I didn't want to go on like this, the feelings had been eating away at me all week. It was Friday, and not once had my mind been diverted from Niall, and yet he had been a complete, obnoxious jerk to me all week, only having spoken about three words to me since Monday.
I was sat in my room, reading the newer copy of Peter pan, I had got It for Christmas a few years back, and had used this one for underlining words that related to me, and my older one for simply enjoying.
All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs. Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, "Oh, why can't you remain like this for ever!" This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end.
It was my favourite extract from the book, and subsequently the beginning of the book, it gave me shivers whenever I read the first line, and reminded me ever so much of a boy I knew myself, one who refused to grow up.
Niall.
Niall was as immature and stuck in his ways as a four year old, and I doubted he would ever chance.
But then again, I don't think I wanted him to.
...
"I'm not tutoring him anymore mother!" I huffed as Niall stood outside the front door whilst my mother and I bickered on the other side.
"I don't like him either Sophie but Maura and I have been good friends since we were teenagers ourselves! So you tutor that boy until he gets an a*!" my mother ordered, although all I heard was the beginning line.
"I didn't say I didn't like him! I just won't tutor him!"
"Yes you will!" She ordered opening the door, suddenly plastering a fake smile on her face as Niall leaned against the door frame, a stupid smirk lighting up his face as he rose an eyebrow at me.
"So why won't you tutor me?" Niall asked amused at the fact he had overhead our conversation. I sighed, I walked upstairs to my father's office, Niall following behind, laughing at my strop.
"So you really hate me that much then?" Niall asked twirling the pencil between his fingers like a baton.
"Do the equation Niall." I ordered sitting beside him as I re-read the same part of peter pan at least fifty times due to his constant interruptions.
"Why do you hate me then?" he pushed leaning back in the chair as the corner of his mouth tilted in to a smirk. I looked up from my book at him, his hands were behind his head and the pencil now gripped tightly between his teeth as he smirked ignorantly at me.
"Do you smoke?" I asked staring at the pencil in his mouth, he shook his head nonchalantly. I suppose I had expected a different answer, but then again, I wasn't sure why I had asked the ridiculous question in the first place.
"Why do you hate me?" he asked again.
"You've ignored me all week." I commented, looking at the paper he'd scribbled on with utter rubbish.
"Or have you been ignoring me?" he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.
"No I have not I've bee- Niall, what are you doing?" I sighed as he laughed, he was playing a game I wasn't up to, trying to wind me up to my maximum, until I burst. I wasn't going to sit here and banter back and forth with him.
"I'm not going to waste my Friday afternoon tutoring you if you're going to be rude." I sighed standing up.
"I'm not being rude!" He laughed sitting up straight as he threw his hands in the air.
"Besides, I wouldn't exactly call this tutoring, I haven't learnt one thing in the forty five minutes I've been here." There it was. That stupid smirk again, as I sat back down, he eyed me carefully, as I ignored his petty comments, that somehow sent butterflies through the pit of my stomach.
"Please try and work with me?" I sighed hopelessly as he eyed me more, nodding, suddenly serious. He scooted the chair next to me and leant of the piece of paper, our heads nearly touching as I showed him how to work vectors out.
"See it really isn't that hard you know?" I asked as I watched his eyes light up, whilst answering a question I had set out for him, he nodded in amusement as the pencil drew lines on the squared paper.
"So the answer would be 3p-q+a?" he asked connecting the shape with the letters, I nodded smiling proudly as he let out a little cheer, happy that he finally understood something.
"See, if you just cooperate with me, it really isn't that hard." I smiled, as he calmed down a bit, smiling back at me, as I looked in to his eyes, eyes that were much more vibrant than bens.
"What do you mean if I just cooperate? I always cooperate." He joked, laughing, as I shook my head, biting my lip, allowing a smile to appear on my once stressed face.
"You're an idiot you know Niall?" I asked attempting to hide my smile, as he nodded, red creeping up on his pale cheeks.
"Are we okay Sophie? Me and you?" he asked, his eyes suddenly filling with a serious look, as I tilted my head to the side questioningly. "I mean, because, you know, despite, how you feel, you are my friend, better than the others you know, and I don't want that to go wrong." He murmured as I smiled genuinely, nodding at his sincerity.
"Niall you know we are." I whispered as he nodded sharply. "And I don't hate you, I mean, hates a strong word." I laughed gently as he smiled, staring carefully at me.
Before I knew what was happening I found Niall leaning in, his hand moving to the arm rest of my chair as his lips drew ever closer, finding him inches away from my face, staring shakily at me.
"You said it can't happen again." My voice was wobbly and unexpected as I stared back at him, knowing too well, no matter what I said, we were about to kiss again, and I didn't think I was going to stop it.
"I don't give a shit." He replied, his face remaining serious as his eyes travelled down to my lips as his tongue darted out wetting his own. Before I could object any further his lips crashed against mine, as his hand moved to my waist pulling me closer to him.
Niall's tongue danced with mine as he pulled me off of my chair and on to his lap as I straddled his waist, moving my hands to his hair as my fingers ran through it. His teeth gripped my bottom lip as he roughly pulled away a bit staring at me, as I gazed hungrily in to
his eyes.
"Are you sure this is alright?" He said slowly as I nodded trying to reconnect our lips, but once again he pulled away, his lips curling in to a smirk. Nialls head bobbed down to my neck where he began sucking on the skin, leaving various love bites before moving back to my lips and reigniting the wanted kiss, one hand supporting the small of my back and another was cupping my face gently.
The fire that I had searched so hard for in Ben's kiss, I found here, with Niall, as we made out in my father's study, it was the sense of rebellion, the fear of getting caught and the fact that Niall was here with me that made it so addictive, as if Nialls touch was my drug, the drug I was hooked on.
"Sophie we can't." Niall mumbled through the kiss as I nodded not bothering to open my eyes. "We can't." He repeated not bothering to end the kiss despite his trying. Nialls warm tongue ran along mine, he smelled musty, in an attractive way, as if you wanted to cuddle in to him, the hint of mint and cologne lingered with his musty smell as his cold lip ring pressed against my mouth causing my body to shake.
I'd never experienced emotions like this before, the way Niall made me feel, whether we were kissing, or fighting, it was a feeling id never felt around anyone else, and it made me feel so alive, he was definitely my drug, and I needed him indefinitely.
"Niall" I murmured as he moaned gently against my mouth running his rough fingers softly through my hair.
It still amazed me how someone who was so tough, obnoxious and rude in public could be reduced to this gentle, kind, soft boy, who could act like a prince in disguise. Who would have known? Who would ever have known that Niall could be so soft, so sensitive in the confined walls of our own privacy?
"I need-", Niall began to mumble as his hands roamed through my tangled hair, but before I could hear the rest of what I felt desperate to know, I heard a rattle at the door, thinking It was nothing, I went back to the kiss, pulling his head closer to mine.
"Fucking shit."
I pushed Nialls body away from mine as my head shot around following the noise to the figure standing at the door.
"Holy fucking shit." The figure repeated as I stared back at him, my eyes wide and my mouth slightly dropped open.
Niall made a noise next to me, a sort of yelp or squeak, I wasn't sure what but I couldn't take my eyes off my brother staring back at me horrified.
"Sophie?"
"Matt, it's not, it's uh, it isn't..." I couldn't form a coherent sentence as I tried to get over the fact someone had spotted us.
"Y-you were just, did that just- did I just see that?" My brother asked, sticking to the spot by the door as I nodded slowly.
"Nothing's going on Matt, we were just-", Niall began but Matthew held up a finger silencing him, still not managing to break my eye contact.
"Niall, I think it best you leave now. Tutoring's over." Matthew said as Niall looked at me as if mentally checking I was going to be okay, I was confused by the gesture. Since when did he care if I was going to be alright?
I looked to him as he asked silent permission to leave, I nodded quickly, trying to smile, in a horrid attempt.
Niall got up and walked out, my brother shoving him harshly as Niall moved past him out of the door, his leather jacket hanging by his hand.
"Sophie what the fuck are you playing at?!" Matt rose his voice as he closed the door, locking us both in the room alone.
"Matt look, I can explain." I said calmly.
"Well you better fucking start! I walk in here and see you attached to Niall fucking Horan of all people! Jesus Christ Sophie, you have a boyfriend!"
"Matt, we've only kissed, like three times!"
"Three? I thought this was the first time! Holy fucking shit Sophie, Niall Horan!" he yelled, I ran over to him, pressing my finger against his mouth trying to quiet him.
"Matthew, nothing is happening between us." He sighed sitting down on one of the seats as I did the same, holding my head in my hands. "He doesn't like me, and I don't like him Matthew." I sighed heavily, I wasn't sure about what I was saying, and this unsettled me more than it should have.
"What do you mean?"
"Whenever he kisses me Matt, it feels so, different, so much better, and I want to be with him all the time, I don't know what to do anymore." I found myself beginning to cry as words that I didn't know existed in my mind, spilled out of my mouth. "He won't be seen with me around any of his friends, but yet he's always so protective and he makes me feel so special Matthew and I don't know what to do anymore because I think I'm falling for him."
My mind wasn't even connecting with my mouth anymore as the words flew out my mouth.
Had I fallen for Niall?
His sarcastic comments, and anger problems, his glares and scary shouts, the way he pushes me far from him and the way he's embarrassed to be seen with me in public. His bipolar moods that confused me beyond belief.
But what about His soft touches, and endearing comments, his thoughtful stares and gentle hearty laugh, the way his hair feels between my fingers and the feeling of his fingers tracing my lips and my face.
Had I fallen for Niall?
Before I could let my mind wonder anymore, I felt two arms wrap around me, as my brother pulled me in to his chest, absorbing my cries and confusion. He whispered happy nothings in to my ear as I slowly came to my senses.
But then, Ben flashed through my mind.
He's been with me since the start, never failing to cheer me up, he was slow and gentle with me, and he respected me. Ben wasn't embarrassed of me. His soft smile, and the hair that I would often brush out of his eyes. Ben was my boyfriend. And I loved Ben.
I didn't love Niall.
Niall had interfered with my life, and set my emotions off.
I didn't love Niall.
Niall was nothing but a distraction in my life, trying to break me away from my goals, I didn't love him.
I didn't.