were in the backyard as he was playing around. He was also trying to get other children to join him. Succeeding in some case.
"Di! Join us" He yelled.
I shook my head as I saw he was successful in dragging almost all the 4 children who came out.
"Why are you not playing?" I heard someone asking gently.
Turning around I saw Advik bringing out Neha, the 12-year old girl about whom we were discussing in our first meeting.
She was slowly recovering and this was the first time I saw her out of her room without the compulsion of medicine or recovery.
She whispered something back but I couldn't catch it.
"Don't be scared! You can join them. I will be here watching over. "
His voice was reassuring.
Seeing her hesitation, I tried to move towards them to help him out.
But he spoke,
"If you think you have outgrown them. Let me tell you after few more years you won't be able to join even if you wish."
His eyes suddenly turned mischievous as he motioned towards me, "Just like that didi over there. "
I was stunned at his words but didn't comment on it.
Until then the young girl didn't notice my presence few feet away from them.
I saw her clutching Advik's hand more tightly, shying away from me.
I smiled at her but didn't speak anything.
I had already seen Dev approaching us and decided to let him do it.
Just like what I witnessed for last half hour, he made her join them.
He would certainly be a charmer.
"Are you missing your childhood? " I asked Advik.
"Sometimes! All those innocent joys and obliviousness. And just like any other adult I do miss my childhood. Don't you? " He asked fully turning towards me.
I nodded my head but didn't move my glance away from the children.
I could see Neha's efforts to blend in and be happy.
I could see Dev trying to entertain everyone around him.
I could see each of them trying their best to be happy.
Maybe it was natural to them. To be happy. To smile. To laugh out loud.
It's the grown ups who would have hard time to do the same.
I could feel Advik's stare on the side of my face but didn't turn.
He sighed before turning back towards the children.
"Coming to think of it, this is the first time you asked me something first. Of course other than whether I was hitting on you."
He lightened the mood.
"No I did! "
"Only after I ask you something. I thought you felt like I was prying."
"No! I.. "
"It's okay now! Since you asked first this time. "
I rolled my eyes but a smile tugged at my lips.
"You are good with kids. " I voiced my observation.
"Was planning to have one after few years."
I gave him a look of irritation at his poor joke. However I was trying hard to reign in my laughter.
"Sorry! Again! My elder sister has got twins. So.." He shrugged.
"I thought you will say you are a natural. "
"Oh that I am but I don't want you to think I have got a big head. " He spoke in his modest voice.
Shaking my head I let it drop but his words intrigued me.
"So you have only an elder sister? "
"No! I have got an elder brother as well as a younger one. "
His voice was soft.
"You have got a big family."
"Yes and a great one too. "
I didn't know why but he didn't ask me anything about myself.
Maybe he already understood I didn't want to talk about it.
I sneaked a glance at him.
"Don't you want to play with them? "He asked as we stood there watching the kids play.
"I do but today I don't think I can. "
He looked towards me but realizing I won't meet his gaze, turned away.
"I just wanted to see their happy smiles, ignorant of life. Maybe if they could be happy after going through so much, anyone could. "
I spoke indirectly forgetting I was dealing with a man of words.
"Happiness is instilled within us. So you can be happy too. " He spoke understandingly.
"Lets go inside. It's getting dark. " I spoke refusing to acknowledge his words.
"Sorry if I went overboard. I was feeling nostalgic." I rushed out.
"Happens on birthdays. " He stated.
I was stunned to speak. Staring at him in shock I barely noticed as he made children move inside .
I decided against following them as I needed some fresh air before questioning him.
How would he know?
I never shared it with anyone here.
I deliberately tried to avoid the subject and somehow he knew.
Maybe that meant everyone here knew it was my birthday today but kept silent.
I remembered everyone smiling at me as I passed. It was normal but today they all had a softness in their eyes which I didn't point out then.
Even though the day held significance, I never once voiced it out as my birthday in the past five years. Maybe officially but I never associated it with celebrations.
I was so lost in thoughts when Advik joined me back.
"Sorry if I sprung it upon you. " His voice was gentle and apologetic but not regretting.
I didn't know how to reply.
"We all knew it was your birthday. But you never mentioned it as such and everyone felt you deliberately avoiding the topic. So thought to leave it as such."
"All? That explains all the smiles I was showered upon in the morning."
He just gave me a small smile when I turned towards him.
He was observing me silently as if to read my inner self.
"Then why did you mention it? "
I spoke in a low voice.
"I felt like you are running away from something. Rose said you were overworking today. Connecting some dots I felt maybe I could help you."
I raised my eyebrows in question at his suggestion.
"Maybe I can listen! You know when you share your pain, it will lessen. "
"Why will I tell you? " I wanted to challenge him but my voice held no strength.
"Oh that even I don't know. But one bird from my office told me if someone can make you speak, it will be me. "
"Adi... " I huffed but I knew what she said was right.
Advik had a way of making people speak and open up. It worked on me more than once.
"Yes! Aditi! Your best friend I believe! So if she thinks I could be of some help for you then definitely I will have to give it a try ."
He continued,
"You see I don't like to see people sulking around. "
I stared at this man for a long time who was trying to help me out without even knowing me for a month.
Noticing my serious expression he spoke,
"You know how I befriended Neha" Referring to the bond which surprised me a while back.
"Do you remember in your first meeting here we discussed about her? She was aloof and grumpy then. Her therapist believed she needed a friend more than anything. Which was true in many cases around here and so I tried my best to be her friend. In the beginning I thought maybe she wasn't ready to bond with anyone. "
"She took lot of time to even respond to me but at last one day she broke down in my arms. She didn't speak till now but I know she'll one day!"
"You take all your cases so seriously?" I was curious.
"Some of them just move you so much that you will have to work on it. "
He spoke in a thick voice.
I nodded my head but didn't continue the conversation.
"I didn't tell you this because I think you have to speak or to force you to do so. But I just want you to know that everyone takes their own time. Just give everything some time to settle in and then work on it."
"And yes! Just time won't do it. You too will have to let somethings go. "
I was thoughtful about his words but still there's something I needed to ask.
"Ok. I will think about what you told. And it's that.. "
"You wanted to ask me something? "
"Woh Adi.. "
He caught up.
"She didn't tell me anything other than the fact that these days were tough for you. And so she asked me to watch out. "
I gave him a small smile, "Thanks Advik for everything. "
He just nodded understandingly before he made his way inside, leaving me to my thoughts.
They say time heals all wounds but the truth is you too should be ready to heal yourself.
The same thing was said to me time and time again. From Adi to Advik everyone spoke the same but I was caught in a web, from where the escape was getting more difficult than I thought.
The web was getting intertwined! Catching me along with it. Entrapping me!
And I wanted to escape.
I wish to escape now more than ever.
I want to loose the knots of my life.
I want to breathe lighter.
I want to live happier.
I want to let everything go.
I want to be set free.
But still the invisible chains pull me back.
It would be a false hope if I believe the words from someone could actually change my life.
First of all I should focus on the baby steps I take towards moving on.
The time won't stop for anyone but I hope I could make it before it's too late.
Encouraging myself for a while I joined Advik inside.
"Aren't you going home? " I asked noticing he was well settled without any signs of leaving.
"No! I am staying back. "
"Watching over me? " I was appalled.
"Even though I take my promises seriously, this time I also have to fill in for someone."
He spoke referring to his conversation with Adi.
I nodded. I decided to join the children for the night too. It would help me to keep my mind sane.
The day was taxing emotionally. So it didn't take me much time to doss off leaning on one of the beds after the children slept.
-------------------
The next morning I woke up fresh. After the day I had it was surprising to have a good night's sleep.
But I slept well without any dreams or nightmares to run away from.
After reporting I moved out to return back home when I came face to face with Rose and Screaming who came in.
I could tell from their stance that they were nervous.
Smiling a little awkwardly I wished, "Good Morning guys! "
"Good morning Sria. I hope you slept well. "
Rose spoke.
"I did sleep well but it seems weird when YOU speak so formally. " She was a firecracracker, out of norm girl.
"It's just that you were behaving so out of place yesterday. You seemed disturbed. "
I understand they were trying to avoid mentioning my birthday.
So I clarified to them that the day was a sore subject but not exactly unapproachable. I appreciated their level of understanding and thanked them for the same.
"We don't call ourselves family just for the heck of it. If you don't want to speak then don't. But yes you are not allowed to be grumpy."
Snehadi noticed our interaction but didn't speak until I bid goodbye.
She had her smile like always.
"Sria! Don't run too fast that you won't be able to stop even if you wish." Her tone softened when she said, "See you tomorrow. Go and rest. Take your time!! "
I didn't drive back home but to one of my favourite spots in the town.
I guess when you belong to a town filled with greenery and picturesque locations, you would have a number of favourite spots.
I drove to Smriti Upavan, a garden built in remembrance of departed souls.
The place offered peace and solace to our mind with its silence.
Most of the days when I couldn't share my mind with anyone, I would come here.
The place offered nothing special or picturesque but silence.
Coming here I would feel as if someone out there was guiding me all along. I didn't have any connection with the place other than the peace it offered.
During my visits I had come across few others who came in for the same reason.
However through years I have observed many people coming along, to plant trees in remembrance of their loved and dear ones.
But the place is less crowded than other tourist sites in town.
I sat there for a while just letting my thoughts to settle down and slowly dossed off in the comfort that place offered.
After a few hours I woke up to the grumbling of my stomach.
Realising I missed my breakfast again I decided to head back home to prepare an early lunch.
Driving out I noticed the crowd nearby.
Sukhna Lake nearer to the garden was the favorite hangout place for Adi and me.
The place offered water-sporting activities like boating, yachting and water-skiing with absolute zeal and enthusiasm.
We would walk around the shores for hours early morning. The picturesque waterfront adorned with the melodious chirp of birds and a serene atmosphere could captivate one so much to forget the world and rejoice every moment at the lake!
I miss those days! Sigh.
I have to come back with Adi soon. It's been a while since we hung out as such.
-------------------------
Please click on the * at the bottom of your screen to vote for the chapter.
Hey lovelies,
I hope you are in pace with Sria and her story.
So the time is ticking and let's see how long will Sria take to move past her inhibitions.
Please do let me know your views on Sria-Advik!
And also on the progress of the story and the character developments!
Love,
ArpitaGauri<3