A/N: Today's chapter is kind of short. I am still ahead of everything so that is good. Work has been troubling with what is happening at both of my jobs. It's a sad place to be lately. And now I am getting ready to go to a rock concert I didn't really plan on going to and don't want to go at all. But, friends are friends.
Anyway, here is the chapter.
Enjoy!
Ryan POV
Getting out of Geoff's shower I went the extremely long way back to my room. Which included going around the house, checking in on absolutely everyone and a lot of backtracking. After scolding myself for being such a pussy about this, I headed for my room. I opened the door silently and was met with total darkness and silence. Going over to the wall lamp next to my now official bed until Jaxx goes back home to either her family or Lo in the city. I turned on the soft glow lamp. It barely produced any light. Just enough for me to see that Jaxx was sleeping and find my way around my hidden gun cabnet behind my actual closet. After putting everything away, including my jacket on the bed, back into its proper place, I finally sat on the cot and leaned forward putting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.
"This is a fucking disaster," I muttered looking down at the floor.
What the actual fuck am I going to do? I actually like this girl and the storm looming when she finds out just might consume and kill me. My plan was shit on how I was going to tell her, but it was a damn plan.
Her being a Constantine wasn't in the plans... at all. I knew she was connected. Just didn't think it was THAT connected. I groaned, this is a damn disaster with an unknown ending.
I laughed bitterly, my whole life is a series of unknown endings. It's where my adrenaline rushes come from. But in the back of my mind I know the ending of every heist, robbery, killing spree, assassination, anything... we all come home. This could go in one of two directions. And the antisipation is honestly eating me alive.
Scooting back until my back hit the wall I finally looked at the sleeping form on my bed. I ranked my hand through my hair and couldn't keep my eyes away from her. She looked so peaceful, although a bit in a funny and interesting position made me like her even more. To sell that I am just an underground member of the FakeAH Crew might be a hard sell considering we are all notorious, to have one that isn't could back fire. But it is definitally worth the try if I can put days between her meeting me sitting here and me in my locked gun closet.
I don't want her to change me. It took me forever to develop who I am. What I want is someone to accept both sides of my mind. The lover and the killer. I know that is easier said than done, but I hope Jaxx is that one girl. Constantine or not. If she can dance with one side of me, I hope she can with the other as well.
I growled lowley to myself to not wake the girl in my bed. Getting up, I go to the bedside table to grab the empty glass and fill it for her for the morning. After what she went through, water is something she is going to want. I opened my cabnet and noticed the lack of pain killers. Fuck, two left. What a time for my shoulder to come back and say hi. I threw the two in my mouth and swollowed roughly. Walking back out to my room, I noticed her open bag with the pain killers on top. I bent down and grabbed them and set them next to the water. When her phone flashed Low Battery, I went back to her bag and grabbed her charger. Last thing we need is her family showing up cause her phone died.
Jaxx looked a lot better than she did when I saw her cuffed to that chair. I was going to fucking snap when I saw her there. I couldn't move when I saw her there. My brain shut down and I went numb. But when she said to shoot, again with no control I did what she said without question. I just trusted her almost as I trusted the members living in this house. Which is almost as scary as Micheal rage out bursts.
Walking back to my cot I turned around half way there and whispered, "Please don't walk away from us."
I turned out the light and laid down. Within a minute I was out like a light.