The show went well. Not fantastic, but well.
I didn't barf, or cry, or quit. I just did what felt natural.
I laughed with Rhett and I made jokes. Funny or not, I got a taste of the old me back while filming that one little video.
There was a moment in between it all when I said something stupid and knew it was stupid because no one laughed, not even Rhett.
I took me a second to get the courage to laugh about it myself, but I did. Rhett laughed with me and then soon we were all cackling like lunatics.
Rhett let me take over.
We had decided that instead of doing some crazy video, we would just sit down and talk to the mythical beasts. We wouldn't tell them everything, but we would say things like, "I needed time to deal with something tough that was going through."
He said, "Link never meant to hurt anyone. He just needed a little break and we respect him for that."
I remember feeling self conscious in front of the crew, because I knew that they knew what bullshit we were sugar coating this with. They saw right through me.
But they didn't know that I had quickly fallen into a pool of depression and self harm. They didn't know that I almost gave up. They didn't see the scars because those were mine.
It wasn't bullshit I was giving the mythical beasts, it was the easiest way to say I wasn't okay.
"I am so glad to be back here, with all of you, doing what I love," I said lastly, putting my best smile on.
I was starring dead into that camera. I began to think of the people who would watch this.
The mythical beasts who have been there since day one. The mythical beasts who told me I saved their lives. The mythical beasts who might just do to themselves, what I do to myself.
I thought about all the victims of self harm and I thought about how I never gave it a second thought before.
I smiled.
"I'm happy."
Rhett glanced at me. He seemed utterly shocked at my words.
"Good. You deserve to be," he said, reaching out and caressing my cheek.
I grabbed his hand and blew him the lamest of kisses.
He laughed, sending it right back.
We weren't going to hide our love. If they din't like us, they didn't matter.
We were so grateful to have each other. We wanted the fans to know that.
Rhett looked at the camera and gave it a thumbs up.
The show was over.
I had made it through. I felt good about it.
The crew was clapping, Rhett was clapping. All eyes were on me.
They were clapping for me.
I blushed, feeling the attention.
"Thank you guys," I said before standing and grabbing my mug. Oh how I missed this mug.
"This is going to be the best season yet. I can just feel it."
Rhett was quietly following me.
We left the set and ended up in the kitchen.
I looked through the cabinets, through the fridge. I wasn't starving, but I was hungry. A newly defined feeling for me.
I wanted cereal but it looked like we were out.
Rhett was standing opposite of me, just watching, sipping sweetly on his morning tea.
I sighed, almost giving up, but I looked at him and continued. I ended up making a sandwich. It wasn't much. But it was food. I had even saw the Pringles while I was looking and couldn't just pass them up. I placed a few on my plate and sat at the table outside the kitchen.
Rhett smiled wildly at me, "I'm so damn proud of you."
I felt that heat rise in my cheeks again. I smiled, "Thank you."
He shook his head, "No. Don't thank me. Thank yourself. This was all you, baby. You owned that show and you nailed it. I don't know who or what you were thinking about but it lit you like a flame."
Those words rang in my ear.
"Lit like a flame"
"And look at you eating that sandwich. How fucking cute are you?" he giggled.
I couldn't shake this feeling though, that I had overdid it or not done enough.
I put on a smile though and ate the sandwich. I got down most of the chips before I felt that sickening feeling. It always told me to stop, so I did.
After I was finished, Rhett took me to the office.
We wanted to be alone when the video went up. In other words, Rhett wanted to be able to comfort me when things got rough.
We waited quietly, then Stevie knocked on the door.
Rhett answered, she looked at both of us with bright eyes.
"It's going up. Should be finished any minute now."
My breath hitched in my throat. I was aware of what would come from this, but I wasn't ready to see what the people thought about me. I was never ready to see what the people thought about me. It was a scary thing to put yourself on display for so many people.
They took my flaws and somehow made more. The people who hated me, that is. The ones who were just rude to be rude. The ones who forget they have a right to click off the damn video.
Rhett broke my train of thought when he sat next to me on the couch, "It's up!" he yelled.
We watched and waited. My phone was blowing up from twitter and I was overwhelmed. We watched half of the video and then I scrolled down. Rhett didn't want me to, but he let me.
"OH MY GOD! QUEEN IS BACK! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE " read one comment.
"rhett and link are so cute together aww" read another.
"We missed you Link!" were noted in most of the comments.
Then I saw one.
"He looks awful in this vid. To bad they dont us face tun."
"Link reminds me of my aunt Pearl. I hate my aunt Pearl."
"Whoa. Link lost some weight. Can't you guys see? What happened to him?"
"Link is so dam borin I dont want him back hes not evn funny"
Rhett took the phone, "Please don't get upset from some fucking small minded people who can't even spell. You're gorgeous . You're perfect. You are incredible, Link. And these fuckers can take a ride somewhere. Far, far away preferably."
Rhett seemed more upset by the comments than I did. But I let him get it out.
He was standing now, pacing he room.
I held out my hands, "Come here."
He did.
I held him so close, so tightly. I kissed his forehead and smiled, "Thank you for believing in me. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Rhett."
I couldn't see his face, but I knew he was smiling.
"I'm not upset about the comments, not too badly. I know how to handle them, okay? You've got to handle them too."
He sat up, "I don't want you to leave again."
He was crying.
I felt my heart melt into the rest of my organs, "Whoa, baby. Whoa. Hey stop that. I'm not leaving. I'm stronger now. I'm...ready to be me again. But I need you to be even stronger, okay? Right here with me."
He laughed, "Geez Link. I never knew I could love someone so much."
I shrugged, "Neither did I."
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Another update! This is crazy lol
I hope you guys enjoyed this one. I feel good about it!
Thanks so much for reading! You're amazing!
Thanks for being your mythical best!
-Robin