Flames || Rhink

Urges

The following week brought on an urge so strong I had no other choice but to drive to the store for a lighter.

I had started thinking about things and before I knew it I was sitting naked in my bathroom floor with an orange lighter against my skin.

It all happened so quickly.

One second I was washing clean dishes to drown the urge, and within the next twenty minutes, I had four new marks on my stomach. They were big this time, to make up for the week that I somehow had managed to get through.

Rhett had been asking how it felt everyday. Tomorrow, I would have to lie to his face or admit to the deed.

By 8 o' clock, I was in bed.

The place had turned cold again. I felt like I was alone and it did not feel good. I wanted to call Rhett, tell him everything. He'd be over in a heartbeat.

But I didn't. He'd been so busy lately with everything and I felt so bad for letting him deal with me.

I wasn't his problem, but he chose me to be.

So instead, I binge watched Good Mythical Morning.

I analyzed the smiles and the laughs, and in the end, I realized Stevie was right. It wasn't the same.

Nothing was the same.

I wished so badly to change it all. To give them that freedom and opportunity again, but I was a wreck. I wasn't ready to go back even if I wanted to.

And watching these shows made me realize that I did.

I wanted to return to the life I created with Rhett. I was born to be a creator and now all I could create was a fucking pile of scars on my bare skin.

I suddenly lost it. 

I threw my phone at the wall and watched it fall. I began to cry so hard I couldn't breathe. I wanted him to come to me so bad.

But he didn't know that I was at home, curled over on the floor, sobbing over something that might have seemed so simple to anyone but me.

He'd tell me to come back. He'd tell me I shouldn't be afraid to come back but it wasn't that easy.

I'm not who I once was and I don't think I will ever be that Link again. 

I'm too broken.

I'm too shattered.

I'm too gone.

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Guys, I swear to you, this is the third time I've started a new chapter, trying to get it right. Everyone of them has been way longer than this, but this was the right way to do it. This felt okay.

I hope you guys like it.

It's a bit of a longer story but I love it so.

OH! And fun story! Today I was at my local Ross, doing a little shopping and I went to the fitting rooms to try on some things and the girl there gave me my number and I went back. When I came out, she looked at me and said, "Is that a Rhett & Link shirt?" I was wearing that navy blue one with their first grade photos on it. I was like, "Yeah, yeah." She then told me she was a mythical beast and it was so cool! Every time I went back to try on something she'd say something about them and ahhh I loved it. It was so cool. She was so nice and super sweet. She made my day!

But anyhow! Thanks for reading! I love you guys!

Always remember to be your mythical best! 

-Robin