~I watched The Death Cure for the third time and I cried so hard that my mum came into my room in a total state of panic, thinking there was something seriously wrong with me and I would have to be taken to hospital. Newt's death and the letter he writes for Thomas gets me every time and now I know when it happens I cry way before his death and I cherish every moment he is healthy and not cranking out.
~I've done a little filler chapter because why not and I promise there will be more newtmas because to me it feels like there is hardly any but I'm trying my best.
Newt's POV
I sat in Doctor Ava Paige's office, staring intensely at her, awaiting her first question. She smiled fondly at me, tilting her head to the right. "Newt, how are you feeling today?"
"Kind of terrible," I reply. "I feel tired, lost, and...I don't know. I feel depressed, really."
"Is it common for you to feel like this?"
"I tend to have days like these, but not as often as what they used to be."
"And how often would that be?"
"It used to be a couple of times a month, but now it's usually only once in three months, I think."
Doctor Paige scribbled notes into her book before looking back at me, her facial expression completely unchanged. She seemed to be unfazed, like she had heard similar stories to mine.
"Did you eat much for lunch today, Newt?" Doctor Paige asked, her voice soft.
"No, I couldn't bring myself to eat it. I didn't have the energy, and it looked disgusting anyways," I replied, sounding slightly agitated.
"Okay," she scribbled something else down. "Do you like your roommate?"
"Winston? Yeah, he's kind of amazing, actually. We both understand each other, and we both know when the other wants to be left alone for a while. We know how to help each other and talk without feeling guilty of anything we've said."
"That's wonderful to hear, Newt. What about your other friends? Tell me about them."
"Well, first off, there's Chuck; he's such a sweet kid. He's really friendly and, on my first day here, he gave me a tour of the place. He never stopped talking about...well, everything, to be honest. But I never got bored of listening to him, he always had something to say.
"Alex, another one of my friends, is probably the biggest joker. He's always messing with other people -not in a cruel way- but they always laugh it off afterwards. When we have free time after lunch, we usually go to the art room and paint for a while. I love watching him paint; he gets stuck into it and the world around him just disappears. He's always so focused to make every detail of the painting perfect.
"Finally, Greg, the athlete. He's been running since he was a kid and I always tell him he should meet Thomas and Minho because they're athletes as well, and they should have a race or something. He's not as chatty, but that's more to do with his anxiety, but when he does talk, he knows what to say and when to say it. He's good at comforting people because he just lets you cry and he listens to you when you need to talk."
I didn't realise how much I was rambling until I stopped. Doctor Paige stared at me with interest, obviously still keen for me to keep talking. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?"
I shook my head, murmuring a quick 'no'. I fidgeted with my hands in my lap and blinked my eyes a few times, trying to rid myself of tiredness.
"I was asked to speak to you about your release, Newt," Ava Paige spoke. I visibly tensed, wondering what she was going to say? Would it be bad news? Would I have to stay here longer? "Don't worry, it's nothing major. As you know, at the end of next month you're going to be leaving us to go back home. Only six more weeks, Newt.
TW
"I have noticed that you've improved a lot over the period of time you've been here. You seem less anxious, and the cuts on your arm are fading away, and I'm pleased to see there aren't any new ones. I've watched many people struggle with depression, and I've seen them trying to harm themselves, but I always tell them that when they're hurting themselves, they're hurting their loved ones, and that makes them stop. Sometimes.
"I want you to know what if you ever feel like cutting again, think of Thomas; think of how he will react if he sees new scars on you. He knows when you're upset and when he's lying, and he's always there for you if you need to speak to him or tell him you feel like cutting. Understand?"
TW OVER
I nodded my head, too frightened to speak.
"Speaking of Thomas, he contacted me a couple of nights ago. He said he ran away from home and he's staying at Teresa's so, when you get out, go to her house instead of his. He doesn't want his dad hurting you like he hurt him. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this sooner, Newt, but I was so overloaded with work and other patients I didn't have the time."
"Thank you for telling me," I said, tears pricking my eyes. What happened to Thomas? Will he be okay? Did he mean to go to Teresa's? Would he rather be with her than me? Fuck, maybe he doesn't love me anymore and-
"Newt?" Doctor Paige's questioning voice snatched me from my trance. "Is everything alright?"
"Peachy," I replied, feeling numb inside.
Thomas's POV
"Hi, can I speak to Newton Isaacs, please?" I asked over the phone to the receptionist at the rehab centre.
"One moment, please," she replied. There was a whisper of voices in the background and the clicking of heels as someone walked down the hallway. "Sir, we are going to put you through to Doctor Ava Paige's phone as Mr Isaacs is in her office right now for therapy."
"Alright, thank you," I managed to say before there was more continuous ringing. As I waited, Teresa sat next to me, handing a cup of water to me. I smiled at her, taking a sip.
"I'll leave you to talk to him in peace," she said. I quietly thanked her before she left the room, shutting the door behind her.
"Hello?" I heard a raspy, British voice say over the phone.
"Hey, Newt," I said and instantly relaxed. "God, I've been dying to hear your voice."
There was muffled laughter before Newt spoke again, "Doctor Paige left the room so I could talk to you in private. When are you coming to visit?"
"Hopefully Tuesday. Teresa wants to come as well, by the way."
"Yeah, that's fine, Tommy," he said, dragging out a long breath. "Doctor Paige told me you ran away. What happened?"
"My dad, he... he hit me. A lot. I couldn't take it anymore, so I left. I don't know how I ended up at Teresa's, but I remember running until I was somehow at her front door," I explained carefully, trying not to upset Newt.
"Oh, Tommy, I'm so sorry," Newt whispered. "When I get out of this place, I'm sitting my exams, then we're getting as far away from this place as possible."
I had to laugh at Newt's optimism. He sounded so determined to get me away from my dad; "so you're doing your exams?"
"Yeah, they're my final ones. I don't need them, though, because I already have enough credit to get into a good college."
"What one will that be?"
"Whichever one you're going to."
Time went by as we spoke; we talked about school, Newt was asking about everyone, and he told me about his friends at rehab. He seemed to be getting a lot better. He sounded happier, but there was still denial in his voice when he said he was 'feeling okay'. I could tell when Newt was lying, even when he wasn't there in front of me.
"Tommy, I have to go," he said.
"Alright, well, I'll see you on Tuesday, love," I replied, using a pet name.
"I love you, Tommy, more than words can say."
"I love you, too, Newtie. There aren't enough hours in a day, or months in a year to tell you how much I love you."
We said our last goodbyes before the phone went silent. I clutched it in my hand and held it to my chest, feeling the rhythm of my heartbeat going crazy.
Only you, Newt. Only you could make me feel like this.