Bullying has become such a huge part of my life.
The bruises on my waist, the memories and the words that sting your ears, they are all so hard to forget about them - to vanish them. I am not used to it though, every attack startles me.
The words hurt more than the kicks and punches in my body - but nothing will hurt more than the look of my mother's face if I ever tell her about this. I try so hard on covering everything up, it's almost a sin. I have to bite my pillow for the sake of my mother.
The walk to the office wasn't that far, I found it close to where I was and it was probably because of the empty hallways. There was no chattering, no students around; it was just me and my squeaky sneakers. Every step that I took was a word that I missed from my history teacher.
"Ms. Kemyss," The counselor is the first one who sees me in the office; she is in her office next to the principal's. She turns the bag of crisps into a ball before throwing it to the trashcan next to the desk. "...again?"
"It never stops," I stay standing in the doorframe, not sure if I should take another step just to avoid spilling what's left of the egg on my face to the floor. She swallows and wipes the crumbs off the corner of her mouth with the top of her hand, while the other hand works on opening the cabinet. She takes out a paper towel, walking towards me. I accept it and wipe my face, "I was... I was wondering if I could see Mr. Robinson."
"Mr. Robinson is sick; it's been days since he last came to school." She sighs and I ignore the thought of the rumor of both of them having an affair, "Why did you need the coach? You don't take Physical Education with him anymore."
The Aussie teacher didn't come to school and he was the only one with the keys to the gym showers. I was not planning on taking a shower, but to wash my face at least. There is no soap in the restroom, just words written on the mirrors with lipstick, and chocolate - I think. I cringe and look at the paper towel that turn from white to yellow in seconds.
"Wanted to use the showers," I sigh, "I reek and I need to assist to class before nine."
"I'll excuse you, sit down. We need to talk."
Mrs. Thompson sits down in her desk and leans in as she watches me sit down for the many times I've sat here.
"Floella, I know I've tried to stay away from your business though it's my job to call your parents as soon as possible if the bullying goes on," She takes a deep breath, "but when are you planning this to stop? You decide it to stop, not them. You need to stand up for yourself or just go to your mother."
She gives me same old lecture and I find myself thinking about a certain someone with green eyes and wavy, brown hair. It's unbelievable that in a time like this, all that I'm thinking about it's about him. I wonder if he just going to leave me after I demanded him to. I hope he does, but deep inside of me says otherwise. Deep inside of me, I'm asking for him to appear somewhere right now.
*
"Class is dismissed," I close my book, ignoring the chat going on about me in front of me. I receive few glances from the girls as I walk past them to give the excuse to my history teacher. He puts his glasses on and takes the paper before I leave.
"Hey." I turn to look at Calum, gripping his schoolbag over his shoulder, "I'm sorry I left you without telling you, I got quite nervous."
I nod.
"I heard what happened to you. I know how you feel," he says.
"I don't feel anything." I lie and smile, "it happens usually and I had to experience something crueler than that."
"Sorry about that." He pats my back as he gives me a small, comforting smile. We walk together to our next period. I wasn't very used to have someone to walk with and having Calum by my side, talking non-stop made me feel a lot better. I just don't get it how he wants to walk with me, no one does.
"So, tell me a bit of yourself." Calum sits down next to me in the back, "you seem like a Christian with that jean skirt. I can't even see your ankle, come on." He chuckles.
"I am." I say proudly, "I want to become a nun."
"No way," He throws his head back and laughs, "don't tell me you are serious, Flo. Life is too good for being in Church all day."
"Life is too short and I hope you lots realise you better be confessed before God comes to earth, if you aren't, pray for your soul, mate."
"Religious language," he nods shortly, "I kind of like it."
"So tell me about you?" I try to change the subject.
"Hm, I work in a music store and I like playing instruments." He simply says.
"Now that you mention that, do you think I could work in the music store? Mum wants me to get a job."
"Let's find out. How about we go after school? It isn't far away from here, but we do have to cross a lot of streets."
"It's fine."
*
"I'll see you tomorrow," Mo says before she walks outside, she pauses and walk over to me again, "I was wondering if you can come to my house tomorrow. We haven't had a normal chat, it's frustrating."
"Sure, I'll ask mum today and I'll let you know tomorrow morning."
"Good." She smiles and jogs back.
I spot Calum walking down the stairs and I stand up from the floor in the lobby to catch up with him. He notices me and stops so we can walk side by side.
There is no black van parked in front of the school, behind the bus. Jasper is giving me my space as well as Harry.
Harry.
The mention of his name makes my stomach drop. I have to repeat myself that I don't miss him and its better that way.
If I'm in his hands, I will be in danger.
The music store wasn't that far of a walk, he was right. He walks into the store and greets the other employees.
"I work here in Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays," he tells me, "follow me, I'm going to see the manager."
"Mr. Harris," Calum says when he walks into the office. "Good evening."
"Hello, kid. Are you already quitting?"
"No, course not. I was wondering if you needed a new employee in the shop."
He points at me with his thumb and Mr. Harris looks at me and purses his lips, "Hm, you should talk about it with your boss. But he just left," he looks at me, "if you want you can make up a resume work and give it to him later."
"Oh, alright thank you." I smile. "When do you think I should already send it?"
The young lad scratches his chin, "As soon as possible. The quicker you are... you might get the job immediately."
"I don't have to do interviews?"
"No, not at all. This is a music store, not a Hospital you want to work in." Mr. Harris says, chuckling softly and looks at Calum, "Well I need to get going, need to take these papers somewhere. I'll see you tomorrow at seven pm, eh?"
"Course." Calum says and turns out to head back.
"Thank you, Mr. Harris," I walk towards the door and pause when I hear him spoke again.
"Welcome, uh,"
"Flo." I look at him and he nods repeating my nickname before I walk out. Calum is waiting outside with a cheerful smile. "Hey, do you have go get going now or could you stay here for awhile? I want to walk around the music store to see if I would like to apply," I play with my fingers as I wait for his reply.
"I don't have much time but I can stay here for a couple of minutes before I do my coursework." He walks towards the punk section, "Do you like Blink 182?"
"Uh, never heard of them," I bit my bottom lip as I turn to walk to the Christian section, and see Calum following me while he laughs, "I listen to opera and Christian songs. Don't laugh at me, come on!"
"No, it's okay. I've never met a girl so different, all of my girl mates are a bit punks, including Mo," he takes a random cd, "she's quite pretty, but not actually my type."
"But you said she was punk..."
"I know." He chuckles. I stare at him confused until I shake my head and watch him put the cd in the radio and puts track number one. I move my hip slowly, he starts laughing and imitate my moves.
Calum seems such like a nice lad, I hope my beliefs don't push him away.
"I believe in God," he tells me as he stops the song, "I'm not into the religion like you are, wish I was so I could save myself but it's impossible for me."
"It's not impossible." I say as take the cd out to put it back in his album then place it where it belonged. "If you want to, you can, nothing will stop you."
"But I'm a sinner."
"Everyone is a sinner, I sin a lot."
"You sin a lot?" He scoffs and takes a step towards me, "You don't look like a sinner, just an angel."
Is he flirting with me?
I start coughing. He isn't. I mean, look at me, long skirt, sneakers, and button-up with long sleeves shirt and hair in a ponytail, like always. I don't have makeup, so he is just trying to compliment me.
Stop coughing.
"I should go now," he checks his watch, "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"
"Yes." I clear my throat and look down to the albums, "Thanks for your help."
"Ya' welcome, are you sure you want to stay here a little longer? It gets boring, trust me."
"Yeah, I'm going to buy the cd," I take the album out again and he nods, "I liked it."
"Alright," he nods and waves at me in his way out.
The sun was already setting when I walk out. I don't quite remember the path we took to get here so I'll try to get to school so I can head back to my house.
"Pisst!" I hear someone behind me, "come on baby turn around."
I walk faster, biting my lips. This isn't the first time it happens, I was with my mum the first time and gladly, a police man was near and stopped them from hurting us. But there is no policeman out there, there's no one, so it's just me and a bag with a cd inside.
Told you, so...
Harry's would say that to me right now. If he was here, he would stop this.
"Don't be difficult." He growls. "Floella," I turn around.
This man knows my name?
Of course he does... he's Zayn. The blonde guy is behind him with an unsure expression.
"Mate, are you sure you want to be in Michael's side?"
"Of course you fucking idiot, did you forget what Harry did to you and to me?" He turns to me, "Get in the car, bitch." I notice a cigarette in his mouth.
"I'm not going anywhere!" My voice is loud enough.
He takes out a gun and I feel my body shrink on his feet.
"Niall." Zayn smirks and Niall nods, walking towards me, taking the bag off my hand and throwing it on the ground while he covers my mouth as he holds my body tight while Zayn puts his gun inside of his pants and takes the cigarette off his mouth and bury it on top of my hand, burning my skin. I start screaming and try to bite Niall's hand as he pushes me into the car.
"After school, Kemyss."
This time, I hear the voice of my mother in my head.
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