“You look so handsome!”
“I think he looks like sponge Bob in the prom episode.”
“Is that a good thing?” I questioned.
“It’s not a great thing,” Lauren replied.
“Lauren,” Mom sighed, “Be nice to your brother.”
“Ok fine,” she sighed, “You look like a significantly less attractive Evan Peters, happy?”
“Who’s Even Peters?” I questioned.
“Get out,” she replied.
“Lauren will you chill,” Mom sighed.
“Noogie attack!”
Startled I looked up just in time to watch Harry (my brother) jump off the side of the couch and onto my back, grinding his tiny knuckles into my hair.
“Stop!” I cried.
“Harry you’re going to wrinkle his suit!” Mom moaned.
Dropping to the ground, Harry crossed over to Lauren who gave him a fist bump.
“I can’t do this,” I muttered, “I can’t cope, what’s happening with my hair?”
“Your hair is fine,” Mom sighed.
“I don’t think it is,” I replied, “It’s ruined, I’m not going.”
“Ashton,” Mom groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.
“I can’t look like an idiot!” I cried, tugging at the curls hanging down on my forehead, “I need to look good! Destiny is like…..an adorable little squirrel.”
“She’s a buck toothed, bush haired rodent with a hankering for nuts?” Lauren asked.
“No,” I sighed, “She’s….. I don’t know…. It was like… I just like her okay?”
“You like everyone with a pulse,” Lauren mumbled, flopping down on the couh with a copy of some magazine which for some reason which blew my mind had Harry, Louis, Niall, Liam and Zayn on the cover.
“Can I see that?” I asked, snatching it.
“Yeah sure, go ahead, I wasn’t reading it or anything,” Lauren mumbled sarcastically.
“Sorry,” I muttered, flipping to the page they were on, “You were saying.”
“You’re turning into a bit of a….what’s the word,” she informed me, “Player?”
“I am not!” I cried, lowering the magazine which was droning on about x factor and how Harry was the next sex symbol of the ages.
“First it was Erin,” Lauren sighed, “Then that nice one with that creepy uncle under her bead and the chocolate goodness in a jar, and now this chick.”
“I’m eighteen,” I retorted, “I’m allowed to like girls.”
“Can I like boys?”
“Are you eighteen?”
“No,”
“I think you just answered yourself then.”
“You’re not the boss of me Ashton,”
“Lauren,” Mom sighed.
“He’s not!” Lauren whined.
“We’ll talk about this later,” Mom replied, crossing over to me with a large can of hairspray.”
“What are you doing?” I demanded.
“Your hair,” she replied, “Since you decided to go all diva on us.”
“What are you going to do to it?” I asked.
“Quiff it baby!” Lauren cried.
“What?” I demanded.
“Shave him bald but leave a ponytail on top like the genie in Aladdin,” Harry called out from his perch next to Lauren.
“What, no!” I cried.
“Give him a ring!” Lauren cried.
“A Mohawk!” Harry cheered.
“A mullet!” Lauren laughed.
“Shave it all off except for the bangs!” Harry suggested.
“How about no!” I cried.
“Ashton, will you relax,” Mom sighed, rolling her eyes.
“What are you doing?” I demanded.
“Hold your breath,” she replied, before spraying enough hair spray in my face to knock out a small nation.
“Stop!” I gasped, bending over and gagging, “I’m choking, I’m dying! What is that, Arson? Help me! I’m seeing spots, am I dying? I’m dying! Harry I want you to take my drums and Lauren….. No boys till your thirty…. And Mom, that nice vase from Grandma…. Lauren didn’t break it…. I did…”
“I told you!” Lauren cried.
“Ashton stand up,” Mom sighed.
Coughing, I straitened up.
“There,” Mom said, taking a step back, “You look very nice.”
Peering around her to catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror I raised my eyebrows.
“You look cool,” Harry informed me.
“Yeah,” Lauren added, “Like James Bond if he was the little brother of the ugly wiggle.”
“Which one’s the ugly one?” Harry asked.
“If you don’t know I’m praying for you.” Lauren replied.
I opened my mouth to add my two cents, however before I could I was startled by the doorbell ringing.
“That’s her!” I cried panicked.
“Really, the girl is picking you up?” Lauren asked.
“Lauren stop it,” Mom warned.
Holding her hands up in surrender, she returned to her magazine as I crossed over to the door and pulled it open to reveal a very different looking Destiny then the day before. Her hair was slicked back into some sort of elegant up due, she had on makeup, not a ton but enough to be noticeable, and she was wearing a flowy, midnight blue dress, with a blatantly uneven hemline however it still looked good.
“Hi!” she greeted, “You look like a Disney prince.”
“Thank you?” I replied.
“It was a compliment,” she laughed.
“Right, I knew that,” I chuckled.
“You’re blowing it!” Lauren called from the next room.
“Lauren!” I hissed, before smiling at Destiny apologetically, “I’m sorry she’s…. um…..”
“A pain?” Destiny guessed, “Don’t worry about it Noel is a total bridezilla.”
“Is that your step sister?” I questioned.
“Yeah,” she replied, “And she’s going to murder me if I’m late so if you’re ready we should probably get going.”
“Right,” I said hastily, “Yeah let’s go.”
“If you’re going to make it rain wear a rubber!” Harry called after me.
“Harry!” Mom shrieked.
Knowing the poor kid was in for it, I closed the door and stepped out onto the front porch next to Destiny, who holding back a smirk, led the way to a pathetically crappy car.
After we both got in, she fiddled with the radio until she found some song about some girl being so fancy before starting the car, and pulling out of the driveway.
We rode in silence for a while, me watching her squirm in her seat, clearly wanting to dance but not willing to do it in my presence, however after a while she began to hum, then mumbled the words, until after a while she was giving a full stage worthy performance in the seat next to me.
“Who dat? Who dat?” she sang with more sass then I knew was possible to come out of such a mousey, awkward girl, “I-G-G-Y! Who dat? Who dat? I-G-G-Y!”
My eyes widening in stunned silence I watched she progressively got more and more gangster until the song ended. Blushing furiously, she turned the radio down as an ad for breakfast burritos came on.
“Sorry,” she whispered.
“Why?” I laughed, “That was the best thing I’ve ever seen!”
“What?” she questioned.
“I don’t even know,” I chuckled, “Like one minute you’re you and the next you’re….. I don’t even know! You Hannah Montanaed me hard!”
Blushing, Destiny focused hard on the road, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, until we pulled to a stop outside a large country club.
“Well, this is it,” she mumbled, climbing out of the car and waiting for me as I did the same.
“This place must cost a fortune,” I muttered, in aw, taking in the grass so lush and green it looked more comfortable then my bed.
“My step dad’s loaded,” she replied, “Total weirdo, but loaded…. You ready?”
Taking a deep breath, glancing around at the sea of cars and complete strangers flooding towards the clubhouse I nodded.
“Sorry,” she mumbled as we walked in, “This is probably so awkward.”
“It’s fine,” I replied.
“I’m having a home school moment,” she whispered.
“What?” I questioned.
“There’s a crap ton of people,” she hissed, “I’m freaking out man!”
Glancing over at her, I noticed her face was beat red, and her eyes were trained hard on the ground, her hands clasped together as she fiddled with her fingertips.
“Hey,” I said gently pulling her to the side, “It’s fine.”
“I don’t know any of these people,” she gasped out, “I barely know you! Why am I tell you this? You must think I’m crazy?”
Smiling at her sympathetically I reached out tentatively, and shuffling forward awkwardly pulled her into a hug. Startled she just stood there like a board for a moment before slowly snaking her arms around my waste and letting her head rest on my chest.
“I know you’re doing this as a favor to Harry, but thanks,” she mumbled.
“It’s fine,” I replied, rubbing my large hand over her hunched up bare shoulders, “It’ll be fine. Besides us homeschoolers have to stick together right?”
Taking a deep breath she nodded and pulled away, “Thanks,” she whispered, “I’m normally not that weird.”
“It’s fine,” I laughed.
“We should probably like, go in now,” she mumbled.
Nodding, I reached out and taking her by surprise, grabbed her by the hand, pulling her closely behind me into the crowded clubhouse.
“Why did we even have to come?” she muttered to herself.
Squeezing her hand reassuringly, I pulled her next to me.
“See it’s not so bad,” I whispered.
Spying a group of rail thin blonde girls eyeing her in disgust, Destiny hurriedly ducked her head and looked down, shuffling closer to me.
“Hey,” I mumbled, “Let’s go find a seat okay?”
“Can we sit in the back?” she whimpered.
“We can sit wherever you want,” I replied.
Nodding, she followed me to the rows and rows of seats, sitting next to me in the very back row, where she finally released a breath I didn’t know she had been holding.
“You okay?” I questioned.
“I’d be better if I was at home letting my brain cells fall out watching YouTube,” she sighed, “But yeah, I’m okay.”
Smiling at her I started to say something else when I was startled by someone calling my name.
“Ashton? Hey Ashton!”
Confused I looked up and was surprised to find Charlotte making her way towards me, nearly twisting her ankle about five times in the high heels she was wearing.
“Charlotte,” I greeted, sensing, Destiny sink into herself next to me, “Uh, hi, what are you doing here?”
“The groom ripped his suit,” she replied, “My Dad brought him another one.”
Following her extended finger my eyes widened at the sight of the man from the suit store where we had been banned from ever returning.
“What are you doing here?” Charlotte questioned.
“I came with Destiny,” I replied.
“Hi,” charlotte greeted, sizing Destiny up before offering out her hand which Destiny nervously shook.
“Are you staying for the wedding?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Charlotte replied, “My Dad is a cheap ass, he’d never pass up a free buffet.”
“Where….um… where are you sitting?” Destiny questioned.
“Next to you,” Charlotte replied, plopping down on my other side.”
“Oh,” Destiny mumbled, “Great.”
“So,” Charlotte said, ignoring her, “What are the love bird’s names? I like to know if she’s running her life by saddling herself with some dude with an ugly last name.”
“I don’t actually know,” I replied, “Destiny?”
“Um Jimmy Saint,” Destiny mumbled, “And Noel…..”
“His last name is Saint?” Charlotte laughed, “Is he a good guy?”
“He’s kind of a dick actually,” Destiny replied, “He got caught bringing a gun to school when he was younger but I guess he shaped up.”
“What a creep,” Charlotte replied.
“Yeah, I guess,” Destiny mumbled.
Suddenly the light was blocked by someone standing in front of us. Surprised I looked up and my jaw nearly hit the floor at the sight of the woman standing in front of me. First of all she was tall, like freakishly tall, like taller than Luke tall. Her blonde hair, spiraled down her back in perfect waves, framing her Cover girl worthy face. Swallowing I let my eyes wander down lower to where her breasts were nearly popping out of her dress, giving her the hour glass figure I had only heard of in books and stuff.
“Uh… h-hi,” I stammered.
“Hi sweetie!” the woman gushed, “Aren’t you just so cute!”
“Mom!” Destiny hissed.
My eyes widening I looked between the mother and daughter who couldn’t be more different.
“Sorry,” the woman laughed, “I just wanted to come take a peek at your little boy toy. He’s cute Des, like super cute!”
“Mom!” Destiny cried again.
Rolling her eyes, her Mom held her manicured hand out to me, “I’m Regina,” she replied, “Regina Stacey.”
Blushing furiously I looked down as I shook her hand, “Ashton Irwin.”
“Aw, any relation to the Crocodile hun…..”
“Step Mom?” a voice suddenly called out cutting her off, “The bride is looking for you!”
“Coming!” she sighed, “I’ll see you around Ashton, I want to dance with you later.”
Winking, she sauntered away.
“Damn,” Charlotte breathed, once she was gone, “Stacey, your Mom is like the most Barbie looking woman I have ever seen.”
“You can call me Destiny,” Destiny muttered, “Stacey is my last name.”
“Yeah but it sounds like a first name,” Charlotte replied.
Sighing, Destiny hunched ever further in her seat. Feeling bad for her I smiled at her sympathetically however she was too busy staring at her shoes to notice.
“When is this wedding going to start?” Charlotte sighed, “My feet are killing me.”
“I’m not sure,” I admitted, “Soon I hope.”
Suddenly I heard a loud gasp behind me.
“Ashton! Oh my God guys look its Ashton!”
“Aren’t you popular,” Destiny mumbled.
Turning around my eyes widened at the sight of Luke making his way towards me.
“Luke?” I questioned, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here with Michael,” Luke replied.
“Why is Michael here?” I demanded, “I thought his sister was getting married.”
“She is,” Luke said slowly.
Something clicking in my mind I looked down at Destiny, “Michael is your step brother?”
“yeah,” she replied, “How do you now Michael?”
“Ashton?” an all too familiar of voice demanded.
Taking a deep breath I turned to find Michael glowering down at me.
“Hi,” I mumbled.
“What are you doing here?” he replied.
“Your sis…step sister inv….”
“Are you fickle fracking with my step sister?”
“What? No!”
“Mikey!” Destiny shrieked.
“That’s like in the first page of the guyble!” Calum cried.
“I….I… didn’t know!” I stammered.
“That’s my sister!” Michael cried, “That’s disgusting!”
“Step,” I said weekly.
“The lines are somewhat blurred,” Calum muttered.
“I don’t care if she was my foster sister!” Michael cried, “Sister’s are off limits!”
“Uh oh,” Charlotte mumbled.
“I’m sorry,” I cried rising to my feet, “I um… I…”
“Her or me?” Michael demanded.
“What?” I asked.
“Her or me?” Michael repeated dangerously.
“Michael don’t!” Destiny cried.
“I’m waiting Irwin,” Michael sighed.
“Please Ash,” Destiny pleaded, looking up at me, her eyes filling with tears, “Please, you…. You promised.”
“Ashton,” Luke said slowly.
“I….uh…I.” I stammered.
“Come on Ash,” Calum sighed.
Looking back down at Destiny who had a large tear running down her cheek I winced and stepping around her moved to stand beside Michael, “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Choking back a sob Destiny rose to her feet and pushing past me ran out, my heart breaking I started after her however Michael reached out and stopped me.
“Leave her,” he said sternly, “She’s just doing it for attention.”
Opening my mouth I thought of ways to reply, many of them starting and ending with my punching him in the face, however instead of going through with them I allowed him to pull me towards the front.
“You made the right choice,” Calum muttered, under his breath.
“The right choice for who?” I demanded.
“You,” Calum replied.
“Great,” I muttered, feeling like the biggest douche alive, “That’s what I was afraid of.”
Mwahahaha double update!
Did you like the whole Stacey's Mom thing, and St. Jimmy?
I should just call this chapter "Subliminal mind f*ck"
Thanks for reading. <3