"That's because I'm in love with you" I said, not taking my eyes off his face.
I wasn't nervous anymore. I wasn't awkward. For once in my life, I didn't want to belittle my love; I didn't want to think that it was wrong. No, if loving him was wrong, it wouldn't have happened, would it? For the first time since I realized that I loved him, I didn't feel guilty. So I met his gaze steadily.
I had nothing to lose. He wasn't mine anyways. I was just here to give myself a closure.
"How's that a reas......" He started but stopped abruptly, his brows furrowed together "What?"
"I don't hate you. I can't hate you even if I tried because I love you. I've always loved you" I smiled humorlessly "So much that I have started hating myself for it" I gritted out trying hard to contain the tears threatening to spill out.
He gasped before taking a step back "I....I....." he ran his hand over his face probably to make sense of things. I stood there silently as he opened and closed his mouth. I could see his mind racing from one thought to another.
He looked at me abruptly "Of course" he sighed in relief. I raised a brow in question "Everyone has that one crush you know. I had a crush on my Spanish teacher in middle school"
I closed my eyes to contain the sudden anger in me. He could have kicked my love away and I wouldn't have been this hurt. But he was belittling it.
I opened my eyes and looked at him "I love you" I said without hesitation.
He shook his head "Look" he tried to explain like one would do to a difficult child "I know we haven't had the most conventional relationship and you took it as a challenge and...."
"I love you" I repeated firmly.
He gritted his jaws together "Will you stop saying that?" he growled "I'm trying...." he shook his head and sighed.
"I'll stop saying that once you start believing it" I replied
"And what changes if I believe?" He demanded angrily
"Nothing" I bit my bottom lip "I still need you to believe"
"Stop crying" he gritted in frustration and then groaned "Look ki_ Reanna, I didn't mean to frighten you okay. Calm down. It's...just...just so abrupt. I don't think I know how to deal with this. I never thought...I mean expec....Goddess! What am I even saying?" he muttered the last bit to himself.
I wiped my tears away "You don't have to do anything" I cleared my throat. If I want him to see me as an adult I have to behave like one "It's my problem. I'll deal with it. I'll not bother you"
"You aren't a bother Reanna" he said softly "It's my duty to look after you"
That angered me. His calmness hit my nerves. His indifference hurts. I want to unnerve him.
"Why? Because you owe my father?" I asked venomously.
"No" he shook his head "Because I care about you. Because I decided it the moment I first looked at you that I was going to protect you. Because you are special. Because you are you"
My stomach clenched and I held my breath at his words. What does that even mean?
My eyes must have turned hopeful because the next instant he said "Whatever this phase is, you'll get over it" he assured.
"I'll take care of it" I repeated.
"What do you want me to do?" he asked.
I looked at his eager face, he wanted to help "I don't want to see you ever again" I requested.
He gritted his jaws together "Reanna we are family" he said trying to maintain his calm. I saw his eyes clouding, the green in them slowly turning black.
"No we are not. In your head yes," I nodded "but you were never my family" I wanted to tell him nothing but the truth today. This is my way of bidding him farewell. It's my way of preserving the little sanity I have.
He narrowed his eyes "I'm not going to let you turn everything upside down just because of a small hiatus" he was finally showing me the emotions I craved.
"You want to keep seeing me as if nothing happened?" I asked angrily.
"Nothing happened" he replied stubbornly "Stop being childish"
What does he want from me? Doesn't he understand how much it hurts to be so near him and know that I'll never have him?
"Well if you didn't get the memo" I took a step away from and spread my arms wide "I. Love. You. Daniel. Wood" I yelled at the top of my lungs.
In a blink, he pulled me towards him and shut my mouth with his palm.
"Stop it" He hissed as he looked around consciously. He let go once the tears flowing out of my eyes touched his hand.
"I'm sorry" he said.
"Do you still think nothing happened?" I yelled through my tears.
"We'll talk about it after you calm down. Not seeing each other ever again is not a solution" he said calmly, but the color of his eyes told another story
"Then forget about your mate and come to me" I challenged.
He let go of me and jumped away so fast that I stumbled "my mate has nothing to do with this. Keep her out of it" he said angrily.
"What if you never find her" I asked boldly.
"I will" he glared
"What if..." I insisted.
"Then I'll die waiting for her"
"What if she's with someone else now? What if she doesn't want you?"
I knew from the murderous glare that he gave me that I'll face the consequence and he didn't disappoint me. I had his fingers wrapped around my neck the next instant. He stooped down and brought his face so dangerously close to my face that I could see my reflection in the now marble black orbs of his wolf. He tilted his head to the space between my neck and shoulder.
"She's mine. If someone else lays claim on her, I'll enjoy ripping every bone of his body and feast on it" he whispered into my ear "Don't you ever dare utter those words again. What's mine is mine and no one else can have her no matter what" he growled as he pushed me away.
I fell down and coughed hard trying to gain my sanity back. If this is what he can do when I just talked about his separation from his mate then what will he do when I tell him that I wish she was dead?
"Are you okay?" Dan asked as he bent down to look at me. I flinched as I looked at his extended hand.
"I'm sorry" he said. I frowned and looked at him. His eyes were green now. I sighed in relief.
"I'm sorry" I apologized "I shouldn't have said that"
He nodded slightly as he helped me up "It looks like you were right. I'll stay away as long as you want. But that wouldn't be forever" he was firm "That's not practical. So here's what we are going to do. I'll consciously avoid you until you get over this, until you find happiness. I want you to live your life without being afraid of me showing up. I'll take the precautions, all you have to do is try and live your life to the fullest. And the day you come to me and tell me you are happy, we'll stop avoiding each other. Deal?" he tilted his head to look at me.
How do I tell him that that's what I meant when I said forever?
I nodded wordlessly as a lone tear ran down my face.
He smiled a sad smile "I'll see you soon Reanna" he said as I continued to drink him in. I need to remember this face. I need it engraved in my memory.
Before I knew he was walking away.
"Daniel" I panicked.
He halted but didn't turn. So I ran up to him and stood in front of him.
His eyes for some reason were glossy too. Why? He shouldn't have been affected. I don't mean anything to him.
"Don't I get a farewell gift?" I asked.
He kept looking at me in confusion.
"I'm sorry" I said before standing up on my toe to place my lips softly against his. He froze but didn't push me away.
I closed my eyes and savoured the feel of it. My first kiss, it had to be him. I will have no one else have it. It was his.
"I love you" I whispered one final time before sprinting away towards the forest. My entire being was yelling at me to look back, to run back to him but I kept moving ahead.
.
.
.
That was the last time I saw him that day, that month, that year and it will be years before i see him again........Daniel Wood, my first love.
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