“What’s wrong with her?”
“Luke honey, I don’t know.” Liz sighed, staring straight ahead at the clock in the hospital waiting room.
Burying my head in my head hands I tried to get the horrific mental picture of Minnie being poked and prodded and given CPR by the people in the ambulance. They hadn’t taken long to get to the bus since they were in the area of where we were parked, but it was long enough for her to turn blue.
Feeling sick I straightened up and wiping my moist eyes on the hem of my sleeve, looked around the room. Charlie and Michael were trying to talk to Destiny, Calum was trying to calum Luke down with Liz and I was alone.
I don’t know why I said what I did to Destiny, it was like all my insecurities just came out at once before I could stop them, growing meaner and meaner until I told her I didn’t even love her and now I had nothing, I broke my girlfriend’s heart, Minnie could be dying, and all my friends hated me.
“What is wrong with me?” I whispered.
“You’re a cock.” Calum replied.
“Thanks, I didn’t know that already!” I spat.
“Just thought I’d remind you.” He answered with a shrug.
“Boys don’t even start.” Liz sighed.
“What if she dies?” Luke croaked out of the blue, “What if she’s dead right now?”
“Luke don’t think like that.” Liz replied.
“But Mom, that’s not normal!”
“Baby’s have seizures sometimes Luke, it happens.” Liz sighed.
“She stopped breathing!” Luke cried.
“Luke, you have to stay positi….”
“Positive my ass!”
“Luke!”
“No Mom, maybe if Ashton wasn’t being such a dick and actually taking care of her…..”
“Luke Robert hemming stop it!” Liz snapped.
“He’s right.” I whispered, “I knew there was something wrong with her.”
“Ashton,” Liz sighed, “I wouldn’t have thought this was going to happen, no one expected you to k….”
Suddenly a door swung open, interrupting her and a doctor walked in.
“How is she?” I demanded, rising to my feet.
“Mr. Irwin?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I answered.
“Are you the baby’s father?”
“Um…. No, it’s uh…. It’s complicated.” I answered.
“Are you his mother?” he asked Liz.
“Uh, no, I’m his Mom,” she sighed, gesturing to Luke, “But that’s not actually important, how is she?”
Nodding the doctor took a deep breath, “I’m afraid I have some, bad news.”
“What?” I demanded.
“Well, I’m getting to that.” He sighed, “Charlotte, how can I explain this so you’ll understand, she has a heart defect.”
“What does that mean?” I demanded.
“Basically her heart doesn’t do what it’s supposed to,” he replied, “So when she contracted the virus she has now, it put quite a strain on her, her brain didn’t get enough oxygen, which is what caused the seizure.”
“Well is she going to be alright?” Luke asked.
The doctor hesitated, then looked at Liz, before looking down at the floor, then up at the ceiling, then down on the floor again, before glancing over each of us in turn, “We don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?” I demanded.
“I mean, she’s in critical condition right now, it’s actually a miracle she’s made it as long as she has, she’s certainly got someone looking out for her up there but….”
“But what?” Luke demanded.
“But,” the doctor sighed, “If she makes it through the night I’ll be surprised.”
I could hear the others exclaiming things and gasping and crying around me but I couldn’t, it didn’t even feel real, it wasn’t real, she was fine. Just the other day she had picked up her head for the first time.
“You’re wrong.” I spat.
“Son, I wish I was.” He replied, “But like it or not she’s not going to ma….”
“Then do something about it!” I cried, starting to crack, “Don’t just stand here talking like an idot go help her!”
“Ashton,” Liz sighed, dabbing at her eyes.
“Don’t just talk about how she’s dying to something about it!” I continued, “I mean, you’re a doctor! That’s what you do! You help people so help her!”
“I wish I could,” he replied.
Letting the tears out I couldn’t before I sunk down in my chair, burying my face in my hands. I knew my sobs were loud, and I could tell my shoulders were heaving but I didn’t even care. I had chosen to let Minnie live and it was all for nothing.
“Ashton,” a small voice mumbled.
Glancing up, my eyes blurry with tears I saw Destiny standing in front of me. Kneeling down in front of me, she pulled me into a hug, allowing me sob into her shoulder. Crying herself, she rubbed my back soothingly.
“Why?” I sobbed, “What did I do wrong?”
“Nothing, you did nothing wrong.” Destiny replied, running her fingers through my hair.
“This isn’t fair!” I cried.
“I know,” she whispered, “This sucks.”
“I hate to say this,” the doctor said slowly, “But would you….. would you like to see her, you know…. Say your goodbyes?”
Biting my lip and struggling to pull myself together I nodded and rose to my feet.
“Ash?” Destiny asked, “Do…. Do you want me to come with you?”
Knowing I didn’t deserve her kindness but also knowing I couldn’t handle going in there alone I nodded slowly. Crossing over to me she laced her fingers with mine, as we made our way down the winding hallways before the doctor stopped outside a room.
“I’ll give you a few minutes.” He mumbled.
Nodding, I carefully pushed the door open and walked into something straight out of a nightmare. Lying in a cage like crib, surrounded by several beeping machines, with wire poking out, all over her body lay Minnie.
“Oh,” Destiny whimpered behind me.
Closing my eyes, as I collected myself, I only dared to open them when I started to shuffle forward, stopping and sitting down in the chair beside her crib. Tears leaving my eyes at a rapid rate I took in everything from her tiny toes to her vein covered eyelids, her small, itty, bitty hands, her nose, her mouth, which had a tube going down her throat, her hair which they had shaved in order to put needles in her head.
Hearing Destiny let out a sob from behind me, I slowly pulled her down onto my lap, before gently poking my finger through one of the bars of the crib and placing it in Minnie’s hand.
“You probably have no idea what I’m saying,” I said slowly, “But I’m gonna tell you anyway. And I hope your Mommy hears it and tells you when you meet her. You might be left with no hair right now but you have your Mother’s eyes. And you can wrap your fingers around my thumb and hold me tight, but you’ll never be able to hold me the way I held you, like I want to hold you right now, because even though you aren’t my daughter, genetically, or biologically, you are and always will be my baby. And I hope one day when I have kids, they’ll be half as adorable and sweet and good as you are. You have a smile like hers, your Mom I mean, and you have the sample dimple beneath your chin. And I’m just really sorry I couldn’t keep you safe, but I’m glad I got to meet you, and get to know you even if it has just been for a little while. I know you would have grown up to be a beautiful, talented, amazing woman and I’m sorry you won’t get to do that, but you’re going to go see your Mommy now, so I’m saying bye bye. I love you.”
Sniffling, Destiny pulled me closer to her, allowing me wet her shoulder with my tears.
“I love you Minnie,” she said softly.
Suddenly one of the machines which had been beeping rhythmically the entire time we’d been sitting there, let out one low beep and held it. Instantly doctor’s flooded the room, ripping my hand away from her, pushing us to our feet and shoving us out.
Slowly Destiny pulled away from me.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
Shrugging, she shoved her hands into the pocket of sweatshirt.
"Destiny, about earlier." I sniffed, "Please, just.... I don't know can we deal with that later."
"I guess." she whispered, starting down the hall.
"Destiny!" I called out, "I'm sorry!"
Spinning around, tears streaming down her cheeks, she took a deep breath, "I don't want your pity Ashton."
Hanging my head, I listened to the sound of her vans, disapearing around the corner. Sliding down the wall I burried my head in my hands, waiting for someone to come out and tell me something, however the next thing I knew I felt soemone nudging me awake with their foot.
Rubbing my eyes I looked up and to my surprise saw the guy from the bar, Ed, looking down at me.
"Ashton right?" he asked.
"Yeah," I mumbled.
"You alright?" he questioned, sliding down the wall next to me.
"No," I admitted.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Everything." I answered, my voice cracking, before lunching into the whols story telling him everything from my fight with Destiny, to Georgia to Minnie.
Nodding slowly every so often, he waited until I was done before rising to his feet.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"I have a song to write." he replied, "And I advice you do the same."
"Why?" I questioned.
"Because," he said with a shrug, "Music brings people together, makes them happy, helps people, soothes people, it's the closest thing to magic we have, and if you know what to do with that, then you're a fool if you waist it."
Wiping my eyes, I watched as he gave my a sympathetic smile.
"I'm sorry," he sighed, "But everything that's happened, it's all happened for a reason and if you don't take that hurt and turn it into something beautiful, you're an idiot."
Without saying another word he turned on his heel, and pulling his hands into the sleeve of his sweaters, he disappeared around the corner, leaving me alone.
That was crap I know, I'm sorry.
I'll write way more tomorrow.
<3