Audrey
"Annyeong," Joon Soo said as he came up next to me.
"Annyeong," I mumbled back. I was scared to look him in the eyes after the last time we spoke.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I lied.
Suddenly Joon Soo was in front of me, his hands on my shoulders, pulling me to a stop. "No you're not. What's wrong?"
His eyes met mine. I wanted to stare at them forever, when suddenly...
"Who do you like?"
"Pass."
I looked away from him. "Nothing."
Joon Soo dropped his hands from my arms, shoved them into his pockets, and started walking again. "Okay."
I watched him walk further down the path. He came to a stop, and looked back at me.
"Are you coming?"
"Where?"
"Lunch."
I ran a couple of steps to catch up with him. "I didn't know we were eating together."
"Of course we are."
And that was the end of our conversation.
"So, guess who I just ran into," Hye Ri said as she sat down, looking between the two of us. "My ex-boyfriend," she answered when neither of us replied.
"I thought he went to a different university?"
"He did."
"Was he here to see your friend?"
"Nope. To see me."
"Why?"
"He wants to get back together."
I sat up straight. "He asked again? You told him no, right?"
"Should I leave?" Joon Soo asked.
"No, you were here first."
"I feel out of the loop."
"He's just this stupid guy I dated for a while and he decided to start dating my best friend whilst we were still together."
"Kim Jung Ah?"
"That's her."
"How do you know her name?" I asked Joon Soo.
Joon Soo went quiet. It was the first thing I had said to him since we sat down. We had already finished our lunches by the time Hye Ri had replied and we had been sitting in silence the whole time, refusing to talk. He stared me intently in the eyes. Why was he reacting this way? Did he want to tell me who he likes? Did he feel awkward about it? Was it because he knew I liked him? Would it upset me to find out? Was it maybe Hye Ri?
"She's in our magazine group," Hye Ri filled in. "You two are weird today," she added, after looking at us. "Anyway. Back to my story."
Joon Soo and I broke out gaze and turned to look back at Hye Ri.
"So I decided to hear him out this time seeing as I hung up on him last time he tried asking. He asked if I'd get back together with him and begged me and blah blah blah, so I asked what happened to Jung Ah, and apparently she broke up with him. She hated knowing we lost our friendship because of him. Would you believe that? So I asked him how long ago that happened, he said basically the week after we broke up."
"Hasn't she been trying to be nice to you since then?"
Hye Ri nodded.
I shook my head. "And you've been mean to her?"
"How am I supposed to know she broke up with him if she doesn't tell me?"
"So what did you tell him?" I asked.
"To shove his face in a pile of gamjia... again. Then I slapped him when he tried to kiss me."
"Good going!"
"I know right?"
I glanced over at Joon Soo and leaned in to Hye Ri. "Is it okay that you're telling Joon Soo all this? Isn't he kind of your boss?"
Hye Ri shrugged. "You trust him, so I do."
I looked down at my lap. I trust him. Do I? I glanced over at Joon Soo who was already looking at me. He quickly looked away. After realising I wasn't averting my gaze, he looked back up at me with sad eyes. I gave him a small smile. Why weren't we talking?
"Seriously... what's going on with you two?"
"Nothing," we both said at the same time.
"Can we talk later?" Joon Soo asked me as he walked Hye Ri and I to class. Hye Ri was a few steps ahead, giving us our space.
I nodded. "Sure."
"This is your last class today, right?"
"Yeah."
"I still have a meeting this afternoon. Maybe I can meet you at the front of your dormitory and call you once I'm finished?"
"Yeah. That would be good."
"Great. Talk then." Joon Soo walked off in the other direction.
My gut sank. Why did we have to talk? What did he want to say? I didn't like where this was going, but I didn't like not talking.
The steam rushed out as I opened the bathroom door and walked back into the room.
"Finally!" Hye Ri said. "Your phone keeps ringing and it's driving me nuts. I checked and it looks like Joon Soo is trying to contact you."
"Shit. I forgot that I was supposed to meet him."
"Well you better hurry."
I'm waiting downstairs, he texted me twenty minutes ago. The last call was from five minutes ago. Throwing my towel on the bed, I hurried out the door and headed down. Would he still be waiting?
As I ran down the last flight of stairs, I collided with a hard object, nearly falling to the ground. Two arms grasped me, steadying me. Looking up, I saw two familiar chocolate coloured eyes staring back at me. Any other person would have let go by now, but Joon Soo didn't. He kept staring at me. I held my breath, trying not to think about how fast my heart was racing right now.
"You smell nice," he said after what felt like an infinite amount of silence.
His comment didn't not help my heart situation. Letting out a small yelp, I jumped out of his grip.
Joon Soo cleared his throat and took a step back. "I tried calling. I was about to knock on every door until I found you."
I looked at my feet. "Sorry. I forgot. I was taking a shower and... I'm sorry."
His hand suddenly cupped my cheek, turning my face to meet his gaze. "No need to be sorry."
Thump. Thump thump. Thump thump thump. I gulped.
He let go of me. "Sorry," he said this time.
"What for?" my voice half squeaked.
"Touching you... I shouldn't have done that."
"It's fine."
His eyes met mine. "Is it really?"
I nodded.
He stared at me again, for what felt like forever. I don't know how much time past, but I wanted him to keep looking at me like he was right now. I wanted him to step forward and close the distance. I wanted him to hold me again like before. "Shall we go?"
Right, Audrey. Focus. Stop fantasising. "Sure. Where are we going?"
"To find somewhere to sit."
We walked a bit away from the dormitory and he sat me down, sitting as far away as he could on the other side of the bench.
"I don't know if I can tell you today," he started.
"Tell me what?"
"There is something I want to tell you, but I can't. It's not right to do it now. So... I was wondering if you're free this Saturday night? I'd like to talk to you about something that I've been wanting to tell you."
"Am I going to like it?"
This question threw him off guard as he turned to look at me. "Um... I'm not sure?"
"Can't you tell me now?"
He shook his head and looked away again. "Give me until Saturday."
"Why?"
"Because... It's something I need to prepare for. You'll understand then."
I nodded.
"I hope..." he hesitated. "I hope that once I tell you, things won't be awkward between us anymore. Because I think I know why you're sad. I think I know why you couldn't look at me today. I'm sorry about that, Audrey. I really am."
I turned and looked at him. He seemed pained about it. I shook my head. "Don't be sorry. It's my fault for reacting the way I did. I'm too much of a pessimist and jump to conclusions and get too caught up in thinking about things... I'm sorry I let us become awkward again after such a good day."
"You deserve an answer."
"Saturday?"
He nodded. "Saturday."
We were quiet again, but this time it wasn't an awkward silence. It felt nice. "How's the magazine going?" I asked after a while.
"It's doing well. The editor really liked my feature article and she trusts my direction of everyone, so she said I can keep going."
"How long is your volunteering?"
"A year."
"Do you wish you were working somewhere else?"
"Definitely. But sometimes life doesn't always turn out like we want it to."
"That's true..."
"Hey Audrey?"
"Yes?"
"Seeing as I will be answering your pass question, will you answer mine on Saturday?"
Tell him about the real reason why Adam and I broke up? Could I say it? I still couldn't admit it to myself. How could I tell him? His sincere gaze pierced through the wall my heart started building the moment he asked me, knocking a hole through it and forcing the words to come out. "Of course."
*
"Thanks for tutoring me again, noona," Do Yun said.
"Noona?" I asked.
"Is it okay if I call you noona?"
"Um... yeah, I guess so. It makes me feel old though."
A cheeky grin spread across his face. "You are rather old though. You're in your last year of university."
I glared at him. "We start school earlier in Hoju. I'm only one year older than you."
"You're still my noona."
I let out a sigh and closed his text book, pushing it back to him. "Make sure you study those flash cards, okay?"
He nodded.
I grabbed my bag to get up, when something holding my arm stopped me.
"Can't we sit and talk?"
"Um, sure."
"Unless you have somewhere to be?"
"No, I can stay." For some reason though, I felt guilty as I sat back down. Joon Soo's face the night we fought about Do Yun flew through my head.
"Are you okay, noona?"
"Huh? Yeah. I'm okay."
"You seem out of it."
"Just remembered something."
He nodded, and rested his head in his hands, staring at me. "I don't know much about you, you know?"
"You never asked anything."
"That's true... Why'd you come to Hanguk?"
"That's a long story."
"I have time."
"I don't have time for that."
He sighed. "Fine. Are you liking it here?"
I nodded slowly. "Yeah. I think I am."
"Do you miss anyone back in Hoju?"
"I miss my parents."
"What about friends?"
"No. I don't miss them."
"What about a boyfriend?"
"Don't have one."
"Really?"
"Why are you so shocked?"
"Thought a pretty girl like you would be snatched up by now."
"Yeppeuda?"
"Don't pretend it's the first time you've been complimented. I'm sure you get it all the time."
I shook my head. "I really don't. Unless you count my father's compliments."
"Well then, I will have to compliment you every day to make up for it."
I laughed. "No you don't."
"What if I want to?"
My eyebrows furrowed as I studied him. Where was this conversation going? "Why would you want to do that?"
"Because you're pretty."
"Do you like handing out compliments?"
"No. I hate it."
"Then why?"
"I think I like you."
I blinked at him. "Sorry, I don't think I caught that. What did you say?"
"Johahamnida. Jeoneun dangshineul johahamnida."
"You don't know me."
"I could get to know you."
I shook my head. "It doesn't work like that. You're not funny, Do Yun."
"But I do. I, Suk Do Yun, like you, Audrey... What's your last name?"
I stared at him deadpanned. "Jones."
"Eodaree Jeonsoo!" he exclaimed. "That's right."
"Let's stop this conversation right now and I'll forget what you said."
"Why?"
"Why are you saying this? You don't know me, Do Yun."
"Why are you getting so upset about it?"
"Because you're throwing those words around like it's a toy. You can't do that. One day you will really hurt someone."
"Wait... do you... do you possibly like me back?"
I stifled a laugh.
"Hey! What's funny?"
"Sorry, but no, I don't."
"Do you like someone else?"
I looked at him reproachfully. "You've been kidding this whole time, right?"
"Maybe exaggerating but... I think you're great, Audrey. Not many people want to help me. Not many girls like hanging out with me either... I'm too much of a bad boy."
I shook my head and relaxed back in the chair. "Well, I'm sorry, but yes. I like someone else."
"Are you dating him?"
"No."
"Does he like you back?"
"I don't know?"
"Does he know you like him?"
"Probably not."
"Then I still stand a chance."
I looked at the table. "I'm thinking of telling him this Saturday. But I might not."
"Why?"
"Why tell him or why not?"
"Why not."
"Because... I'm scared he's going to tell me he likes someone else."
"Just go for it."
"It's not that easy for me."
"Why? Did someone hurt you once?"
I nodded.
He leaned forward and looked at me. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't know. I shouldn't have said it like that. I don't take it back, but... I probably didn't mean those exact words."
"It's fine. You didn't know. But how could you tell that someone had hurt me?"
He leaned back in his chair again, staring off out the window. "I know the feeling. I dated this girl a while in high school. I really liked her. She was my first crush. But she broke up with me on my birthday after a year of being together."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "Same as always. Someone better came along. Isn't that what we do?"
I looked at my lap. "Seems like it, hey?"
"Did that happen to you?"
"Not really. I mean, he didn't break up with me to be with someone else."
"He cheated on you?"
"I still don't know."
"I don't like him."
"Nor do I."
"So what happened?"
"A long story short? He became someone I didn't want to know or cry about anymore. So I left him and came here."
"How are you doing?"
"Better. I've made some great friends here."
"Including me?"
I smiled. "Including you."
His boyish grin spread across his face. If I hadn't met Joon Soo first, I wonder if I would have fallen for that smile. I imagine many girls had.
"Falling for me yet?"
"You wish."
He sighed. "You better tell him. If not, you're mine."
"Keep dreaming."
"Oh, I will."
"So how did you cope with your break up?"
"I slept with her best friend."
"That's not nice."
"She's not nice."
"That's true but... Is that really an appropriate response?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. But I felt emotionless after doing such a horrible thing. They stopped being friends after that and I ditched her right after. They hated me for the rest of school, as did every other girl. It's why I don't have many friends. She goes to the same university as me."
"I'm sorry to hear that, Do Yun. I'd be your friend if I was there."
"I thought you said you were already my friend!"
"I am. I just mean I would hang out with you."
"Good." He pulled his phone out of his pocket. "I better get going. I have to get up early for work tomorrow." He stood up and started walking to the register. "I'll pay. My treat again."
"No really, it's fine. I can—"
"Audrey, you can't reject me and not allow me to pay. It doesn't work like that."
I closed my mouth.
"You go first. I'll see you next week, right? Another tutoring session?"
I nodded. "Of course."
"Have fun on your date. Make sure you tell him!"
"Yeah... I should. I will."
Talking to Do Yun somehow liberated the old me deep within. I had to tell Joon Soo. Who else would he like? He's either on campus or texting me. There is no way he'd have time to be dating someone else, right? All those times he grabbed me, I swear he was leaning in to kiss me before he stopped himself. Who does that if they don't like someone, right? I will tell Joon Soo. I have to let him know I like him.
______
Yes, Audrey. You have to tell him. Tell him now!
Word list:
Johahamnida. Jeoneun dangshineul johahamnida- Like you. I like you.
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For reading, gamsahamnida. :)