“You love me. Real or not real?"
I tell him, "Real.”
― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay
Chapter Thirty Three
After talking to Roger for almost half an hour, I make my way towards the door. I bid him good bye and he gives me a broken smile. Even after talking to him I feel incredibly guilty. I should applaud and thank him at the same time for not holding me guilty and making me feel bad more than I am, not that I don’t deserve it, but I’m grateful for that. I walk out of the room and close the door behind him. I look over to both the sides of the corridor and I find Liam standing against the window pane. He isn’t alone.
I walk, taking huge steps to where Liam and Lisa are standing. If I knew that Lisa would come here to calm herself then I would have preferred her taking digs at me. My eyes narrow at her as she stands dangerously close to Liam. Her hands rest seductively towards the pane and her hips are ducked out abnormally. I stand in front of them and clear my throat to get their attention off each other and at me.
“Look who is here, again.” Lisa mutters and I give her a wide smile.
“Hello Lisa, again.” I don’t even look at her. “Liam, let’s get going?” I look at him as he studies me with concentration. He looks at me with a plain look and I have no clue what she said to her.
“What?” She intervenes, “Both of you are going now, like now-now?” She flutters her eyebrows in shock. She is acting so different; completely contrast to how she was talking just a while back.
“Yes, now-now. What happened? I didn’t know you wanted us to be here considering you were so adamant to hate Liam.” I state and cross my hands on my chest.
She takes a deep breath and gives me a sardonic smile.
“Exactly, I thought Liam would try to apologize to Roger since that’s what you promised me on phone, right?” She smirks.
Shit, not happening. I said that only because I wanted her to allow us to come over. I know that Liam would never apologize for his behavior. I feel like straddling Lisa or something because now is not the time for bringing this up, the time is never going to come. Before I can answer anything, Liam interrupts us.
“You thought I’d apologize to Roger?” His voice is high and this is one of those times when he doesn’t care if people are around.
“No, I mean yes,” I stammer, “I thought you would…”
“I thought we had this conversation for once. I don’t get it, why can’t you just keep your nose in your own damn business!” He is shouting now and I can’t keep my anger to myself, too. I didn’t expect him to apologize even though I hoped. I didn’t even drag him inside his room and we were just about to leave when Lisa had to interrupt us. The hate I have for this woman is beyond words and even though I could have waited for Roger, I never would help Lisa. He turns to Lisa, “I’m not going to apologize, Lisa, get that. And what else did she tell you?”
“She asked me whether Roger would like if you walked away easily or not.” She says innocently.
Without another word, Liam storms down the stairs. I give Lisa one last glare and run behind him. I call for him twice and more, but he doesn’t listen. The way Lisa told everything what I said was completely different but right now, I just have to stop him. I ignore everyone who is now staring at Liam and I and I make my way towards him. I’m panting by the time we reach the ground floor and I run behind him. Liam is already outside the hotel and I scream his name for the last time.
“Liam, wait!” I screech and thank God when he waits.
“I don’t understand! Why did you say all that to her?” He turns around and screams.
“I said that only because I wanted to meet him. I knew she wouldn’t allow and I knew that you wouldn’t apologize. I’m sorry if you felt hurt, I just said that.” I take huge breaths, trying to calm my erratic breathing.
“And that’s the only thing you could think of? To defame me?” He shouts back. I knew where all this was leading to. He is scared for his reputation more than anything and quite honestly, this sulks me. He shouldn’t overreact for such a petty issue and I hate it. He only assumes things about himself and everything around him.
“Why do you always think that I like defaming you?! You are ridiculous.” I say. “And I didn’t expect you to say anything at all. You just like to assume things without any pretext!”
“You can’t be more wrong.”
“This is hopeless, Liam. Your ego is suffocating and I have no clue why you walk around with that invisible crown on your head. Stop assuming things, please.” I spit the words out.
“I told you before; my ego can’t be bruised or broken.” He takes a dangerous step towards me”
“Really? I’m sorry but this behavior of yours just shows something contrast. It’s so difficult to even talk to you.” His face falls but his nostrils flare quickly. We are fighting in front of so many people but at the moment I don’t seem to care nor does he.
“So is it easy to talk to him? That’s why you were so adamant to meet him in the first place.”
“Will you shut up? You don’t have to drag him all the damn time! What has he even done?” His will to indulge in a fight every time annoys me. I thought we were doing well, far better than good since the entire night was calm and serene. But then again, what was I even thinking? The night was too good to be true.
“Don’t ask me to shut up, all right? Nothing, can we leave?”
“No. I want answers. What has he done and why can’t you make an apology to him? Don’t you feel bad for him?” I ask him politely even though I know whatever he has to say won’t be polite enough.
“No.” He states matter-of-factly, “And what’s the matter with you? Why are you so worried for him? If he could make you talk to him for almost an hour, I’m sure he was fine, wasn’t he?”
“I’m so done. You don’t care about anyone, Liam. But unlike you, I do care about people. I don’t like it when people are hurt without any reason. I do care about feelings, something you are totally foreign to. So I don’t expect you to be thinking in the way that I am.”
“You seem to care about the entire world but me!” He shouts and takes another step towards me. His long fingers wrap around my wrist, pulling me towards him gently. His touch isn’t painful, unlike all the times he has caught me, but this time it is soft, surprisingly.
“You are the person I care about the most!” I scream and my heart stops beating. Did I just say that?
“Wh.. What?” His expression softens and his mouth hangs open a bit.
“You heard me.” Even though I said it without thinking, I won’t take it back. This was the only way to confess to him since I wouldn’t say anything on my own. I mean each word I uttered and I don’t care if he doesn’t believe me. The last time I told him that I wanted to be there for him, he discarded me off. I know I meant those words, too. I desperately want to make him believe me as well. But something stops me, something which says that he will reject me again this time.
“You don’t have to lie..” His voice is small and timid. He looks at me and when I look at him aggressively, he looks away. His fingers lose their grip around my wrists and he pulls back completely. My hand burns from his touch and the warmth which flooded it is gone. I crave for his touch again.
“For god’s sake, I’m not lying. You don’t believe me when I said something similar last time and I know you won’t believe me this time, too. I’m tired of your insecurities. I wanted to meet Roger only because I wanted to make sure that he is safe so that you could be. I didn’t expect you to be in a prison and that’s where you were. Do you think I would have come if I didn’t care? ” I state and turn around to start walking.
“Why?” I hear him say behind me but I don’t answer. I’m not sure of my answer, yet.
“Don’t turn your back on me!” He shouts behind me. I sigh and turn around again.
“I don’t want to talk about it. You aren’t going to believe me, so about that rude comment which you are about to spill, please try to keep it within yourself. I’m very tired for another argument.” I say and start walking again. I have no clue where am I even walking in the first place. But he is there; I know he is following me so I don’t need to worry. From far off I can see that the sky is tinted orange and it’s almost past evening. I have no idea where time flew but that’s normally how our arguments are based on.
“I was going to say that… that.” He walks easily to my pace and we walk together.
“That what?” I say in annoyance.
“That my father called just a few minutes back. He asked us to go back to that island.” His tone is sincere and I can see him having some inner conflict behind the brown of his eyes.
“I know. I expected that. We can go after dinner.” I suggest. I’m slightly annoyed at our previous argument and I’m glad he isn’t fueling it further. Maybe both of us are equally crazy. We were shouting just a few minutes back, that too, at the top of our voice and now look at us, talking like adults. It’s funny, sort of.
“I thought you wanted to stay here.”
“Yes, I still do. But we would have to go back anyway. You are still in two days old clothes, aren’t you?” He looks in the front still devoid of any expression.
We walk a few miles without anything to talk about. My mind is still fussing over the brawl we just had. By this time, we shouldn’t be fighting over such petty issues and frankly, this is bothering me. There was no point in creating a ruckus but somewhere I expected him to say something, or even react in an exaggerating manner. I want to talk to him about anything just to divert my mind from the constant conflict in my mind but I can’t even do that without letting the conversation end in a fight. He intrigues me while annoys me at the same time.
I just told him that I care for him the most in this world and I’m glad that he isn’t asking me anything about this. I know that whatever I said was true, I can’t even deny it if I want to, but why does this seem different? I want to tell him more things, more than the caring and the trusting part, but I can’t get myself to that point. More than my feelings for him, I’m worried for his reaction. What if he doesn’t feel anything about me the way I feel for him? This isn’t the point and I know I should stop having such thoughts in the first place.
But the issue is that I can’t stop.
“Tiara?” Liam speaks next to me. I have no clue how long we have gone without talking but the change in the color of the sky indicates that it’s been long enough. Liam’s hands are stuffed in his pockets and he looks around awkwardly. I don’t recognize the place we are in but as long as I am not alone, it is alright.
I don’t answer but continue walking.
“I get that you don’t wish to talk but where are we walking anyways?” His tone is flat.
“I don’t know.” I state. My palms go over my forearm to warm the skin over it. It must be past seven and the climate is getting really cold. The knee length dress which I am wearing isn’t helping at all as my legs are completely bare. Everyone around me is dressed in too short clothes and I wonder how they can even sustain in it. My hideous heels are killing me and momentarily I think of just removing them off and walk.
“I.. I can see a restaurant, I guess. Do you want to go there? It’ll be warm inside.” Liam mutters. I guess he saw my discomfort. “Do you… um, would you want my shirt? I..”
“You don’t have to pretend to be nice. I know you well enough to say that you are anything but that.” I snap. Warmth fills the insides of me when he offers his shirt. A part of me is just too numb to react but I know well enough that the guy who was shouting at me for no reason just a while back can’t offer his shirt.
“I’m not pretending, Tiara! You know what? You… you… Just let it go.” He snaps back, increasing his voice but softening almost immediately.
“I what?”
“Nothing.” He tells me and I know he is lying. I know this conversation isn’t going to lead me anywhere so I just end it there. I want to know what he wanted to say but I know even begging him won’t get anything out of him. I partially feel bad for snapping at him but right now I’m too pissed to feel bad for him and the weather is having no mercy on me.
“I really think we should go inside.” He mutters but this time, he doesn’t ask me. Instead, he takes a turn and climbs the stairs without waiting for me or even turning around. Annoyed, I walk behind him like a child. I open the door of the restaurant, which is more like a café, and get inside.
My nostrils are immediately filled with the strong smell of coffee around me as I enter inside. The interior of this café is really beautiful with small lights attached to the ceiling giving a dreamlike sequence to it. Wooden tables and chairs fill the room. Small yellow lights illuminate the café and even though it is a miniature, it’s decorated pretty well.
Liam stands near the counter and I stand awkwardly behind him. He senses me and moves a little to give me some space to stand next to him.
A lady in her early forties stands behind the desk and gives us both a bright smile. I try to return one since Liam doesn’t even bother to look at her.
“Hello, may I help you?” She chirps.
“I’ll have an Espresso without sugar and I’ll have it short.” His tone is monotonous and he looks over the small café uncomfortably. He slips his hand on his pocket again and removes his phone out.
“And for you, miss?” The lady turns to me.
“I thought we were here to eat.” I tell him.
“We are, you can have whatever you please.” He answers me without even looking at me.
“I guess,” I turn to the smiling lady, “I’ll have chicken pasta, full fat. You have to add white sauce and yes, no olives.” It’s been a while since I had a proper dinner and I’m not leaving any option now. She nods her head and goes inside through the door. We walk toward one empty table and I look around myself. This place isn’t filled with those party goers or any ladies in skanky clothes but it is surprisingly filled with travelers like us. As I pass by the walls, I have a look at some photo frames hung on them. Beatles, vintage cars and a few magazine cut outs pack the wall. Soft English music plays in the background and I immediately love this place.
“I thought you were in the glamour industry.” Liam speaks behind me as we take a seat in one of the corners.
“I work for a magazine which turns out to be related to fashion so partly, yes. Why?”
“It’s the first time I saw someone asking for full fat. Surprising enough.” He says and I can see him suppress his smile.
“I can’t diet just to fit in, you know.” I tell him and sit down. My eyes fall on the star stickers which fill the roof and it’s so beautiful that I can’t look away. I want to ask him who he knows from this industry but I bit my tongue.
The lady delivers us our ordered items and I forget what civilization is as I indulge myself in the pasta.
Liam drinks his coffee sip by sip as he reads something on his phone. After some time, he sits it back on the table and stares at me as I continue eating my pasta. I try to look away but it gets awkward since he doesn’t look away.
“Stop staring.” I warn him. He snorts and sits his coffee on the table, too. He leans in and touches his finger to the corner of my mouth. I immediately freeze as I look between him and his finger. He swipes it across my mouth and it’s then I realize I had something over it.
“I wasn’t staring at you but this.” I take the tissue and clean my mouth vigorously. He laughs and picks his coffee again.
“Don’t laugh at me.”
“Sure.” He laughs again.
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A.N: Hello everyone, I have a few things to tell you guys. Recently, most of you would have got a string of notifications about my update and there was no new update and I'm aware of that. I'm sorry to say but there had been a terrible blunder by Wattpad and some of my chapters were deleted automatically. Hence, I had to republish them and that's how you all got the notification. I'm terribly sorry for that and making you all wait this long for another update since I was trying to fix my Wattpad up all these days. It would be great if you could go back and vote/comment for the chapters again but if not, then that's fine, too. I am terribly sorry and thank you to everyone who supported me till here. I'm really lucky to have you guys.
Also, I would love to hear from y'all about the story so far. So if you aren't/are happy with anything, you can just tell me by messaging me or commenting or anything.
Thank you again!
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