CHAPTER 4
My mother was always so kind to everyone. She was always there to give me advice, always there to listen to me. When she died, I lost my best-friend, I lost the only person I looked up to and admired so much. I didn’t want to believe she was really gone. I still don’t.
Some days, the only thing that keeps me going is the thought that she’s still at home, and that she would call me soon enough. I knew it was a lie, but it was too hard to think that she wasn’t here anymore. It seemed like the only way to move forward.
I couldn’t stop playing hockey, I had gotten so high in my career now. Everyone knew who I was, I basically made history. Who else can say that? I had too much to focus on this year to let it all fall, and unfortunately that also meant letting go of my parents.
I sighed tiredly. Hockey is where I belonged, I was sure of it.
At the arena, the practice was really intense, I felt so dizzy and exhausted afterwards. I’ve been in training for 6 months for exactly this kind of intensity. Although, I felt pretty down, I knew it had screwed up my practice. Maybe I was good, but I felt like I needed more practice. I wasn’t going to get through tomorrow with the practice I had today.
I asked my coach if I could practice a bit longer, and he agreed. I took my helmet off and grabbed a stick, looking back at the empty ice rink. I took a deep breath and went on. Everything felt more peaceful on my own, and easier to focus on. It was just gonna take some getting used to.
After almost an hour, I felt a presence near me and I turned towards the benches. It was nobody I expected for sure. I was kind of hoping to see Nick again. “How long have you been standing there?”
“A minute, maybe a few.” Sidney said, taking a seat up against the board. “You’re really good with technique, I have to admit that.”
I looked down, and almost smiled. “Thank you.”
He kept staring at me, “So, what are you doing practicing on your own?”
I shrugged, skating closer to him. “Extra practice never hurt anyone.”
He nodded, “True, but if you practice too much you’ll be exhausted tomorrow and you do have a game.”
I stared at him, and sighed. “Why are you here?”
He broke our gaze and stepped onto the ice. “I was looking for Taylor, she said she was gonna be watching your practice.”
“Yeah, she did. Practice is over, so she left.” I said.
“Are you okay?" He asked me, concerned. "Nick told me you’ve had thoughts about giving up hockey.”
“No, I don’t!” I nearly screamed. Okay, now I wanted to rage! I turned my back to him and skated to the middle of the ice, putting my hand against my mouth to keep from screaming in anger. I went back towards him and sat down against the ice, too exhausted to even stay on my feet. I was so tired of hearing about this subject.
Sidney’s face turned sad and he took a seat right in front of me. “I’m sorry, are you alright?”
I kept my gaze away from his face. “No, and I don’t understand why he would tell you that, he doesn’t get it. And besides it’s not true.”
“I sure hope not.” He almost smiled, as I looked up at him. “What’s the point of coming this far when all you wanna do is give it all up?”
“Exactly, I don’t want that to happen.” I said. “You have no idea how much I had to sacrifice to be where I am today.”
He nodded, not removing his eyes from mine. “I can imagine.”
I looked down and shook my head, “Nick and I have just really grown apart these last few months, and he feels like he needs to act like my father… I’ve changed a lot after my parents’ death and he doesn’t understand what I’m trying to do.”
Sidney still looked at me and listened as I continued on.
“It’s hard to explain why I’ve had second thoughts, but I know one day people are gonna understand my point of view. But right now, all I want to do is concentrate on why I’m here, and that’s to learn more and grow as a player.”
He nodded and smiled, “You’re very smart for your age.”
I smiled, and looked up at him. “Yes, well… my dad taught me everything I know.”
“Your dad was a great player. I can definitely tell you got his skills.” He said.
I looked up at him, smiling. “Yeah, he was a good player. It’s kind of strange.”
“What is?”
“Always being compared to him. I always thought as my father to be the best there ever was, but I guess, before he died, I had gotten pretty close to his level.” I exhaled and put my hand over my mouth to keep from crying. I managed to say without my voice breaking, “I wanted to be just like him when I was little.”
Sid took my hand, “I know he’s proud of you right now.”
“I think I’ll go get changed.” I said quickly before I would break down.
I got up very quickly and went towards the bench, walking down the runway and collapsing on the locker room floor in a fit of tears. I felt so alone, and so lost in everything.
****
I left through a different door that led to a small corridor, separated from the ice rink. At the end of the corridor was the exit, but as I kept walking forwards something caught my attention. A large glass window was against the wall and just inside of it was pictures of teams and other players, but only one of them caught my attention.
A picture of a man, in his late years, wearing a Vancouver Canucks jersey. That man was my father, of course. My father was of course from Vancouver, this arena was of course the arena he grew up in. I couldn’t believe they had hung up a picture of him. And just under his picture was written: Richard Williams, 1958-2009
I stared at his face, and couldn’t help but smile. Oh, how he’d be so proud of me right now! If I could only see the smile he had in that picture right now in real life.
“Hey…” It was Sidney’s voice.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of that picture, his face brought back so many good memories.
Sidney looked at the picture, and smiled. “That’s your dad.”
“Yeah.” I smiled back at him. “He grew up in this place. He loved it so much. He’d come back here every year and he’d bring us with him.”
Sidney smiled at me. “That’s sweet.”
I nodded, looking back at it. I put my hand over my mouth and still spoke, “Yeah, it’s really nice that they hung a picture of him in this place, my father would’ve loved that, considering all the time he’d spent in here.” I took a deep breath, trying not to cry as I bit down on my lip. I managed a smile as I thought back, still staring at his face. “He loved it here so much, he never wanted to leave it.”
“What happened?” Sid asked.
“Love.” I smiled, thinking of my mother. I turned back to Sid, and started walking slowly away from the glass. “My dad met my mother in Ottawa and he moved there after a bit. It’s not exactly the most romantic story but when I saw my parents, just that look that they gave each other, I’ve never seen that look before. It’s so rare, and it’s so beautiful. My parents were lucky to have died the same day, none of them could’ve lived without the other.”
“You think so?” He asked, curiously, trying not to get into the subject too deep.
I smiled, shrugging. “I don’t know really. I thought I couldn’t live without my parents. Maybe, I guess.”
Sid put his arm around me and laughed, “You’re such a strong girl and you don’t even look like you know it.”
I frowned, not letting the thought of his arm being around my shoulder disturb me. “I’m strong?”
He smiled down at me, “I could definitely see a girl like you in the NHL.”
I laughed and looked forwards, “We’ll see about that after the Olympics."
*******
“TAYLOR!” I shouted as I saw her in the lobby of the hotel. I realized only after that my voice had been a bit too loud and a few eyes turned towards me. At least, Taylor turned towards me, and she looked surprised, like my voice had really scared her.
She came towards me and Sid, meeting each other half-way. “Hey, where have you guys been?”
“I was practising at the arena.” I said, “For the last 20 minutes we’ve been looking for you.”
She smiled. “Good job, you guys found me.”
Sid picked her up, and threw her over his shoulder. I laughed as Taylor struggled, trying to break free from her brother’s grip but eventually gave in. Sid laughed, taking a few steps. “I’m taking you to your room, I’m not losing you again, baby sis.”
“You know what works too.” She said. “‘Hey Taylor follow me’ would’ve been just fine.”
I laughed, waving at them walking away. “I’ll see you guys later!”
“Goodnight, Rose!” Sid said.
“You’re really mean, Sid, you couldn’t have left me a minute just to say goodbye to my friend.” She looked at me through the crowd and waved at me. “I’ll text you.”
I smiled at her, still laying over her brother’s shoulder. I loved how the two barely saw each other yet they remained so close like they’d never left each other in the first place. Nick and I would never have that, not in a million years.
After a few seconds, I looked behind me and the exact person I was thinking about was walking towards me. Nick gave me a look and stopped in front of me, but he looked like he would’ve loved to keep walking elsewhere. “You doing okay?”
I stared at him. “Do you care?”
He stared at me. “Don’t talk like that, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”
I nodded, uncertain if he really meant it. “I’m sorry too. I only wanted to mention it to you later on, I didn’t want to bring it up right before the Olympics and put that on your mind.”
“Too late.” He said, then showed me a fake smile. “But I’ve thought about it, and you’re right. If you want, Rose, it’s your life. I can’t really stop you from doing what you want anyways.”
He didn’t look very sincere or concentrated though. I nodded at him, looking into his eyes for the truth. “Are you okay?”
He nodded, “Yeah, I’m just really tired.”
“You’re sure?” I asked him. “You can tell me anything, Nick.”
He nodded. “No, I’m fine, it’s okay. I’ll head to bed right away.”
He walked away without another word and I knew he was hiding something from me, but in the moment nothing seemed more important than to go sleep and be ready for tomorrow.
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