Thank you for the comment on the last chapter and the votes I've been getting, very appreciated:) This chapter gets a bit twisted and pretty serious drama is about to happen, so read at your own risk!
CHAPTER 5: Too much to take
A loud knock came at my door early in the morning. I slept very peacefully until Rebecca got up and opened the door. Who would be knocking this early at our door? It wasn't even 8am yet. I simply sat up in my bed and looked towards the door at who could be knocking this early. We had no practice until this afternoon and the game was right after our practice, close to diner.
Rebecca looked from the person at the door to me, “It’s for you.”
I got up and groaned in exhaustion. I went towards the door, happy that I had fallen asleep with a bra on because it was a man at the door. And surprisingly, it wasn’t Nick. It wasn’t anyone I expected.
“John?” I frowned. “What are you doing here?”
Jonathan Toews, of course. He looked back at me, “Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up, but I was wondering if you’d seen your brother.”
“He ran away, didn’t he?” I sighed, already knowing something had been wrong.
“Yeah, he left in the middle of the night and never came back. I woke up at around 7:00am and he still wasn’t there.” He said. “Do you know where he is?”
I shrugged, “I have an idea, just give me a second and I’ll get ready.”
“Sure.” He waited outside, in the hallway and I closed the door, walking into the bathroom.
“What’s wrong?” Rebecca asked me.
I smiled. “Nothing out of the ordinary.”
I left our apartment after a few seconds and found John right where I’d left him. “So did Nick say something when he left?”
“No, nothing. He left late last night, it was almost midnight.” He told me. “I just thought he was going to see you or someone else. I’m sorry, I really should’ve followed him.”
“It’s okay, it’s not your fault, John.” I said, brushing my hair back and taking a deep breath. I was a bit scared, not knowing where he was. Where could he've gone to, and not come back for almost 7 hours. He would never do something like this unless...
“Are you okay?” He asked me.
I nodded, even when it wasn't true. “Yeah, let’s just find him. Did he talk to you last night?”
“Yeah, a little at first, but he looked really depressed and sad.”
“What did he say?” I asked him, stopping to look at him. Just the fact that he said he looked depressed was already not good.
John hesitated, “He talked about you.”
I widened my eyes, "Me? What did he say about me?"
"He said he was angry at you because you were throwing away a talent that he wished he had." Jonathan said.
"What is he talking about, we both have the same talent?" I said, shocked.
"He feels like you're better than him at everything, and that you'd would be the more skilled sibling in the NHL if it were to happen." John said.
"He said that?" I asked. He'd never spoke a word to me about that.
John nodded, "I don't know what made him say all of that, but he was almost angry at you, Rose."
I rubbed my temples, starting to feel a head-ache come on. I took in a deep breath, while trying to think. Nick was angry at me because he thought I was better than him. That's insane! Maybe he didn't mean the words he said. John did say he didn't understand why he was saying all of that.
One place my brother goes when he's depressed, sad or angry is an easy one: High-grounds.
"What are you thinking?" John asked.
I snapped out of my thoughts for a second. "Did you check the roof?"
Before John could respond, just inside of my pocket, my phone started ringing. I looked down at it and immediately recognized Nick’s number. I quickly picked it up, “Hey buddy, you okay?”
There was barely any sound across the line, only shaking. “Rose…”
I looked down at my phone and I knew I had perfect service. I, then realized that he was actually crying, hearing his voice shake over the phone. “Nick, where are you? Just talk to me, man.”
“Rose, I can’t… I really can’t…” Nick said, so desperate and sad.
The tone of his voice was scaring me so badly. I could hear the wind blowing across his phone and I knew I'd been right. I quickly gestured for John to run upstairs, nodding at him that he needed to be up there. There's no other place he could be. I continued to listen to Nick all the while, “Nick… please, don’t scare me. Just tell me where you are, I’m there for you, you know that.”
He kept on sobbing, it made me want to cry as well. I’d never heard him cry as hard as that. “I want it to stop, Rose…”
“I know, please… Nick, listen to me.” I tried listening to him while I started to run after John. “Don’t do something you’ll regret.”
“It hurts too much…” He cried desperately, louder this time. I started running faster, so sure I was too late. “I’m so sorry…”
The line went dead and I ran faster, I never came into this part of the hotel but I knew that I was going fast, going by John. I took his arm, “Go get some help right now, he has to be up there.”
And I kept going up to the roof, where I couldn't keep myself from crying. If anything happened... I could never forgive myself. I went so fast, my throat was starting to burn, but even though I could barely breathe I kept going, terrified.
Finally, I found the door leading to the roof. I opened the door and barged outside, quickly searching around, hoping even praying for him to be here. My heart stopped beating once my eyes landed on him. There he was, sitting on the railing, crying and trying to let go. I fell on my knees, the most horrible feeling in my stomach.
“STOP!” I’d never heard myself make that sound before in my life.
It caught his attention and he looked back at me, taking his seat back on the highest rail. The most horrible sight gave me shivers. Nick was only wearing a white muscle shirt, and it was clearly visible that his neck and wrists were dripping with blood. I finally saw that there was a knife lying on the ground right behind him and I bit down on my lip to keep from screaming in pain. I couldn’t hold it in, I looked at him and started crying. “Don’t do it… please.”
He never stopped crying and he looked up at the sky, “You don’t need me, Rose… I’m better dead.”
I looked towards him, still not close enough to reach him. “Don’t say that, Nick. You’re all I’ve got. Just please… don’t leave me. Not you too.”
He didn’t move, just stared back down at the very long way down.
I quickly looked towards him, and felt the craziest idea spread through my mind. “If you don’t move… then I’m gonna jump with you.”
He stared back at me, shocked. “What?”
“If you kill yourself, then so will I!” I cried as hard as him now, getting back up, and standing right next to him. He didn’t move, he looked so pale. Without meeting his gaze, I stepped over the railing and shook with fear as I realized how high it was. I couldn’t help but cry, I was so scared of heights but I would do it, if it’s what it took. “You don’t want to live, then why should I? I have no one else to live for!”
He stared at me, and I looked down, horribly afraid. “Rose, you have so much to live for...”
“So do you!” I shouted, tears throwing themselves down my face. I looked back down at the long jump, and I couldn’t help but cry. “Don’t make me do this, Nick.”
He hesitated but only for a moment and I opened my eyes back up. I looked over to him, and stared at his neck. I didn’t understand how he could cut himself that deep and still be conscious. He kept his gaze on mine and I looked at his face filled with tears that had suddenly stopped. I suddenly felt relieved, as he slowly and carefully turned away from me and stepped over the railing to land back onto the roof.
I turned towards him, away from the view. Nick took me in his arms just the way we use to when we were kids. He carried me over the railing, and I couldn’t release him from the hug. He started to cry once again. Only this time, I was the one crying harder. I squeezed him tightly against me, having come this close to losing him.
“I’m so sorry, Rose.” He sobbed.
I rubbed his back, “I love you, Nick.”
No response came from him as I felt a strange feeling inside of me. And that’s when I realized he wasn’t moving anymore. Everything about him froze, and his body fell completely limp in my arms. I could only managed to hold on to him. I shouted his name, very scared again, but he wasn’t responding to me. His eyes were closed and I was pretty sure he’d stopped breathing. I wanted to scream in rage, and cry as hard as I could but I knew I couldn’t, not right now.
“Oh, shit.” I heard someone curse behind me, as the door to the roof opened.
I held on more tightly to him as John came in front of me and took him off of my shoulders to lay him down on the ground. It was only seconds until help arrived and I hadn’t even had time to realize that everything that was happening was all real. It wasn’t a dream, although I still prayed it was.
After the ambulance left with my brother, I was still motionless on the roof, staring at Nick’s blood splattered all over the railing and the roof. I couldn’t move from my spot, everything that happened, it was all real and yet I still couldn’t process it correctly. Was Nick going to be okay? I had no idea, I couldn’t move from my spot.
A few people sat down next to me, it was Toews and Crosby. I looked down, emotionless. I was lying against the railing, not sure why I hadn’t followed Nick to the hospital yet.
John’s arm went around my shoulder, “He’s gonna be okay, Rose.”
“How do you know?” My voice felt miles away.
“He gained consciousness before leaving, and the paramedic seemed pretty confident he was gonna be fine.” He said, rubbing my shoulder a little. It wasn’t at all comforting.
“That means nothing.” I said, emotionless. My emotions broke out suddenly, “My father was supposed to be fine but he died!”
“Rose, I’m sorry.” John said, staring into my eyes.
I got to my feet, I had never talked about my parents death and I wasn’t about to start now. I walked forwards and without waiting for any of them, I simply walked away, letting a few tears fall down my cheek without realizing it.
Hope you enjoyed, it's not the happiest chapter but please VOTE and COMMENT if it made you feel something;) Thanks for reading! love ya:) xoxoxoxox