I hope you love me for updating less than a day later. Show me by voting and following me on twitter @WordsWithGem. By the way, the attached pic isn't photoshopped but Harry just so happened to be wearing the exact outfit I described from the opening of Ava Rose and was with Kendall. I didn't actually intend for this to happen, but what a lucky coincidence for my story!
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I am in shock. My eyes can't seem to peel away from the series of images, almost in the same reaction as witnessing a tragedy. You want everything to end, but you can't seem to look away.
"Babe, I'm so sorry," she says, putting her hand on my shoulder.
"I just don't even know what to do," I say, now sobbing. "Why would he do this to me? With her of all people," I say, breaking down.
"Ave, I know," she says, embracing me in a hug. "You just need to be really strong. Don't let him walk over you like this."
"I don't even want to see him right now," I reply through tears. "I can deal with him sleeping with people after we break up, but with her? The one who caused us to break up in the first place? I just feel like I'm going to be sick."
I can see Scarlett is struggling to come up with anything to say because it's just a futile situation with no apparent silver lining. Though the truth is, is that nothing she says will make me feel better, and she knows it.
"The thing that hurts me most," I say, blowing my nose into a tissue, "Is that he made me feel like such a shit person about Luke. Like I was the bad guy in this, and he's probably done even more by the looks of things."
"Is he at your house right now?" she asks, concerned.
"I don't know," I hiccup. "He was sleeping when I left this morning."
"Message him and tell him to get out. That really pisses me off that he's done this. More so for the fact that he made you feel terrible for getting with Luke, when he's out with Kendall of all people."
"What if... what if this is an old photo or something though?" I ask, thinking of any potential possibility that my boyfriend didn't go back to his ex.
"Babe – you need to stop making excuses for him. He's wearing the same clothes he did the night of your opening."
My heart sinks at the revelation, but I know she's right. I think I've always known something wasn't quite right when I didn't understand his reaction to hearing about Luke. But now I do.
Because what he did was worse.
"What does the article say?" I ask, not sure if I want to know what it says.
"Just that..." she begins quietly. "Just that he was seen with her walking into her hotel. And was seen leaving it the next morning..." She almost seems tentative to answer, but know she must tell me everything in order for me to not continue making excuses, or to go running back to someone who is continuing to hurt me.
"I need to message him, don't I?" I say aloud, to which she nods. "Can I have a few moments alone please?" and she leaves the room.
I stare at the blank message screen for a few moments before I begin typing a message.
I need to be strong.
"I want you out of my house before I get home. If you have even an ounce of respect for me left, you won't try to talk to me or see me. I need you gone and out of my life."
Tears cloud my eyes, though my heart sinks as I see that he is typing back in our iMessage conversation. I know I shouldn't want to know what he has to say, but I do. I want to believe that he' still a decent person and that none of this is true, but how can I? How can he all but profess his love for me in those streets, and go running back to her? Those words aren't something you forget so easily. His speech echo in my mind,
"I knew from the second I met you that there was something special about you. And I now realise that it wasn't something about you at all. It was just you... I want to be the one that will memorise facts about you like how you prefer your toast to be cut into four triangles because it makes you feel like you have more, the way that you can never keep a serious face when you tell a joke, or even the way you sing so terribly, and mumble shamelessly over the lyrics you don't know. I want to memorise the things you say, as well as the shape of your lips when you say them. I want to know every single curve, every freckle, every subtlety of your body, and I want to know it well...I want you to design a smile just for me."
I still think back to that moment often – it's the kind of thing you hear at the end of a romance movie. The kind of thing every girl would love to hear. And now the almost perfect moment is tainted with negative thoughts about Kendall. Why would he say those things and then stay at her hotel?
Just more proof that his word is just complete and utter bullshit.
He replies and I quickly reopen the message.
"Ava whats going on? Where is this even coming from?"
Wow.
I thought he would at least have the sense to admit his wrongdoings. Maybe apologise profusely and tell me it was a mistake and it should never have happened, but pretending it never happened? That's a new low.
"You're disgusting. If you're home when I get there, I'm going to call the police."
A slight exaggeration but he can't be there.
"Can you at least tell me what I've done wrong?"
I choose not to reply. I shouldn't have to tell him what he did. He's probably done a number of bad things and is just fishing to see which thing in particular I've found out about. I wipe my eyes and put on a large pair of sunglasses to cover the fact that I've been crying.
When I see the girls downstairs I pull Scarlett aside.
"I'm so sorry, but I need to go home," I tell her.
"Did he say anything?" she asks me.
"He's pretty much pretending like he doesn't know what I'm talking about," I shrug, trying to keep myself from crying again.
"Oh Ave," she says, in a coddling manner. "I'll call and tell Calum I'm staying with you tonight."
"No – please don't," I quickly respond. "I need to be alone for tonight."
"You sure?" she asks, looking concerned for me. "Call me the second you change your mind though," she tells me, hugging me again.
I walk the short twenty minutes back to my house, hoping that he'll be gone by the time I get home. I need to clear my head of all of this, but know it's going to take more than a short walk. My pace slows as I near my house, and my feet begin to feel a lot heavier. My heart sinks as I see his Audi parked in my driveway. The front door opens and it's Harry's face that I see, and my worst fears are realised when I see him. Instead of feeling intense anger towards him I only feel like I am the one with the issues. That maybe if I were prettier, slimmer, more intelligent or even more famous that he would love me enough not to hurt me. That it was me that led him back to Kendall – someone so pretty that not even God could take credit for her looks. Maybe he deserves someone like her. I just feel incredibly naïve that for a moment I actually thought that I was enough for him.
"Come inside please," he calls out to me, as I stand cemented to the ground.
I shake my head. If I speak, I know I'm going to cry, and I won't let him have that satisfaction.
"Ava, please," he asks, his eyes widening.
"No. Because you're going to make me change my mind," I say, my voice evident that I am crying despite having my eyes covered. "I can't change my mind. You need to go."
"Not until you listen. Just give me that Ava, please."
I stand there for a moment before a neighbour walks by with their dog, giving me a friendly wave. I wave back and I realise that I can't stay out in the street like this, causing a scene.
Wordlessly I walk along the cobblestoned path to the door and turn my body sideways so I don't touch him as I pass by. I take my heels off as I walk, taking one step at a time until I reach my bedroom. I close the door, falling to my bed and sob heart wrenching sobs that absolutely take every last bit of energy from my body. I don't hear him come in, but I feel his arms wrap protectively around my body from behind me, and I hate myself that little bit more for allowing him to do so. He is the one causing me this. He is the one hurting me. And I allow him to be the one to comfort me. It makes me sick.
I cry until I can cry no more as the world that I am just getting re accustomed to came crashing down, and I don't know how if my emotional state is strong enough to get me through another break up with him.
- - - - -
I open my eyes and it's dark out. Harry is still behind me, holding me firmly, and I can tell by his breathing that he's still awake.
"I didn't realise I had fallen asleep," I yawn.
Though I'm unsurprised – normally it's what you need after a good long cry. This whole thing has left me so emotionally and physically exhausted. I'm just so done with feeling this way.
"You need to know it isn't true what they're saying," he says gently. "I had to Google myself in order to see what you were talking about, but it's not true... I would never do that to you. I love you Ava," he says, rubbing my hair in a comforting way.
"Harry please don't lie to me. Just don't. If you truly love me you will tell me the truth. I can handle you doing something stupid, but I can't be with someone who feeds me lies. Someone who sits there and criticizes me, and makes me feel terrible for doing something much less – that I won't stand for."
I move over on the bed, out of his grasp.
"It isn't true," he says, persistent in his response. Paparazzi are the lowest fucking people on the planet. They recycle photos. I remember that night clearly when she was last in London. Way before you," he assures me.
I want to believe him – I really do. And I resent myself for wanting to, but something just doesn't feel right about this.
"And why am I meant to believe you?" I ask.
"Because I fucking love you," he says, his tone emotional and desperate. I've only ever heard him sound like this the last time he was scared to lose me. Only walking out of the door and going to Luke's hotel ended up being one of the stupidest decisions of my life that has only caused me so many problems that I still have to deal with today. His arms surround me once more, and I turn around to face him, our faces only centimeters apart. His legs wrap around mine protectively, though the irony of it all is that it is he who I need protecting from.
"Do you believe me?" he asks, his eyes searching into mine, pleading for my response.
"I want to," I softly reply.
Author's Note: Thanks heaps for reading :) Now sitting on 4,419,123 reads which is over 100K in a day. I remember hitting the 100K milestone and being ecstatic, and to receive that in a day is unbelievable! I updated less than a day later because I love you all and felt inspired to write, so I hope you enjoyed it despite it being a fucking depressing chapter.
Does anyone believe Harry, or do you think Ava's feeling are right? Do you think she'll take him back? I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter. I know Ava is probably going to get a bit of slack at how she's acting and I know there's a few people who are going to call her a hypocrite for being upset, but you need to understand that Kendall isn't the main issue (even though she is a little) - but he ran back to Kendall after she caused their break up originally, and then made her feel guilty for Luke. So if it is true, then it's a dick move on Harry's part. Haha but I also know that as soon as people start criticizing Harry I'm going to be on his side and start bitching about Ava, so ignore my rant haha. I normally side with whatever character everyone is hating on because yeah people make shitty decisions, but I want for people to understand exactly why they did what they did.
Going through the comments and can't believe how many of you are shipping Luke and Ava. All I'm seeing is Lava this and Lava that. Very surprising, but I see why you might want that. Also shame on the people who thought Scarlett and Harry had sex! No! haha. My favourite comment was left by @Green_Eyes_Of_Harry - I think she has a point and even though I'm normally defending Ava, it's always good to see it from his pov too. Another comment that made me laugh was by @TheFaultInOurHargort about Kendall "I WANNA PUNCH HER PERFECT FACE AND THEN KICK HER BOOB." It's silly but made me laugh. Like boob singular, not plural haha. I love that.
Please don't forget to vote. I would love to increase my ranking again.
Anyways, love you I think.
Gemma
♡
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