Chapter One
Every living thing on this planet has a beginning, a middle, and an end. We don't get to choose the beginning or the end, it's the middle where we leave our mark. The things we do with the middle part of our lives will define who we are even after we're gone. The middle is where we make our legacy. For most people life will simply pass by and as time passes, they will fade away without ever changing the world. For others, they leave their mark on everything they touch. They become unforgettable. Thats what she was to me. Unforgettable. She was an earthquake that shook my very core and left me in a wake of complete and utter devastation.
Everyone is so quick to marvel at the beauty of being born and the adventure of life itself. The part of life that no one wants to talk about however, is death. Death is a certainty that none of us can escape. Understanding the concept of death is at first terrifying. I remember when I first realized the finality. I couldn't have been more than four years old. My dog had died of old age. I knew he was sick and that something was going to happen, I just didn't really know what. Let me be the first to tell you that once I realized dying was permanent and he wasn't coming back, I was devastated. How was I going to spend my entire life never seeing him again? How was I supposed to move on an like like he was never there in the first place? It was the first time I realized that it didn't matter how many band aids you tried to put on it, broken hearts were irreparable. You just sort of got used to it.
I remember my mom telling me that time would ease my pain. She softly whispered to me that life was about change and as I grew up I would realize that she was right. No matter how much you wanted it to, nothing would stay the same. It's amazing how much can bc learned from the loss of a beloved family pet. Part of being human was experiencing pain.
You're probably wondering what all of this has to with her. Who is she anyway, right? That's what this story is about. It's about her life and I guess in order to understand the end, you have to go back to the beginning.
I'll always remember the first time I met her. I was slightly intimidated by her direct and sometimes invasive presence. She was larger than life. You could be surrounded by a billion people, but she had a way of making you feel like the only person in the room. She had the kind of smile that could change your whole world. It was radiant. It didn't take long for me to figure out she was reckless and wild. She was absolutely crazy and absolutely beautiful. I didn't know it at the time but she would end up becoming my entire world.
She was one of the most electrifying people I had ever met. She had a grace and style about her that I had never experienced. She would figuratively and literally turn my entire world upside down. Did I mention she was breathtakingly beautiful? Her beauty wasn't purely physical, although she definitely wasn't lacking in that department. She had one of the kindest and gentlest souls I had ever encountered. She loved with her whole heart and never took anything for granted.
Looking back I wouldn't change a single thing. Even after everything I know now. The pain will always be worth it. I would choose her over and over again.
The first time I ever saw her she was sitting on the side of a boat holding a guitar and singing. What she was wearing was memorable to me because it would be last time I saw her dress like this. She was wearing a backwards snapback and a black bikini top with a pair of very short and torn up denim shorts. Her skin was tan and her hair was dyed blonde. She looked like a stereotypical west coast girl. I guess that's why they say you should never judge a book by its cover, because she was anything but typical.
She was one of my boyfriends friends from high school. He had mentioned her a couple of times but it was always in reference to her musical talent. Nick and his brother Joe were in a band and like most aspiring musicians they dreamt of fame and success. Their dream however hit a major setback when the lead guitarist quit without so much as an explainantion. That's where she came in. She could play guitar and according to Nick, she was very good at it.
She didn't really look like a guitar player. Not at first glance anyway. She reminded me more of the guitars players girlfriend. Again, don't judge a book by its cover. I continued to watch her from across the yard. I hated parties. Nick assured me that this one was important though, so I agreed to come. He was planning on asking her to join the band and he wanted me around for moral support.
Nick and I met while I was in college. I was out with a couple of friends getting drunk at a dive bar not too far from campus. Like I said earlier, I wasn't much of a party person so needless to say I ended up a lot drunker than I meant to be and ended up going home with the first tattooed, muscle bound guy that smiled at me the right way. It wasn't my proudest moment. Something unexpected happened though the morning after. He cooked me breakfast and asked if he could see me again. It was a sweet gesture and I decided to throw caution to the wind and go for it. We've been together for almost three years.
"Here goes nothing." Nick sighed as he grabbed my hand and we made our way toward the blonde.
She smiled as soon as she saw us approach. It was a genuine smile and I couldn't help but smile back. She set the guitar off to the side and stood up to hug Nick.
"It's been awhile!" She said as they both squeezed each other tightly.
"It's good to see you Dem." he smiled.
"You too Nick. You must be Selena." She said turning her attention to me. "I'm Demi." She added as she extended her hand.
I took it and smiled. "It's nice to meet you."
"Let's find somewhere we can sit and catch up." She suggested.
"Sounds good." Nick smiled.
She led us toward the back of the house and I immediately felt more relaxed. It was much quieter and there weren't as many people around. I studied her as we walked.
She was short and like Nick, covered in tattoos. Hers didn't seem as random as his though. She seemed to be very confident and comfortable in her skin. The more I got to know her over the years the more prevalent this fact would become. Once we reached our destination we sat down and she went to grab us all a beer. She returned a short time later and joined us at the table.
"What brings you out to my neck of the woods?" She asked Nick.
"Business actually." He said getting straight to the point. "You have something that I need." He smiled.
"And what might that be." She asked raising an eyebrow.
"Hands." He answered.
"You're not the first person that's asked to use my hands." She said with a mischievous smirk. "Wanna give them a try?" She asked focusing her attention on me.
Nick just laughed.
I smiled awkwardly. "What?" I asked confused. I blushed when I realized she was making a sexual joke. "Oh. No thank you. I'm straight."
Nick and Demi both burst out into a hysterical fit of laughter. I guess I wasn't in on the joke.
"Everyone's straight until they're not." Demi shrugged as their laughter died down. "I was straight once." She added whistfully. "At least until I dated his brother Joe."
"Who are you even kidding?" Nick said before taking a long drink from his beer. "You were never straight. Confused but definily not straight."
"You ever kiss a girl?" She asked me.
"No." I said softly avoiding her eyes.
"Then how do you know you're straight?" She questioned.
"Well....umm.....I just do." I fumbled.
"Demi. Be nice." Nick said slowly.
"I like her Nick." She said smiling at me. "She's nice and innocent. It's refreshing."
"Thanks....." I trailed off. She made me nervous.
I spent the rest of the evening trying to stay in the background as they caught up and discussed the band. They discussed what her role would be and surprisingly she had terms of her own. I couldn't help but study her the entire time they talked. Her eyes had this brightness to them, like the entire world was full of wonder. Everytime she laughed, I swear they danced. That's the way I'll always remember her, full of life. Her eyes danced up until the moment I lost her.
As the night wore on Nick got drunker and I eventually lost him and Demi somewhere in the crowd. I wandered around studying all the faces of the various drunk people. I eventually found Nick passed out face first on the living room couch. I was too exhausted to attempt to rouse him. Even if I did somehow manage to wake him, I certainly wouldn't be able to move him. He was quite muscular and quite heavy. Drunk people also aren't the most cooperative and graceful of beings anyway.
I made my way back outside for some fresh air. There was a full moon and the lake looked pretty. I decided to walk to edge of the dock and sit alone for awhile. I saw her sitting there with her feet dangling over edge as she smoked a cigarette. I wouldn't have pegged her as a smoker, but I guess you can never really tell until you spend time with someone. I decided to talk to her.
"That's bad for you, you know." I said announcing my presence. She seemed unfazed.
"I know." She said clearing her throat. "I'm trying to quit."
"Do you mind if I sit?" I asked shyly.
"Nope. Be my guest." She smiled.
"Are you gonna join the band?" I asked curiously.
"I haven't decide yet." She said thoughtfully. "I'm kind of at a crossroads in my life." She explained. "I've spent the last couple of years just scraping by and I'm not sure if I wanna invest time in a dream that is unlikely to happen."
"Isn't that the essence of life though?" I questioned. "Dreams and the pursuit of what makes you happy." I sat down next to her and let out a small gasp as my feet dipped into the cool water.
"Isn't it irresponsible to pursue a path that is doomed to fail?" She asked me raising an eyebrow as she took a long drag from her cigarette.
"Are you the type of person that could spend your entire life wondering what if?" I challenged making eye contact. "People like you--creative and talented people, find freedom and happiness in their talent. I could be completely wrong, but you weren't meant to do something ordinary."
"You're just full of insight aren't you Buddha?" She chuckled. "I suppose you're right. Sometimes I feel like I'm lost though. It's like I'm wandering around getting nowhere. Time passes and I'm stuck. I want my parents to be proud of me...." She sighed.
"I'm sure they already are." I smiled.
We sat for a few moments in silence and I watched as she flicked her cigarette butt into the lake. I immediately wondered how tossing the toxic remainder of her harmful habit would affect everything in the water. If you thought about it on a grander scale, that's really all life was. A series of seemingly meaningless and thoughtless events that have a lasting impact on the environment around you. You don't mean to cause harm, but sometimes you do even if you don't realize it.
"What about you?" She asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. "What's your story? Girl meets guy falls in love and now his dream is yours by default?"
"Not exactly." I said slowly. "He definitely wasn't a part of my plan. My whole life I've played by the rules. He was the first careless thing I ever did and it actually turned out being one of the best decisions of my life."
"How romantic." She said making a gagging sound.
I laughed. "He kind of taught me that taking risks was a good thing. Now that I'm out of college, I just want to do something different. I don't wanna play by the rules. I want to be reckless." I smiled.
"I can definitely relate to that. I've never followed the rules though and now I feel like I should. I'm the opposite of you. I want to conform. I'm really just not sure how. Like I said, I'm feeling stuck.
"Has it ever occurred to you that you're stuck because you're resisting who you actually are?" I said turning toward her. "I'm pretty sure you weren't made to be caged."
"You've got my head spinning." She laughed. "I like you. I have a feeling we're gonna be great friends."
She didn't say anything after that. She simply pushed herself up to her feet and walked back toward the house. I had a smile on my face as I sat and looked out at the silver of the lake. She was fascinating. It had been a while since I had met someone that I could talk to like that. It was refreshing. She was intelligent but not in a pretentious, know it all kind of way. I felt comfortable around her.
I sat there with my feet in the water until the sun came it up. It was surprisingly relaxing. I didn't know what was in store for me in the future and I didn't care. I just knew I was excited and I had a gut feeling that Nick and his band mates were going to make it. I decided right then and there that I would do whatever it took to help them.
That's how I met her. There was no love at first sight. No electrifying physical attraction. It was just two people that were opposites in a lot of ways that found a common ground. In all the years I'd end up knowing her, she would never change. She would hold us all together. Of course I didn't know that at the time, but I do now, and I will forever be grateful.