"I will hold your shaking body until it get's used to my familiar touch.
I wil hold you until your heart beats sync with the rhythm of my beat.
I will hold your trembling hands when I know how broken you really are.
I will hold you when your thoughts no limits, walking off towards the dark way which sees no light.
I will make you and me us and I will hold you forever and ever.' - Anonymous.
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Chapter Twenty Eight
I shut the door with a bang to a shocked Liam. I clumsily pull the sling of my purse on my shoulder, nearly stumbling on my own feet. I drag myself down the stairs in a hurry, trying my best to ignore the critical stare of every person living in this hotel shoots me with. A barrier which was holding my tears back is no longer strong and it breaks off easily just when I turned around to leave, making my tears rush down my cheeks without any boundary.
What I am feeling right now is way beyond words. I feel pathetic, horrible and over all used for no reason. I had this nagging feeling at the back of my head even last night that this morning won’t be good enough, but this was ahead of my thinking. I can’t even recollect why I let him do whatever he wanted to do to me last night since the only words which are ringing in my head are his judging thoughts and I swear, I want to drown myself. I shake my thoughts and replace my image with his drowning image.
I clear my eyes with the back of hand and finally reach the ground floor. I actually run past the reception, ignoring everyone who is now staring at me, wondering who this crazy mad woman is, running like a retard. This woman is a naïve woman who went pathetically in the wrong way to judge a man, a man she knew. But turned out, she thought she knew that man and now she is running away, as usual.
I open the door of the hotel and rush out. The cold wind invades every inch of my skin which further gives away more way for the tears to fall out. I don’t get it, I’m broken and currently I’m not sure what I think of him, but all I want to do is run away. This is what happens all the time. He says something I can’t take which makes me run away from him because then I can’t stand to even stay near his proximity which is irritating to a great extent.
“You aren’t fooling anyone by telling me that you just wanted to be there for me when I was drunk. Seriously, couldn’t you come up with a better excuse?”
Excuse? He really thought I was giving him an excuse for whatever happened? Does he consider me one of those women who he used to spend every night of his life cuddling with Does he think I’m of them who would practically jump at the idea of doing something with him? My mind recollects the last night and I clearly remember he was the one who kissed me and now he is blaming me.
I don’t understand, not anymore, not ever. I don’t even remember how our fight even started. Everything escalated too quickly for me to even think about it and I being I shot daggers at him just the way he did to me. He made me sound desperate, weak even after a few lines with him and I instantly feel some sort of fury against him. Why am I even trying when I know all this won’t land me everywhere because all we do is fight and make up for nothing. This isn’t going to work at all if he isn’t contributing a bit and I can’t be the only wheel pushing us ahead when there is a speed breaker ruining my every forward move called Liam. I am almost thinking he does this on purpose, just to hurt me in every way but then he can’t do it purposely every single day, can he?
He rubs almost every thing I’m sensitive to right on my face and does it time and again. His cynical behavior towards everyone is disturbing. But I’m not going to let this affect me again because I will land up in the same pit if I continue letting him talk to me like he always does. I’m tired of this continuous cycle of Liam and I and I won’t let this get to me, not again.
My hand stings when I look over my palm. Did I go overboard by slapping him the second time? No, of course not, my subconscious throws and I suppose this is the only time she is correct and I’m agreeing to her. Everything is a mess around me and I crying like a grouchy child won’t get me anywhere.
I soon look around my surroundings and I realize I’ve come quite far without notice. The houses by the street look different as they are colored in rich white paints, other than the colorful houses lined next to our hotel. There are a few tourists I can tell by merely looking at their clothes. But then again, if I look at myself they will assume I’m one of those wild people who were partying all night. I need to get out of this dress as it now holds some memories I would do anything to erase. The way he removed it off me is still fresh in my mind and suddenly, I don’t like this dress anymore. I need a distraction now. I can’t just walk around doing nothing. There is no way I’m going back to that room, not now at least. I’m a loser when it comes to keeping a considerable space between us and I’m not ruining that anymore. I’m not ready to face him again.
I really need to buy some clothes, at least now because I can’t last in this black dress for another week and a half. Shivers run down my spine when realization hits me that I will have to spend few another nights with him and it is panicking enough.
I walk a few more miles and I realize it is the same place where Lisa got us for practice. I’m certain there are shops around so I make my way through the growing lot of people, gently pushing a few to make some way. Within minutes, I find myself in front of some boutiques and I’m grateful.
I enter one of the initial shops and the sudden smell of sandalwood invades my smell sense. The fragrance is lingering around and for no reason, I feel calm. I skip through few of the clothes hung on the hangers and I see most of them are beach wears. Since I’m left with no option, I pick up a few long dresses which are covered with floral designs all over them. The colors are not loud and I go try each one on. One of them is a blue knee length soft cotton dress which doesn’t have a deep neck, unlike the black one I’m currently wearing, but is just too comfortable and hides most of the essentials. The other two I picked are similar except the broad borderline and the color which is different for every dress. I pay the old lady behind the cashier who gives me a small smile after I hand her the dresses.
“They’re lovely,” She tells me about the dresses I selected. Her accent is different and I can tell her first language isn’t English, obviously. “Your husband is going to love them.” She tells me and my eyes widen. How does she know? Maybe because I still have my engagement ring on, maybe.
“Thank you.” I say weakly, not sure how to comment on the other sentence.
“This is a real sign of love, young love. But make sure you cover it.” She giggles like a school girl and I’m confused. What is she talking about? Her already small eyes crinkle and she gives me a warm smile, I can tell she is suppressing her chuckles. Wait, why is she laughing? I give her a faint smile; still trying to figure what is she laughing at. Do I have something funny on my face? My hands instantly move over my face, finding the reason of her reaction. She quietly points on her neck, gesturing me to check mine. My fingers tremble as I feel the side of my neck, a small bump growing at one of my sides.
No…
No! It can’t be what I think it is.
She laughs again and bends behind, picking out a small mirror from her purse. She hands it to me and I look at myself nervously.
A small red spot sits on my neck, slowly turning a shade darker. I gasp in horror, making the mirror fall on the counter; lucky for me it doesn’t break. I remember Liam slowly sucking at my skin after nibbling it and I don’t know how it went unnoticed by me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I need a concealer right now, too. This day can’t go worse already. I push my hair on the side of the hickey and try to hide it; a vague attempt obviously. It’s big enough and I’m afraid if a concealer can’t hide it, too.
“Um, it’s not what you think it is,” I stammer, “It’s actually…”
“That’s alright, young lady. Honeymoon?” She asks with a bright smile and I nod. This is terrible.
“Great, come soon.” She chirps and I hurry myself out of the boutique. This is bad enough and a love mark settled on my neck makes everything worse. How did I not notice it before? Didn’t Liam notice it? Of course he did. Why didn’t he tell me? Oh, I sigh in frustration.
I try to pass through many other small shops lined in the way and pick a few casual tops here and there. I don’t expect anything fancy here anyway but I’m not entirely disappointed, too. I manage to fetch some good dresses I can wear for the coming days and to hell with if I can’t. I’m not left with another option as it is. As I find myself drifting in every shop, my fingers subconsciously drop on the mark, moving lightly over them. Last night is plastered in my head but I can’t help but over think about it. Couldn’t we go a day without fighting? I’m more upset than I should be, I should feel the satisfaction of slapping him after his toxic words but I don’t. My mind redirects me to him thinking what he must have done or be doing after I left. Knowing him, he must be taking calls regarding his work or maybe, breaking some wall of our room in irritation. I can’t stop thinking about him even after all this! What is even wrong with me?
Time passes by too quickly and I see the sun setting. I glance at the watch and it’s almost seven in the evening. I see the normal party goers come out of their shell and the scene around me changes completely again. My hands are full with shopping bags and I breathe out. I try to walk back but stop in front of an alcohol shop. Something inside me tells me to buy a bottle from inside and let Liam taste a medicine of his own. Maybe drinking isn’t a bad idea altogether? I shake the thoughts out of my mind. I have drunk only a few times till now and it isn’t actually pleasant but just buying a bottle won’t do any harm to me, can it? Before I realize what I’m doing, I find myself standing in the liquor shop.
As I open the door and step inside, the strong smell of liquor fills my nostrils. It looked like a small shop from outside but it isn’t really small from in. There are racks of different types of liquor, each named by its flavor and I feel like I know nothing about this. Maybe this was a bad idea, after all.
I walk towards each rack, examining each glass bottle placed in front of me. I pick up a bottle which says ‘Vodka’ over it and turn the ingredient side on, reading every detail written over it.
“May I help you?” a male voice asks from behind me and I jump at the sudden surprise. I turn around to face a guy. He is dressed in a tight black jeans paired with black leather jacket over it. His jeans are slightly torn at his knees and from the exposed skin it bears; I see some tattoos peeking out. His hair isn’t long enough but stands out.
“May I help you?” He asks again, a small smile hiding on his handsome face.
“Um, no it’s okay. I was just going through.” I tell him weakly, slightly embarrassed to my tone.
“Going through liquor?” He chuckles, showing his perfect set of teeth, “Madam, what do you prefer to have?” he asks. He doesn’t sound like these people, instead he sounds British. He even looks like one, I guess.
“I’m fine, I’m not sure what I want.” I say nervously.
“Okay then. Actually, I couldn’t help but ask since it was the first time I saw someone checking the details printed over them since all people care about is drowning in its power.” He swiftly picks up a vodka bottle and points at it. Is he making fun of me?
“What?” I ask him.
“Nothing.” He says sheepishly. He gives me a last nod and leaves without another word. What was that?
After battling with my mind for over fifteen minutes, I finally zero in on red wine. I still don’t know why I am spending my money on wine but I still wish to gulp down a few glasses because I want a distraction from him and everything. Everything is already bad enough and a distraction sounds like the best thing at the moment.
I make my way to the cashier and find a man smiling back at me. He looks in his forties and I hand him my bottle of red wine.
“Red wine for madam.” The same black leather jacket guy says and leans on the counter next to me. The man behind the cashier’s desk shoots him a glare but he laughs it off.
“Oh chill off Peter. This lady was having some issues picking her taste.” He looks at me with a grin plastered on his face which makes me slightly uncomfortable.
“Ignore him, miss. He just pretends he works for me.” The guy, Peter, says. The other guy stares at Peter intently and then back to me.
“It’s alright.” I say in a small tone, hoping for him to make the bill quickly. It’s been one hell of a day and I honestly don’t have any stamina anymore.
“I’m Zayn.” The guy next to me says, “And you are?” He catches me off guard and I look at him in surprise.
“Tiara.” I say in confusion and look at Peter. He shakes in head and hands me a small bag which contains the red wine I picked. I thank him quietly and make my way out. Before this conversation get’s more awkward, I’m out of the shop. I look at all the directions and I can’t make up my mind, where did I come from and where the hell should I go? I really have no idea where my hotel is and I consider asking someone the direction. I look around but don’t see anyone worth asking. I turn around and get inside the shop again. I walk towards the cashier desk and still see Zayn leaning against the counter, in a deep conversation with Peter.
“Excuse me? Actually, I’m new in this place so can you help me by telling me where hotel Royale is?” I ask them, and actually feel Zayn staring at me. It’s getting too uncomfortable.
“The hotel near Cave?” Peter asks me and I nod. “Its…” He starts.
“You aren’t very near to that hotel. I can walk you there; I’m as it is planning to go to Cave.” Zayn tells me.
“No, it’s fine. I don’t want to bother or something.”
“It’s cool, Tiara. I’m going the same way, I just told Peter. Isn’t it?” He turns to Peter. Peter shakes his head again and leaves the small bar.
“He isn’t too friendly.” Zayn tells me and chuckles lightly.
I have a feeling that this guy is not that bad and I actually have no choice, either. I look at him properly and he studies my face, as if waiting for my answer.
“Okay.”
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Don’t hate me, I’m team Liara too! :D
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