Welcome to the chapter of Black Butler! Full of headcannons, shippings, lame jokes, and more! If I didn't make it, I'll say so in bold. And so.... Welcome to a part of my brain :
The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the crow and stabbed its heart out. Out came the- oh wait, he's dead isn't he?
XD SORRY NOT SORRY!!!!!
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*Ciel and Claude texting*
Ciel : Do you know the nickname Author-chan has given me?
Claude : Author-chan has given you a nickname?
Ciel : Yes, but please don't ask her what it is.
Claude : Okay, Cielly-kun.
Ciel : You little shit.
XD I love me!!
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Me : Potato flip!
*flipping table*
Potato flip!
*flipping desk*
Potato flip!
*flipping garden*
Potato flip!
*flipping Finny*
Potato flip!
*flipping telescope*
Potato flip!
*flipping TV*
Potato flip!
*failing to flip Sebastian*
Fffffuuuuuu........
XD yes, I'm crazy.
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(These are from the outtakes part I saw on the OVA in S2 XD)
Ciel : I shall commit myself to the task of...your face and...lick your mother....
Ciel : Ugh, Sebastian, prepare a boat to sail.
Sebastian : Really?
Ciel : Ugh, surely you're joking. Those lot look like fucking deer to you...and face..
Lizzie : And there it is. Back again. How can I ever thank you Ciel?
Ciel : Thank me? Well, you could start with a blow job for one.
(That killed me XD)
*Margaret Turner leaving*
Ciel : *thinking, God she has giant breasts.*
Mey-Rin : What's in there?
Finny : An instrument, maybe? MAYBE????
(That one also killed me XD)
Alois : Simple, I want you.
Ciel : As in you want to have sex?
Alois : It means exactly what I said.
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Ciel : I dunno Sebastian, can you give me a demonstration?
And who says I'm not an idiot?
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Damn, Ciel, you're hotter than the mansion your parents burned in.
The burn never bothered me anyway....
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Ciel : Hey, Alois. What do you get when you combine a slut and someone who needs help?
Alois : What?
Ciel : You.
I'm not allowed to say this to my friend anymore or she'll behead me :/ Still, I still say it when she's not around.
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People be like : OMG LOOK AT SEBASTIAN KILLING THAT GUY OMFG HE IS SUCH A SEXY BEAST!!!! DAMN LOOK AT DAT SMIRK DAMN I WANT HIS CAKE!!!
I be like : OMFG LOOK AT DAT BOY EATING CAKE!! DAMN, LOOK AT CIEL EATING DAT CAKE!!!! GAWD HE IS SUCH A CUTE KUUDERE/TSUNDERE. A KUUNDERE!!!!! DAMN, LOOK AT HIM IN DAT DRESS. GAWD, HE'S SO KAWAII OMFG I JUST WUV HIM SO MUCH CIEL OMG HE'S SO CUTE
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Me when I realize CiElizabeth exists : Oh. OH. OH SHIT. Miku, get the gun, I'm going to kill whoever created this monstrosity.
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The saddest part about me is that I talk to the paintings I made back in fourth grade thinking Ciel will appear on my TV saying, "Shut the hell up already! You're giving me a headache!!!!" _-_
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Me : Don't let go, Ciel. I got you.
Ciel : I'm sorry, it's way too late for me.
Me : *watching slowly as Ciel is falling off of the slide* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Ciel on TV : I'm moving on my own two feet.
Me : Yeah, but Sebastian is always forced to put on your shoes that help you walk so.....
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If Claude wanted Ciel's soul from the start, why didn't he take it when Ciel was abducted or when he was a child? Or better yet, when Sebastian was distracted with all the stuff he had to do, like chores or when he was scolding the servants (or even better, when Sebastian was taking his sweet time killing people when Ciel was kidnapped in episode two?)? And yet Claude wants Ciel's soul so fucking much -_-
Before you say anything, remember that Claude and Alois made their contract during when Ciel and Sebastian had already made their contract. Proof? The episode, Divulging Butler, Claude mentions Sebastian and Alois asks if he's a demon too. Then Claude lies and says that Sebastian made a contract with "a certain person" and burned down Alois's village, and that implies that Sebastian killed Luka, and that Sebastian has made a contract with someone else (in other words, Ciel), and that's when Alois orders Claude to make Ciel his. I know this was only in season two and all, but still it makes sense.
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Me wondering if Cielois exists : Oh... Oh... OH.
Miku : What are you looking at?
Me : *covering tablet screen* OH, IT'S NOTHING!!!!
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My favorite phrase from Ciel :
"Let's go, you cat-obsessed moron."
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I almost threw my TV out the window when I saw season two.
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*Everyone deciding who Sebastian likes*
Mey-Rin : I wouldn't brag about it, but it has to be me.
Hannah : Ha! That's sad.
Angela : Why would a demon fall in love?
Hannah : It's just a damn experiment, bitch. Now shut the fuck up.
Angela : Who the fuck you telling to shut up?!
Lizzie : People ship me with Sebastian?
Me : N-no.... *covering tablet screen which showed photos of SebaLizzie*
Madam Red : Er, why am I here again?
Me : Girls, this is pointless. We all know Bassie is secretly crushing on Ciel.
Everyone : O.o
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It would make sense as to why William doesn't really like Sebastian. Here's my reasoning :
I remember when Ciel was killed during the time he was abducted (for I didn't know this at first until later), and so, that means the grim reapers had to be in the way since it had to do with death.
I'm guessing that's when Ciel summoned Sebastian and they made their contract.
Where's my evidence for the grim reapers?
Remember the OVA 2, Welcome to the Phantomhive Manor? Well, and I quote, William had said,
"We're leaving. If we dawdle on, the soul we're meant to reap might be stolen as well... By some demon."
So what does that mean?
Well, it could mean Sebastian had stolen the soul the grim reapers were supposed to reap? WELL DUH!!!!
And we all know William hates working overtime, so that could be a reason why he hates demons.
Because demons and reapers could be really good friends! They're both from hell, really.
And here's the craziest part : Sebastian made no comment or reaction. He only wished William and Grell a fair and safe night at sea.
Something's not right here.
But this is sort of a headcannon so I'm not sure if anyone agrees to this, but that's all I got.
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Steps to becoming Alois!!!!!!!
1. Love people and use things. Usually, love means abuse everyone and take all their love and also, gouge out someone's eye who hold your little brother that they originally killed.
2. Look gay and dress in trendy expensive clothes, especially booty shorts and long stockings. Hey, it's unisex or none.
3. Use a different name and grow to living with it.
4. Get a sexy butler who you'll fall in love with and know he'll kill you for someone else :)
5. Die in a tragic way and steal someone's soul and have your butler lose to another sexy butler.
6. Make yourself look happy but a stone-cold bitch at the same time. Don't worry; I'll wait.
7. Repeat.
8. Explain what I've just written.
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Ciel : Hey, Luka.
Luka : Yeah?
Ciel : You know who you remind me of?
Luka : No, who?
Alois : Not. A. Fucking. Word. Phantomhive.
Ciel : Megurine Luka.
Luka : You stupid little bitch.
Sebastian : Ohhh! That's who Luka reminds me of.
Luka : I hate all of you.
Sebastian and Ciel : LUKA LUKA NIGHT FEVER!!!! JUST BE FRIENDS, ALL WE GOTTA DO IS JUST BE FRIENDS!!!! CIRCUS MONSTERS!!! POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCES!!!!!!
Hey! Even I'm not that stupid- oh wait, that's a lie. I totally would go up to a person and be all like,
Hey Natalie (for example), you know who you remind me of? Natalie Portman.
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If Black Butler season two episode eight ended my way :
Claude : What a thing to say to a butler.
Hannah : Oh hell fucking no, let's die bitch *kills Claude*
Alois : WTF?!
Hannah : Let's run away together and have a wonderful life, master.
Alois : WTF?!
Grell : Oh God, just say yes already!!! With all this time I'm wasting, I could've used it to stalk Bassie. I'm deadly serious. ★
If Black Butler season two episode twelve ended my way :
Ciel : You don't find it horny that we're both inside my body?
Alois : Now that I think about it, yes.
Ciel : I realize that people ship us.
Alois : Really?
Ciel : Want to...try something out?
Alois : Well....
Years later...
Ciel : I'm so glad we're together, Alois!
Alois : Yes! I'm so happy to be with you, Cielly-kun.
Ciel : Okay, we're done. I just wanted some dick, got it, we're done.
Alois : *cri*
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When in Kuroshitsuji, we do not say, "I love you" we say, "Yes young master," which really means...
"Bitch, you motherfucking better get this contract over with, you pussy. You fucking little brat, I hate your shitting guts so much, I just want to eat your dicking soul already."
And I think that's magical :3
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Alois : What is this feeling? Why do I feel this around you, Ciel?
Ciel : It must be your boner calling.
I am so fucking hilarious like OMG XD
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(I found this online when I was bored)
Alois : Marry me, Phantomhive!
Ciel : No Trancy. Our love is forbidden and illegal. I'm not going to do hard labor in Australia for you.
Alois : Listen here you ungrateful little shitbag.
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I've always wondered what Lizzie thought she was getting when she was betrothed to Ciel....
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Elizabitch Ethel Cordelia Midford of Scotney. Find the error in that sentence.
The correct answer is not Elizabitch, it's actually the fact I didn't make cuss words out of the rest of her name.
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Alois on TV : I'm gonna crush that Ciel Phantomhive like the wriggling maggot he is.
Me : Apparently, that's what Trancy thought of you when he fucked you, I'm just saying.
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Notice how when we first saw the beginning of season one, Sebastian couldn't do anything right.
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Sebastian : If couldn't do as much as this, what kind of butler would I be?
Me : If you couldn't have Ciel's soul, what kind of starving demon would you be?
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When I saw that Mey-Rin was a sniper in episode 21, I couldn't look at her the same ever again.
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Ciel : If they made you president, do you know what would happen?
Alois : What?
Ciel : World War Four, that's what.
Alois : But there wasn't even a World War Three.
Ciel : Want to make that adjustment, right here and now?
Alois : 😨
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Soma on TV : I am seventeen, but you are right.
Me : *mistaking right for eight* Oh shit, I'm crushing on an eight-year-old. Does that make me a pedo?
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Oh Sebastian. You can kill, dance, make good curry, have sex with a nun, and more. Is there anything you can't do?
Me : Eat Ciel's soul apparently.
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I believe that Ciel is French (or a descendant of French). Here's my reasoning :
His first name means Sky in French. And if we journey back to Book of Murder, Ciel was speaking French after getting splashed with water (or I think it was wine or something) towards Sebastian, who understood him very well.
And just remembering that Ciel went to Paris season one makes me think that there's a clue that I can't read in those last episodes.
So I may be wrong, I may be right.
But otherwise, thinking Ciel is French sounds so sexy *_*
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If Angela told me : Do you know who my father is?!
I'd say : No, and neither does your mother.
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When I saw Ciel shot : OH MY GAWD CIEL OMFG OH MY SHITTING SHIRO OH MY GAWD CIIEEEELLLLLLLL ALL OF THE HAPPINESS DRAINED FROM ME OMIGOSH OH MY FUCKTARD OH SHIT WHY DID I BUY THIS OH GAWD CIEL OMFG NO OH SHIT NO OH FUCK MY LIFE IS OVER AND- Oh wait, here comes Sebastian. Everything's okay now.
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Me when I saw Grell crash in on the OVA, Welcome to the Phantomhive Manor and says, "Over my deadly body dear ★!" :
I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL. I NEVER FAILED SO HARD IN LOVE. ALL YOU EVER DID WAS WRECK ME. YES YOU YOU WRECKED ME. I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL. I NEVER FAILED SO HARD IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!
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Me : *calling Trancy at four in the morning*
Alois : Why the hell are you calling me so early?!
Me : Well, geez, Trancy. I didn't think you'd be so bitchy when I, a girl, decides to call your house for the first time.
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*Sees shorts, instantly thinks* Oh, so Alois is a girl.
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If expressions could kill, everyone in the series would be dead by now because of Sebastian.
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Ciel claims he can't laugh or smile :
Episode two : *sees Ciel smiling at Azzuro*
Episode three : *sees Ciel smiling with Lizzie*
Episode three, season two : *sees Ciel laughing at fat lady*
So, it is confirmed : Ciel is a total liar.
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Claude : *standing dramatically over Ciel, like in Hollow Butler, when he says, "Whatever do you mean? It was your sword that befell Alois Trancy."* Finally! Tonight will be just like that fanfic I wrote.
(Found this online)
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CIEL PHANTOMHIVE VS. ALOIS TRANCY :
Will it be the aphephobic in a dress or the sadist in booty shorts? You know what, let's just leave their battle to their demon butlers.
(Found this online as well)
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Soma : *reading Fifty Shades of Grey* Agni, this isn't about the color gray at all!
(And I also found this online as well)
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(I saw this before but forgot where)
Ciel : Sebastian! I want-
Sebastian : Fuck dis contract, I quit.
Like, finally!
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It's not a coinky-dink that almost every ship in BB is yaoi based. Examples :
Soma X Agni
Ciel X Sebastian (my favorite for no reason)
Sebastian X Grell
Grell X William
Baldroy X Finny (yes, I know this exists and I gagged)
Alois X Ciel (lemme just say the pictures I saw, I needed to bleach my eyeballs)
Alois X Sebastian
Sebastian X Claude
Claude X Ciel (WTF)
Alan X Eric
Pluto X Sebastian (I won't judge...for at least ten seconds.)
Undertaker X Ciel (again, WTF)
Undertaker X Sebastian
And probs more, but more to the point. If it isn't yaoi, it's usual girl X boy relationships like :
Ciel X Lizzie (and I'm totally not going to every shipper who ships this's house and killing them...)
Mey-Rin X Finny (my favorite)
Mey-Rin X Bard
Mey-Rin X Sebastian
Mey-Rin X Plu-Plu
(If it isn't Mey-Rin, because she's almost the only girl in the series being shipped with someone, I'll be surprised)
Hannah X Claude
Hannah X Sebastian
Hannah X Alois
Hannah X Luka (you dirty sons and daughters of bitches, you)
(And if it also isn't Hannah being shipped with someone else, I'll be surprised again)
Grell X Madam Red
The show barely has a lot of shippings, because it doesn't really have a lot of people if we want to go deeper into the show (like I do). And the people aren't really good for shipping.
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Me when I read the fact that Ciel's eye color changes throughout season two : SHIT THERE IT IS!! FUCK, I SAW IT AGAIN! NO WAY. AWESOME. SHIT, IT'S A TINT LIGHTER THAN CIEL'S NORMAL EYE COLOR!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT DELUSIONAL, PEOPLE!!! DAMN, I SAW IT AGAIN!!!!
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Claude : Alois is not my master.
Me : Outside of a locked door, maybe.
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Ciel : That is a very good answer, Avery.
If I had a dollar for everytime someone did that to me XD I'm still coming with a sharp hatchet, bitches.
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Sebastian : We have no Santa Clause this year.
Mey-Rin : Who will give all the children presents now, yes?
Me : Never fear, Avery Qualls is here!
Ciel : Avery....Clause?
Me : No, we have a Santa Claude. Isn't that better than an Avery Clause?
Ciel : Eh, true.
Me : Exactly.
Claude : I am not wearing this monstrosity.
Alois : But you look cute wearing a Santa Clause outfit!
Me : This is going to be one hell of an interesting night.
Sebastian : Hey, that's my line.
-_- That has countlessly happened during Christmas break. I hate people.
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My beat friend Kiari_123 : When Claude wins, I'll make sure your soul burns.
Me : Remember who's fucking who, Trancy.
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Kiari : Who would win in a fight? Alois or Ciel?
Me : I find it sad that Alois is taller and two months older than Ciel, yet he gets stabbed by the shorty. Now how pitiful is that?
Kiari : ......
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If Ciel and Lizzie were supposed to get married for their marriage was arranged, it made me wonder :
Do all betrothals have to do with the lovers related?
Think about it; Simba and Nala. What if they were related? Odette and Derrick from The Princess Swan? I could go on hours and hours, but I won't.
Ciel and Lizzie are cousins, and to me that's sickening, even worse than Claude smiling. I find 1888 very sickening. I mean, get married to your own relative?
Your Father's sister's daughter?!
Ew!!!!!! That is not kawaii at all.
None.
It would explain why Lizzie also called Madam Red Auntie, and at first I thought it was because since Ciel and Lizzie would be married, they would have the same aunt.
But no. And so, that's why I hate CiElizabeth, because it's just wrong. Yet I ship things that are so wrong, they're right.
But marrying your cousin is just...no.
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Kiari : You're stupid.
Me : So?
Kiari : And Ciel is stupid.
Five seconds later....
Kiari has eighteen broken bones, one missing arm and eye, and she's in a coma.
Me : Okay! I forgive you now.
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I believe that if Alois had his way, he'd fuck everyone in the show.
Kiari : My, he and Nina would be wonderful friends.
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Ciel on TV : It's time we show them the Phantomhive hospitality.
Me : Oh shit, that means someone gon' die.
Kiari : But Mr. Domiano was burnt and had a broken leg, Soma only had a broken ego, and Lizzie somehow makes it alive. Let's not forget Grell and Madam Red. Need I go on?
Me : I hate you.
Kiari : I love you too.
Me : ;-)
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Ciel obviously makes himself look cute on purpose. I just need enough proof as to why.
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I imagine if Sebastian had internet and found out what a neko was....
Ciel : Sebastian! Hey, Sebastian, where are you? This idiot here... *watching Sebastian on the internet*
Sebastian : I will find a neko and marry her *_*
Ciel : You're terminating our contract for a cat human?
Sebastian : Relax, Ciel. Besides, I know who killed your parents. It was the Queen and an angel. *hands Ciel a knifu* You're smart, figure out how to kill them. Bye, bitches. I'm leaving you for a neko. *leaves*
Ciel : WTF?!
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Ever since I decided to listen to the Japanese version of Black Butler II, I have a hard time trying not to say their names weird like their voice actors did, especially Alois Trancy's.
Me : CURADO FAUSTEEEZ!!!!!! SEBASCHAN MIKAIRIS!!!!! CIELA PHUNTOMHIIIVE!!!!!!! ALOISA TRAUNCEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! HANNAH ANNAFEROZ!!!!!!
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TV : Are kara ikurakoru
Me : Ahdobfdonsodbodvbodvodhhsuibaobsihjxo
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Ciel on TV : Wait, that's not fair.
Me : Neither is that fact that I've never heard you sing before, but that doesn't make any difference. It's not like we can all be choosy, here.
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For a while, I used to think that Ciel was alive considering the fact that he's a demon, and that he is alive in this century. But Kiari ruined that idea, so thanks bitch -_-
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Before I bought season one, I used think Ciel was a demon child (well, I didn't even know his name), and that Sebastian (who I knew his name) was the master.
I wasn't wrong, though. But I just got their roles mixed up. Ciel was a demon, I just thought that at the wrong time. Sebastian technically bosses Ciel around, telling him what his schedule is and all that, so in a way, he sort of makes the rules.
Ciel obviously obliviously doesn't know that.
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Hate is another form of love.
Ciel (referring to Grell as he steals a child's outfit to get into the boy's choir) : I hate this guy.
*_*
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I think I only like Ciel because he wears an eyepatch, and I have a thing for boys and their eyes.
Example (all my fandom crushes) : BEN Drowned, Eyeless Jack, Oliver (the longest crush I've ever had until Ciel), and now Ciel.
And I mainly like boys with eye problems or eyes missing. It's weird, I know, but it's true.
Oliver, I dunno why, has been the longest crush I've ever had. Even though I know only about two of his songs (Secrets of Wisteria and Tarantula), and about four cover songs (Before I Got High, InSaNiTy, I Can't Decide, Hello Kitty, and Barbie Girl (XD)).
Ciel, on the other hand, I've known for months. Okay, maybe a year.
I think I only like him because he
1. Has an eyepatch
2. Has blue hair (and blue's my favorite color)
3. Has cake everyday
I need a lifu, and a real lifu crush.
-_-
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Who would win in a fight? Sebastian or Ciel?
Me : Obviously Ciel.
Why?
Me : Because Ciel could do two things to win. Order Sebastian to lose ad technically he'd have to on the terms of their contract, or say he'll have sex with him.
*_*
Is it me or do I have a very fucked up mind?
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Undertaker : How is a Raven and a writing desk the same?
Ciel : They both sound like they start with an R.
Me : Ciel has both.
People : What?
Me : Well, Ciel has a desk in his study, and Sebastian can turn into a raven. I'm insanely smart, which is better than logical smart.
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Kiari : If Ciel was on fire and I had a glass of water, I'd drink it.
Me : If I had sex with Alois and his arm was around me, I'd chop mine off.
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Alois : Someday you'll be sorry.
Me : I already am. Trancy had to've fucked you til your dick turned small.
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When I first watched S2, I was crying about Alois being killed by Claude at one in the morning.
When Kiari first saw S2, she was bawling about Ciel in a suitcase at twelve in the morning.
When my mother first saw S2, I had to explain what was going on without trying to cry all over again.
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Kiari : I slept with Ciel.
Me : I killed Alois and chopped his body parts and fed them to Smile Dog. I also cut his dick off and sold it to the internet. If you need proof, I have his eyeballs in a jar. Don't ever touch my Cielly-kun again or Claude's dick is next.
Kiari : 🙇
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*Halloween*
Ciel : *sees Alois in normal clothes* OH MY GAWD IT'S SO HIDEOUS OH FUCK IT'S SO UGLY!!!!! IT'S A MONSTER!!!!!
Alois : *WTF?!*
Ciel : Oh wait, it's just you Alois.
Alois : You little psychotic bitch.
Ciel : Hehehehehehehehehehe...
(I did that to my old best friend's older brother, mainly because we have a thing where I say something stupid about him, and he shuts the fuck up and doesn't say a word. What a fun relationship!)
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Alois: If you were on fire, I wouldn't spit on you.
Ciel : If I had a dog as ugly as you, I'd shave its head and teach it to walk backwards.
Alois : Why?
Ciel : Well, if I had such an ugly dog, I'd at least teach it some tricks out of sympathy and not even compare it to how ugly you are.
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Alois : If we were in a fight, I'd win.
Ciel : I could just win by saying Sebastian beat the shit into Claude.
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Alois : You don't deserve anything.
Ciel : You don't even deserve the lowest form of shit.
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Me : *reading book*
Ciel : What are you reading?
Me : I'm reading about a sand witch.
Ciel : You're reading about a sandwich?
Me : A sand witch who rules an island
Ciel : You're reading about a snack that rules an island.
Me : No, a sand witch, Ciel.
Ciel : That's what I just said.
Me : No, goddammit, you know what? *sigh* Nevermind -_-
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If Alois became president, it'll be the first time we've elected a slut with issues.
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My dream boy has :
1. Blue hair
2. Kawaii servants
3. Unlimited supply of cake
4. A way of understanding me (and my gibberish)
5. A sad past
6. An eyepatch or a bandage, whatever's hiding one of their eyes
7. A way of making me blush (yes, dark-skinned people can blush)
8. A wonderful voice
9. To always make me laugh
10. Good at standing up to bullies, but soft as a rose petal
11. A sexy butler
12. A lot of fun things to do
13. To know anime, especially Vocaloid (well, knows music)
14. To know I can and will kill anyone and everyone in a second (for I am a hothead) and can always calm me down
15. To have a kawaii name
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Sebastian : See, I am simply one hell of a butter.
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Claude : Could Faustus, the butter of this escape.
I've written over 4000 words in this thing, and that is a new record for me. I deserve all the praise I can get. I am tired!