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"How did you get in?" I ask, covering the sheet over my neck to conceal my body.
"You kind of yelled it out at me from down there," he answers, shrugging.
Oh, right.
"Are you naked?" he asks, and I now feel even more self-conscious.
"Well yeah, I thought I was alone," I admit. "Can you pass me a shirt from the drawer?"
He indicates to the chest of drawers wanting to know which one.
"The middle one," I point. "Oh and some underwear too please," I blush, looking away. "Top drawer."
He throws me a t-shirt, and then delicately opens up my underwear drawer, and thoughtfully chooses a pair of red lacy French knickers. I can't help but remember his reaction to them in the bathroom stall at Funky Buddha.
He passes them to me and I stare at him until he gets the idea, and turns away as I change underneath the covers.
"Luke, what are you doing here?" I sigh, not really wanting or prepared to hear his reply.
"You know why I'm here Ava," he says, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. You don't understand how much –"
"Look, I'm going to stop you there," I say, raising my hand. "Luke," I pause, looking him directly in those blue eyes of his. "You want me because you know you can't have me. Simple. Once you realise that, it will make things a whole lot easier on me," I say, completely emotionally exhausted.
"How can you say that?" he says, edging forward, "You fucking felt it when we kissed. I know you did. Tell me I'm lying," he says, the volume in his voice rising, and his hand gestures becoming more exaggerative.
I can't.
I look down into my lap, unable to make eye contact with him anymore. He can't do this to me. Not now. He can't be saying these things because every time I see him, it's like he clouds my vision. I could be so certain in feeling a certain way, and I see him and he changes everything for me.
"You can't because it's true," he comments, as I remain silent.
"I'm in love with Harry," I state, hoping that it will be enough.
"And one day you're going to realise that if he loved you back he wouldn't cut you off in the way that he has."
"That's not fair!" I cry out with emotion.
"No it's not fucking fair," he shouts back. "He fucks with your head by coming back into your life after you think you've moved on. Why do you let him do this to you?!"
"There's more to it than that," I mumble my response, not able to look up.
"Ava," he says as he grabs my hands, his voice more gentle and caring. "Ava, he can't treat you like this. He can't fuck you off, and then as soon as he senses you moving on and being happy, he can't walk back into your life. That's not showing you he cares."
And the words cut straight through me.
He's right.
It's true. Completely. Everything he's said is true. I feel sad and pathetic, and absolutely led on.
"Why does he do this?" I say, my voice giving me away that I'm on the verge of crying.
"Babe, I don't know. But he's a fucking idiot for doing so."
"And I'm the fool who believed him," I admit, a tear dripping slowly down my cheek and I lick it away as it reaches my mouth.
"If you were mine I would never let you go. Never," he says firmly, shaking his head. "Not even for a second."
"Luke you need to go," I ask him, "Please leave."
I want him here. I want him to stay with me, but if I'm being completely honest with myself, I don't know what I'm capable of doing if he doesn't leave. Not in this emotional state.
"Not until you tell me that there is nothing between us," he says adamantly.
"Luke... I – I don't," I start, unable to get the sentence out. "I don't – I... I can't. I can't tell you that, but he'll always be that person for me."
He looks frustrated. "He might be that person to you, but you're not his person. Be with someone that wants you back... be with someone that wants you as their person."
"You don't get it though," I cry, "he will always be there for me."
"He won't," he says grabbing the back of my head with his hand. "He's not here, but I am."
My body goes rigid when his lips collide against mine with full force. His tongue parts my lips with ease, and I moan with contentment as the kiss intensifies. I lean forward, and almost like a choreographed movement, he playfully pulls back, and subtly shakes his head, withholding his kisses from me.
I grab him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him onto me, taking him by surprise and I feel him smiling underneath my lips. I move my hands to his back, my hands desperate and grasping, only I don't know what I'm searching for. His hands move behind his back, pulling his shirt over his head, and throwing it into the corner haphazardly.
Fuck.
He smiles, and bites his lip, almost waiting for me to do the same. I'm hesitant to do so considering I'm braless.
Yeah, not happening.
"This is moving really fast," I laugh. "I feel like I know you really well, but in actual reality, I really don't."
He lays down beside me on his back, and turns his head to the side,
"What would you like to know then?" he says, taking my hand in his.
"Um, I don't know. Anything," I blurt out, steadily more and more distracted as he traces the lines in my hands with his finger. I'm convinced there must be a connection between this and sexual pleasure because it is becoming such a turn on to just be lying there like this.
"I lose practically everything," he laughs, "I can't be trusted with anything because I'll lose it like a second later."
"So now I know not to lend anything important to you in that case," I joke.
"Well it's not really the case with important things. I wouldn't allow myself to lose something I cared about enough," he states seriously.
I swallow.
Something inside of me tells me there's more meaning behind his words, and the severity and sincerity frighten me.
"What else?" I say, quickly changing the subject.
"I really like neck tickles," he smirks.
I scrunch up my face and my body cringes.
"What?" he asks, looking amused.
"No one is allowed to touch my neck," I tell him. "And don't do that thing that everyone does after I say this, because if you attempt to touch me there, I'll probably have to murder you afterwards, and I can't be held accountable."
"I wouldn't dream of it," he replies, and almost before I can even react he reaches his hand out quickly – almost like a viper aiming for my neck. I react quickly by grabbing hold of his hands and straddle him.
"Fuck you!" I say with emphasis. "I almost trusted you!"
"Well that just means I'm going to have to make it up to you, doesn't it?" he replies, wrapping his hand around my side underneath my shirt. He rubs back and forth over my side with his thumb, kind of as if I were his – and making me feel wanted or important to him.
"I want one more fact," I simply demand, leaning my face down as I sit atop him.
He considers this for a moment before his face lights up and he begins, "I absolutely,"
Kiss.
"...love,"
Kiss
"...kissing you."
Kiss.
He says in between kisses and I kiss him back.
"I could kiss you all day," he tells me, rubbing his thumb over my bottom lip.
"And night," I add.
"And night," he agrees, kissing me.
I bravely take my hands and place them on his bare chest – his skin hot underneath my touch. I run them down slowly as I maintain a strong level of eye contact with him. The kind of eye contact that demands silence, adding all the more tension to the moment. It's the kind of look where everything else stops, and all that matters is what is going to happen next.
Anticipation builds, and I reach the hemline of his jeans. I look back at him for reassurance and he quickly nods, almost so quickly that leaves me doubting if it even happened. I unbutton his jeans, and I raise my hips off him as he quickly slides out of them.
"I almost didn't wear underwear today," he says, leaning up to kiss me behind my ear as he interlaces his fingers through mine.
"Is that so?" I ask, biting my lip purposefully. I move forward so that I am sitting directly over his crotch. I playfully press myself into him, feeling him hard against me.
His mouth opens and closes at the move, and he chooses his words quite carefully.
"Just for that," he considers, "I'm going to fuck you so hard."
Completely taking me by surprise, he spins me over onto my back, almost taking the wind out of me.
His words. How can something both scare and excite me to this level. I am so intrigued by this person, and the things he wants to do to me.
He taps my arm confidently and I obligingly raise both arms above my head as he pulls my shirt off and discards it on the floor along with his.
"Fuck," he says, extending out the word. He's almost like a kid in a candy store; only he doesn't wait until he gets home, or even 'til he leaves the store. His hands enclose around each breast, and slowly and tenderly circling the most sensitive area, turning me on further.
"And now, there's just the matter of these," he says confidently, pulling the waistband of my underwear. "As sexy as they are, they need to go," he orders, pulling them down, leaving me completely naked for him.
"I've only ever done this one other time," I reveal quickly, needing for him to know.
"Only done what once?" he asks, and I cover my face.
"Oh," he exclaims, now understanding. "Well then I'll start slow," he says, kissing into my neck and placing his middle finger lightly over me, causing me to gasp. His kisses move downwards, focusing on each breast before grazing over my stomach, and pausing when he reaches that spot.
"You have no idea how long I've waited to do this," he tells me as his tongue enters me. I've almost forgotten the sensation and I squirm on the bed, my arms desperately trying to grasp at anything to grip onto. His hands hold my hips firmly to the bed and when I find the strength within myself to open my eyes, I make eye contact with him. The emotion behind his eyes both amused, and extremely turned on. There is something so exciting about the fact that he needs to pin me down to the bed, and that he is able to as I buck my hips wildly, unable to contain the pressure building inside of me.
"I swear I could come just from eating you out," he says in short breaths, as he gets some air. His tongue returns inside me, reaching depths I didn't know was possible.
"Fuck!" I cry out, and his tongue action becomes more forceful, adding more urgency and pressure against my clitoris.
"Stop! Please – I'm going to come! I'm going to come!" I cry out, and he inserts his finger inside me along with his tongue movements and I feel myself let go as he eases up.
Letting go of my waist, he returns back to me. Leaning his back against the headboard, he pulls me into him, wrapping his arms around my shoulder. My body feels as if it is singing and every pore on my body feels as if they are alive with pleasure.
"I would do that to you all day if you'd let me," he says quite seriously.
"I would black out with pleasure," I reply honestly.
"So why don't you then?" he smirks, raising his eyebrow, and I pinch part of his skin by his hipbone.
He cries out in pain and laughs simultaneously as he brings me in closer to him.
"Luke, I think I might be ready maybe," I say, with absolutely no certainty.
"You are so convincing, aren't you?" he responds sarcastically. "An Oscar winning performance."
He rolls over so that his body is hovering over mine, only just touching, and he inserts his finger into me.
"Well physically you're ready," he winks, and I slap him softly on his cheek to give him a gentle warning.
"Next time will be harder," I threaten.
"Who knew you were into sadism?" he laughs. "Are you gonna to go all 50 Shades of Gray on me now?" he smirks, kissing me.
"Very funny," I say, rolling my eyes. "But I really want to," I admit, reverting back to a more serious side.
"I want you," I say, kissing him into his neck, "inside of me."
I feel his erection digging into my thigh.
"Now." I end my sentence, raising my hips to meet his.
I see his Adam's apple move as he swallows.
"Do you have any condoms?" he asks me.
"There should be some in my side table," I breathe, my body tingling with anticipation of the unknown.
He takes the plastic film off the unopened box. With much persistence from the girls at work, I agreed to let them store them in my top drawer for safekeeping.
Who knew I would need them so soon?
He pulls down his underwear, and slips the rubber over his erection.
"Come here," he says as he pulls my body downwards, closer to him.
His mouth finds its way to my ear, nibbling on the earlobe, driving me absolutely crazy with desire for him. He almost admires me from above, observing me from where he is looking and I stare right back at him.
His tongue circles that spot on my neck where every girl loves to be kissed, and I writhe in pleasurable pain on the bed.
"I need you so badly," he whispers.
Freeze.
"I need you so badly."
How could it be that those five little words have such an effect on me?
Harry.
Harry uttered those exact words to me earlier on in the night.
Harry, who poured his heart and soul out to me in the English streets. Harry – the tormented soul of a man who lost me to another. The man who wants me, but is in too much pain to be with me.
I can't go through with this. How can I?
"Stop," I tell him, before he enters me. "I can't."
Author's Note: Ahhh! Can't believe I'm already at 3,328,009. I remember when I used to freak out when I hit 500 reads, and then the 1K milestone, and now I am sitting here and my story has been viewed over 3 million times. Incredible. That's almost 200K in two days.
I know what you're thinking. I KNOW. I know you wanted Harry. And you're going to hate me even more so for telling you this, but I was originally going to make it Harry. I didn't change my mind to be mean or anything, but I've had a little bit of a change of heart and there is going to be some added drama to the story that will make things more interesting. Please trust me on this :)
I also loved all the creative names you all had for sex! You never fail to amuse me you precious things, you.
The chapter goes to @cheer2972 for her lovely and accurate comment, and also a thank you to @catiagomes72 for her comment too. And everyone. I wish I could acknowledge you all individually and it honestly kills me that I can't read every single comment on every single chapter anymore, and I hope you understand that I do my best, and spend most of my free time writing. Feel free to chat to me on twitter though. I am terrible at replying on wattpad haha!
Twitter: WordsWithGem
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Gemma x
♡
P.S, can you tweet me if you're going to the One Direction concert in Melbourne?
Thanks!