It all started with the flames.
It was November of last year. I was in the studio, working on a new sketch for the main channel. It was getting pretty late, but my creative juices were flowing, so I didn't stop. The next time I looked at the clock, it was midnight.
Rhett left hours before, telling me he had somewhere to be. I remember seeing his long body walk out the door, him waving at me, that beautiful smile on his face. He didn't tell me exactly where he had gone, which was unusual. But I brushed it off as nothing because it was just that: nothing.
I got up and put away the laptop. I stretched my body, yawning. I was so tired I could barely hold my eyes open. I slipped on my shoes and found my jacket on the couch. It wasn't that cold outside but it was chilly enough to need sleeves.
I was just about to walk out of the office when I heard a door slam. It had to be the back door of the building. It was too close to not be. My heart began to pick up in pace. I quickly locked the door to the office and pulled out my phone.
Someone was here, someone who wasn't supposed to be. A burglar maybe, that was my best guess. I heard multiple sets of footsteps, coming closer to the office. Closer, closer...
I hid. I hid behind the couch, hoping that I wouldn't be seen. The footsteps were rough. They sounded like they were shuffling, not fully focused on where they were going. That's when something hard slammed against the door. I dialed Rhett's number.
But then I heard the moaning. Two bodies in ecstasy.
My mind recoiled, now in complete confusion.
They stopped, but only long enough for him to unlock the door. Then they continued, pushing through the door and landing on the couch.
His body hung over hers, his shoulders elevated, and his pelvis thrusting lightly into hers. They were breathing heavily, taking in each other completely.
My heart was breaking in my chest, but I knew I had to get out of here before this escalated any farther. I was disgusted, a sick feeling dropping like a bomb in my stomach. I didn't know if I could make it out without being seen. Luckily, they were too busy sucking each others faces to bother with shutting the door.
If I went quickly, I was almost sure I could make it. And I did. I stood once I was completely out of sight. I felt the warm tears building behind my eyes but held them back.
Four months. It had only been four months.
I ran, I ran to the door, not caring if they heard me or not. Today the crew was filming something in the parking lot so I had to park out front. But now the lot was empty, all for except Rhett's car.
I made it to my car, my eyes wet and my heart heavy. I sat for several minutes, just crying. I couldn't move, I didn't want to.
A part of me had wanted Rhett to come to me, tell me everything was okay, and that he was wrong, but he didn't even know I was here.
After a while, I finally started the engine and drove home. I lived by myself about a block from Rhett. My house was just big enough for me.
I hated being here and I hated living alone. I was a people person and quite frankly afraid of living by myself, but I had been doing it for years, so I had gotten over it.
I wiped at my face but the tears kept coming. I breathed in and out, trying to calm myself.
My phone went off in my pocket, and I wanted to ignore it, but it kept on.
I pulled it out finally, seeing Rhett's number pop up on the screen.
I picked up because although I was pissed at him, I needed to hear his voice
"Hey," he said. He sounded winded, as if he just got punched in the gut.
I squeezed my eyes shut, "What's up?" I tried to sound okay. He didn't need to know.
"Were you here?" he asked simply.
I didn't say anything, just let the silence take over.
"Link, were you?" he asked again, this time his anger evident.
I tried to be strong, I tried to tell myself it was okay, but I broke, "Yes."
He sighed, "Link. Why were you here so late?"
I laughed at that. I was angry. "Why was I there? Because I can be Rhett. Who the fuck was that girl?"
He groaned, trying not to explode, "That doesn't matter Link."
I cried, "It's been four months Rhett."
"Exactly Link. It's been four months. You need to move on."
I felt my world crashing around me. He was tearing every part of me in half.
"I can't Rhett."
"Why?"
"I don't have to explain myself to you," I said, my temper growing thin.
"Link, I don't want this tension between us. You have to get over me."
I couldn't take it anymore. I hung up.
I was breaking.
I ran to my bathroom, looking for anything to relieve this feeling.
Why was I so in love with him?
Why did he do this to me?
Who am I anymore?
I open the medicine cabinet, trying to find something. Anything. I looked through each of my pill bottles, searching for the right one.
I stopped.
What am I doing?
I shut the cabinet, my emotions over flowing.
I opened the drawer below the sink, praying they were there.
They were.
A small rectangular box of matches were placed neatly in my drawer. For emergencies only.
This felt like an emergency.
I opened them, as I slid down to the floor.
I took a single red tipped match out of the box, running it along its striker.
The flame was small, delicate beside my breathe. I breathed in, letting myself go, and blew it out. I lit another, blew it out. The smell of smoke filtered though the air but I didn't mind. I slipped out of my shorts, then out of my boxers. I ripped off my shirt, becoming completely vulnerable.
I lit another match, and starred at it.
It was speaking to me in a way a match had never spoken before.
I took a deep breath and placed the flame against my thigh.
It was only a small sting, almost like getting a shot. But I craved more.
I lit another match, then another, and another. I held them together, then placed them in the same spot I had put the other. It burned this time.
I could smell the smoke more clearly now. It made my lungs hoarse and heavy but it felt good.
I couldn't stop. I lit more and more matches, placing them on my bare thigh.
It hurt so good.
I felt my tears then, not realizing I had been crying. They were warm, so warm.
I was shaking, my body in anger and sadness. The feeling was over powering every part of my brain, refusing to let me realize what I was actually doing to myself.
I looked at my thigh then, seeing the small red marks dancing along my skin. They were blistering, but I didn't care.
It hurt, but I didn't care.
I just didn't care.
-------
New story! I think yes!
Guys, here's the thing. I had an entire other idea that I had been trying to write since I finished Adopting Pride and I just couldn't get it right. It didn't feel right. I wasn't having fun writing it, it just wasn't working. But then I had this idea pop into my head and I knew this was the one.
I'm so excited for this story and I really, really hope you guys are too. Thank you all for reading! Please leave comments telling me what you think of the first chapter! Vote if you'd like!
Thanks for being your mythical best!
-Robin