Anna's POV
I've been living with Demi for over a week now. I feel so bad because she's been putting everything on hold for me. I haven't really slept much because when I sleep I get nightmares which wake up Demi and causes more trouble for her. I stay awake on my phone at night. Sometimes Demi will come and check on me so I'll just act like I'm sleeping so she doesn't get worried and she can go back to sleep. We are going to start recording my album today. I went through all my songs and found a couple that weren't too deep or about anything I don't want people to know about. It was hard to find them because there were so few of them. I'm gonna record the one Jake heard the first time I met him today. It's not a very personal song so it should be okay to go on the album. Demi has been trying to get me to let writer's help me on the album. I don't want people writing for me or even co writing. I want to write on my own. I want the album to actually mean something to me. I want it to be personal, but not too personal, you know?
Demi's POV
Anna has been scaring me this past week. She's been alone in her room a lot. She doesn't want to talk to me about anything unless it's music, and she hasn't really been eating much. She hasn't let me hug her or cuddle with her since the night we did the live stream and she always seems tired. She is reminding me a lot of myself before treatment and that's really scary. I should know how to talk to her about stuff like that, but for some reason I don't. I know how it feels when people try and push you to talk and I don't want to do that to her. I'm just praying that it isn't what it seems like.
Today I'm taking Anna to the studio to record a song for her album. She refuses to let anyone help her write and I respect that. On the car ride to the studio I could tell she was getting nervous. I lead her to the recording booth where her whole team was waiting already. She got even more nervous when she saw all of them in the booth. I grabbed her hand and gave her a reassuring look. This was the first time in forever that she let me hold her hand without pulling away. We got everything set up and then Anna went into the room to start recording. She started singing and then she stopped after just a couple lines. She looked mad at herself. "Why'd you stop? It sounded great!" I said.
"I don't know. I messed up," she said and then they started the music over for her. This time she got a little further before she stopped. "Can we start over?" she asked. I could tell she was getting frustrated. They started the music over and she stopped in the middle again. She was really frustrated now. I don't even know why she is stopping. I don't hear her messing up or getting off pitch at all. "I can't do this," she said defeated.
"Anna you're sounding great. I don't know why you're stopping. Try it one more time," I said. They started the music again. She got really far this time before she stopped. I started to open my mouth to tell her how good she did, but she took her headphones of and made her way out of the room. I went to grab her but she started running. She went and locked herself in the bathroom. The rest of her team followed me. "Anna, what's wrong? Talk to me baby," I said to her from the otherside of the bathroom door. I hear her crying. "Guys can you please go back to the recording booth so I can talk to her?" I said to her team. The went back to the booth. "Anna please open the door," I said trying to keep my cool. I was obviously really worried and confused by what had just happened.
"Leave me alone! You don't get it! I just want to be alone right now!" she shouted at me. I had never heard her get that angry. I slid my back down the wall so I was sitting on the floor with my head in my hands. I just listened to her cry and realized that I was crying too now. I waited for her crying to slow down and I pulled myself together.
"Anna, I know you want to be alone, but sometimes being alone makes things worse. I know right now I don't understand what's going on, but if you tell me maybe I can help," I said.
"You won't get it, you never will," I heard her say in a weak, broken voice.
"Please just try to explain it to me," I said.
"No Demi! I want to be alone. You need to just stay out of my problems! You have your own to deal with and you don't need mine too! Just go away!" she shouted. I was starting to get frustrated.
"Anna open the door now!" I shouted back at her. I think she could tell I was getting angry because she unlocked the door. I opened it and she was in the corner crying. I went over to her to hug her and attempt to comfort her.
"Don't touch me!" she said when I went to wrap my arms around her. She was shaking. I didn't want to make her more angry so I pulled away and sat next to her. She was shaking her head and mumbling 'I can't do it' over and over again.
"Anna please tell me what's going on! I can't help you if you don't tell me," I said trying to get her to talk to me again.
"I can't do it! They're all watching me and I sound terrible! I can't do it!" she shouted before collapsing into sobs. I went to hug her again before she stopped me. "Don't touch me!" I back away from her some.
"You sounded fine baby girl! Why didn't you just tell me you didn't want them in there? I could've told them to leave. If I get them to leave will you go back and sing again?" she pondered it for a minute before nodding her head. She got up and wipped her tears and fixed her makeup in the mirror then she walked with me back to the booth. I went to grab her hand again, but she pulled it away from me. I knew there was still something else wrong, but I knew I wasn't going to get her to talk to me about it. Once we got back in the booth I explained to one of the guys what was going on. He nodded and took all of the others out with him. I started playing the music for Anna. She stopped again in the middle of the song. It was sounding really good. She still seemed really tense and nervous though. "Why'd you stop? You sounded great!" she just shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her hands. I flipped the lights off in the room.
"What are you doing Demi?!" she shouted at me.
"Now I can't see you and you can't see me. I'm the only one who can hear you sing and I've heard you sing plenty of times before. I've also heard you mess up, and get off pitch. I've heard you cry and get emotional too. It happens. Since I've already heard all of those things you don't have to worry about that happening because you know I wont get mad or judge you if it happens. You don't have to worry about looking stupid either since I can't see you. I don't care if you mess up just finish the song this time," I said starting the music again. This time she made it through the whole song and you could actually hear emotion in it.
Anna's POV
I'm so stupid. I broke down in front of people. Demi seemed like she was kind of mad at me. I don't blame her. I'm mad at myself too. I couldn't even sing that stupid song! I made a fool of myself. I sounded terrible when I finally made it through the song. Demi told me it sounded good, but I knew she was lying. I can't to anything right.
"Are you made at me?" Demi said pulling me out of my thoughts.
"What? No? Why would I be mad at you?" I said. I'm confused. I don't think I could ever be mad at Demi.
"I don't know, you just seem angry and you wont talk to me or tell me why," I felt guilt rush over me.
"I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself," I said getting quite when I said the last part. I was looking out the window to avoid Demi. I hope she didn't hear the last part. I think she did because I felt her grab my hand. I wanted to pull away, but I would feel bad because it might make her think I hate her or something so I didn't. I could feel her staring at me. I want out of this car now! The urge is so strong. I can't go any longer without cutting. It's only been like an hour since I cut last in the bathroom at the recording studio, but I need my blade again. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. How hard is it to be happy?
We finally got to Demi's apartment. I ran inside as fast as I could and locked myself in the bathroom. Demi screamed at me when I took off. "I have to pee!" I screamed back so she wouldn't get suspicious. When I got into the bathroom I made a few cuts that gave me some relief and then I flushed the toilet and turned the sink on to cover up what I was really doing. I walked out of the bathroom to see Demi glaring at me.
"What the hell?!" she said.
"Sorry, I had to pee. Did you want me to pee my pants," I said hoping she wouldn't catch on.
"Okay whatever," she said so I started to walk to my room. I felt her grab my arm. "Where do you think you're going?" she asked.
"Um to my room. Where else would I go?" I asked confused.
"Well it's 7:00pm and we haven't ate yet so you're going to eat dinner with me and then watch a movie with me," she said. Great, food and a movie with Demi. Just what I want to do. What is wrong with me? A month ago I would have died to watch a movie with Demi. I just want to be alone now.
I ate all of my dinner so Demi wouldn't get suspicious of me. We went to the living room and Demi started to look through her movies. Now is my chance. "Demi, I'm going to the bathroom while you pick a movie," I said.
"But you just went," crap... I didn't think this through.
"I know, but my stomach hurts," I said wrapping my arms around my stomach hoping she'd buy it.
"Okay, yell if you need something," she said looking worried. I think she bought it. I went to the bathroom which luckily was far enough away from the living room that she wouldn't hear me. I stuck my fingers down my throat and purged until all that was coming up was blood. I brushed my teeth after I was done. I felt satisfied with myself. I changed into pajamas and took my wig and makeup off before going back to the living room. Demi was sitting on the couch with the remote. "You okay?" she asked while I sat down.
"Yeah, I just don't feel that great," I said. It wasn't really a lie because my stomach was hurting from hunger. Oh well. Beauty hurts right? I looked at the screen to see that Demi had chosen The Purge. I glared at her. She knows I hate scary movies. She smirked back at me. She knows exactly what she's doing.
Demi's POV
I choose The Purge while Anna was in the bathroom. She doesn't like scary movies, but I'm hoping that she will actually let me sit by her and cuddle her while we are watching it. That sounds awful, but I just want my baby girl to feel safe in my arms again.
As soon as things started to get scary she pulled the blanket up over her face so she could barely see the screen. I pulled her onto my lap and she hid her face in my chest. She would peek at the screen every once in a while to see what was going on which made me laugh. She looked at the screen at probably the worst possible time when we got towards the end of the movie and she jumped and pressed her face into me. I heard her say 'I hate you' into my chest. I knew she wasn't being serious. It was more like in a sisterly way if that makes since. "I love you," said in reply to her. She grabbed onto me tighter. She didn't take her face out of my chest for the rest of the movie. "It's over Anna you can look now," I said.
"You swear?" she asked.
"I swear," I said and she turned away from me. She was obviously still scared because she still didn't let go of me. I turned the ID channel on and she laid her head down on my shoulder facing me with her arms wrapped around my neck. She fell asleep like that. I picked her up to carry her to her room. She seemed lighter than last time I held her. Shouldn't she be gaining weight, not loosing weight? I guess I'll call her doctor in the morning. I went to lay her in her bed, but she had a death grip on me. She was half awake now. I heard her groan 'no' when I tried to lay her down so I brought her to my room and laid on my bed with her. She didn't let go of my when we laid down. She kept her body wrapped around mine and fell asleep. It felt good having my baby girl cuddled into me again, even if it was just from a scary movie.
A/N
I'm back! You guys got me past 1,000 views! Yay! Thank you guys so much! Let me know what you guys think so far. Do you think Demi's gonna find out about everything Anna's hiding?