♫Blood in the Cut by K.Flay
~I've managed to get my dad to watch Godless which is a Netflix series with TBS and it's incredible so I highly recommend it if you like western type dramas.
Newt's POV
Minho's house is swarmed with people-mostly strangers and people I never talk to. I hold a plastic cup of water in my hand, feeling the coolness in my palms, stopping me from sweating. I don't trust the drinks people have made because they're probably spiked with God knows what. Alcohol is foul so I don't lay a finger on it.
I stand to the side of the living room, leaning against a doorframe, watching people lose themselves to the music and drinks. I look awkward when I dance. I can't steady myself to the beat or let myself be self-conscious free.
There are couples kissing in the corner and, occasionally, sneaking off upstairs to a dark, empty bedroom. I spot Thomas, Teresa, Brenda and Frypan dancing in the centre of the crowd, not caring who's watching.
I wish I could be like them.
Teresa has only had a few drinks tonight so she won't be even slightly tipsy. She's far from a light weight.
There's a pang of jealousy in my gut as I watch her and Thomas get closer. Their body's collide within seconds. Teresa fiddles with Thomas's shirt, lifting it up to reveal perfect skin unknown in this light. Her hands glide up his back and his cups her face.
Their rough kissing is enough to make me look away. I can't stand their love for each other. They're pretty much cliché's. No doubt about that.
As I force myself to pull my gaze from the floor and look up, I notice they're gone. Their clumsy steps lead them up the staircase and far away from the sweaty, drunken bodies in the room. I hate observing every move, I'm like a stalker.
"You okay?" There's a loud yell in my ear. There must be a shocked expression on my face because when I look up, Minho immediately apologises.
"I'm fine, probably deaf now, though," I laugh it off.
"You don't look like you're having fun. My party isn't good enough for you?" Minho jokes, knowing I'm not a fan of social occasions. "You came here to escape, didn't you?"
I shy nod is my only body movement, "I drove Thomas here, now he's buggered off with Teresa."
"You're the one sitting at the side. In all fairness, I'm sure he'd rather be with you than her."
I choke on my drink, "What?"
Minho's eyes widen. There's a look of oh shit on his face, "I didn't say anything."
"You clearly did, Minho, why would you lie to me like that?" I feel betrayed listening to his false words.
"Who ever said I was lying?" Bullshit.
"I know you are. Thomas loves Teresa and I know he would rather be ripping off her clothes than standing with me and talking."
"You keep telling yourself that. If anything, he'll be picturing you underneath him instead of Teresa."
"Minho, please be serious."
"I am, Newt," the tone in Minho's voice suggests he is being honest. "You can't see it, but he likes you. Both of you think we're too blind to see the way you look at each other -like it's all you have. We're not stupid, we know you like him too, and you have for a long time. Too long, actually. Thomas has been your best friend since kindergarten and he's the one who's never left your side or spoken badly about you, no matter what. What you're feeling is love. It's true and pure and you shouldn't be afraid of it. You need to open your heart because he's trying to convince himself he loves Teresa and not you."
I can't speak. I feel sick, but I force words out my mouth anyways, "How long have you known?"
"Years," is Minho's reply.
"Does Teresa know I..."
"Of course she does. Although she's dating Thomas she's not doing it to hurt you. She does like him, but only as a friend. Teresa's only with him so maybe one day he'll realise he his feelings for you are too strong."
"Well, shit," I don't want to speak.
"Crazy, right? How love is right there, inches away from you, then the nerves kick in and you can't push yourself to admit it's real."
"Yeah, insane."
Thomas's POV
I wish it wasn't Teresa I'm dominating.
I wish it wasn't Teresa's lips I'm kissing.
I wish it wasn't Teresa's t-shirt that's on the floor.
I love Teresa, I try to convince myself. I want her, not Newt.
Nothing I'm mentally telling myself is working. I can't love her. I don't love her. My lips are trying to prove me otherwise. I kiss and kiss Teresa but... nothing. I can't do this to her, it's not fair, but it's the only way to stop myself falling further in love with Newt.
I shove every thought out my head that concerns my contemplation between Teresa and Newt.
I kiss Teresa with passion and hunger. She responds equally as hungry. My hands glide over her bare skin; stomach, back and hips. Her hands play with the hem of my shirt, debating whether or not to take it off. I help her make the decision and take it off for her and tossing it on the floor.
My lips attach to hers for a few seconds before they trapes along her jawline and down her neck. Biting at Teresa's skin, I make sure I leave a mark. Her soft hands cup my face and lift my face back up to hers, although she doesn't connect our lips again.
"Thomas," I can feel her warm breath on my bottom lip, "we need to stop. I don't think we should go any further."
Her voice is hushed but I can still hear it over the loud, thumping music blaring from downstairs. The vibrations carry on through the floor and up the walls.
"Are you okay?" I don't really know how to respond. Hell, I know we're only eighteen but I would have thought she would have been ok with pushing the limits a little.
"I'm fine but... I just think we should stop," Teresa sounds a little unsure with herself.
"Teresa, tell me what's wrong," I demand, my voice softer than what it should be.
She shakes her head and sits up, push me off her lap. We both sit in silence, not daring to look each other in the eye. I reach over for her hand and gentle clasp it in mine.
"Did I do something wrong?" I say, my voice crackling slightly. Teresa turns to me and smiles sadly. She reaches for her t-shirt which is under her foot on the floor.
"No, Thomas, it's got nothing to do with you," her eyes are glassy when she looks at me. There's something really not right, and I'm determined to find out what it is.
"Teresa..." my voice won't acknowledge me and speak. For once, I'm afraid. I can feel my hands shaking as multiple thoughts process at once.
"You're my best friend Thomas and I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that, right?" Teresa treads carefully as she asks. I nod and let her continue with what she has to say. "This probably isn't the best time to tell you and I don't know if you're ready to face the truth yet, but you're in love with Newt and we can all see it."
I want to cry. I've betrayed Teresa. I've let her down.
She can see the hurt look on my face so she beings to speak before I can get a word in; "It's okay. I think we've always known. You're so close with each other and he constantly monitors you when you're at a further distance from him. But, Thomas, what you don't know is he loves you too. Before you say anything or begin to apologise to me, you don't need to and you never will. I know that you're only dating me to supress your feelings for Newt and I understand why you want to do that. It's not wrong, Thomas, it's perfectly okay."
Tears spill from my eyes as her brutally honest words escape her damn mouth. I want to curse at her and tell her she's wrong.
But she's absolutely right.
"I'm sorry," I say through sharp breaths.
"Don't fucking apologise. You have nothing to be sorry for." Teresa squeezes my hands lightly with hers to reassure her words. "I love you, Thomas, but only ever as a friend."
I nod and mumble an 'I love you, too'.
Teresa holds me to her as I cry. I don't know why exactly I'm crying but there is a wave of emotions flooding my body.
"I'm gonna go and give you some space to think," she announces. "If you need anything, text me."
"Don't have too much fun, T, I'm not looking after your hungover ass tomorrow," I reply sarcastically. She chuckles lightly before stand up and puts her t-shirt back on. I forgot it was lying on the floor, to be honest.
I feel cold and lonely as the door closes gently behind Teresa. My hands rub my tear stained face and eyes.
What she says replays in my head over and over again.
Everything starts to sync in.
My hands shake and sweat.
Then I realise I can't breathe.