I just want to announce the winner of the kiss is Kelsi (twitter username @MillsKelsi) due to her amazing edits she sent me on twitter (one of Scarlett and Calum I've linked to the chapter. She also did a really funny one involving Steve Carell too haha) by the way - the whole Steve Carell thing was a joke. I get a billion comments about it, and this is probably not going to be the last time I repeat myself, but its a joke. Obviously Harry is played by Harry!
Anyways, please vote! I love every single one of you that do and it breaks my heart when you don't :'( Even if you're one of those people who are like "well I haven't voted this whole time and she'll realise I haven't when I spam vote her" - the answer is no I won't, and I don't care. I just love being recognised on the site if you think I deserve it, so please help me out if you can ♡
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"Zayn, what are you doing out here?" I ask, absolutely incredulous as to why he would be calling out after me.
"Thought I'd get some air..." he says, sitting down beside me, pulling out his box of cigarettes. "I saw what happened in there," he says, the cigarette moving in his lips before his hands encompass the cigarette, lighting it.
"Yeah... Well that's pretty much my life at the moment. Fucking shit," I admit, the alcohol influencing me more so to speak more openly to this guy I barely even know.
He nods, drawing in from his cigarette. Smoking is a terrible habit and disgusts me, but I have to admit that he looks good doing it.
"May I?" I ask, holding out my hand to him.
Looking at me quite skeptically, he hands over the cigarette and I breathe in the toxins, not liking at all how it feels being inhaled into my throat.
Fuck it.
"I thought you didn't smoke," he comments, as I pass it back to him.
"I don't," I shrug. "People do stupid things."
He raises his beer bottle before taking a sip, "I'll drink to that."
"And I thought you didn't like me," I add, while we're at it.
"I didn't," he shrugs nonchalantly. "When Max texted me asking if you were with us on the night of the Brits I was a bit funny about you. Didn't really care for you. But to see Harry after breaking up with you... that was fucking hard to see him go through that. I just didn't think he loved you as much as he did," he admits, passing the cigarette back to me. "But you're alright."
"To say I'm alright is pushing it," I say, inhaling once more. "I feel like such a fuck up lately. I kiss boys that I shouldn't, I piss off my best friends. I'm just not someone I really like anymore."
"Little hard on yourself don't you think," he states, and coming from him, it somehow makes me feel a little better. He never used to like me. He doesn't seem the type who placates sad people for the sake of it. Zayn has this thoughtful nature about him – not thoughtful about other's feelings per say, but thoughtful with his words which is a useful quality to have.
I take another drag before passing the cigarette back to Zayn.
"Thank you," I say, standing up. "For... everything."
His talk sobered me momentarily, and gave me clarity of the mind.
Who would have thought?
I am almost toppled over by Harry as I re enter the party, as he holds my arms in place, stopping me in my tracks.
"Babe where did you go?" Harry asks me almost the moment I walk inside. "You smell like smoke."
Both hands wrap around me, his hands holding me by my lower back and I wrap my arms loosely around his neck.
"Outside with Zayn," I answer, my words slightly slurred and I now regret my last three drinks.
I can tell by his eyes that he's drunk and he presses his waist against mine tightly, and bends down to kiss me. His stubble scratches at my face, and his tongue moves against mine with more urgency as the kiss intensifies.
"Don't mind us," I hear an Irish voice from behind.
We ignore him and continue before I feel intense coldness down my chest. I pull apart from Harry, and an ice cube slips down my chest, and I pull my dress away from me for it to drop onto the floor.
"Niall you dick!" I laugh, and walk over to hit him as he feigns innocence. I attempt to hit him lightly, only in my drunken state I stumble, and luckily he was there to catch me.
"Well hello Niall," I drunkenly laugh as I sit sideways on his knee, with my arms holding his right arm for better grip. "This is rather comfortable."
"It is," he agrees, "Jealous Harry?" Niall calls out to him, tapping my leg, and laughs heartily.
"Go for it," Harry shrugs light heartedly, knowing either of us wouldn't go there.
"You know what Harry?" I say aloud, whilst looking at Niall. "Now that I think of it, I think I am a Niall girl," and kiss him gently on the cheek.
"So am I yer favourite then?" he asks, amused.
"You're defs in the top two," I answer, trying to focus on his three blurry faces.
"Why am I not number one?" he replies, pretending to look shocked.
"Because I love Liam lots too. If you promise never to hit on Marnie again, that top spot is yours," I laugh.
"I won't make any promises I can't keep," he replies decidedly, shaking his head.
"Can I have my girlfriend back please?" I hear his low voice from the couch opposite us.
"Do I really want to go back?" I ask Niall, and he shakes his head. "Yeah, I agree. But I better go," I say, loudly kissing him on the cheek one last time before Harry reaches out, pulling me onto him.
I sit sideways on him as I was with Niall, so we could look at each other.
"Tell me you love me," he asks. "Tell me."
"I love you Harry," I whisper in his ear, our cheeks rubbing up against each other's increasing the intensity of the moment, and all I want is to be home with him.
"Louder," he asks again, kissing along my jawline as his hand move slowly up my leg, clutching onto the backs of my upper thighs.
"You know I love you," I say only slightly louder, and he tugs at my underwear a little.
"Louder," he requests more firmly, and I squirm to stop him from going any further. I look around and my eyes fall upon two very sad looking blue eyes beside us.
How long has he been there? Did he hear us? Did Harry know he was here all this time?
All of these questions are running through my mind, and the mood shifts instantly.
How dare he do that? Isn't it enough that he has me, rather than trying to rub it in Luke's face? Am I just a piece of meat that gets passed around within friends?
I feel sick.
"That is absolutely a dick move Harry," I say, trying to get up. He pulls me back down again, and I elbow him to get away. I storm off into the ladies room, and find an empty stall to cry in.
The bathroom door opens, and I hold my sobs for a moment.
"Ava, you in here?" I hear someone call out. "Babe, I saw you come in, so please just let me in," they say from the other side of the cubicle door.
I oblige, opening the door to the stall and I let the sister of my problem inside.
"I'm sorry," she says, cuddling me. "I'm sorry my brother is such a twat," and I can't help but laugh momentarily through my tears.
"He probably feels like he's going to lose you," she admits.
"He's only pushing me away when he does this shit though," I reply.
"He just feels threatened... by Luke," she says, shocking me.
Gemma knows about Luke?
"I know everything," she admits. "Ashton has told me some things, and I get it Ava. I really do. I know Harry loves you, but he's threatened by Luke. Especially the fact that things are so unfinished with you and him – and Harry knows it."
"I ended it though," I say, adamantly. "There's nothing to finish."
"But there is," she says simply, and there is such strength behind her words. Not in her tone, but the simple fact that her words are truly speaking to me, and I let them sink in. "And it scares Harry. He feels it."
I don't say anything, but instead let her finish.
"Things aren't the same anymore, are they?" she asks me, and I shake my head slowly as tears continue to fall.
"But I want for them to be," I cry. "I'm trying so hard Gemma."
"But you shouldn't have to babe," she answers. "I think you can fix this and get back to the way that things were, but there's lot of issues you need to work through too."
"I get it," I say, wiping my eyes on the back of my hand.
"Alright, now let's get back out there. You're too pretty to be crying."
I laugh, and check myself in the mirror before we rejoin the rest of the group.
I sit beside Harry, rigid in my overall stature, and still annoyed by his attempt to make Luke jealous. Luke is gone. That I can't ignore.
"You alright?" Liam mouths from across the table, to which I nod half-heartedly.
My eyes scan the room for Scarlett. I know we're not talking, but I know she's someone I can always count on, and I'm secretly hoping that she's as drunk as I am, and we can make up, with the hopes that everything will be okay in the morning.
"Where's Scarlett?" I ask Gemma who is close by.
"She went home about an hour ago actually," she tells me. "Her and Calum left very early on."
Harry places his hand firmly on my upper leg, and instantly I put my hand over his and take it off my leg.
If he doesn't realise how pissed off I am with him, he does now.
"I'm getting tired," I lie. "I'm going to go home."
"Alright, I'll just go to the toilet before we leave," he says, getting up.
"No that's fine. You stay. I can go home and I'll see you when I see you."
"Ava, stop being dramatic. So what if he heard? He knows we're together, so it shouldn't be a shock to him."
"Don't be a fucking dick Harry. Yes he knows we're together, but he doesn't have to have it rubbed in his face from a meter away. Even you know that's absolute shit."
"Well he doesn't seem overly torn up about it," he says, trying to keep the smile off his face and failing miserably. He signals over to the corner of the room in which Luke has a short brunette pressed up against the wall that he is making out with quite vigorously. "Kelsi, her name is. They met while you were in the toilets. I think they have a lot in common," he smiles.
What the fuck?
After absolutely everything, he is treating this as a joke?
"Fuck you," I say, throwing a glass of vodka in his face before turning around to storm out. "Have fun sleeping alone tonight, because you're not coming home with me."
I make a hasty exit, and look back as Harry tries to realise what has just happened as he is handed some napkins by people from a nearby table. Luke has even stopped kissing Kelsi during the commotion, and I cast one last penetrative stare at him before leaving.
I can't make out how he's feeling, but I wish I didn't come tonight. I wish I didn't drink. Drinking alcohol when you're in an emotional state is never a good idea, and a mistake I'm sure I'll make many more times. I just underestimated the true force of it – sure it clouds your judgement, but also a good indication of your true feelings, and has given me a sense of clarity that has only confused me more.
Adrenaline and alcohol course through my veins as I make a hasty exit from the club, and find our driver.
"Home please," I say to him, "Harry is going to hang back here," I answer as he gives me a confused look. Shrugging, he opens my door and drives off into the direction of Primrose Hill. The traffic is absolutely horrendous, and by the time I get home, I feel even drunker.
I ignore my phone as it vibrates, only signifying Harry's pointless attempts at trying to reach me. I undress as I make my way upstairs, and place my phone on my side table.
All I want is nothing more than to wake up and for this all to be some messed up dream.
I attempt to sleep. But all I see is Harry's smug look on his face – his arrogance a side of him I hadn't experienced before and I don't like it at all.
He deserved that drink to the face.
Images of Luke kissing that girl are there too. I never quite understood how affected I would be by seeing that, but there obviously I've underestimated and ignored my feelings for him for too long.
After many attempts to lull myself to sleep I find some sleep medication that Scarlett had used for jet lag after first coming here and took it with a big gulp of wine that was left on my dresser from earlier in the day with Harry.
I am thankful when a heavy sense of drowsiness consumes me, and I readily allow myself to drift into a dreamless sleep.
Author's Note: Thanks so much for reading :) What are your thoughts on the chapter? I still can't get over the amount of reads I have now.. Like 5.2 mil or something? That is just so exciting.
I was actually a little bit sad at work today. Someone asked how many chapters I had left and it hit me that I only had about 15ish to go. Like that's nothing. So today I kind of just brainstormed a little about upcoming chapters to ensure the timing is right with the help of @madisonhigs and hope that you all are excited about it as I am. It's like my precious little baby and now it's going to end soon, but don't worry, I'll be doing PPDPM after I finish with the story I'm writing next.
Anyways, the dedication goes to @madisonhigs for being such a sweetheart over the past few days what with helping me with ideas and for putting up with me and the numerous hours and hourrrrs on the phone talking about random things and secretly hating the same people together haha. I'm glad we both found wattpad when we did! Please check out her story called All Too Well - it's also on my reading list. It's well written, great concept and I can't wait to read more of it.
Please vote if you've forgotten :)
Love Gemma
x
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