4/4: The reason behind the title 'Remedial Heart'
Note: This is fiction, don't take it seriously.
Are you ready?
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Dawn, Lea received an email from Thomas' Tita Helen that there is already an available heart organ and that they are already at the documentary phase to secure clearance to transport.
Lea is very happy; the joy she feels made her cry.
They are now close to the end of the tunnel. She can already see the light.
"Hey? Babes? Are you okay?" Aga wakes up, worried seeing Lea cry
"I am" she wipes her tears and tries to smile "Yes, I am"
"Hey, come here!"
"Babes" she sobs as Aga wraps his arms around her
"You will be fine. C'mon! Stop crying. It's still four in the morning" he says, holding her "What's wrong?"
She half-laughs "Alam mo, ang Daddy mo talaga!"
"Ha?" he asks, puzzled
"Babes!" she suddenly shifts her mood, gleeful with few tears in her eyes "We already have a donor!" she says smiling wide
"Really?" he hugs Lea fiercely "Oh, god! thank goodness!!!"
"Yes! And I need to go home. I need to transact it personally. Nakakahiya na sa Tita ni Thomas"
"Thank you, Babes. Ang swerte ko lang talaga right from the start"
"Asus!" she wrinkles her nose "Wala lang talaga akong choice"
"Thank you" Aga tells her, sincerely
"Welcome, Babes. As I've said, I will do everything for you because I love you. So please... be well after this. You need to be strong –"
"–I promise I will be, Doc"
"Kasi..." she pinches his nose "mag-aalaga ka pa ng mga bata"
"I know, I know" he rolls his eyes
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The next day, Lea takes the earliest flight to go back home.
She dials Scarlett's number while driving "Hey? Lunch tayo!"
"Oh? Pinas ka na?"
"Yep! May donor na kami!"
She can hear Scarlett's excitement "Wow! Iba talaga kapag 'ex' kasi. Bumabawi!"
"Shut up, dear! Hindi ganyan. Blessed lang talaga"
"Psh. By the way, may case ako so pass ako for lunch"
"Ay, sayang! Okay, mahirap din naman i-cancel no?"
"What are you saying? Doctor ka ba?"
"Hindi na ngayon. Sorry, I enjoy being a plain housewife already"
"Ahhh talaga, Lea? Sabihin mo yan sa Board of Medicine! I. DARE. YOU!"
"O, talaga. I prefer being called Babes than Doc"
"Okay! Naka score ka yata? Ilang rounds ba?"
"Ano ba, Scarlett Pelobello?" she laughs at Scar's wicked mouth "Bawal nga diba?"
"Bakit? Nasa Harrington ba na bawal?"
"Doctor ka ba? Alam mo na ang sagot!"
She dials Justin and Trisha phone numbers too, but they seemed to be very busy at the moment. It's ten in the morning and probably they're on rounds.
Instead, she dials Thomas'
"Hi!"
"Lei?"
"Lunch tayo! Isama mo si Doc Helen"
"Hindi pa kami tapos dito sa office ni Tita, kino-complete pa namin ang charting"
"O? What are you doing there?"
"Helping you"
"With?"
"With these bunch of papers. Bakit ganoon? Why do you still need to prove yourself and your worth even if you will only give your heart to a person?"
"Okay... Thomas, okay. I'm happily married"
She can hear him laughing "By the way, can we just have dinner instead?"
"Okay, sige... at your most available time"
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Lea follows the line of cars into the school's parking lot. She grabs her phone and dials the twins' yaya. She tells the yaya to wait for her without informing the twins that she will pick them up at school –she wants to surprise them.
She can see Sam and Eli playing in the school's playground. As always, Sam immediately recognizes her presence. Funny, she thinks, Sam can see or smell her even meters apart.
"Mommy!" he yells for Lea, sprinting to her
"Hi! Babe! Surprise!!!"
"Mommy!" Eli follows
"I miss you, Mommy" Sam hugs her
"I miss you too, Babe" she carries Sam in her arms
Eli is holding Lea's free hand as they head towards their car "Mommy, can we eat together, please? Are you going to work today?"
Lea smiles deep "Nope, Mommy has no work today. Today is Mommy and Eli and Sam's day"
"Yay!" the twins squeal with delight
"What do you want to eat?"
"I want to eat your yummy food" Eli says
"You want me to cook for you?"
"Yes" she answers, brightly
Lea is cooking chicken curry for lunch, as per request. Aga is talking to her via Facetime while she cooks.
"I will be going to have dinner with Thomas" she looks at Aga to see his reaction, she gets none. Aga's clearly at peace even if Thomas is around "and his Tita"
"Oh, good. Please tell them my sincere 'thank you'"
"Will do"
"And, earlier..." she pauses as she adds a little salt
"–and... what? What about earlier?"
Lea smiles "Forget it"
Aga frowns "Ano ba yan! Say it!"
"Wala nga... forget it"
"May something eh"
"Basta!"
"Tell me nga! Lea ha!"
Lea laughs "Wala nga"
Eli cuts their conversation; she asks for Lea's phone. The 'kamahalan' wants to talk to her Daddy.
Lea finishes cooking, then eat lunch as Sam talks about how he so much like their school, their big playground and their mini zoo field trip. Lea never hears Sam talking about something else other than boasting his favorite dinosaurs during family meal time.
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"Lea" Thomas stands and kisses her cheek
"Hello, Doc!" she offers a handshake but instead Doc Helen kisses her cheek. Lea was surprised.
Lea waited for them in her favorite Japanese restaurant near Doc Helen's clinic.
"How are you?" Doc Helen asks
"I'm good, I'm at peace now. Thank you, Doc. Thank you so much! I don't know how I can repay you"
Doc Helen smiles wide "Your welcome, Hija. Thomas texts me every day for an update"
"Tita... dagdag-bawas" Thomas rolls his eyes
"Oo, totoo naman"
The two women dissolves into another fit of giggles. Unknowingly, they are about to finish the set meal served. Thomas choose to stay quiet, he thinks; he must have been in the wrong group. He can't even relate to what his Tita Helen and Lea talked about. He was amazed, how his Tita Helen have already shared half of her life experiences to Lea.
"I blame everything to Thomas. How can he afford to let you go? Gusto ko siyang liguan ng nagyeyelong tubig"
"Doc, past is past. Ang tagal na po ng issue na 'yan" Lea defends
Thomas rolls his eyes. The spotlight is on him again. He glares at his Tita Helen across the table.
"Maybe... there's a big reason why we didn't end up with each other. Maybe, we're not meant to be" she reasons out
"Both of you should've but he lost along the way. Kaya sayang..." Doc Helen shrugs and sighs "ang sayang talaga"
"It's not sayang naman, Doc. Siguro meron talagang reason why. And I think, we're better off... as friends"
"Yep! And that's the end of this conversation" Thomas says, halting his Aunt before she can give her opinion
Lea is smothering her laughter
"And Tita, I think you have too much alcohol already. So... let's go home. Magpapahinga na si Lea, okay?"
"Don't say 'magpapahinga' it's for the dead!" his Tita says
"Whatever!" he scoffs
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Thomas settles her Aunt in her car and tells her driver to go home immediately.
"Bye, Doc! Thank you for everything again!" Lea bids goodbye
"We should talk often. You talk very smart, Lea!" Doc Helen waves and closes the car door. She's obviously half drunk, half conscious.
"I'm sorry. I think she's drunk with just two glasses of wine" Thomas tells Lea
"She took red, that's why"
Thomas follows Lea's lead as she walks towards her car.
"Drive safely, Tom" she says "Good night and... thank you so much" she gives him a hug "Bawing-bawi ka na... sobra pa!" she teases
He closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath "Thank you, Lea. You don't know how you eased the burden and guilt I've been carrying for years in my heart"
Seriously, she says "I told you; napatawad na kita! Period. Mag move-on ka na nga! You know that we have highs and lows in our lives. We do mistakes and that's perfectly normal. And from that mistakes, we learn. I know that you have a wonderful soul"
He's totally speechless. He's teary. He misses this kind of conversations with Lea. Aga is so lucky to have her.
"Are you crying?" she asks
Thomas sniffs "Nope"
"Yes, you are. I can tell" she giggles
He opens the car door for her and she climbs in "Call me immediately if there's problem with the papers" he tells her
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"You have a wonderful soul" Thomas' smile deepens as he drives listening to his favorite music band.
Suddenly, it was all hazy. The scene becomes chaotic and he can see the smoke coming from the trailer truck.
He steps hard at the car's brake. He stops for a while. There's a road accident, he can see it.
Then...
Lea.
Thomas has an instant sensation of sheer terror. Adrenaline courses through his body at a pace that makes his heart skip beats.
Lea.
Her name runs through his mind and all of his senses. His heart versus his mind. He wants to think that her car is not involved and she is not there; he wants to think that this is just a dream... that he is just sleepy after a long day at his Tita Helen's office. Of all people in the world, why he was there to witness everything... to witness the possible end?
He hurriedly goes out of his car.
He is shaking that he can't even unlock his phone –his fingerprint is unrecognizable. Damn it, why at this time?
He searches for Lea's car only to find out it's already around 20 feet away from the accident scene, severely damaged.
"Lea!" he shouts and knocks loud at the car's window "Lea!"
Lea's wearing her seat belt. What he sees will surely haunt him in the days and weeks or even years after. Her face is already pale covered with blood from the observed open laceration in her forehead. Usually he receives patients from a vehicular accident with severely to non-recognizable face or body but now is different; It's the first time after many years that he was able to feel real fear –totally scared of what he just witnessed.
When Thomas was able to unlock his phone, he quickly dials 911.
"This is Doctor Thomas Tenasco, St. Paul Medical Center Emergency Room. Emergency at 14th avenue extension near the trade center! Car collision around 10 to 15 minutes ago, trailer truck vs SUV, unknown number of people injured or involved but one is seen critical!" he did not wait for the respondent to answer or to make a statement, he hangs the phone immediately.
Thomas dials St. Paul's Emergency Room service phone "Hello? Who's this?" he asks, frantic
"Evan. Yes, Doc?"
"Evan. Listen to me, I need an ambulance! Any ambulance! If the air ambulance is available, I need it as soon as possible –5 minutes! Doc Lea is in critical condition right now 14th ave extension near the trade center" he shouts and hangs the phone
Right then, he unlocks the car door through the broken glass window.
Thomas checks her pulse. Twice.
No pulse
No breathing
He immediately but carefully takes her out of the car and lays her down to the safest place possible for resuscitation.
"Lea wake up! Can you hear me?" he leans closer, his eyes close to tears "Lea, please don't do this to me. Please, Lea. Wake up!"
He starts the resuscitation process. Their lips finally locked but this time he's giving her breathe rescue. This is the hardest point of his profession –resuscitating the person you dearly love and care.
The rescuers find them and assist Thomas without interrupting the resuscitation. Then, Lea's vitals were back after three successful delivered shocks of the AED but assessing her condition, she is still in critical.
While on their way to the hospital, Thomas is holding Lea's hand. He silently prayed.
"Lea, please. I am begging you. Not today, please. Don't do this to me, don't leave us. Please, wake up and I promise I will forgive myself too as what you have told me... as what you want me to do. I promise, I will move on and fix myself. Please, wake up. Please do it for Aga, Sam and Eli. Please, Lea"
---------
The medical emergency team is already waiting for the 911 ambulance.
"Oh my goodness, Lea" Doc Cathy gasps when she sees Lea unresponsive in a stretcher, covered with blood
While doing the simultaneous endorsement, wound dressing and oxygen tube attachment, there was a seizure episode. Lea's vitals drop down quickly.
"Shit! Lea, please! Hold on!" Doc Thomas immediately grabs a face mask and gloves "Call for code blue. Prepare for intubation"
The ET set is already ready that instant, Thomas assembles it the fastest way he can. When he was about to insert the tube, he suddenly stops.
"Thomas bilisan mo! Mababa na ang O-2 sat niya!" Doc Cathy yells but it seems that Thomas is not responding to her command in loud voice
"Doc!" the Nurse warns him
Thomas deeply breathes "I cannot do it" he finally say
"What?" Doc Cathy is upset by his response "Gago! So, ititigil ko na rin 'tong infusion?"
"I cannot do it, Cath. Sorry. I.R. mo na lang ako"
"Putangina, Thomas! Mas gusto mo pa ma-I.R. eh kung mamatay si Lea?"
Doc Alex comes in and quickly grabs the ET "Lumabas ka dito, Thomas!"
Thomas loses every courage in his soul. What he just did may be grounds for his license revocation. Call him coward or unprofessional but Lea weakens him. Seriously.
This is impossible, this is not happening. They've just talked minutes ago then this happened... Why?
Thomas was all shocked. He finds himself standing at the door that separates the red zone and sterile area for minutes. Afraid and tensed.
He feels like floating. He sees the ER staffs pushing the crash cart, monitoring machines, mechanical ventilator and the portable CT machine. He wants to help but he can't move –he can't function.
"Thomas! What is happening?" frantic Scarlett welcomes him outside the sterile area
Deep inside, he is trying to calm down absorbing every scenario that he had witnessed. Tonight is a nightmare, that is all in his mind.
Murmurs. He can only hear murmurs.
"Thomas!" Scarlett strong grasps wakes him back to reality "What happened to Lea? Answer me!"
He grabs her and hugs Scarlett tight, there he found a release. He is now crying.
"Hindi ko siya kayang mawala"
Scarlett pauses. She can feel the fear in Thomas' voice. She closes her eyes for a moment, trying to get it all straight in her head.
Tears well up in her eyes, she turns to run towards the auto-glass door of the red zone area of the Emergency Room not minding the sterility of the area, the off-limits label and Nurses inside there.
The Doctors and Nurses are preparing Lea to be transferred to the Intensive Care Unit when Scarlett entered the room. They give her the earnest look as they step aside and allow her to get closer to Lea's bed. They know how hard it will be for Doc Scarlett, they all know what Doc Lea is to Doc Scarlett's life.
Scarlett's heart is swelling in so much hurt. Critical patients never frighten her, but now, staring at Lea and her wretched body... she can't help thinking about how Lea will survive this, how Lea will make it tonight.
Scarlett holds Lea's hand and instantly, she breaks down into tears. She squeezes it hard trying to send signals to Lea's sensations "Wake up, Carmela. Please?" she pleads, crying "Don't leave me, maawa ka sa akin. Please?"
She completely loses herself. She kneels down and cry in misery.
Then a large, warm hands comfort her, but these hands on her shoulder feels like slaps that brings her back to a reality she is trying to escape "I have the results, we need to transfer her immediately, Doc"
She sniffs, harshly wipes her tears and takes a big breath. When she looks up, it's the hospital's in-house chief Neurologist "Follow me, we need to discuss the results"
Two EM Specialists, a Neurosurgeon and an IM Specialist who will attend to Lea's condition were already in the separate room in the red zone area.
"Start case presentation" the chief Neurologist orders
Doc Cathy steps forwards holding a "47-year old female patient received unconscious from a vehicular accident estimated one hour before arriving in the Emergency Room. Pre-CPR given prior to arrival. Bleeding due to laceration was managed immediately. Seizure noted around 20 minutes after receiving, Midazolam given and ET attached to sustain oxygen supply. Weak pulse, BP palpable but is manageable, O-2 sat manageable. GCS 3"
The Neurosurgeon turns on the projector through the remote control, a CT scan images flashed on the screen "GCS 3; CT results abnormal mesencephalic cisterns, subarachnoid hemorrhage presenting severe traumatic brain injury. Surgical intervention is only for cranial blood drainage" the Neurosurgeon pauses and looks at them "...and open skull surgery is not recommended"
"What?" Lea's Doctors ask in chorus, shocked
"Wait!" Scarlett stands "By looking at the case status, clearly, open skull surgery will only save her"
"As I was saying earlier, there was a subarachnoid hemorrhage. Drainage is already indicated for the hemorrhage in the cranial area. Doc Scarlett, as an Orthopedic Surgeon, you know that all sub-part in the human body is impossible to reach and to treat, it is very prone to re-bleeding peri and post-Surgery and you also know that most number of death post-surgery are caused by these unfortunate events. And unfortunately, some unprofessional Surgeons are all aware by this body mechanism but still have the guts to recommend Surgery because of the guaranteed professional fee"
"Are you giving up? Sinusukuan mo na ba ang pasyente mo? Magkano ka ba, Doc? Magbabayad kami kahit bilyon pa 'yan! Save Lea, that is all" Scarlett says, raging
"Doc Scarlett, I understand how you feel at this moment. Papalagpasin ko ang sinabi mo pero hindi na... hindi na kaya. Alam mo 'yan! Kitang-kita naman sa CT scan result. Kahit pa i-refer ko siya sa ibang Neuro, hindi na kaya. It's too late"
Scarlett's throat tightens. Doc Cathy wraps her arms around Doc Scarlett while Doc Alex pats her hands.
Her lips trembles, her tears fall "How long will she live?"
"Clinically, she is already dead –brain dead" the Doctor handed Scarlett the result of the Apnea test.
Scarlett crumples the paper as she holds it. She kneels and cries hard. She can't handle the truth; she also wants to die at that moment. How will she move on? How will she grieve? What will be her life without Lea around?
The venom of reality is poisoning her, making it hard to breath.
"We are very sorry to inform you this way, we feel for your loss, Doc Scarlett. We know what you and Doc Lea have, what you went through. We know how you love each other; as she always says... you are her dream sister. This is a very sad news to everybody in the hospital. We lose someone who is so excellent in her field, we lose a foundation. Medically, her brain is dead and the only thing that keeps her heart beating is the mechanical ventilator. She can no longer feel any senses. We suggest that you should immediately inform her family"
Lea's life just ended. Abruptly. Which is why it hurts so badly. There were no notifications, no closures, no goodbyes. This is the craziest thing happened in Scarlett's life and to Lea's family.
How will she look at life through a whole new lens now that Lea's gone?
Part of her wants to think that this was all just a nightmare and she is so desperately wanted to wake up. She wants to hear the words, "wake up! This is just a dream!"
But impossibly and horribly, it wasn't.
How can she simply say goodbye to the greatest friend she ever has? The friend she considers as sister – as family.
Scarlett's breaking down because she knows that Lea will never go back to life, that she will no longer hear Lea's sermon, encouragements and life lessons or see her frown and her sweet smile.
And, regrets... She must've cancelled that operation to make time for Lea and lunch out with her.
Scarlett is dialing Miguel's number through Facetime
"Hello, yes sweet Scarlett" he answers on the other line
Scarlett is too emotional to respond, her tears are uncontrollably falling
"Hey? Are you crying? What's wrong?"
"You – you need to go home immediately"
There's silence for a moment.
"Tell me what is happening?"
Scarlett sniffs "Lea"
"Anong nangyari kay Achi?"
"Miguel, you and your family needs to go home immediately. Please be cautious about your mother's condition, you can tell her everything once you already landed here in the Philippines"
"Scar, anong nangyari kay Achi?"
"Miguel –" she cries
"No" then there's a heavy sob and gasping, Scarlett covers her hand as she cries "Please tell me na okay lang si Achi"
"I am sorry, Miguel –"
The phone went dead. Scarlett understands how hard acceptance is at the moment.
When Lea is already settled in the ICU, the news spread like a virus throughout the entire Medical world in a span of 8 hours. For a patient like Lea, she is admitted in a private suite inside the ICU complex that only immediate relatives, her Doctors and bed-side Nurses can only access.
The diagnosis written in the chart is traumatic subarachnoid hemorrhage secondary to vehicular accident. But, the truth about Lea's condition is only disclosed within her Doctors, Doc Anton, Scarlett and Lea's brothers.
The news reaches Lea and Aga's family except Lea's Mom, Aga's Ama and Aga himself.
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Aga's family arrives at a plan not to inform him until his recovery, it was actually Doc Anton's idea because he knows the truth; Lea's death will also be Aga's death, that's for sure. He disallows every communication Aga has with anyone even to his children.
Even at the midst of grieving, Doc Anton needs to pretend he's okay and at ease in front of him "Aga, may sasabihin ako sa'yo"
"Yes, Tito?"
"Tumawag ba sa 'yo si Lea?"
"'Yun na nga Tito eh, hindi niya sinasagot ang mga tawag ko at texts. Nababahala na nga ako"
"Okay. Huwag kang mabigla ha?"
"May nangyari ba?"
"Actually, confidential ito pero ikaw yung Husband kaya karapatan mong malaman 'to; Papunta na sana si Lea dito sa Singapore, mid-take off may nag-seizure kaya bumalik sa NAIA ang eroplano para mag-emergency landing. Siyempre rescue 'yung asawa mo, alam mo naman kapag tawag ng propesyon, diba? To make the story short, positive sa MERS-CoV symptoms ang ni-rescue niya kaya nasa isang quarantine facility siya for 3-4 weeks or hanggang dumating na ang results ng blood tests niya na pinasa pa sa CDC. Kasama niya yung dalawa pang rescue. Pero 'yong ibang pasahero naka monitored isolation lang naman, ang may direct contact lang ang naka strictly isolated"
"Okay lang ba si Lea? Ano na ang condition niya ngayon? Paano si Sam at Eli?" he asks worried
"Sabi ni Scarlett, okay lang si Lea. Protocol talaga 'yun ng WHO at CDC na naka isolate sila lahat hanggang may results na ang blood tests at iba pang tests para ma clear sila at ayaw din ni Lea na lumapit muna sa mga bata, isang buwan nga gusto niya"
Aga scratches his forehead "'Yan na yung sinasabi ko sa kanya dati pa, Tito eh. Sabi ko, piliin niya 'yong pasyente niya"
"Ha!" Doc Anton scoffs "Kilala mo naman ang asawa mo diba?"
"Mga two months ago, hindi rin siya umuwi ng isang linggo dahil may Chickenpox yung isa niyang pasyente, ayaw niyang lumapit muna sa mga bata"
"By the way, dadating na ang pinakaaantay mong puso" Doc Anton tried to smile wide "Pasalamat ka kay Lea, ang hands-on niya sa 'yo!"
"Oo nga, 'yan ang huling text niya sa akin. Kung puwede nga lang umuwi na ako agad pagkatapos. Kawawa naman ang mga bata"
"Huwag ka ng mag-alala sa kanila, madaming nag-aalaga at nakatutok sa mga bata. Ang isipin mo fast recovery, 'yon para umuwi na tayo"
"Kailangan ko po ba talaga lumipat sa reverse isolation room?"
"Mas mabuti ng naka reverse isolation ka para iwas external infection at para mas madaling gumaling ang sugat mo. Open heart kaya yung procedure. At para iwas stress, madalas nakikita kitang nagta-trabaho kahit naka-hospital ka na... andami mong chat-mate at call-mate kaya tatanggalin 'yan"
Aga sighs but he smiles, he can't do anything but to follow. If Lea is there, he knows she will give him stricter rules.
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Knowing the truth is the most hurting part. How will they sink it in –that they've lost their only sister? Scarlett tells them the truth about Lea's condition, that she is clinically dead and there's no other way that her consciousness would return and her life is now machine-dependent.
Her brothers try to keep their tears but their heart would burst if they will still hold it on. It was the longest airplane ride they ever have.
Lea's family arrives in the Philippines; they booked the earliest available flight.
"Susunduin ba natin si Lea?" Lea's Mom asks her eldest brother
They went immediately at the hospital –no time for sleep or even rest. They settled their Mum, who is already old, into a comfortable seat. The eldest brother finally speaks "Mommy" he looks at his Mum "Si Lea, nasa ICU... critical, naka-coma state"
Lea's Mum starts to cry "No way... this can't be happening"
He hugs her to calm down
"Miguel, gusto kong makausap si Scarlett"
Scarlett enters the Watchers Room; Lea's Mom looks totally bewildered, and she couldn't even begin to explain things.
"Tita" Scarlett swallows hard
"Is it true?" Lea's Mom weeps
Scarlett looks at Lea's brothers; they nod to confirm that they already informed their mother
And, Scarlett takes one look at Lea's Mom and embraces her tight "Tita" she sobs "I'm sorry, Tita"
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Lea's eldest brother gently opens the glass door of Lea's room, and they see Lea peacefully lying on the hospital bed with the tube attachments in her body.
Lea's Mom slowly walks towards the bed, she gently holds Lea's hand and kisses it. She is outwardly calm but they all know how her heart is so ripped at the moment. Their hearts sink for her because she has that extreme sadness look in her eyes.
She closes her eyes "Lea" her Mom kissing and rubbing Lea's hand "Wake up na, anak. Andito na si Mommy"
Tears spring to their eyes almost immediately as they see their Mom pleading to their senseless sister.
"Anak, please" her Mom begs "Gumising ka na. Andito na si Mommy. Huwag mo naman gawin 'to sa akin"
"Mommy, tama na" Jeff their eldest brother says "Tama na, Mommy"
"Hindi, Jeffrey. Ang sabi ni Lea sa akin, uuwi pa siya ng London"
"Mommy, wala na si Lea. Please, Mom"
"No!" her Mom looks at his brother Jeff, straight to the eyes "She told me... she told me she will go home!"
"Ma, please" Lea's brothers try to calm their Mom
"Mommy, hindi na uuwi si Achi. Wala na si Achi. Let's give her a peaceful rest" Miguel finally says
Her Mom slaps him hard "How dare you say that to your sister? Ate mo siya, Miguel! Ate mo siya!"
"Mommy" Miguel cries "Mommy, alam mo masakit din ito para sa amin. Sobrang sakit, Mom... sobra, sobra! But... will you let her stay that way? Kaya mo bang nakikita si Achi na lantang-gulay? Let's give her peace and a decent place to rest, kahit 'yon lang, Mommy – kahit 'yon lang. In that way, we can repay her sacrifices, her kindness and generosity"
"No! Lea is not dead!" their Mom says firmly "She will live no matter how much it cost! I see no good reason to give up my daughter's life"
Their Mom never left Lea's bedside. She was praying the novena for two days with only water intake, and the food they've prepared was left untouched in the table.
Worried, Lea's brothers were patiently waiting for their Mom, observing her through the glass panels, until she decides to let Lea rest in peace.
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"Good morning, Ma'am" a woman wearing a red polo shirt with a red cross logo enters Lea's room
Her Mom responds with a timid smile; her eyes are clearly tired.
"I am Danielle Martinez, a representative from Philippine Red Cross" she hands her a white folder with LEA CARMELA SY SARMIENTO printed in bold letters "this is hard for me to do but this may help in your decision"
Lea's Mom reads the content. PLEDGE OF ORGAN DONATION, it says
"Doc Lea is an active member of the Philippine Red Cross, she is even one of our Rescue Team trainers" the representative's tears began to fall "She is very dear to us, we respect her and look up to her. We consider her as family and this is a very sad news to us"
Her Mom burst into tears. Her Mom knows that it was the sign she was praying for... it was the 'good reason' she was searching for.
"Ma'am, please don't misinterpret this, but – "
"Yes... yes, I know"
Lea's Mom looks at the glass wall, there she finds Lea's brothers patiently waiting for her decision.
It was time.
Time to let her go and move on.
"Miguel, call Aga's close relatives and Lea's close friends. We will have a mass today by 1PM"
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Three in the afternoon. Anytime soon, Lea will be wheeled to the operating room.
"Rest now, Lea" her Mom kisses her forehead "You fought the good fight, I am very proud of you! You are more successful than I am... as a professional, as a friend, as a daughter, as a wife, as a mother and as a person" She says through her tears, her shoulders trembles "Anak, I will miss you. Send my regards to your Daddy. I know you will be Sam and Eli's guardian angel. They will be okay; they will grow up to the way you want them to grow. Don't worry about them... we will be all here for Sam and Eli... and Aga" she continues to sob silently "Lea... I'm sorry that this had happened to you. Rest now" she kisses Lea's forehead once more "I love you very much. Mommy loves you very, very much"
Her brothers bid their final goodbyes.
It was painful.
It was upsetting.
It was heartbreaking.
---------
Scarlett is inside the operating room, she is in-charge of the transfer and transport of Lea's heart until it arrives in Singapore. She knows that what she is doing is a torture but this is all for her love to her sister-from-another-mother. Scarlett knows this is what Lea wants... right from the start –to be Aga's remedial heart.
After receiving the quarantine and other documentary clearance, Lea's heart was directly transferred to SNUH for cross matching. After almost three hours, the results came out and it cross-matched Aga's. Then, Aga's Doctor orders for pre-op clearance so the heart transplant can push through.
-------
It's the third day of Lea's burial and the twins are still in their rest house in Tagaytay still clueless of what is happening. Scarlett, who just flew back from Singapore, accepts the challenge... though it is hurtful, they need to know the truth.
Scarlett rests her hand to Sam's shoulder "Do you know why I am here?" she asks
"To bring food?"
"Do you want to go home now?"
"This is our house too, Mama" Eli answers and sits beside her sipping her yogurt drink
Scarlett struggles to fight back tears when she sees Eli's eyes, a shooting pain hits her heart. This will be hard for them "Do you want to see your Mommy?"
"Yes! Yes!"
She can hear the tone of excitement from them and it is painful
"Why do you want to see your Mommy?"
Eli looks at her with a very obvious answer "Because... because she's Mommy! S-she did not call last night and the other night and the other, other, other night. I need to ask why... is she sick again?"
"Uhm..." Sam holds Scarlett's face to catch her attention "I catch a beautiful butterfly, I –I want to give it to Mommy. I plant a flower; I want to show it to her"
Scarlett tears fall. It is so hard. Where will she begin?
"Why are you crying again, Mama? Why are you always crying?" Eli asks her, wiping Scarlett's tears
"I am so hurt today. My heart is breaking... I don't know what to do anymore"
Sam pats his little hand to Scarlett's back, comforting her "Mommy says if you're hurt, you just close your eyes and think about things that will make you happy. Like... watching Peppa or swimming or toys!"
"What was the last thing you're Mommy tells you before she leaves?"
"Uhmm... she tells me to be a good girl and not to hurt Sam"
"You know your Mommy Lea loves you very much, right?"
"Uh-huh"
"And now... wherever you will go, you always remember how loving and kind your Mommy Lea is" tears are flooding in Scarlett's eyes. She admits, she's too weak for this.
Four little arms wrap around her, comforting her as she sobs hard, again. But, she needs to be strong. Sam and Eli need her.
She breathes deep "Listen up" she says softly "Mommy Lea is now your guardian angel, she's already in heaven"
There is a sheer misery painted in the twins faces. Guilt starts to flood in Scarlett's chest.
Eli buries her face against Scarlett's shoulder, Eli's starts to cry – unknown of how and what to feel. Sam freezes, he is still silent.
"It's okay to cry... it's okay to feel sad. Mama is here for you; we are all here for you"
Sam stands up and runs away.
Their yayas were quick to stop him but he was too aggressive to let him go.
"Let him go" Scarlett says and handed Eli to them.
Sam runs far close to the gates
"Sam!" she catches his hand
"No! Let me go!"
"Sam" she embraces him tight
"No! Let me go! Let me go! I want my Mommy!"
"Sam"
"Mommy!" he shouts "Mommy! I will go to Mommy!"
"Mommy's in heaven now, Sam"
"I want to go to Mommy!" he bawls "Mommy!"
"Shhh..."
"Why?" he cries
"I don't know, Sam. I'm also hurt. Just like you"
"Mommy doesn't love me anymore"
"No, that is not true. Mommy Lea loves you more than anyone else"
"Why is she in heaven now? Why did she go there?"
"Because... she's an angel now. She will be your guardian angel now"
"Where is my Daddy? I want my Daddy"
"Daddy is still in the hospital. But, he will go home soon"
"That's what Mommy said, but she never did!"
"Mommy Lea loves you and Eli. She loves you very much that's why she's your angel now. You can still talk to her and tell her everything. Just close your eyes and tell her"
Sam calms down, she lets him absorb and think of what just happened.
-------
Twenty-four hours past the expected eight hour-awakening time, Aga is still unconscious but his vitals are stable. He has been receiving immunosuppressant medicines to avoid transplanted organ rejection. His Tito Anton and his Tita Mandy were there, full of hope for Aga to recover with few to no complications after the major surgery.
"Anton, paano natin sasabihin sa kanya?" her tears fall
"At the right time... let's wait for the right time"
"Hindi ko kaya"
"Shhh... kayanin mo, dapat tayo ang hindi sumuko ngayon. Magtulungan tayo, Mandy. Hindi ko 'to kaya mag-isa. Ang sakit isipin sa kung ano ang nangyari kay Lea. I lose her at the worst reason, ang tagal ko siyang pinaglaban. Ang tagal kong hinintay ang katulad ni Lea na dumating sa hospital. She was extraordinary. Sa buong professional career ko, walang katulad si Lea. There was something so special about her, maybe because she was so knowledgeable about everything inside and out of the hospital. When I fully have her, that's when I lose her. What a misfortune! Gusto ko na sanang mag-retire at ibigay sa kaya ang leadership pero anong nangyari?"
"Lea once told me that working as a Doctor is not her choice and throughout the success of her career she's still looking for the answer and the right reason why... then she knew it was Aga"
"Alam ko gusto ni Aga si Lea sa simula pa lang. I can tell by just looking at his eye. His recovery at that time was so fast and I knew it was because of Lea. It's unethical, professionally speaking, to romantically fall in love with your patient. But he was eager, alam ko gustong gusto ni Aga kaya hindi ko pinigilan. I just want him to be happy"
"And he will not be... happy if he will know the truth"
"The most important thing now is, he will recover. And it's still because of Lea – Lea's heart"
-------
Scarlett is cradling Eli as she prefers to be cradled than to sit in her car seat. She is running her hand over her hair humming a song to let her sleep. She thinks about how will the twins cope up with this kind of tragedy. They are too young for this – too young to struggle.
Professional help is the only way that everyone thinks will help the twins. But, will it cover everything?
This will be a hard transition.
Sam was carried by his Dada Miguel to look at their Mom in the casket. He was bawling again. Opposite to Eli, she was just calm but her eyes were teary.
She kisses her Guama in the cheeks and her other Lolos and Lolas who were present.
Eli's Guama hugs her tight "I miss you, baby"
"I miss you" she says softly
"Are you sad?"
Eli nods 'yes'
"You can cry, it's okay to cry"
"I already cried a lot last night and it will not make Mommy wake up even if I cry"
"But at least it will make you fine if you cry"
"I lost my Mommy... she will not come back. Maybe, I was too bad to her"
"You were not bad. You know what, your Mommy was very happy when she has you. Your Mommy was also bad to me sometimes but I never hate her, I always loved her even if she did it"
"Guama?"
"Yes?"
"Are we an orphan already?"
"No, baby. You still have your Daddy"
"But we have no Mommy now"
"It's not okay but it will be. We will all be here for you" she fixes Eli's hair "You see... all of us here will love you and take care of you"
"Daddy will be very sad. Mommy takes care of him because he is sick. Who will take care of my Daddy now? We are still small to take care of him"
"Don't worry, as I've said... we will all be here for you, for Sam and for your Daddy"
"I am sad but I don't want to be sad forever. Mommy will get sad in heaven if I will be sad"
"This will end, Eli. We will help you"
-------
"I asked myself in countless times, why it has to end this way? Everyone here knows what we have and what we are to each other. Losing her is like losing half of myself. I miss everything about her. I once told her 'Lea, alam kong ako ang ma-uunang mamatay at dapat maganda ang eulogy mo sa akin dahil kung hindi mumultuhin kita' I was very sure of that because she was always this O.C. creature, very careful and very precise in everything. She was never prone to death; she always defies death.
But, this tragedy came and this is driving me crazy. I don't know what to exactly feel. However, in this times of grief, a beautiful and unique love story has just made and I was there to witness. It made me realized that when you truly love someone, destiny will find a way that both of you will be kept together no matter adversaries will come through –even death.
I am now very tired of crying. If she is still here, she will tell me how stupid I am for crying over things that will surely never come back. But, you can't blame me Lea! You mean so much to me, I know you from head to heels. I know all of your secrets – the superficial, the dark and the deepest.
Thank you Lea for being part of my rough-road journey. Thank you for being my third parent and for all the lessons in life and love. I am sometimes a burden to you but you never showed me hatred, you always listened to me and you always support me.
This may be the end but the sweet memories we've shared will last forever.
Cheers, Carmela. Be at peace!"
The crowd applauds as Scarlett ends her eulogy. It is the last day that they will see Lea's physical body.
It was a rainy morning, the weather complementing their emotions. They all wear white; they want everything in white. They all wish for Lea to be at peace wherever she is at the moment.
-------
Two months was too long. Aga can feel the isolation anxiety. The primary period for heart transplant recovery is too strict from his diet, to his activities and his medicines. But, all he thinks that after this is a new life for him with his family.
He misses Lea –her face, her touch, her voice... everything about her. He still wonders why he can't contact her whenever he sneaks his phone to call her. He thinks that may be the staffs at the CDC are too strict to her or maybe she leads the CDC team. Either way, in short time, they will meet again.
He misses Sam and Eli that makes him laugh, cry and smile. He misses their cute faces and their attitudes. He only sees them while they sleep when Scar is with them.
He misses his work and his colleagues.
Aga's Cardiologist enters his room with his Tito Anton, they are wearing a big smile and he hopes that this time, they bring good news.
"Congratulations!" his Doctor offers a handshake
"Thank you! Maraming salamat!" he accepts the handshake with a wide smile
"Your laboratory and physical examinations says you're ready to live normally again!"
They laugh in gratitude "Thank you! Thank you!" he says nonstop
"Your follow-up is after six months, you can go to your previous Cardio, Doc Tan. He's my friend"
"Yes, Doc. I will comply"
"Your recovery was fast because you are compliant and disciplined"
His face was all smiling from corners to corners "My new heart fits me perfectly"
The Doctor nods "It should. It was perfectly chosen"
-----------
Aga can't wait to go home. He packs his clothes neatly. Lea will be proud of him.
"Tita, uuwi tayo mamayang gabi"
His Tita laughs "Bukas na, nagpa book na kami"
"Excited na ako. Pero hindi ko matawagan si Lea"
"Baka busy or low-bat"
"Si Scarlett din eh at si Tita Lauren"
"Aga, i-surprise mo na lang! Ikaw... wala ka talagang ka arte no?"
"Excited lang po talaga ako" he hugs his Tita Mandy tight "Thank you, Tita ha? You were always there for me kahit dati pa"
"Of course! Tita mo ako eh! At mahal na mahal kita kahit anong mangyari, tandaan mo 'yan! Mahal na mahal ka naming lahat, Aga" his Tita Mandy says in tears
She was in tears because she knew that he will be hurt... he will be in pain when he comes home.
-----------
Mga Binibini, Ginang at Ginoo, kalalapag lang po natin sa Ninoy Aquino Internatonal Airport, mangyari lang po na manatiling naka-upo at nakakabit ang inyong seatbelts. Huwag po munang kuning ang mga handcarry luggage hanggang ang ating eroplano ay ganap ng naka hinto. Sa ngalan ng Philippine Airlines kami po ay nagpapasalamat sa inyong pagtangkilik, hangad po naming tayo'y muling magkita.
Ladies and Gentlemen we have just landed at Ninoy Aquino International Airport, the time is twenty-five minutes past the hour of seven in the morning and the temperature is 25 degrees Celsius. For your safety, please remain seated with your seatbelt fasted until the aircraft has fully stopped. In behalf of Philippine Airlines, mabuhay at maraming salamat po!
"Welcome home, Aga" his Tito Anton says "May dadaanan muna tayo bago ka umuwi"
It's strange for Aga that it's too silent while inside the car, enroute to 'may dadaanan muna tayo bago unuwi'. He can sense that there is something going on.
They passed by streets by streets, buildings by building. Manila is still Manila but he misses it a lot.
The road is familiar. He knew they're going straight to Heritage Park where the Sarmiento mausoleum is located.
"Nandito na ba si Lea?" Aga asks
His Tita Mandy looks at him and nods yes
When he gets out of the car, he can see Lea's family is there. He can see that some of his Titas were there, too.
What could be that day? Too bad, he can't recall. Lea will surely get mad if he doesn't know.
"Tita" he whispers "Anong meron? Anniversary ba ng Daddy ni Lea? Or Lola or Lolo?"
"Let's go!" his Tita Mandy answers
"Aga!" his Tita Lauren greets him with arms wide open, she's crying already
Miguel is there and Lea's eldest brother Jeff is also present "Kuya" Aga greets
"You're back! Masaya akong okay ka!"
Aga smiles wide "Salamat, salamat po!"
When he enters the mausoleum, Lea's picture in a gold rustic frame was displayed. Candles were also lit.
He paused.
He's trying to solve the puzzle.
Then he half-smiles and looks at his family "Ano 'to?"
Nobody answers.
"Kuya, ano 'to?"
"Miguel?" he asks, bewildered
"Tito, ano 'to?" he scratches his head, still half smiling "Bakit ganito?"
"Aga" his Tito steps forward
Aga sees his Titas hug each other, crying
"Lea is already dead"
"What?" he frowns "Seryoso? Masamang joke ito" he half-laughs "C'mon! Ang corny na, Tito huwag namang ganitong welcome surprise. Ako dapat ang magsu-surprise sa inyo eh"
His Tito is just looking at him. His hands in his pockets.
Aga knows the answer but he is resistant to it.
"No way!" he says "No way!"
His Tito nods, confirming the truth.
Aga's heart breaks in micro pieces.
He looks at the picture frame again. It's Lea. Undeniably, Lea.
LEA CARMELA SARMIENTO-MORALES, MD he reads in the inscription
He kneels down, he wants to cry hard but he can't –there were only rush of silent tears.
He was touching every letter of her name engraved in the marble stone.
He wants to die at the moment.
"Lea!!!" he forcedly shouts, releasing all the grief in his heart
"Babes, bakit?... bakit mo ako iniwan? Babes" he cries "I thought we'll grow old together, I thought we'll see Sam and Eli grow, I thought... it will always be you and me... together. Babes, why?"
He cries harder "Babes, mababaliw ako!... Babes, paano na tayo? Ang sakit! Ang sakit, sakit! Babes, why? Why did you leave me? Why?"
They were all crying. They can see and feel Aga's despair.
It's too painful, too devastating.
Aga is sitting on the chair, he has been there for long hours – no food intake, he skipped two doses of medication... he was just there, sitting heavily and crying.
His Tito Anton approaches him, he grips his shoulder and gives a pat "Aga, try to eat something. Your Tita Maggy prepared you soft food. You already have skipped doses of your medicines"
Aga fisting his hands at his sides. He stays unresponsive.
"Nobody wants this. Everybody's hurt... not just you –"
"You lied" Aga jerks to look at him and stands "You told me; my wife is okay –my family is okay and that everything is perfectly fine. You are unfair. You are selfish!"
His Tito stares at him for seconds "Selfish? Is that the word I deserve from you after all the sacrifices I've made... I mean we've made? It was a mutual decision in the family. Come to think of it, if we told you that your wife is already dead that would only mean your death, too!"
"How can you lie in front of my face? How did you sleep or eat without notifying me that my wife is dead? Sana nga pinatay niyo na lang ako! Sana nga hinayaan niyo na lang akong mamatay!" Aga harshly runs his hands down his face, trying to dry it up
"Look at you!" his Tito yells, everybody stuns "If we told you that your wife is dead... can you change it? Can you change her fate?" he looks at Aga, straight "No!"
"It is so unfair for me to go home and only to find out that I lost my wife. I wasn't able to tell her everything! Kahit 'yon lang po... di ko man lang siya nakita o nahawakan kahit sa huling pagkakataon. Hindi ko kaya... unti-unti akong namamatay ngayon!" Aga cries "At sana namatay nalang talaga ako, sana hindi nalang ako nagising... sana –"
"Sana ano? Sana hindi ka na lang nabuhay pa?" he cuts him off "How about your children? Naisip mo ba ngayon na may mga anak kang naghihintay sa iyo? Naisip mo ba kung ano ang mararamdaman ni Sam at Eli kung nakikita at naririnig ka nila ngayon? They are so young for this, Aga. They don't deserve this kind of tragedy! They don't deserve this kind of pain! At sa lahat ng tao dito, ikaw dapat ang nakakaintindi sa sitwasyon nila. Sana 'yan ang una mong iniisip ngayon! Kung paano mabuhay at paano magpapakatatag! Alam mo ang pakiramdam kung paano maulila ng isang nanay at tatay! Would you let them feel the same way you felt when you lost your parents? No, right? No!"
His Tito Anton takes a deep breath and continues "Selfish? Kami pa ngayon ang selfish? Do you even know how hard it is to pretend that we're okay and everything's fine? Pretending is the hardest thing to do, Aga! Masakit sa dibdib, magulo sa konsensya!
Hindi lang ikaw ang nawalan, Aga! Lahat kami! Ang pamilya ni Lea, ang pamilya natin, ang pamilya namin sa hospital! Unfair din para sa akin... dapat nandito ako noong panahon na 'yon. Boss niya ako, dapat nahatid ko siya sa huli niyang hantungan. Pero nasaan ako? Nasa tabi mo, inaalalayan ka! Masakit din sa dibdib. I should've have thanked her and told her; she was the one of the best Doctors I've ever worked with. I should've have thanked her for choosing me as her mentor.
Lea was more than my student; she was more than my employee... I treated her as my own daughter! I considered her as one of my achievements and I was ready to pass the leadership of the hospital to her. Because... I trusted her and I know that the hospital will be in good hands. Pero ano? I lost her that instant! The hospital lost one of its foundations... do you know how will it affect everybody? How will we fill in the vacant slot without proper endorsement? How will we cope up when we are still grieving? How can we function as one if there's a missing part of the chain? Now tell me if I am selfish?" His Tito Anton pauses, let out a harsh breath. A tear run down his cheek
"Yes, you can grieve, Aga pero I tell you; wala kang karapatan na maging mahina ngayon dahil sa iyo umaasa ang mga bata. How can you make them strong again if you are weak? The therapy sessions they were into is not enough to fill up the loss. It only be you that can make them recover; your assurance, your strength! You must be brave and strong for them! Kasi... hindi ka na lang nila tatay ngayon... ikaw na rin ang magsisilbing nanay nila! Consider them before you throw emotions! Bata pa sila... 'yan ang alalahanin mo!"
Before his Tito Anton goes out of the mausoleum, he calls their youngest sibling "Lauren, iligpit mo na lahat ng pagkain! Masasayang lang 'yan dito. Uuwi na tayong lahat ngayon!"
His Tita Lauren purses her lips, she thinks twice "Kuya, please –"
"I said, we will go home today! Everyone will leave. If Aga wants to stay, hayaan mo siya!"
"Let us understand him. Mahirap 'to para kanya, Kuya" his Tita Maggy says softly, defending Aga
"This is the Sarmiento's mausoleum, let's respect the place and their other loved ones' memories. We will not camp here as if it's ours. We will go home and that's final!" his Tito Anton is about to walk out of when he stops "And... Aga" he calls his attention again but Aga didn't give a care, he remains silent while staring at Lea's picture.
"Aga, look at me!" His tone changes
Aga immediately understands his Tito's change of tone, looks at him this time
"Eli and Sam are at their Guama's house in case you want to see them. They're waiting for you! Take a rest already, huwag mo masyadong pagurin ang puso ni Lea!"
Aga freezes... huwag mo masyadong pagurin ang puso ni Lea! He only had water intake for hours but he knows he heard his Tito clearly. All this time —all this time he didn't know that Lea is with him all the time. Her heart is beating in his.
"What? What did you just say?"
"You've heard it right. Lea's heart is beating on you. She was the donor"
"Why?" Aga asks, totally confounded
"Her Mom wanted it to be yours and we knew that's what Lea wants, too" his Tita Mandy clarifies
"All this time?"
"Yes Aga, all this time.... Lea was your remedy"
He still don't know what to feel. Lea was the donor; his wife, his strength, his one true love.... his everything.
Things have been so hard; One, acceptance. Two, healing. The feeling is complicated and never easily explained.
The pain of her loss is unbearable. There will be scars that is superficial enough to remember things. How will he pull his self out of this situation? How will he move on?
He touches his chest. Lea's heart is beating strong. A tear rolls down his face.
She was his remedial heart.
Aga reevaluates his self. His Tito Anton was right... he has no right to be weak –he needs to be strong for he will now be their strength. Aga thinks about Sam and Eli again. He realizes it has been months; he was too confident that are okay but actually they're not –they are struggling and he was not there to help them. He realizes at that moment that he can't close off the world because there are two little hearts waiting and depending on him.
Loud giggles wake him up a split second before Sam jumps on him. Alarmed, he remembers the stitches in his chest. He immediately gets up and holds Sam while sitting up.
"Daddy, why are you ugly?" Sam says playing Aga's beard
Aga looks around to confirm who's with them and then he sees his Tita Lauren's car
"Am I?"
"Yes!" Eli says as she climbs up and sits on his other free lap
"Did you miss me?"
They nod 'yes'
Eli looks at him "Mommy is already in heaven" she says with an obvious sadness in her eyes
Tears fall faster as Aga holds them closer to him. He hugs them tight.
"Daddy!!!" Sam cries loud
Aga had to stop. He's rekindling their pain again.
He takes a deep "Shhhhh... it's okay. Daddy's here already"
Tears are steadily streaming down Eli's face.
"It's okay, it's okay. We will be fine" he says, kissing Eli's forehead
Aga let them stand in front of him "I'm sorry" his eyes automatically welling with tears "Daddy's too weak for this. You both know how I love your Mommy, right? I miss her just like you do. But, it will be Daddy and Eli and Sam now. Even if Mommy is not around, she still loves us, right? Let us help each other from now on, okay?"
"Okay, Daddy" Sam says with few tears fall as he nods
"It's okay. We will cry now but we can't cry forever. Mommy won't like it"
"Dad, my friend in school says he has no Mum and Dad but he's still happy because there are people around him who loves him so much" Eli says
"Yes, we will be happy again" Aga assures
"Daddy, we missed you so much!" Eli hugs him "We will still be happy even if Mommy is not around anymore"
"Yes, baby"
"Because... we will still have you, Dad"
Aga wipes Eli's tears
"Daddy, please don't leave us again. Please promise us" Sam pleads "I feel so bad because Mommy left. I cried many times because Mommy left. But I know..." he sniffs "but I know, Mommy still loves us. Mommy is our angel now"
Aga's lips trembles and fat tears fall as he nods "Your Mommy Lea loves you so much, please remember that. And, Daddy will never leave you. I promise you won't be alone again"
"Daddy, don't be sad anymore" Eli comforts him "We will make you happy again, just like Mommy does"
"Thank you, baby. You and Sam are my happiness" Aga leans forward to kiss each of them softly
He can't believe that this experience is the major twist in his life. He thought, the loss of his parents were but it's not; it was this, when she lost Lea. The one that got away.
Their relationship wasn't conventional nor it wasn't perfect but they strived hard to put things together –to live normally and build a happy home. Lea was everything.
--------
Aga decided to buy a condominium near his office. This will be the place where Eli and Sam will grow. He wanted to be close to them as much as possible so he can attend to their needs, eat with them during lunch or put them to sleep at night without the worries of not being able to go home. He just wants them to feel that Daddy is just around even if he's working.
Aga was ready to go to their house –the home that Lea and him build together. It was left untouched for almost a year now and cleanliness was only maintained by a care taker.
He is ready to look at Lea's pictures, their family pictures, again without feeling the pain of her loss. Yet, he expects there will be stings of sorrow.
When he arrived, the house was still the same as when they left for Singapore. He can feel the sense of peace and calm when he enters the house, it is definitely their home.
Looking at the modern furniture in their receiving area and the dining set, he can still remember the happy memories –Lea's big smile, her contagious laugh and vibe. The memories are still fresh like it just happened yesterday.
After looking around to see what to bring, finally, he enters the master bedroom. He remembers a lot of Lea's frowns and moods, their late night talks about random things and the plans they agree to do in the future.
He found Lea's Macbook on the bedside table. He picks it up and sees a prescription pad underneath it. When he opens her Macbook, he finds a folded prescription paper. He knows right then that it is a letter.
Aga smiles genuinely.
Babes,
If you read this, it only means you're okay now. I don't understand why is it that whenever I see a prescription pad, I always think about writing a letter for you.
I admit I was so weak. You always see me in a vulnerable way that I don't usually let people see. I was never brave; it was because of you that I keep being brave.
I am crying now. It's just that I don't want to lose you. I am afraid of what will be coming. Ironic, I should be positive about this because I understand your situation, I've received a lot of cases like this. I can figure out this early the success rate of your operation. The thing is, I also know the incidences of unsuccessful results of this kind of case.
Why is it so hard? Why is it so hurtful? It is; because losing you would mean losing part of my life. You are my life. But, I will do everything, no matter what will happen, just to keep you alive and well — just to put things back to normal.
Now, let me tell you about my current thoughts and realizations during this difficult period in our relationship. I know there will be more, I know they're coming for us. I want to think about what you've done to me — my holistic transformation when you entered my life. In that way, I can keep my sanity and just be happy.
I just want you to know that each thing that you speak is a little slice of peace and joy even in my darkest times. You see me in my best and worse and you're not afraid to tell me whatever it is in your heart and mind whenever you see the 'suplada', 'maldita', hard-headed Lea.
You always understand your wife with obnoxious emotions. But you also never failed to point out each little thing you love about me and what makes you so in love with me. Thank you for everything that you do. Thank you for holding on.
You are a gem; I am so lucky.
Every single day since you've held my heart I've seen more and more what your love is. Sweet thoughts in a letter to me on a day where I just need your encouraging words. A surprise visit to see me when I least expect it. You always make it know to me that I am loved, that I am gorgeous, that I am sexy and that I am pretty(heehee). I love you for that. Our dates, our phone talks, our memories and future times are all because you stole my heart.
You took my heart because you wanted to know me more. Not just who I am physically, you want to know what makes me, me. My frustrations, my weaknesses, my joy and what excites me. It's more than just saying, it's a deeper meaning of wanting to know everything about me and still loving me despite my imperfections.
You already took my heart —not to break it, not to play with it, you took it to lock it away and protect it from hurt.
My heart is all yours. My heart beats for you.
Forever,
Your remedial heart