Chapter Forty Two
I didn’t even realize how the night swept away and the morning crept its away the other day as I didn’t sleep at all. After last night’s swat I hardly had anything to say. He refused to believe me and I tried my best to make him believe me. For some reasons, I thought he was determined to hate me last night. As I tried to sleep, hoping for some sleep at least to distract me, it never came.
Liam, to my utter disbelief decided to sleep on the couch even though it was really small for him. His legs dangled out from the head rest and he turned his head, not even bothering to listen to me.
After trying again for a few times, I decided to give up. Is he being insecure? He has no reasons to be angry in the first place and my mind just made me think about it all the damn night. He doesn’t want to come with me and I can’t even force him.
The way he called me ‘mine’ rings like a bell in my head. Even though I feel hopeless and downright pissed off, the way he aggressively called me that made my inner goddess fall out of her chair.
Today is our last day here, my honeymoon. My honeymoon was much more eventful than I could have ever imagined it to be and tomorrow evening I will be leaving. Back to where all this started from, back to my family, friends and his.
But with everything going on, it won’t be easy at all. He has already decided to call the lawyers for our… divorce? I dread the word more than before. Firstly, I don’t want my father to suffer because of a stupid misunderstanding of Liam. I am not going to give up this easily and I will try my best to make him understand, but why exactly would I do that? By now he should be have that much trust on me and believe me when I’m literally begging him to believe me. And secondly, I don’t want to live without Liam. I can’t think of our divorce when I feel so strong about him. I am finally in love with him, exactly how my mother had predicted, my best friend knew about. Did they know that I really would fall for him? I don’t even think I will admit this to them, let alone Liam.
I can’t even decline going with Zayn because it is already too late and I can’t even stand being in the same room as Liam.
I check the time and it says three o’ clock in the morning. I shift on my sides and I have a look at Liam. He is deep in his sleep and a frown settles on his handsome face even in his sleep. His mouth is slightly opened like usual. Without thinking, I get out of my duvet and tip toe slowly towards his couch. I sit on my knees, trying to move my fingers through his messed up ruffled hair. He moves a bit in his sleep but doesn’t wake up.
“Trust me for once.” I whisper, afraid not to wake him up. I lean in and kiss him lightly on his forehead, on his frown. Within seconds, his frown dissolves.
--
I wake up because of a certain sound. My eyes crinkle open and I have a look at the wall clock. It says two. What? It’s afternoon already?
My eyes narrow on Liam who stands facing the window, shirtless. His phone is pressed against his ear and his other hand is stuffed in his jeans’ pocket.
“Yes, we will be there in the evening.” His voice is collected and he sounds worried.
“Of course, she is with me. Where will she go?” – “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant we are together at the moment.” – “ Um, we thought it is our last day here so why don’t we see the city for the last time?”. He sounds tensed as he shifts his body weight from one to another.
“Yes, I get it, father. I am taking care of her.” He says and my chest soars.
“We can manage on our own, you don’t need to worry..”
“Okay. See you at home then tomorrow.”
“Bye, father. I..” he doesn’t complete his statement as his father disconnects, I think. It has always been like this, I suppose. Liam is always tensed and worried when it comes to his father. I have not seen him around his father much but I vaguely remember him acting awkward when his father was around at our wedding.
I push my duvet away when he turns around. His body stiffens when he sees me but ignores me completely.
“Was that your father?” I ask him.
“Yes.” He snaps.
“Are they coming to pick us up tomorrow?” I ask rather innocently, ignoring his attitude.
“We aren’t kids, we can go on our own, I suppose, Tiara.” He counters.
“Are you still angry, Liam?”
“No, I am definitely not.” He barks. He is still angry.
It will be difficult to say anything when he is standing in front of me, shirtless and all. I can’t even recollect how and when I slept but all I remember is that I kissed him on the forehead last.
“Our lovely and most trustworthy company called us for breakfast. But since you were snoring I told him to fuck off.” He snarls, looking away.
“I don’t snore!” I gape at him, “and you did not tell him that, Liam!”
“Why, does it hurt?” he smirks.
“I told you already, there is nothing to feel bad about…”
“I am not feeling bad.” Liam and his pride.
“Fine, there is nothing going on between me and Zayn and you need to understand that. You simply overreacted last night and misunderstood me.” It is really difficult to prove myself.
“Alright, I am ready to believe you. But on one condition, tell me you won’t go with Zayn in the evening and come with me to the island.” I open my mouth to tell him exactly that. But I stop in between.
What exactly does he want to prove by this? That he can make me do anything he desires? I don’t have any interest in hanging out with Zayn in the way he thinks but I won’t just abide with his demand just because he wants to still stick to his ground. And after everything Zayn has done for me, I can’t let him down at the last moment.
“No.”
“No?”
“No. It’s not like I want to go with Zayn or something, but its that you still don’t believe me. You just want me to go back with you when you are sure I am lying, isn’t it?” I wait for him to speak but he doesn’t.
“This proves I am right, doesn’t it, Tiara?” he asks, his face looks fallen and his voice flat. I can’t believe I made him feel this way.
“No it doesn’t. You are more than welcome to join me and Zayn but I won’t put up with this just for the sake of it.” I cross my hands. I still can’t digest what I am saying but I can’t even take someone treating me poorly. I want him to believe me and trust me, like I do, but this crushes me more and more.
“Fine.” He finally says, pain traced in his voice, “I will be here hopefully when you return with him.” With this, he turns around. I open my mouth but I only feel disgusted for myself. I should be going forward with him and not backward in our relationship. I of course want to go with him back to wherever he takes me but I simply thought that he would come with me, too. This feels so wrong, I should stay here and not go with Zayn but the harm is already done.
I go to the washroom to have a bath. The water feels really nice to my tensed muscles and I just stay there for a little more time. I hear the main door shut in between and I know he must have left.
What have I done?
I emerge out of the room and use the complimentary towel to dry my hair. I feel fresh outside but inside, I am crushed. I was half expecting to see him on the bed when I return but he isn’t in the room.
By evening time I knock on Zayn’s door after finally deciding that I should go with Zayn, after all the stupidity I did just for this. I thought of trying to find Liam but knowing him, he will be in some bar and I know I will have to go find him sooner or later.
He opens the door and I find him in a simple shirt, torn jeans and a leather jacket, his usual style.
“Ready?” he asks me. I nod and try to give him a forced smile.
He looks behind me, “Liam?” he asks.
“He can’t come... He has some business to make.” I tell him.
“Then just you and me? You sure?” he asks, concerned.
“Yeah, I don’t even have anything to do.”
“Okay, then. Let’s go?” I nod my head. He closes his door and we walk in silence.
The drive to Shack Beach is small, almost ten minutes and we are there. Even as Zayn parks in the valet parking, I can hear the sound of the DJ even this far. I spot some faint lights coming from far and I know we have to be there.
“It’s really cool, y’know. I wouldn’t have invited you if it wasn’t, I swear it.” He sounds like a child talking about his favorite video game. I laugh at him and he laughs along. He tells me various incidences of these parties he calls ‘annual party’ and each one gets funnier. I half doubt that he is just making them up but I don’t tell him as he sounds so enthusiastic.
As we reach the Shack, it is loud and hectic. It is filled with people of our age who are out, about to get trashed. A DJ sits at the end of the bar who is playing loud, ear tickling music. People are dancing their head off under the trance of alcohol and some are getting wasted in the corner. It is just like a club, but on a beach.
Zayn catches my hand and leads me towards the bar. A bar is enclosed in a small glass cabinet and there is not much noise leading inside. Many people are seated on the tables around but Zayn and I decide to sit at the bar, itself.
“Are all of them allowed to drink?” I ask Zayn.
“Of course not. They are underage!” he laughs as if it is a well known joke.
He turns to the bartender who is cleaning a wine glass and leans forward, “I’ll have a white wine.” He tells him.
“And for the madam?” Bartender asks me.
“She will have an orange juice.” Zayn laughs but I can make out the laughter he is trying to hide.
I recount all the times that Liam got drunk. Then I remember everything he said to me while he was in that condition. I close my eyes, trying to keep him out of my mind. I have decided to come without him, if I was so keen on remembering him all night then I might just have stayed with him at the island. I don’t want to remember him this night, because then I will crave for his presence and seriously, crying is the only thing left. I miss him terribly already and I shake my head frantically.
“No, I will have a glass of vodka.” I say, bravely.
“What? I was kidding. Orange juices are um.. good… and healthy.” He says seriously.
“Zayn, I want to have vodka.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
“My friend, vodka for the lady.” Zayn turns to the bartender who leaves to get us our drinks.
“What did you do of that wine bottle you bought? Did you drink it?” Zayn asks me enthusiastically.
“No, I think I left it at the hotel back when I was here.” I say, embarrassed.
The bartender returns with our drinks in his hand and hands it to us.
“To new friendship?” Zayn asks and raises his glass.
“To new friendship.” We clink glasses and drink. The vodka burns on my tongue, and the cool feeling tickles down my throat. It is bittersweet and Zayn laughs on my reaction.
“So Tiara, tell me about your story, love story.” He laughs.
“Ah, just the right topic to talk about.” I comment sarcastically, “Arrange marriage. Parents decided. We were sent on our honeymoon instantly. Here we are.” I sound as monotonous as I can get.
“That’s a great story. Arrange marriage, eh?” Zayn smirks, downing his wine in a shot and he asks for another one.
“You will be going tomorrow. How does it feel?” He asks me, taking another shot of my vodka. Strangely enough, I like how this tastes.
“Frankly, I am trying my best not to overthink. I am worried and you are not helping, my friend.”
“Sure I am not.” Zayn smiles.
“So when do you return to London?” I ask him.
“Next month, the first. My term starts and I have a huge business to take care of myself.”
“Your term? Wait, you are still studying?” Within no time, I realize I am down by one glass. I ask for another one instantly.
“I am yet to be graduated, Tiara. I missed one year of school before.” I feel bad for him but instead of stating my worry, I giggle. I instantly clamp my hand to my mouth.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” I tell him.
“It’s okay, I think the vodka is showing.” Zayn says.
In the next half an hour or more, Zayn is in the mood to party and he gets me into the spirit of buying s pitcher of beers. I am already down my sixth glass of vodka, and I know this isn’t a good sign.
Who cares, dammit?
“So what now, Tia?” Zayn tells me, he slips on the floor by trying to sit on the chair and I literally guffaw at him. This is so funny and I clutch my stomach to try to stop laughing.
“I am not as drunk as you are, Tiara. I just had two glasses of wine.” He tells me. I don’t know why, did I miss something in between?
“I need another glass, Stinson!” I shout to the bartender. A few people turn to look at me but ignore them. I want them to fudge off, but I suddenly remember fudge cakes and I remain quiet.
“His name is Barney.” Zayn tells me disapprovingly.
“Same thing.” I smile.
“I think we should go back—“ Zayn starts.
“I think we should partaaaay.” I slur. I feel so giddy and cloudy headed right now, everything is a blur but I feel so good right now. I avoided drinking for a reason but I think I can collect myself.
“Then off we go.” Zayn leads me back outside the dance floor. People are vomiting at the corners and I can’t help but laugh on their face but feel equally bad for whoever has to wash this.
“Think about your mother cleaning this before you spoil it.” I tell a curly haired girl who is about to puke everything she has consumed. Zayn pulls me before she thinks of her mother cleaning me.
“I love this song.” Zayn shouts and we go on the dance floor. I have been to dance floors more than any time before. Zayn starts dancing but the civil, normal humanity won’t really call it a dance. What Zayn is doing is just moving his hands awkwardly and flexing his body up and down.
“You can’t dance, too?” I giggle and start dancing myself.
“Cool kids don’t dance, Tiara.” He shouts over the loud music, “Too? Who else can’t dance?”
“Liam.” I say quickly.
Liam.
Shit.
I completely forgot about him, exactly how I wanted to. But now I am worried about him. Where would he be? Wasted, again? But damn, he is so handsome and he is my husband that he should be with me. Why is he not with me? Ooooh yes, because of that stupid fight we had.
“Zayn can I have your phone?” I ask Zayn over the loud music. He doesn’t hear so I just remove his pocket which is clearly evident and signal for him to ask for his permission. I mentally think of running away with it if he says no. But he doesn’t say no so I excuse myself off to the washroom. The sound gets fainter and I stumble more than a gazillion times before landing in the washroom.
The bathroom is quiet and I stand in front of the mirror. I look trashed. My eye liner is smudged and my hair looks nothing less than a mane.
I go through Zayn’s call logs and desperately hope that he has Liam’s number. What if Liam didn’t carry his phone, too? I frantically search through his contacts and I leave a huge sigh when I see a number saved under my name. It isn’t my number so I hope it is his and without thinking, I call him.
It rings but he doesn’t pick up. I wait and wait and I patiently hear the lady speaking, too. She has a good voice. I try again and this time, he picks up on the second ring.
“Hello?” Liam’s voice is raspy, as if he has just woken up. Was he sleeping without me? My heart sinks.
“Liaaaam.” My words stretch themselves, “My giddly poo.”
“Tiara!?” he sounds shocked, “Where are you?” his voice booms through the speaker. Now he seems to be awake completely.
“Why didn’ you believe me when I told you there was nothing between Zayn.. and me?” I ask him pathetically.
“You sound strange… you are drunk! Where are you?”
“A drunkard himself calling me drunk is not a good sign, sweet heart.” I tell him and blush. I wanted to call him that so bad, my courage fuelled by alcohol.
“Tiara Williams you tell me where you are right now!” he bosses. How dare him try to boss on me?
“First of all, doncha’ try to boss on me, okay? And secondly, you like forgetting I’m your wife so call me Tiara Payne.” A few girls stumble in the washroom and one of them has her heel broken in two pieces. I laugh on her face, “sucker!”
“You are testing me, Tiara. Why don’t you have some pity on me and tell me where you are?” he asks desperately.
“Shack Beach, I thought you remembered. We need to get your brain checked when we get back home, sweet heart.” I am just loving it.
“Okay..” he isn’t paying attention to me as I hear some shuffling behind him.
“Why don’t you believe me?” I ask again. The conversation isn’t how I planned it to be.
“You are utterly wasted right now and I thought you never drank. Tiara, why do you want new adventures in our damn life!” he is shouting. Damn.
“Go away. Bye Liam.” I say
“Tiara Payne!” I hang up before he starts with his lectures. No matter how much I love him, he needs to stop with his boring lectures. I love his sense of humour and he should start showing that more often.
I get back to the dance floor and a frown settles on my face when I don’t see Zayn around. I need another drink so I make my way inside the bar. I see Zayn sitting on one of the tables and I go join him. I suddenly feel so active and happy that I think I should start drinking everyday. Now I know why Liam loves drinking so much. It makes you fly and dance at the same time.
Zayn’s head is down on the table and his hands cover his hair. I jump and sit next to him.
“Hi Barbie.” I say in a very hoarse voice. Zayn looks up and gives me a huge grin.
“Hi Ken.”he squeals in a girl’s voice.
“Wanna go for a ride?” I ask him.
“Sure Ken.” To this both of us laugh like there is no end. I doubt Zayn won’t fall down again so when he does, tears spill out of my eyes. This is so funny. I laugh more when I hear a dying seal but shut up again when I understand it was me.
“Here’s your phone, Barbie.” I tell Zayn. He takes it and slips into his pocket.
“Who did you call?”
“Liam.”
“Why?”
“We had a fight before coming and I miss him, Zayn. It’s not usual, you know. Missing Liam. I wish he was here.” I say sadly. Zayn shakes his head and concentrates on his glass of wine.
“I miss someone back home, too.” He says, still concentrating.
“Who?” my curiosity peaks up.
“There’s this girl. We had a break up and sometimes I miss her too much.”
“Why did y’all break up?” I am incredibly nosey.
“I am not enough for her, y’know. She deserves someone much better, a doctor person, not someone who is trying to open a music company.” He says sadly, hitting a spot which is too sensitive to me.
“Did she tell you that?” I ask him, furious by now.
“No, but I have figured that out by now.”
“Zayn!” I shout too dramatically and hit my hands against the wooden table, “I don’t understand you guys, at times you know.”
“What did I do, Ken?” he looks up at me.
“You guys love assuming stuff, isn’t it? That poor girl didn’t even tell you that you aren’t enough for her and yet here you are, broke up and drinking thinking about her? Why can’t you men just stop with the assumptions!?”
“Tiara… what’s wrong with you? What happened…”
“I was in the exact position, before, alright. Ryan was enough for me, and I did not want anything more than him. But still, he himself decided that it would be perfect to leave poor Tiara on her own terms and that was just a bullshit reason he was feeding me! He was with another girl, I caught him,” I burst into tears. The same old pain invades my system and I can’t keep the blue eyed boy away from my thoughts, “So do hold onto this girl but she wouldn’t leave you, ever, Zayn.”
I clear my eyes. I don’t want to think about it right now after all this.
“Ryan was a loser, Tia, he was. Do you still love him, though?”
“Even hate would be an understatement while describing him, Zayn.” I say, clearing my tears. I don’t want a show now.
“You love Liam, don’t you?”
“Yes.” I smile at his name. “Loving him wasn’t difficult you know. He is an easily lovable man. I am not even worried that he might not like me, I am with him right now and that is enough.”
“How did you move on?” he asks me.
“It took me a hard way, you know. It was difficult, dreadful even. But you understand that everyone comes in your life for a reason-it can be a blessing or a lesson.” I smile to him.
“Philosophical and shit.” Zayn shakes his head.
“The thing with Liam is different. With Ryan I constantly tried to be good for him, get my levels to his expectations. But it was never enough. He constantly criticized but I was blinded by his love or what I thought was love. But with Liam, I don’t even have to try. I don’t even have to try and I know he will be there through everything. I sort off see him, too. See,” I giggle, “I can see him right there even though he isn’t here.” I tell Zayn.
Zayn looks where I tell him to and continues staring.
“Tiara, do you think I love Liam, too?” Zayn asks me.
“What?” I blurt.
“Because I can see him, too.” He tells me. I use the back of my hand and clear my eyes vigorously. His appearance still remains. Damn, I am really wasted.
Liam’s appearance stands in front of me, his eyes are wide and his hair is disheveled like usual.
“It’s okay. It happens. He is not here, otherwise his voice would have boomed right through my ears.” I ignore Liam’s shadow, hoping it will disappear fast enough.
“That’s horrible!” Liam shouts and Zayn’s glass falls off his hand.
Everyone looks at us and even in this awkward and cloudy state, I know Liam is standing here.