Anna's POV
Demi's been so nice to me. She never yells or gets mad at me like my mom used to. I guess it's because she doesn't know me well enough yet. When my mom figured out how messed up I was, when I was 8 she took me to a doctor who put me on antidepressants. She seemed to think that they would just magically fix me and everything would be fine. Of course they didn't and she ended up yelling at me all the time telling me I was faking it for attention and calling me crazy and stuff. She hadn't even found out about the cutting part. It was obvious that she pretty much hated me after that. Even my brother and sister turned against me. They were always the perfect kids who achieved everything and I was just kind of there. I don't want to do that to Demi, I don't want to be a disappointment to her. I made the decision last night after everything she did for me, that I would stop cutting and purging and I would try to get better so she wouldn't have to find out how messed up I am. It shouldn't be that hard, should it?
~~~~Time skip to 1 week later~~~~
This is harder than I thought. I've had so many urges and the only things that help are music and Demi. I'm so happy when I'm around Demi. She makes all my problems disappear. I don't want to bother her too much though so I try not to stay around her too much and annoy her. It's like she can read my mind because she can always tell when somethings wrong. She will always try and get me to talk about it, but of course I don't. She doesn't pry when I don't want to talk about things she just supports me. It's really nice having someone like that. When I'm not with her I'm either playing her piano, writing music, or listening to music. I've written so many songs this past week to try and distract myself. Some of them were depressing and others were... I guess you could say inspirational. It depended on what mood I was in.
Demi's POV
The past week or so Anna's been really jumpy and anxious. I can't get her to tell me what's on her mind. She randomly get's really tense and clenches her fists. Whenever I ask her whats wrong she either says 'I don't wanna talk about it'; 'nothing'; or 'I don't know'. She's been playing the piano a lot more recently too. She's really good and I think they are all original songs. She will hum the melody, but wont sing the lyrics or let me see the lyrics still. I'm taking her to the recording studio today to record another song.
We both got ready and went to the studio. Anna has gotten more comfortable without her wig, but she avoids looking at herself in mirrors all the time. I have to remind her constantly that she's gorgeous. Her hair has just barely started to grow back. It's like a little stubble on her head. It's kind of cute. When she noticed it she came running to show me it and she was so exited. Anyway we just pulled into the recording studio parking lot. It would be just me and Anna in the recording booth today so what happened last time wouldn't happen. I hadn't heard the song she's recording today yet. We got in the studio and I helped her use the equipment to record the music part of it. I really like the sound of it so far. Once we got that done we started recording her voice. This time she didn't even get nervous or anything. She sang the whole song and I have to admit, it is really good! I can't believe a 13 year old wrote it by herself. I mean the first one was really good too, but I like this one better. It is a simple song, but it has a ton of meaning to it and I could tell she was really proud of it.
"You'll be okay
You'll be okay
The sun will rise
To better days
And change will come
It's on it's way
Just close your eyes
And let it rain
'Cause you're never alone
I will always be there
You just carry on
You will understand
You'll be okay
You'll be okay
Just look inside
You know the way
Let it go
Fly away
And say goodbye
To yesterday
'Cause you're never alone
And I will always be there
You just carry on
You will understand
And I will be strong
When love is gone
I'll carry on...
You'll be okay
You'll be okay
The sun will rise
To better days
You'll be okay
You'll be okay
Just close your eyes
And let it rain
When you need it the most
And all you've got is a prayer
You must carry on
You will understand
You will understand
You will understand
You'll be okay
You'll be okay
You'll be okay."
When she was finished I applauded her and then we listened to it back. We re recorded a few parts so she could add in some riffs and change the melody a bit and then we were finished. We went back to our apartment and picked up dinner on the way. Anna's been doing better with food lately. She's finally getting back to normal after chemo. She ate a decent dinner tonight. After we ate we watched TV for a while. I noticed that she was staring at my hair. I could tell that she missed having her hair. "Anna, will you play with my hair?" I asked not letting her know that I noticed her staring at it. A huge smile grew on her face which made me smile. I sat on the floor in front of her so she could play with it. I love having people play with my hair. She played with it for forever. I could've fallen asleep while she was doing it. After a while she just stopped messing with it, but her hands were still in my hair. "Why'd you stop?" I asked. No answer. Then I heard a little snore. Oh my God she had fallen asleep! I was trying not to laugh. I took out my phone and took a selfie of us. She had her head laid back on the couch with her mouth open and her hands on my head and I was making a weird face with a thumbs up. It was one the funniest, cutest pictures I had seen. I posted it on Twitter and Instagram and then woke Anna up. I completely forgot to weigh her today. I'm supposed to weight her once a week and it's been a week since I weighed her last. I brought her half asleep self to the scale. She stepped on it. The number 37 flashed on it. She gained 2lbs which was great! She went off to her room after that and I went to mine. I went through some of my mentions on Twitter and replied to some and then fell asleep.
Anna's POV
Today went really good until Demi weighed me. I gained 2lbs! I waited for her to get mad at me, but she said nothing. She was so disappointed that she didn't want to talk to me. She was probably ashamed to have me as a foster kid. Why do I have to be so fat? I went to my room and laid down and cried.
*Anna's Dream*
I was in 2nd grade. I had just started taking my antidepressants and everyone now knew me as the sociopath. It is the day when the nurses check your hearing, sight, height, and weight. They did this twice during the school year. I got called out to the hallway for my turn. They took two kids at a time. Of course the one who went with my was Holly. She was that perfect, blonde, skinny girl that everyone wants to be. She of course looked at my weight and height when the nurse took it and laughed. Later that day at lunch she warned me not to eat or else I'd get fatter. She had told everyone my weight and height and people were calling me oompa loompa because I was short and fat. One of the teachers made me eat and everyone was laughing at me. After lunch I ran to the bathroom. I had seen this on TV before. I stuck my fingers down my throat and purged for the first time.
*end of dream*
I woke up crying. I can't do this. The urge is too strong. But I don't want to ruin my clean streak. I put in my headphones and attempted to block my demons out. It wasn't working! I don't know what to do! I can't do this alone! I want to be happy! I need Demi! She will understand right? She's been through it.
Don't tell Demi. She will hate you and you'll make her relapse. Just listen to us. One cut and everything will disappear.
No! shut up! I can't take it anymore. I got up and walked to Demi's room. I peaked through the door. She was asleep. I tiptoed over to the bed and curled up on the edge of it trying not to take up too much room or wake her up. She rolled over to me and wrapped her arms around me. "You okay?" she asked softly. Crap I woke her up! Wait, didn't I want to wake her up to tell her? Oh yeah. I nodded my head then I realized she couldn't see it because it was dark.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said shakily, not really trusting my voice.
"Are you crying? Baby, tell me what's wrong," she said in a worried yet comforting tone.
"Nothing, just had a bad dream," It wasn't really a lie. Why can't I just tell her? Why am I such a chicken? She pulled my into the middle of the bed with her and hugged onto me tighter.
"Do want to tell me about it?" she asked.
"No," I said.
"Okay well try to sleep. I'm here if you need me," she said and she cuddled up to my back. Meanwhile I had a war going on inside my head. Just tell her already!
"Demi?" I said after a couple minutes. This is it. This is going to change everything.
"What is it baby?"
A/N
Cliffhanger! Any predictions on what's going to happen? I'm dedicating this chapter to @LuvvMyDems because she is awesome and I love her to death, and @justagirl1567 because she is a dedicated reader and she always comments and votes on almost every chapter<3