Chapter 20
I held Devon’s hand tightly as I shut the car door behind me. I quickly used my free hand to make sure that I had my car keys and my phone. I was satisfied when my hand came in contact with the cool metal of the keys in the front pocket of my hoodie. I then checked my back pocket of my shorts to make sure my phone was there. It was.
“Alright,” I turned my attention back to Devon. He stood with one hand in his mouth. His eyes were wandering, taking in his surroundings. “Ready to go?”
He just continued to take in the scenery of the park we had just arrived at.
We had come here a few times before. Mostly on the days that I got out of college early. It was too early for either my Mom or Drew to be home from work and school yet and I found that Devon enjoyed going on adventures.
I made sure I had a firm grip on his small hand as I started walking through the empty gravel parking lot and towards the playground.
“What do you think, Dev?” I asked him as we neared the smaller baby-size playground. “What should we do first?”
He looked up at me, his eyes sparkling with excitement. He removed his fist from his mouth. “Swiiing!”
I smiled. “Okay! We can go on the swings!”
“Yay!” He squealed with joy causing me to giggle.
I felt him trying to remove his hand from my grasp. His sudden burst of excitement made him want to run off. I willingly let go of him once we were on the grass. If he fell on the gravel, it would most likely end in tears. A least the grass would offer him some cushion.
Once we finally made it to the baby swings, Devon could hardly stand still.
I picked him up and placed him in the rubbery-plastic seat. He bounced excitedly making me smile. He enjoyed our afterschool adventures way too much.
“We can’t stay here all day,” I reminded him, the slight breeze causing my hair to fly around my face. “Mommy needs time to do her homework.”
I had already been going to Woodfair Community College for about a month. It was the middle of September and it was just starting to cool down in time for the fall season.
“Go swing!” Devon was still bouncing with excitement as he ignored my words.
I grabbed the back of the swing’s seat and took a few steps back, pulling it with me. The metal chains creaked against bar that was overhead. The woodchips crunched under my sneakers.
Devon started laughing as he realized what was going to come next.
I started counting down as I held the swing near my body. “Three, two, one…blastoff!” I removed my fingers from it, allowing Devon’s seat to fly forward.
“Ahhh!” He squealed with delight as he swung flew the air. The gush of wind making his blond hair rustle
I couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction. I always enjoyed bringing him to the park. Ever since he discovered this place, it was hard to keep him away for too long.
He swung backwards towards me and I gave him a gentle push, propelling him forwards again. “You’re like a bird! You’re flying!”
“I fwy!” His adorable laughter continued. He was holding onto the front of the seat with his hands.
We stayed at the swings for a while longer. Devon showed no signs of getting bored, making it clear that it was one of his favorite things to do at the park.
The sun shone brightly but the breeze made it a little cooler than it would’ve normally been. It was nice to get some fresh air after spending the morning sitting in slightly stuffy classrooms and learning about uninteresting topics. Dev had probably already been outside earlier today. The teachers at the daycare center in the college often took the kids for walks on nice days. It was one of the reasons he liked going so much. Devon liked running around outside and getting dirty. He was turning into a typical little boy.
After a while, I stopped pushing the swing, allowing it to gradually slow down.
“No stop. More!” Devon turned around to look at me from his seat.
A smile spread across my lips as I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him. This kid only needed a swing to make him happy. “Why don’t we do something else now? You want to go on the slide?”
He started at me for a little bit, taking his time to decide whether or not he was ready to leave his beloved swing. Eventually he began to make the effort to get out.
I quickly stepped forward so I was right next to him. I placed my hands under his armpits and pulled him out, setting him on the ground almost immediately. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he quickly waddled off in the direction of the plastic, miniature playground that was nearby.
I followed him to the structure, smiling as I did so. Devon was growing up right before my very eyes. He was already about 20 months old. He had grown so quickly in the past two years. It was hard to think that he was the same tiny newborn that had come home with me from the hospital two Januarys ago.
…
I couldn’t take my eyes off of the sight in front of me. I felt my heart flutter. There, lying in the white, wooden crib off to the side of the room, was a little bundle. A baby boy all tucked in, sleeping in the soft glow that the nightlight provided.
It was still hard for me to grasp the concept that I was a mother. The little boy I had carried inside me for nine months, was now home. I no longer had to imagine what he looked like. I could now stare at him for hours on end and see his features with my own eyes.
I pushed myself away from the doorway I had been leaning on. I had lost track of how long I had been standing there, afraid to get any closer to the tiny newborn.
I clenched my hands nervously and began taking slow steps across the room. The carpet squished beneath my toes. I absentmindedly wrung my hands and played with my fingers as I got closer, my mind racing.
Saying that I was a little scared was an understatement. I was completely terrified. So many responsibilities had arisen in the past week and I wasn’t sure that I would be able to handle them. I struggled to babysit my 14 year old brother before my mom came home from work each day. How on Earth was I supposed to take care a tiny little person who relied solely on those around him? At least Drew was able to dig through the cupboard to find food when he was hungry. This little guy in the crib wouldn’t be able to survive without constant attention and care.
I swallowed nervously as I approached the side of the crib. I rested my hands on the edge and peered inside.
He was facing me. His eyes were closed as he slept soundly on his back. His tiny arms were resting on the mattress above his head. I watched as his chest rose and fell with each breath. The sound of his breathing filling my ears in the quiet room.
I smiled as I watched him. Even through all of the nervousness and fear I currently felt, somehow I managed to be happy. I wrapped my arms around my torso. It felt like I was going to explode from the range of emotions that were existing inside me at the same time.
I intently watched the tiny body in front of me. He was sound asleep. I saw the way his eyelashes rested against his cheeks. I saw the small amount of hair he had, glisten in the soft glow the night light was giving off. Even with the light, he still looked extremely bald. I saw how his light pink lips were pressed together. I noticed how tiny his nose was. I smiled. It was like a little button. His body was covered in a small blanket, aside from his head and arms. His fingers formed loose fists above his head.
This was my baby. This was my son.
Suddenly, I had the urge to touch him. I pulled one arm away from my body and stretched it to reach inside the crib. I stretched my fingers out, just a few inches from his face, before stopping midair. My fingers hovered over his skin for a brief second before I quickly pulled away and clenched my hand into a fist.
I took a shaky breath, my arm still over the railing of the crib.
Part of me didn’t want to risk waking him and disturbing his peaceful state. Another part of me was afraid of touching him. He looked so fragile and delicate, like I could risk breaking his small frame with one touch.
I retracted my arm from the crib and pulled it as close to my own body as possible. I continued to stare at my son with amazement, fear, happiness, and anxiety.
Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped, turning around quickly. My mother was standing behind me with a soft expression on her face.
“Couldn’t sleep?” She asked in a whisper.
I shrugged and turned back to look at the sleeping newborn. My heartbeat had quickened from the scare she had caused me.
She wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “I know what you’re feeling Madelynn. It’s completely normal. All new mothers feel this way. It’ll be fine, I promise.”
My lips parted and I licked them nervously. “H-how do you know?” I turned to face her. She met my gaze and I stared at her desperately.
“Because,” She gave me a sympathetic smile. “I’ve been in the same place that you are now. I’ve experienced your same worries, three times.”
“But what if I can’t take care of him?” My voice was a whisper as I watched her face intensely. “I have no idea what I’m doing…”
“Shh…” She now had both her arms around me.
I willingly leaned into her embrace, desperate for comfort. I glanced back towards my sleeping baby.
“We’re all going to help, sweetie. Don’t you worry.” She planted a kiss on the side of my head.
I took a deep breath. I knew my family would stick by me through this whole adventure of motherhood I was facing. I didn’t doubt that for a second. The only person I doubted was myself. There was no way that I’d be able to go through with taking care of a baby and still be myself afterwards. I was going to change because of it. I would never be a little girl again. I would never be able to live as freely as I had before. My life was about to go through extreme changes and there was nothing that would ever be able to prepare me for that.
…
“Mommy, look me!”
I blinked and looked to where Devon was climbing up the three steps of the miniature playground structure that had a few small slides attached.
“Wow!” I gave him a big smile. “Look at you go! You’re getting so good at climbing stairs.”
He beamed at the compliment. He most likely hadn’t understood what I was talking about, as his vocabulary was still growing, but by the tone of my voice he had managed to figure out that he was doing something right.
I wandered over to where he was climbing, woodchips crunching under my feet the whole way there. I stopped a few feet in front of the piece of playground equipment to watch him as he played.
Devon had finally climbed up all three of the steps and wandered over to one of the opening for the slide. He bent down and peeked through the opening, finding me watching him.
I walked over to the end of the slide and squatted down, placing my hands on the plastic. “Come on down, I’ll catch you!”
It took him a little bit to go from him standing position to sit his butt at the top of the slide, causing me to smile. He had definitely grown a lot in the past two years.
Devon managed to go down the slide and I caught him in my arms at the end.
“Yay!” I helped him get his feet back on the ground. “Wasn’t that fun?”
He just clapped his hands and squealed in response. Then he waddled back over to the stairs again, ready for another go. With all this running around, he was definitely going to sleep good tonight.
Suddenly I felt my phone begin to vibrate in the back pocket of my shorts. I pulled it out and glanced at the screen. Alex was calling me.
My stomach fluttered as I read his name on the screen.
We still hadn’t talked about that night. It had been about a month since our last encounter, since we said goodbye to each other and he kissed me. I hadn’t seen him since then. It was hard to believe that he hadn’t come home from college yet at all. Surely he would’ve come home for the weekend at some point.
My eyes widened and I felt my stomach churn. What if he had come home? What if he had been home for the weekend more than once in the past month and he hadn’t even made an attempt to see me?
The more I thought about it, the more I believed it to be true. Had he forgotten about me already? Had he already replaced me with his new college friends?
I swallowed nervously and stared at my phone as it continued to vibrate in my hand.
No. I cleared the doubts from my mind. We had grown so close to each other over the past few years. There was no way he would ever be able to replace our friendship. I knew that for me, just the thought of replacing Alex from my life was impossible.
I pushed my thoughts aside and quickly answered the call before it went to voicemail.
“Hello?” I glanced back up at the playground to see Devon climbing around on the plastic structure again.
“…Maddie,” He took and unsteady breath. His voice sounded strained.
Just from the tone of his voice, I could sense that something was wrong. In that one word I felt a rush of fear wash over me, giving me goosebumps. He sounded scared.
“Alex, are you okay?” My eyes darted around quickly as I strained to hear what his answer would be. “What’s wrong?”
I heard his breathing quicken before he mumbled, mostly to himself. “…oh God..I don’t- I-I can’t…”
“What’s going on?” I felt my heartbeat quicken. He was definitely afraid of something. It sounded like he was on the verge of a breakdown. Just the thought of something causing him that much pain made my heart clench.
He took a deep breath before speaking. “S-something happened… and I…I…”
“It’s okay, just… try and calm down for a second,” I licked my lips. I had no idea about what could’ve possibly happened. “Are you alright?”
“Uh… not really.”
“Where are you? I’ll come get you,” I said as I reached my hand in my pocket to grab my keys. My eyes were back on Devon, ready to drag him back to the car and go on a mission to save my best friend. My brain was going a million miles a minute as I pictures every possible terrible situation that Alex could be in at the moment.
“No! Wait um…I-It’s not me,” It sounded like he was struggling to breathe again. “I-It’s m-my dad.” His voice rose a few octaves before cracking.
I froze in my tracks. “Is he…okay?” My body felt cold. My feet were unable to move. The breeze had picked up again, sending a few pieces of hair flying into my face. I was to paralyzed to brush them away.
“I-I don’t know,” His voice cracked again and he sounded like he would break down in tears at any second. “Mad, he’s…in the hospital.”
As the words sunk in, I felt my mouth go dry. I tried to speak but it seemed that I was incapable of forming any words.
“M-my mom called a-and…” If possible, Alex was now even closer to breaking down than before. “He’s… going through h-heart failure. He just… had a heart attack…” By the end of his sentence, it was apparent that had reached his breaking point.
It took me a second to comprehend what I was hearing. It was partially because Alex sounded so choked up, making it hard to understand him, and partially because I was afraid I had heard him wrong.
“Al-” I stopped myself to clear my throat. I could barely speak. “Alex, l-listen to me…”
“I could b-barely understand her w-when she c-called,” He was definitely crying now. The sound of it caused my heart to shatter into a billion pieces. “She was b-bawling her eyes out. I-It can’t be good… Maddie…I’m scared…”
I felt myself start to panic. His dad was such a good person and it hurt to think that anything bad had happened to him. And with Alex being two hours away from home, it was easy to see why he was freaking out as much as he was. He was afraid for his dad’s life and that he wouldn’t be able to make it in time to see him…
“Oh my God…” My voice was barely a whisper as I clutched my phone desperately to my ear. “Just listen to me alright?” I tried to calm myself down so I could be more confident as I tried to comfort my friend. “Alex, your dad is going to be fine… You’re going to make it home and you’re going to see him. Nothing is going to happen to him.”
“I don’t know what to do…I-I,” He paused to think, sniffling as his brain overflowed with thoughts. “I n-need to come home now but… I’m supposed t-to take this exam tomorrow…I do think I can m-miss it but, there’s no way I-I’m going to be able to take it now…I have to c-come home.”
“I know a lot is happening right now…” I glanced back at the playground to see Devon sitting on the woodchip-covered ground, digging around. “But, just try and hang in there til tomorrow, alright?”
“But-,”
“Just try to take the test… if you can’t miss it then you just have to show up and fill it out. I know there’s no way you’re gonna be able to concentrate on it. Just…you just have to write something down. Even if it’s just your name and you turn it in blank.” I prayed that I was getting through to him. He was a mess and just hearing the news caused me to begin freaking out with him. I knew the struggle of not being able to miss things while in college. I could understand what he was thinking.
“I-I don’t think I can…”
“I’ll go check on your mom tonight, okay? I’ll go figure out what’s happening for you.” I was desperate. I knew Alex would be furious with himself if missing that one test caused him to fail that class and have to retake it. I was trying my best to get him to stay there for another half a day. “Tomorrow’s Friday so just try and… get through the night.”
“But what if h-he…” Alex couldn’t finish his sentence. Just when I thought he had started to calm down just a tiny bit, he was getting extremely emotional again.
“He’s going to be fine,” My voice was pleading as I tried to make both Alex, and myself, believe that everything would be alright. “You’re going to get to see him tomorrow. He’s not going anywhere.”
“I-I just can’t lose him.”
“I can’t either,” I closed my eye tightly. Just the thought of losing anyone that I knew was heartbreaking. “I promise I’ll go talk to your mom tonight. I’ll call you afterwards and we can talk again. If you want, I can even go pick you up tomorrow myself, so your mom can stay at the hospital.”
I knew that Mrs. Marzolla would be in no condition to go on a four hour round trip to go pick her son up from college. They would both be hysterical. That would only be another accident waiting to happen. I also knew that they would both be extremely uncomfortable with leaving Mr. Marzolla at the hospital alone in his current condition.
I continued to listen to Alex sob about his worries on the other end of the call. I could only imagine what he must be feeling. Sure, there had been a ton of days in my life where I had cried for hours on end. But those situations felt like nothing compared to what Alex had told me.
By this time, I was struggling to breathe. It felt like my heart was bound to beat right out of my chest.
AN: Helloooooooo!!! So…it’s been a ridiculously long time since I did anything on Wattpad. Sorry about that… I blame college, procrastination, writer’s block, and going on vacation. Don’t hate me lol. I recently got re-motivated after reading this incredible story on Wattpad called Skipping Time by Tamaradw. It’s beautiful in every way.
Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter! This story is about half way done. I officially have everything planned out and this second half is going to get extremely intense. I’m super excited!! Everything in this half is stuff I’ve been dying to write about for months now. I just never knew how to get there haha.
Feel free to leave your thoughts on the chapter :) I love hearing what you guys have to say! What do you think is going to happen with Alex’s dad? What about Alex and Maddie’s relationship? Any predictions for the future about the rest of the characters? What about Corie? I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about anything lol.