Chapter Fourteen: Rekindling Emotions
24 June, 1982
Remus shoved the thin sheets off his body as the summer heat seeped into the room through the open windows, and rolled around to lie on his back, closing his eyes again to fall back into a restless, dreamless sleep. Minutes later, something heavy leapt on top of him and began to push him roughly with soft paws. He groaned and turned away, before Santa Paws growled in anger and rolled his half asleep form off the bed.
When the Shepherd leapt off the bed and settled down beside him on the floor, he swore colourfully, to which Santa Paws raised his brows and peered into his face, wearing what could only be described as an amused grin. Resting himself on his arms, he pushed himself up and gazed at the clock that stood on the table beside his bed.
"Well," he said as he stretched himself and yawned, "as much as I don't appreciate your process of waking me up, thanks."
He gave a soft bark in reply and nudged him on the leg, as though telling him to hurry. Remus complied, and grabbing a pair of pants, made his way to the bathroom to get dressed.
Santa Paws was a more than a furry companion - he had turned out to be quite useful for Remus too. He woke him up every morning, and he no longer had to set the alarm to go to work. He had someone to talk to, even though he never got anything in reply other than a few barks, and he was grateful for his company, because he used to get lonely frequently at home.
Once he was dressed up, he skipped downstairs and made it to the kitchen for breakfast. Santa Paws sat quietly beside his empty bowl, waiting for it to be filled up, and as Remus poured milk into a round plastic bowl, he eyed the dog for a minute. "You know, it's greatly creepy to see a dog so calm and quiet," he said as he filled up Santa Paws' bowl with food. He glanced up at Remus briefly before beginning his breakfast. "Dogs are supposed to be more active."
Santa Paws ignored him, but when he had finished eating, he pushed his bowl into a corner and began running around the room at lightning speed, knocking over a chair in the process. Remus gaped at him from where he sat at the table for a minute, and when Santa Paws stopped and stumbled to the ground, panting heavily, he started to laugh.
"Wow," he said between his laughter as he stood up to pick up the chair and put it back in its place. "That was impressive."
The dog crawled over to him and rested his head over his thigh, tongue out and chest heaving rapidly. Remus set aside his spoon and bowl of cereal to bring his hand to run over Santa Paws' head. "I take it you're not used to running."
He allowed him to lick his hand, and five minutes later, when he was done with breakfast, he pushed Santa Paws away gently and stood up. He stared at him for a minute, eyeing his heavy pants and hunched body, and said, "You don't have to run if you don't want to. I was joking - lazy dogs do exist."
Santa Paws' head turned sharply to look at him, and he growled in a low voice, as if to say, I'm not lazy.
Remus smiled and stroked his head. "Of course you're not."
He headed upstairs and fetched some of Santa Paws' toys which he dropped to the ground before him. He sniffed them disinterestedly and Remus smirked. "Keep yourself busy. I'll be back for lunch, okay?"
He heard him whine softly in reply, before he walked over to the entrance and left, locking the door behind him.
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Sirius flopped onto the floor with a thump once Remus was gone. As much as he loved it here at Moonwood, he had to admit it got quite lonely when he left to the shelter. He could tell that Remus tried his best to keep him comfortable when he didn't take him to the shelter, but a dog did need company, and he only hoped that Remus wasn't having second thoughts about the adoption, as he did not want to return to the wretched cages.
He played around idly with the toys for a while before he got bored. He left the room and went out to the corridor, eyeing the stairs that led upstairs where Remus's bedroom was. After a moment's hesitation, he trudged up the stairs and entered the room, standing still in the middle for a minute.
Finally, he made up his mind. Closing his eyes, he concentrated, and a second later, he felt his bones shifting and enlarging, the hair on his body shrinking back to their follicles to be replaced by cotton, and it was only a second before Sirius stood on two legs, back to his human form.
He breathed heavily and deeply, all emotions that had been kept away rushing into him in full force. The last time he had been a human, he was in the midst of a battle, and was too busy to keep note of himself or of the surroundings. But now he stood alone, with nothing but the worn out and torn shirt to keep him protected. There was no way he could keep away the avalanche of emotions that stumbled upon him.
Sirius did not know what kind of magic was at work in the animagus process, but he was aware of how it had helped him over the years. He hadn't realised how much of his pain and hurt it had kept away though, and it was only when he was standing in his human form, did he realise the magnitude of it. It was as though he had been filling up a balloon with air - a little at a time, using very little force - but once it had been punctured, it retaliated with a force ten times as stronger, and as much louder - too fast for him to handle. He stumbled back on the bed, heaving rapidly, realising for the first time how draining emotions could be.
It took him several minutes to recover. Once he was feeling somewhat okay, he got on his feet, and with shaky legs and buckling knees, walked into the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror.
He let out an involuntary gasp at his own appearance. His hair, once smooth and beautiful, was now dry and tangled, nearly touching his elbows. His cheeks were hollow despite the amount of food he had eaten as a dog, and he knew it was due to stress rather than hunger, and his cheekbones were standing out, sharp and prominent. His grey eyes lacked life and light and the shirt he wore, once light brown in colour, was now caked with dirt, torn in several places and felt like dry parchment paper, rough and fragile. He drew in a shaky breath and returned to his dog form.
Even long after he had become Padfoot, he felt his heart pounding against his chest as the long lost pain and guilt of the past swept over him, whispering soft words and sweet lies in his ears.
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Remus returned home in the afternoon to a very moody dog who refused to acknowledge his presence and remained seated stubbornly on the sofa, head planted in the crook that joined the armrest to the back. He decided to ignore him for the time being and left to prepare lunch.
He came back to the living room some twenty minutes later and found Santa Paws in the same position, still and uncaring. He deposited his bowl on the floor and sat down by his side, bringing his hand under his jaw to force his head up. His stiffened posture relaxed after a while and he allowed himself to look at Remus.
"There's your lunch," he said, green eyes furrowed in concern, looking at Santa Paws' own grey ones that looked horrifyingly dull. His long ears drooped and his tail lay motionless on Remus's thigh. Santa Paws tilted his head ever so slightly and looked over at his lunch, but turned away and put his head back at the armrest.
Biting his lips in confusion, Remus scooted closer to the dog and forced him to turn and face him. He wasn't qualified in veterinary knowledge, but in his nearly five years of working at the shelter, he had learnt quite a lot about dogs' health and sicknesses. He examined Santa Paws, looking for any sign of illness, but the only explanation he could come up with was a bad case of food poisoning. He definitely looked quite weak, for when Remus let go of one of his paws, it dropped helplessly, lying limp and idle.
"I'm going to take you to the shelter," he muttered, more to himself than to the dog whose head rested on his legs. "Jem will take a look at you. In the meantime, try to eat your lunch."
He wasn't really expecting Santa Paws to move, so when he lifted himself and dragged his body over to the bowl, he was taken by surprise. Remus watched him for a moment, wondering what may have happened to him, or what may have caused any illness, but when he couldn't remember him doing anything undesirable, he got up with a sigh and left to have his own lunch.
When Jem had examined him, he couldn't find anything wrong with him either, so he asked Remus to spend more time with him, as he may have been feeling quite lonely the past few days. Remus bit on his lower lip, not having imagined that keeping a dog could be this much trouble. Nevertheless, he took the day, and the next, off, and asked Santa Paws whether he wanted to visit Caspar.
Surprisingly, he perked up at the suggestion, though he still looked quite weak and frail. Remus tied a harness around his neck, something which he hadn't done to him in a long time, and took him outside.
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Caspar had grown to full size, and Sirius was positively shocked when a large dog jumped on him and began rolling him around the house. When the husky let go of him and began licking his face, he stared at him in disbelief for a whole minute, causing the humans around him to chuckle.
Caspar's owner led them outside and allowed them to play around under Remus's supervision, and Sirius slowly began to feel better as the sudden anxiety he had experienced began to fade away. When he left an hour later with Remus, he had a happy spring in his steps.
"Look at you, you're better now," Remus said with a soft laugh as they made their way home. Sirius now felt that he had taken a day off for nothing, as he felt quite good now and did not need him to stay, but he didn't complain. He was glad to have his company.
Once they reached home and Remus turned on the TV, Sirius climbed onto his lap and rested his head on the armrest. He kept his eyes closed, but his mind was alert and awaiting any news of inexplicable incidents that might hint of death eater attacks. He didn't have to wait long, and when he heard about a restaurant being blown up, which the ignorant muggles thought of as a gas explosion, he perked up and stared at the TV screen.
Remus looked down at him, and changed the channel. Sirius didn't mind - he couldn't do anything to help anyway. Swallowing a sigh that wanted to escape his lips, he turned his head away from the TV and closed his eyes. With Remus's slender fingers moving through his fur, he soon fell asleep, the usual dreams of his best friends and lost childhood being replaced by Caspar, his soft duvet and the place he could now call home.
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thank you so much for the 500+ reads, lovelies <3