(Manik's POV-Part Three)
If you have never lost your sanity,then you have never been in love.
Emptiness is one of the worst feeling I know. Because you feel nothing. Not anything at all. And that's even worse than feeling bad,sad or shattered. It's just so much better to really feel.
And honestly right now I could trade anything in the world to feel something as sweet as pain--because that would be zillion times better than feeling EMPTY.
As if my soul was snatched away from me. I felt hollow from inside. I could feel my heart leaden with desolation. How can emptiness be so heavy.
I was lost--to lost in my own thoughts--my own world--to feel anything that was going around me. That's why I didn't realise when the blood continued to oozed out of my hand. I was so numb that I didn't even reacted when my friends screamed my name frantically .
"Manik..Manik..Manik"I could hear someone murmuring my name but I didn't bother to react because I was way too lost in my own misery. But slowly and steadily those whispers and murmurs turned louder ..and it continued till it became loud frantic voices--which finally managed to break my reverie.
That's when I felt a sharp pain shooting out of my hand. I raised by hand to see that it was still bleeding. I looked around to see the confused faces of my friends. Alia and Mukti were scared while Dhruv and Cabir were confused. But I could see that they all were worried for me because concern for me was etched on their faces.
What was I going to tell them. What excuse will I make now. What lie I will say to them this time--these were the questions which were going on my mind at that very point of time.
But I had NOTHING--to say to them--to feel. How will I explain anything to them when I don't have any answers for myself only.
So I did what I felt was right. I left. Without uttering a word..I literally ran from there --away from them--my FAB5 --my family--because right now all I needed was answers.
Answers to those questions which have been raising in my mind and heart right from the second I laid my eyes on her. I couldn't put it on hold for any longer. I couldn't run away from these feelings anymore. I needed the answers--right now.
So I got into my car and left --leaving my friends behind--who were screaming and yelling my name and literally begging me to stop--but I didn't-- I knew I was hurting them but I also knew that if I stopped then I would end up hurting them even more--so leaving them for the moment was only the best option. So I did that.
I drove straight to THE MALIK'S MANSION. But before I could get out off my car I could see media gathered outside there house. Of course--they would be there--after all THE ROYAL PRINCE CHARMING OF THE TOWN WAS GETTING MARRIED--so this turn out was pretty much expected.
But then again i remembered whom he was getting married to and my rage got too much for me too handle. Fortunately Arman wasn't anywhere near or else I would have happily tossed him into hell and would have walked away smilingly.
I was burning from inside--from jealousy and rage--the deadliest combination. But before I could do anything I saw the security telling all the reporters that there is no one at the house. The MALIK'S have gone to drop The MURTHY'S at the airport. Soon MALIK'S will release an official press statement--but for now they need to leave.
Somewhere that news managed to calm me down--because now I know that at least for now ARMAN wouldn't get the opportunity to spend time with her. He will not hover anywhere near her--which meant that the plan to murder ARMAN MALIK was kept on hold--at least for the moment.
So I drove away from there. And I continued to drive aimlessly for almost an hour. I reached BANGALORE-MUMBAI HIGHWAY--when I finally found a deserted spot--so i parked my car there and got out of it.
Because I couldn't take it anymore. The damn of my pain burst open and finally I allowed it to get out of my system by screaming at the top of my voice--letting my anger filling the void that I felt hours ago.
I banged my hand which was already wounded on the car again and again..so that it could start bleeding all over again. I wanted to feel this, I needed to feel this pain--because it was much better than the hollowness--the emptiness--that I experienced just few hours ago.
The pain was much sweeter and blissful than the feeling of emptiness. Because this pain was a reminder that I was still alive, that I was still breathing,and if I could feel this pain that means that I still had the capability to feel--which meant my soul had not left me --yet.
The blood which oozed out of my hand brought some relief because it felt good to finally let the pain gush out in form of blood. As if this flow of blood was a souvenir of my pain. And before I realised I screamed--in pain--though I slumped on the ground but my pain echoed even after that. I palmed my face and eventually ended up crying--letting the misery to have finish me --once for all.
The rain falls because sky can no longer handle its heaviness ,just like tears ,it falls because the heart can no longer bear the pain. Who could understand this better than me.
Every step that I took--which took me away from her--only scratched the wound of my heart even more and made the pain even worse.But somehow I survived because I knew that I will find my way back to her.
But of course this time again I got tricked--none other than by destiny itself--which I thought was on my side--obviously I couldn't be more wrong because it back stabbed me-big time--by snatching her away from me--this time forever.
I could feel the pain course through me once again. I was chocking--I wasn't able to breathe--so I closed my eyes--and once again--like an old habit--her memories again flooded my mind.
I didn't fight back. I continue to drowned in them. But when I resurfaced I wasn't the same person anymore. Because out of nowhere I realised what my real issue was. Why I wasn't able to find the answers to my questions.
Because in that moment I realised the most obvious thing--that in order to know the answer--I need to know what the questions are--which I had no clue about that until now. I was so engrossed in finding the answer that I forgot that I need to know and comprehend the real questions.
And what were these"Real Questions"--they were 1.Why am I feeling like this 2.Why is it hurting so much 3. Why am I not able to breathe 4. Why am I feeling this rage 5. Why am I feeling helpless and broken.
In that moment I perceived one more thing that all these questions were fragments of THE ULTIMATE QUESTION--which was--WHAT DO I FEEL FOR NANDINI.
But unexpectedly the answer to this question was much easier than I anticipated because the moment I realised what the question was the next moment automatically I got the answer to that-- I WAS UNCONDITIONALLY AND IRREVOCABLY IN LOVE WITH NANDINI MURTHY.
And surprisingly this was the answer of all my questions. The reason I was feeling like this, the reason it was hurting so much,the reason I am not able to breathe,the reason why I was feeling this rage along with feeling so helpless and broken was --BECAUSE I WAS HEAD OVER IN LOVE WITH NANDINI AND I CAN'T EVEN STAND THE THOUGHT OF HER WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
And even the thought of anyone else having her is like twisting a knife in my soul. I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN--I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN--BECAUSE YOU ARE MINE--ONLY MINE NANDINI--AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE--NOBODY CAN CHANGE THIS FACT--NOBODY--NOT EVEN YOU--NOT EVEN DESTINY.
I am not a helpless maiden who can do nothing when their love is snatched away from them. I AM MANIK MALHOTRA--I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT--BECAUSE MANIK MALHOTRA ALWAYS WIN.
This is a WAR between me and my destiny--the ultimate prize of this war is NANDINI. I have never allowed anyone to take my happiness away from me no matter how insignificant it might be--so how can I accept defeat and surrender in front of my destiny-when my soul is at stake.
There is no way in hell that I am going to loose this WAR. If my destiny had decided to snatch her away then even destiny had to take it's decision back because I won't allow it--NOT AT ANY COST. Destiny can try but I will not let it succeed this time--because NANDINI ONLY BELONGS TO MANIK.
Finally the feeling of emptiness left me and once again her beautiful face brought back that smile on my face. It calmed me once again and brought me back to my senses where I could feel like a normal human being once again--who have certain dreams about his future--but of course both my dreams and future only had NANDINI in it.
So I got up. I could see that I have made my wound even worse as it continued to bleed. So I took a detour to hospital--where my hand got the much required dressing. Now that I was in my senses again I could feel the pain --and man--it hurt liked hell.
When I got back to my car I checked my phone..and as expected it had numerous missed calls,voice calls ,texts, sos,from Maa and Fab5. I rushed back home so that I could calm them down personally.
But the moment I got out of my car I realised we had guest. I walked in to see who it was. And the moment I realised who it was--my feet stopped right at the door step--because it was none other than -- The MALIK'S.
My rage returned in full force. How dare they entered my house. After creating such a havoc in my life they had some guts to show their faces here. I was about to barge in and were in person ready to throw them out but my dad's words stopped me in my tracks.
"By the way Mr.Malik congratulations for yours son's wedding."Raj said with a smile.
I could feel the pain resurfacing at the mention of this wedding.
"Thank you so much. We can't tell you how happy we are right now. We have been looking for a bride for Arman for so long--we had too many proposal for him--but somehow those proposal seemed more like business proposals--but finally after meeting NANDINI yesterday--we knew we finally found what we were looking for." Siddhanth replied.
I could feel my rage returning in full pace.
"And fortunately Guruma agreed for this matrimony as well."Mrs.Malik said adding salt on my wounds.
"What about Arman --is he happy "Nyonika questioned. "Well let's just say that he is beyond ecstatic. He fell in love with the moment he saw her for the first time." Mrs. Malik answered.
The morals,principles,etiquettes,manner ,will power and self control--it took everything that I had--to stop myself from not pouncing at them at that very moment.
"But we can't say this for the rest of the girls of the town since their DREAM MAN --is officially off the market now" Dad winked which made everyone laugh.
Great!!!Who needs enemies if you have a father like RAJ MALHOTRA.
"Waise it's going to be even more harder for them because we are planning to take down another one off the market as well"Mrs. Malik said looking at my parents.
That sentence caught my attention.
"What do you mean Mrs.Malik" Dad got confused.
Mrs.Malik looked at Mr.Siddhanth and she gestured him to continue the conversation that she initiated. "Well Mr. MALHOTRA'S the main reason why we visited you is because we have a proposal for you --and it's not a business proposal--it's a matrimony proposal--FOR MANIK WITH OUR DAUGHTER SUHANA"
WHAT THE HELL!!
"What"my entire family spoke in unison.
ARE THESE PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR MIND!!SERIOUSLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM.ARE THEY RUNNING ANY MATRIMONIAL SITE THAT KI YE LOG KAHI BHI KABHI BHI RISHTA LEKAR PAHUCH JATEY HAIN..HOW DISGUSTING.
"Yes Mr.and Mrs.Malhotra ..we would like our daughter to officially become a part of your family--we would like our daughter to get married to your son MANIK."Mr.Malik replied.
My family was stumped by The MALIK'S--WOW!!THAT WAS A FIRST!!
Getting no response from my parents Mrs.Malik said looking at Dad."Mr.Malhotra please take your time..aise mamlo me jaldi nai ki jati..we understand...and even if you don't agree to this matrimony or accept this proposal this will have no effect on our professional relationships. So there is no pressure. Do take your time and let us know whatever your decision is ..no rush."
There is a saying that God help those who never give up..and apparently today God had decided to favour me. Because this was it--this was the chance that I was looking for. Arman tried to take my soul away from me --and now SUHANA will bring my sole back to me.
I know what I was planning to do is not correct--neither ethically or morally--but like they say --ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR--and for me it was a war against THE MALIK'S to win my LOVE--NANDINI.
MALIK'S were responsible for my heart break. Now they will not only carve my way but will also help me to reach my ultimate destination--NANDINI.
"It's not that Mrs.Malik..we will honoured if SUHAHA becomes a part of our family. We couldn't have found a better match for our son..but the thing is Mrs.Malik we need to know what's Manik's opinion about this...whether he is ready for this or not..after all it's his life..so we need to talk to him before we decide anything "Maa replied.
"We completely understand Mrs.Malhotra. Please talk to him whenever you can. We just wanted you to know what our thoughts are. You are free to make your decision without any pressure or rush. We will be honoured if Manik agrees for this wedding because honestly we cannot think of anyone else as a better match for our daughter apart from Manik"Mr. Malik smirked.
That smirk did it for me. Enough of your nonsense Mr. Malik. It's time to officially begin this game.
Before anyone could say anything my voice interrupted their conversation "No need to wait Mr.and Mrs. Malik --you will get the answer to your question right here,right now"
They all stood up and turned to look at me. I could see the relief on my mother's face--which didn't lasted for too long--because just like my Dad and Dadi --even she was tensed about my reaction.
I started walking and stopped right in front of them.
"You all want my answer right" I looked at all of them. While MALIK'S were anxious to know the my answer the I could see that my family got really worried and tensed. I wanted to laugh at their expressions but somehow I held back my laugh.
But of course all their nervousness and worry proved to be in vain because of the words that came out of my mouth "YES I ACCEPT YOUR PROPOSAL..I WILL MARRY SUHANA"
It was my turned to stumped them all. And as expected they all were shocked.
Manik are you sure..you do realise that a marriage is not just a union of two individuals but it's a union of two families. Are you 100% sure or do you want some time to rethink your decision." Maa asked as she couldn't believe what I just said.
"We don't want you to take any decision in haste,there is no rush ,you can as much time as you want to be 100% sure, then only then you can let us know what your decision is..and we will accept it wholeheartedly no matter what."Mr.Malik said while he kept his left hand on MANIK'S shoulders.
Really as if I care..
"Manik Malhotra does not make decisions in haste Sir. I am 100% sure and I know what I am saying. I don't need to waste time in rethinking as I already know WHAT I WANT "I replied with my trademark smirk.
"Are you sure Manik..is this what you want"Maa asked once again because she was totally confused with my declaration.
I turned to look at her and said "Yes Maa this is exactly what I want. I know what I am doing and I know what I am saying. Trust me Maa I NEED THIS"
I need NANDINI---and this is the only way Maa.
Somehow I could feel that she knew that something was definitely going on in my mind. She knew that even though I was saying something else but my eyes were communicating a different story altogether.
But she also knew that this wasn't the time to confront me so she decided to go with the flow too till the moment she find out herself --what was up with me.
I turned my attention back to Mr.and Mrs.Malik and said with a smile" Mr. And Mrs. Malik I accept this matrimony proposal."
Next thing I know Mr. Malik took me into his embrace and said "Thank you so much Manik. Thank you for everything."
But I broke the hug to looked at him "No Mr. Malik Thank You, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU BOTH HAVE DONE FOR ME "
GAME ON MR.MALIK!!
"Pleasure is all our Manik and beta WELCOME TO THE FAMILY "saying this Roshani hugged me too .I hugged her back and replied" THANK YOU SO MUCH MAM"
Breaking the hug Roshani said "Mam and Sir nai call us Maa-Paa because from today onwards Officially YOU ARE OUR SON"
REALLY--DOES THAT MEAN INSTEAD OF ARMAN CAN I MARRY NANDINI!!!
I snorted internally.
Mr.Malik looked at my parents and said "Mr. and Mrs. Malhotra if you need some time to reconsider this decision we understand. We will wait . After all this is your son's life and you have full right over is matter."
"If Manik had agreed to this there is no question for us not to accept this decision. Whatever makes my son happy makes us happy.Mr. and Mrs. Malik we will be more than happy and honoured to make SUHANA a part of our family." Dad said while he stood next to me and patted my shoulder.
HOW CONVENIENT DAD!!!
"Mrs. Malhotra do you have any doubts regarding this" Mrs.Malik asked Nyonika as she could clearly see that Maa wasn't that happy as MY DADDY DEAREST and Dadi. Confusion and worry was clearly etched on her face.
"Of course not Mrs. Malik like Raj said that we will be honoured to have SUHANA as a part of our family. It's just that everything is happening at such a quick pace that it just got a little too much for me too handle. But that doesn't mean I am not happy or excited. Why wouldn't I be ..after all my son is about to get married..a mother always dreams about this day..I hope that I haven't offended you all. If I have I apologise it was totally unintentional."Maa replied joining her hands.
"No need to apologise Mrs. Malhotra. I completely understand what you are going through. I can totally feel what you are feeling right now. I am a mother myself and I am very sure that whenever this day comes into the lives of any mother they always get overwhelmed like this only. It's natural."Saying this Mrs.Malik hugged Nyonika .
"So I guess CONGRATULATIONS are in order " Dad smirked. " Of course Mr. Malhotra that goes without saying. After all we are going to become a family soon" Mr. Malik smiled at DAD before they hugged each other too.
WOW!!! I DIDN'T KNEW WE WERE CELEBRATING HUG DAY TODAY..CAN I HUG DEATH PLEASE.
"Iss baat par to muh meetha to hona hi chahiye" Dadi chirped. "Bilkul Maji ye bhi koi Bolne ki baat hai. Bilkul Maji ye bhi koi Bolne ki baat hai" Mrs.Malik knelt in front of Dadi and then she picked up a sweet from the plate which was kept on the table .She fed Dadi a piece and then took Dadi into her embraced.
GREAT DADI --AAPNE BHI PARTY BADAL DI--Wonderful--Simply Amazing.
All of them got too busy in discussing the details of the preparations of the wedding which gave me the ultimate opportunity to escape from there . So taking the advantage of the first chance I got I swiftly left from there and got back to my room and locked the door from inside.
I walked towards the window of my room and pushed it wide open letting the the breeze touch his face which finally managed to calm me down. Then he looked at his hand which was fully dressed and then I closed my eyes.
The moment I did that all I could see was her,
and taking a deep breath I sighed . Only one word came out of his mouth which had become not only my ultimate solace but also my whole world --NANDINI.
"I PROMISE I WON'T LET THIS DIE NANDINI..I PROMISE .."
My reverie was once again broken courtesy of my phone. I finally looked at it and sighed once again--FAB5. I need to talk to them. So putting my poker face back on and pushing her memories aside I decided to do a video call --in order to stop them from personally paying me a visit--I would have loved it any other day..but today I needed some alone time so I needed to get over with this as soon as possible.
So I called them and prepared myself to get rebuked by them.
Almost three hours later I somehow managed to calm them down.
"I want to see you all first thing in the morning. Wo kya hai virtual hugs are not my thing." I said making a face.
"You got it.WE ALL WILL SEE YOU TOMORROW "Dhruv replied.
"Chalo you take rest tonight because Kal Waise bhi you need all the energy in the world--because you have some serious explaining to do" Cabir said in such a tone which obviously caught my attention. I knew the exact meaning of his words so instead of saying anything we just nodded.
So after wishing good bye to each other we all got off the video calling. And the very next moment I threw my phone on the bed and turned to gaze at the stars.
I looked at my hand once again and closed my eyes so that the events from last night can flash in front of me and I could drown into that happily--as that was the only way I could get close --to her--for the moment.
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