I was alone as I made my way to second period, fading in to the background. The dream I had had last night really unsettled me for the day, it’s like my mind isn’t in sync with my body, whereas I physically couldn’t care for Niall, my mind has his face and voice constantly circulating in my head, mentally making me go crazy.
“How did you find the weekends assignment?” I questioned Liam as we slipped in at the back of the class, as he began to boast about his, I felt guilt drop through me, as I knew I hadn’t worked on hard on it as I really should have, the weekend slipped away from me, being at the party on Saturday, and Sunday being left in a haze, I only had last night to do it, and I knew I had done horribly on it.
“But yeah, I suppose I could’ve done better. Are you okay after yesterday?” he asked treading lightly as I fidgeted in the small chair.
“Yeah I was fine thank you.” I lied, and a part of me think he knew, but luckily I was pulled out of the conversation once the teacher entered and began teaching almost immediately.
I sat listening to the politics talk the teacher had been giving us for the last forty minutes, Liam was slumped over his desk with his hand supporting his head whilst he battled to stay awake, and to be honest, so were most of the class, but I myself, was actually intrigued by the talk. I found it fascinating, as I jotted down the notes from the talk, trying to catch up on whatever I had dodged over the weekend.
…
“But guys, never have I fallen asleep in class before, so you can imagine how awful it was.” Liam laughed as I sat quietly, the rain was pouring heavily today, so as a consequence, pretty much the whole of the school was squeezed inside, some in the canteen, others, such as my group, in a substitute lunch room, that normally would be a maths class.
The room was stuffy and dull, with the unsettling smell of other people’s food, as there were about forty people of the same age squeezed in to the class room, everyone having to scream over each other in order to have a simple conversation.
They all laughed along as Liam imitated the teacher we just had whilst Danielle smiled warmly at him, stroking his arm. “So Soph, how was the party then?” Danielle asked smirking at me, as the rest of the table turned their attention on me, except for Louis who kept his focus on his phone, which by the looks of it was just a blank screen.
“Oh uh, yeah it was alright.” I mumbled picking at the bread of the sandwich which I suddenly, didn’t quite fancy anymore.
“Anything exciting happen?” she asked as if she was trying to pull the information out of me, as if she already knew about Niall and i. but she couldn’t have. I shook my head, letting my hair fall in front of my face as I looked down in to my lap.
“Well that’s a shame, exciting stuff always Zayn’s.” She laughed as I glared at her.
“Well nothing happened alright?” I asked paranoia taking over as the rest of the table looked at me, Louis joining them this time around.
“Sophie, okay? I get it?” She asked cautious, as I sighed, grabbing my bag and making my way out of the crowded room, in desperate need for air.
I turned down the empty corridors as I neared the school door exiting in to the vast playing field. I stopped as soon as the cold wet air hit my face, leaving my exasperated as I took a long hard breath.
As I thought I was alone, the doors behind me opened again as a group of familiar people walked out huddled together, they stood by the door for a second, as a few took out some cigarettes, passing them around.
“Sophie?” I heard a slight squeal as I turned to see Rhiannon strutting over to me, cigarette in her mouth as she did her best to grin, hopping up on the wall I had been perched on. “What are you doing out here babe?” she asked taking a long drag on the cigarette.
I shrugged my shoulders unsure of what actually tell her. “My friends were getting on my nerves.” I chuckled slightly, was that the actual reason. A smile filled her face again.
“Ah I get that, you want to join us?” She asked gesturing towards the group, who were nearer to us than they were a second ago. I shook my head gently, not wanting to offend her.
“I just want to be alone right now.” I mumbled as she nodded.
“Why is it that every time I run in to you, you’re wet?” I looked up to see Harry smirking in front of me, Zayn lingering beside him, I laughed shrugging.
“Harry you’re such a pervert.” Rhiannon heartily laughed, as did Zayn, whilst Harry frowned. I hadn’t seen the dirty side to the comment at first.
“Didn’t mean it like that Rhiannon you whore. You okay Sophie?” Harry asked diverting his attention back to me. i nodded, not sure of why I had suddenly became mute. Suddenly Niall stalked over glaring at Harry, as Zayn glanced between the two. Harry remained unaware as he smiled at me.
“Any way Soph, I was going to ask if you were free again this weekend.” Harry asked nearing me as Rhiannon furrowed her eyebrows together.
If I wasn’t sure before, I could definitely confirm now, that Niall was the only one who was ‘embarrassed’ or thought it embarrassing to be seen with someone unlike him, or in other words me, as Harry, Zayn and the rest of his friends seemingly had no problem with being my friend.
It was just Niall.
I was about to say yes, I wouldn’t mind going out with Harry again, we had fun last time but before I could answer Niall stepped in front of me, facing Harry.
“No she isn’t.” he said hesitantly, as Rhiannon widened her eyes stifling a laugh.
“And how would you know?” Harry asked calmly.
“Because, because she told me.” Niall said, making up a really pathetic excuse, Harry moved his head to the side so he could see me, raising an eyebrow.
“Are you free?” Harry asked again, wearing a warm smile, I looked to Niall who was looking at me with dangerous eyes. Why did he want me to cancel?
“Uh, I’m actually not this weekend, but next weekend I am?” I asked as Niall rolled his eyes moving aside.
“Great, well, we can hang out then.” Harry smiled, as Rhiannon stood up. “See you around Soph.” He smiled before the group stalked off, leaving Niall glaring at me.
“What the fuck Sophie?” Niall asked through gritted teeth as he continued to glare at me.
“What? Am I not allowed to hang out with my friends?” I replied, angered by his sudden possession over someone he had nothing to do with.
“Harry is not your fucking friend Sophie, you don’t want him as a friend.” He sighed as I stood up to his level.
“Yes I do actually! Now tell me why you just made me lie to him!” I demanded trying to look as tall as I could, although it failed miserably as he stared down at me.
“No. Just trust me.” he sighed again, rubbing his eyes in frustration.
“No Niall, I don’t trust you!” I rose my voice as his eyes narrowed.
“Well I’m the only one you can fucking trust!” he yelled, causing his group to briefly turn around from where they were sitting, sneaking a look at us.
“No you aren’t!” I screamed as I felt a hand brush against my shoulder, turning my head around angrily I saw Louis standing timidly behind me.
“Oh of fucking course.” Niall scoffed as Louis furrowed his eyebrows together angrily, stepping closer to me protectively, which right now, was very much so appreciated. Niall laughed sarcastically as he stormed off in the opposite direction of his friends as Louis turned to me expecting an explanation…
…
“So you like Harry?” Louis asked as we sat out in the rain, I was well aware of the fact the bell for class sounded a while ago, and I really hated missing class, more than anything, but right now, I needed to talk to someone, and I think Louis understood that.
“No, Harry and I are just friends, but Niall gets all angry whenever I speak to Harry.” I sighed pushing the damp hair off of my forehead.
“And why does Niall do that?”
“I don’t know! We can’t stand each other, its so rare that we are actually nice to each other, and yet he’s like that.” I sighed as Louis fell quiet. It was true. Niall and I getting along was a rare appearance, in fact it only ever happened when the both of us were alone, if that. And yet, despite that, every moment I had spent with him since he’d got back, had been so amazing, like we were best friends again.
“I just don’t get it, he acts so protective over you, and then at the same time as if he wants to strangle you and hide your body in a cupboard.” Louis mumbled attempting a laugh, I would have tried to, but for some reason, I hadn’t felt up to it. Silence fell among the both of us, as I fought with my thoughts, whether or not to tell Louis about the kiss.
It didn’t change anything, the kiss, I still loved Ben, and Niall still hated me, but at the same time I felt as though something was different. But I couldn’t for the life of me lay a finger on it.
Louis wouldn’t tell ben, he’s my best friend, and if I can’t trust him then there’s no hope for any of us. Of course I could trust him.
But then again, what if he thought what I did was so terrible, which it was, that he refused to speak to me, and told ben, and I’d be left with nothing.
My mouth opened, about to spill all to my best friend, but I found that no words escaped my mouth, no matter how hard I tried, no sound would come out, I shut my mouth abruptly as Louis gave me a strange look, laughing gently.
“You are a nutter Soph.” He chuckled as I laughed back, anxiety flashing through my mind. “Just please don’t do anything stupid.” He muttered, as I nodded. Little did Louis no, it was far too late to be saying that now.
I had kissed Niall already, and it had been such a new, heated experience.
But that was all it was, as I continuously tell myself, an experience, I didn’t like Niall, I couldn’t stand the boy.
But then again, He could be nice when he wanted to, sweet and adoring, gentle, funny, he knew when something was wrong, and would help. His hair felt soft and thick as memories of my fingers entangled with it flash through my mind, the way his blue eyes bored in to me as if he was peering in to my soul, and the way one touch gave me a feeling I had never experienced before.
I didn’t like Niall.
It was all a false sense of reality, it wasn’t real.
It was my imagination.
…
I tried to take my mind off of Niall, calling an emergency date with Ben after school, adamant he make it in to town to see me.
I felt like I was making a big deal out of it all, one kiss had accumulated in to something I could no longer comprehend. I was infatuated. And it was ridiculous.
“Ben!” I grinned running over to him as he neared the table I’d managed to secure in the bumbling café on the outskirts of the town centre.
“Hello, so what’s the big deal?” he asked as he grabbed one of my hands, sitting down next to me at the small table.
“I just thought it necessary to see you.” I smiled making up pity excuses as he smiled back politely, he was so adorable, with his prominent dimples and gentle blue eyes, they weren’t as bold as Niall’s eyes, not as noticeable, they were more of a faint blue, whereas Nialls were piercing, you could feel them looking at you and-
Get him off your mind.
“Walk me home?” I asked quickly standing up, Ben rose an eyebrow looking around the café.
“We haven’t ordered anything yet.” He asked taking my hand and gently pulling me back towards him. His baby blue cardigan stood out from other people in the shop, as he looked almost overly dressed for such an informal occasion- I found it unfair the way his school got to wear their own clothes as it was ‘better whilst learning to be comfortable’ whereas because I go to a normal school, I’m forced in to an overly priced, horrid uniform, that itches every time I move.
“I’m not in the mood for eating right now… you can come back to mine.” I moaned as he laughed standing up and following me out of the crowded café.
As we made our way through the shopping centre a poster caught my eye, as I stopped, staring it up and down. It was for a band called the all American rejects. The name had rang a bell in my mind, I remembered Niall telling me about them, I think he even played a song or two on his phone, the songs were good, but I can’t remember being all that interested. But now, as I stared at the poster, I suddenly found myself fascinated by the band, wanting to find out more, go in to the record shop and buy every one of their albums, and play them on repeat.
“Sophie?” ben pulled me from my thoughts as he stood quizzically in front of me, still gripping on to my hand. I needed to get Niall out of my head. He had no place in there. I stepped closer to ben and pressed my body against his as his eyes widened, laughing shyly. “What are you doing?” he whispered as I stared at his lips, shaking my head.
“Please kiss me.” I asked my hands resting on his chest, well a few layers above his chest to be honest. He sent me a strange look as I begged him.
“When we get back to yours maybe.” He bargained as I shook my head again, he looked around us, to the emptying centre, due to it being nearly sixish and closing time.
“Please Ben.” I begged as he gave in, sensing the desperation in my voice and eyes.
His lips pressed against mine, opening a bit, as his tongue barely touched mine, my hands snaked around his neck as his remained steadily around my back, it felt normal. His lips were soft and gentle as he slowly kissed me timidly, it felt as it always had, and it felt, safe. But no matter how hard I tried to find it, I could find no sense of heat, no longing, nothing like Niall and I had, nothing like I had felt that night.
After a few petty seconds, he pulled away smiling at me, glancing from side to side making sure no one had caught our public display of affection.
“Come on then, let’s get back to yours.” He smiled reconnecting our hands as we began walking again, leaving me unsatisfied and slightly disappointed.
“Sophie who’s this!” I heard a familiar squeal behind me, furrowing my eyebrows, I squeezed my eyes shut, for a second, hoping I had imagined the voice. I turned around putting on a grin, to see Rhiannon standing a few feet behind me with her usual crowd of people, I could easily spot Harry, Niall, and Chloe’s blonde hair.
“Hey.” I smiled, unsure whether I should walk over to her, or stay where I was, as I was certain Ben had frozen in his spot at the sight of so many piercings.
“Well aren’t you going to introduce us?” Rhiannon asked walking over to me with a grin on her face, I looked from Ben and back to her, he had the most nervous, smile on his face as I attempted an introduction.
“Yeah sorry, um, Ben this is Rhiannon, and Rhiannon, this is Ben, my boyfriend.” I smiled as Ben extended a hand to shake, which Rhiannon ended up slapping in a sort of sideways high five, of which Ben quickly withdrew from.
“Never told us you had a boyfriend!” I heard Chloe’s sarcastic tone as she joined Rhiannon, Rhiannon giving her a steady ‘no nonsense’ glare, her friends all crowded around us as well, Harry giving me a steady uneasy look, as Niall refused to come anywhere near whilst he stood at the back, typing on his phone.
“Uh, yeah.” I smiled, as Bens grip tightened on my hand.
“You two are so cute.” Rhiannon cooed as I blushed, Ben smiling.
“Thank you.” I heard Ben say from beside me, I glanced at him confusedly, as he smiled at me warmly. “Yeah we’ve been together for a while now.” He continued, as he eyed Niall at the back, who had caught on and was doing the exact same.
“What are you two doing here anyway?” Harry asked stepping forward, as Ben looked to the tallboy, looking away from Niall momentarily.
“We just met up after school, I don’t believe we’ve been introduced?” Ben asked, pulling me closer to him, his hand suddenly reaching around my back, something that was usually foreign between the both of us, Ben was obviously out of his depth and intimidated.
“I’m Harry, hi.” Harry smiled, glancing over to me for a second as I offered up a helpless smile, this whole situation has been a complete awkward disaster.
“Well we have to be going, see you tomorrow.” I smiled pulling Ben away as the group smiled.
“Nice meeting you.” Ben grinned as I walked away as quickly as I possibly could, completely struck by what just happened.
“That’s the Harry that was with you and Niall in that fight then?” Ben asked as I mentally screamed at the fact I was now faced with this topic with no escape.
“Uh yeah it is, he’s nice Harry, and they all are.” I mumbled.
“I guess so, not our type of people, so what was Niall doing?” he asked, I guessed he wasn’t the one who had picked up on his death glare.
…
“Are you sure you don’t want to come in?” I asked as Ben shook his head for the fifth time, standing outside my front door. “Because earlier you said you would…”
“I know Sophie, but I have work to be doing, I promise next time I’ll stay for dinner.” He smiled sympathetically. I knew he’d be mad meeting Rhiannon, I hadn’t imagined he’d be like this though, this is much worse than him being angry.
“alright.” I sighed in defeat, as he smiled kissing me gently on the cheek before walking down the driveway leaving me alone.
I felt as if I had lost something with ben, as if he wasn’t the same boy I was going out with a month ago, as if he had changed.
Or was it me who had changed?