"Allain..." Ang unang lumabas sa bibig ko makalipas ang ilang minuto. Tumitig ako sa kanya. Marami akong gustong itanong. Siya lang ba ang nakakalam nito?
Am I just too clueless about the things around me? Why didn't I noticed it. We have this resemblance. When I look at his eyes, I think I can see myself because of him. The boy version of myself.
"Does he know about it?" I asked him. Umiling lamang siya.
Ilang minuto siyang muling tumitig sa akin. Pinalis niya rin ang luhang kumawala sa kanyang mga mata. I honestly don't know what to feel.
"I don't know...I don't know what to say. I didn't see this one coming." Bahagya siyang tumungo. "I am in love with you. I love you but knowing you're my half sister makes it even harder for me. Why are our lives tangled this way?" Nalulungkot ako. I know when we separate ways, he's hurt even though he didn't say it.
"Do you know you have a half sister?" Tumango siya. "And Allain doesn't really know about it?" Muli kong tanong. Tumango ulit siya.
"We've been best of friends. But we don't talk too much about each other's lives. We're just contented that we got each other's back." I felt sorry for him. I hope it was just a dream. But this isn't.
"I'm really sorry...K-kuya...Ford." This makes even more awkward for the both of us.
"I know I have a half sister but I have no idea it was you. Because if I only knew, I shouldn't have fell for you." My heart aches so much seeing him this way.
This is what I felt for him, long time ago. A sister's love for him.
Tumalikod siya mula sa akin. Nakita ko ang pagtaas-baba ng balikat niya. Umiiyak na naman siya at hindi ko alam ang dapat kong gawin.
"K-Kuya...K-Kuya..." Lalapitan ko na sana siya.
"Please don't..." Tila tinutukoy niya ang paglapit ko sa kanya kaya tumigil ako. "Give me a break. I just can't...I can accept you as my sister...but not now. Fuck this life. Why do I have to fell in love with my own sister?!" He messed with his hair out of frustration.
Napatungo na lamang ako habang patuloy sa pagbagsak ang mga luha ko. Tahimik lamang akong umiiyak sa likuran niya.
"I just confessed weeks ago. And then this. Don't you think it's too much?" Hindi ako sumagot. Damang-dama ko kasi ngayon ang sakit na nararamdaman niya. It will never be easy for him. I don't really understand why do we have to fall for someone who can't love us back. And why do we have this twisted kind of life.
Unti-unti siyang naglakad palayo sa akin. I didn't follow him. He asked for a break, it is just right to respect his decision. He's just a man who fell in love for the wrong person.
Ivan sit beside me.
"I didn't see Allain today and the other day." Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya at binaba sandali ang script na binabasa ko. Nagtataka akong tumitig sa kanya.
"Ha?" Wala sa sariling tanong ko.
"I mean for the past 3 years I've seen him watching you from afar." Namilog ang mga mata ko. "You didn't know?" Umiling ako. Teka... "I thought you know About it, he was just that far." May tinuro siyang distansya na hindi kalayuan sa pwesto naming dalawa. Napatakip ako ng bibig dahil sa hindi ako makapaniwala. "He was always there...watching you."
Natulala na lamang ako sa malayong distansiya na iyon. At tila nagkaroon ako ng imahinasyon, nakangiti, malungkot habang pinapanood ako nang hindi ko nalalaman.
For months, I have done the same things. Photoshoot, interview, mall shows, Asian tour, tapings. I go straight to my unit after everything's done.
Kumuha ako ng red wine at mag-isang sinalinan ang wine glass ko. I don't know. I feel hopeless this past few days. I should let my heart relax from all the pain, but I'm already missing him so bad.
Pinaikot ko ang wine sa corner ng wine glass. I never really drink that much, only times when I'm required to. But this time I think this is the only thing I have for now, which won't at least make me feel alone.
Naglakad ako patungo sa may balkonahe. Tinanaw ko ang mga city light. The lights reflect right through eyes. Marahan kong iniinom ang wine. Sa di kalayuan ay natatanaw ko ang malaking billboard kung saan kitang-kita ang mukha ko.
Napangiti ako, it was as if yesterday...I was only 17 that time...turned 18, when I experience so much pain from that heartless billionaire.
For a teenager like me way back then, everything just seem so normal, every teenager would feel the same way.. They'll fall in love and eventually get hurt also. That's the way of life. We just have to follow the nature of life. We have to live in simplicity.
I woke up so late. Good thing, it's a rest day for me after having straight month shooting in Paris. I checked my phone and opened Tita Alexis' message early this morning.
From Tita Alexis
Wake up and get ready yourself. Good morning :)
Agad din akong naligo at nag-breakfast pagkatapos. It's actually almost a brunch but I don't each that much to maintain my body.
Around 1 PM nang muli akong maka- receive ng message mula kay Tita Alexis. I am watching Notting Hill. Nakaka- miss palang manood ng movies. Napapangiti ako dahil sa dalawang bida.
From Tita Alexis
I have someone with me. We'll be there in 10 minutes.
Eksaktong natapos ang movie nang mabasa ko ito. Nawala ang focus na manood pa ng isang movie dahil sa tila ginapangan ako ng kaba nang mabasa ang text ni Tita Alexis.
Who could it be? Someone?
Nang mag-text ulit si Tita Alexis na pa- akyat na sila ay ako na mismo ang naghintay sa tapat ng unit. Nakatitig ako sa may paa ko habang hinihintay ko sila.
"Hija...Cline..." Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Tita Alexis. Binaling ko naman agad ang tingin ko sa lalaking katabi niya. If I'm not mistaken he could be of same age as dad.
Natigilan ako sa naisip ko. Was he....
"Cline...you remind me so much of your mom. You remind me so much of my younger days also." Panimula ng lalaking nasa harapan ko. At doon pa lamang ay alam ko na.
He was...
"I'm your father. I'm sorry if it took long for me to find you but believe me..." Kinuha niya ang mga kamay ko. "I have always been looking for you. I'm gonna admit that I got scared... Scared of loosing all the things I have because of you....scared of having a responsibility on you." A tear started escaping my eyes.
"Papa..." Yan na lamang ang tanging salita na nakaya kong sabihin. Masyado na naman akong nabigla sa mga pangyayari. This is the same feeling I felt when I knew that Ford was actually my half brother. It was a set of different emotions.
Ilang taon mang hindi ko nakilala ang tunay kong papa ay naramdaman ko na agad na siya ito. And I think the small hatred I felt for him for leaving us was already gone just like how the wind passed us.
Hindi na ako nagdalawang isip pa para yakapin siya. Ang paghikbi ko ngayon ay sapat na para iparamdam sa kanya kung gaano ko siya gustong makita.
"I'm really sorry sweetheart." He kissed the top of my head. "Can you come with me? I wanted to see your mom." Agad akong tumango sa kanya.
Pagkababa namin sa unit ko ay agad kaming sinalubong ng hindi ko mabilang na body guards ni papa.
"Thank you so much Tita." Niyakap ko si Tita Alexis at tsaka nagpaalam sa kanya. Pinauna akong sumakay ni papa sa kotse bago siya umupo sa tabi ko.
Medyo naiilang pa ako dahil panay ang sulyap niya sa akin. "You really look like your mom. Sa mga mata palang. It makes me miss her even more." Tumango ako. Kahit kasi si Ford ay nagsabing kamukha ko rin talaga si mama.
"Uh...pa-pa...may mga kapatid po ba ako?" Sandaling nanahimik si papa. Tila tinatantiya ang mga dapat niyang sabihin at hindi.
"You have 2 step sisters." Tumahimik lamang ako. "15 years old and 8 years old." Tumango lamang ako. At that age nakasama nila ang tunay nilang papa. I don't envy them for that. I have my mom and dad that time and I always felt I'm the luckiest.
Sa hindi kalayuan ay pumwesto ang body guards niya, samantalang ako ay pinagmamasdan ang lapida ni mama. Funny it is, I still don't know my papa's full name. "I wanted you to become Yuchengco soon." Nabigla ako roon. "I'm Alfred Yuchengco and you are my daughter Leanna Cline Yuchengco, I hope you wouldn't mind me giving my surname to you." Naiintindihan ko naman ang lahat kaso.
"I'm Leanna Cline Servida po. I hope you don't mind also but I want to stick with my real surname po." Nagbago ang expression ng mukha ni papa. Tila hindi makapaniwala sa naging tugon ko.
"What do you mean by real? I'm your real father here. Without me you're nothing. You're not the Cline they'll know." Tila nagpantig ang tainga ko sa mga salitang narinig ko.
My heart aches after hearing those words.
"If you're really my real father, I hope you'll act like one." I know what I said was disrespectful, I just don't get it. Not changing my surname won't change the fact that I'm his daughter, if that's something he was worried about.
"Sorry po mama." Humingi ako ng paumanhin kay mama tsaka tinahak ang daan palayo kay papa.
Hindi ko alam na sinundan pala ako ni papa. "Cline hija... I didn't mean it that way. I really look for you for how many years. It took me so long for me to finally find you." Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang braso ko, tila nagsusumamo. "I just wanted to give you my surname because that's the only thing I can do to make up with the years I missed without being with you as your father." Umiling ako.
Pinalis ang luhang kumawala sa mga mata ko. "I just wanted to feel you love me as your daughter. Not because you're guilty because mama died and you're not there to support the both of us. She got me switched with other child, that other child had a lonely life and I got everything I need which are really not for me, because you weren't there when you are supposed to be there." Napaatras siya nang dahil sa mga sinabi ko.
"I don't want you to give me your surname just because you're guilty. I am contented of what I have now. I'm you're real daughter just make me feel I really am." Bahagya akong napatungo.
"Sayo ko lahat ipapamana ang mga bagay na mayroon ako. Would that be more than enough? Would that make you feel you're my real daughter. I'll give you everything I have. So please hija...come with me. Let's start anew and I'm gonna make up with the missing years without you." Mas lalo lamang akong nanlumo sa naging sagot ni papa.
"There's no amount of money that would equal a father's love." I hope you understand that papa.
Naninikip ang dibdib ko habang tinatalikuran ko si papa. Naglakad ako palayo sa kanya, at sa pagkakataong ito ay hindi niya ako sinundan.
Sa di kalayuan ay may natanaw akong isang pamilyar na tao. Sa di kalayuan ay alam ko na kung sino ito.
Habang papalapit siya sa akin ay nagsimulang magsibagsakan ang mga luha ko. Nang tuluyan na siyang makalapit sa akin ay mas lalo lamang akong naiyak.
"I miss you." Patuloy lamang ako sa paghikbi. Bahagya ko siyang hinahampas sa dibdib. "Akala ko okay lang na malayo ulit sayo pero para akong mababaliw habang iniisip na baka hindi na talaga tayo magkita pa. Ilang buwan ka pang hindi nagparamdam sa akin." Umiyak ako nang umiyak sa dibdib niya.
"I miss you. I didn't left you, I was there watching you from a far but in different view, because just like you...I can't stay away from you." Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit. "I'm crazy for you but I'll only get crazier if I won't be with you."
Natigilan ako nang makarinig ng putok ng baril sa di kalayuan.
My heart started beating so fast. Huli na nang marealize ko na... May nakatutok ng baril sa ulo ni Allain. Gusto kong sumigaw pero wala nang ano pang salita ang lumabas sa bibig ko.
Na-estatwa na lamang ako nang takpan nila ang bibig ni Allain habang pinipilit niyang makawala sa mga lalaking nakahawak sa kanya ngayon.
Hanggang sa unti-unting pumikit ang mga mata ni Allain nang dahil sa panyong tumakip sa ilong nito. Tila nahihirapan siyang huminga hanggang sa nawlaan na siya ng lakas.
"Allainnnnn!!!!" Sigaw ko pero huli na rin ang lahat nang may nagtakip sa ilong ko. Nakakahilong amoy hanggang sa nawalan na rin ako ng lakas.
Everything went black.