Chapter 46
2 days later
''Okay, that's it for today, Camila. You can lay back down again.'' Lexa says, watching carefully as the astronaut moves back to her hospital bed wearily.
''Alright.'' Camila mutters, pushing herself back into her bed. Lexa has been helping her recover from her incredible exhaustion and getting her muscle strength back. Camila has been in bed to rest for three days now with the occasional exercise under Lexa's supervision.
''You've done well. Seeing what you are able to do now tells me you gained your strength back a lot quicker than normal, because you've been forcing yourself to keep going for days. So that part is well on its way to a nice recovery. But the exhaustion is something we need to be careful with. Like it or not, you will have to take your rest. At least for this week and then we can see if things are better next week.'' Lexa tells her, scribbling down stats about the exercise Camila just did in her notebook.
''Yeah, I expected that. And that's okay. I mean, the normal procedure to complete recovery takes around 6 months, right?'' Camila asks and Lexa nods.
''Depends, but yes. Most astronauts coming back from a half year mission take around seven months. You've been gone for 2 months with Brody and then... 3 weeks with Lauren?''
Camila shrugs. ''Something like that. I've lost the days completely, I have no idea anymore how long I was actually up there.'' She admits, making Lexa nod in understanding.
''Well that's not of much importance anyway. We just need to focus on your recovery. It's going well so far, so keep on going like this and you'll be up and running again soon.'' Lexa says, handing Camila a cup of water and a towel to wipe the sweat off her forehead.
''Great, thanks.'' Camila mutters before gulping down her water and wiping her face. Then she lays back against her pillow and lets out a deep sigh. ''Do you know when Lauren will be back?''
''Not sure. She's training with Clarke now in an empty room a couple floors down.'' Lexa answers absentmindedly, focusing on finishing up her paper work.
Camila hums. ''How is Clarke?'' she asks, turning her eyes towards the ceiling.
''Please Camila, not again. I'm not in the mood for your teasing.'' Lexa answers immediately, not looking up from her papers at all.
Camila rolls her eyes and looks at the medical student. ''I'm not teasing, just asking. Isn't it nice to talk about the girl you're in love with?'' she asks, earning an annoyed sigh from Lexa and a roll of her eyes.
''I'm not..-'' she starts, but Camila interrupts her.
''Oh please, shut up. Have you noticed the way you look at her? It's so obvious from both of you yet you still haven't done anything with it. How come?'' she asks interestedly. After all her teasing and her and Dinah's remarks, nothing has changed between the two students.
''Um, because we were busy with saving your girlfriend and your son, maybe?'' Lexa sasses, earning another eye-roll from Camila.
''Come on Lex, I'm trying to have a real conversation about this with you. You can talk to me.'' She encourages, making the student sigh and shake her head.
''I don't know, okay? I'm just scared she doesn't like me. I mean, because of everything that happened we were forced to work together closely and spend a lot of time together. But that was work and a rescue mission. What if she doesn't like me outside of work?'' Lexa mutters softly, letting her papers rest in her lap while looking up at the astronaut with insecure eyes.
Camila nods and takes a moment to think about her reply, watching Lexa relax a little in her chair from not getting a teasing response from the astronaut.
''I get what you mean. I met Lauren during college because we shared some classes together. In class, I was focused, interested and quiet. I was quite the nerd now that I think about it, actually. But so was Lauren, which is probably one of the reasons we hit it off so easily. Before I knew it, I had the biggest crush on her. And it seemed like she liked me too. But I was way different outside of school than I was in the classroom. I was dorky and loud when I was with my friends and I could be a party-girl. And I was scared that Lauren wouldn't like that part of me.'' She tells her, watching Lexa's focused eyes.
''Yeah, that's how I feel as well.'' She admits, her eyes turning downward with insecurities.
''You know, Lauren was surprised when we started hanging out after class and she got to know me more. And her surprise scared me shitless but there was one thing that reassured me of everything.'' Camila continues and Lexa looks back up at her with questioning eyes.
''What was it?'' She asks with genuine interest and Camila smiles with an emotion in her eyes that's clear as day: love.
''Her eyes.'' She shares, making Lexa frown in confusion.
''Her eyes?''
''Yeah. Not only does Lauren have the most beautiful eyes ever, but they tell me everything I need to know. Her eyes always speak the truth, they tell me exactly how she feels or what she wants or needs. I've learned to read her eyes like my favorite book. I know them better than anybody else ever could, I know her better than she knows herself. And back then in college when I was full of doubts and insecurities and worries, her eyes reassured me time and time again. The way she looked at me told me enough to let all my fears disappear. I knew she would grow to love me before she realized it herself.'' Camila answers with a dreamy smile at the memory while a soft shiver runs down her spine.
Lexa gulps and looks at Camila with interest. She knew that Lauren and Camila had a very special bond and they could read each other pretty easily, but she never realized how deeply their love was nestled inside of them. And now she realizes that there was simply no other outcome than that they would end up together again even after everything they've been through.
''That's beautiful, Mila.'' She says, pulling Camila out of her dreamy state and focus back on Lexa again. ''I truly hope Clarke will look at me like that one day.'' She whispers, watching a gentle smile appear on the astronaut's lips and seeing her nod in understanding.
''Don't worry, Lex. Clarke looks at you the same way Lauren looked at me during college. I can see it blossoming, I can feel it growing. And it surprises me that you guys haven't noticed it yourselves yet, which is why I keep teasing you about it. That girl is smitten for you, I swear. So go act on it.'' Camila tells her with a supportive nod, suppressing her laugh at Lexa's dumfounded expression.
''You really think so?'' she whispers out after a few moments of silence, looking up with the most careful and hopeful smile.
''I know so. And even if you don't believe me, you should ask her out anyway. You say you're scared she won't like you outside of work duties but you'll never find out if you never let her get to know you. Take a chance and I know for a fact that Clarke will be there to catch you.'' She tells her, reaching out to pat Lexa's knee in assurance.
Lexa nods, letting her eyes look around while her thoughts are taking over. Camila just smiles at her with a content sigh. There are a few minutes of silence between them when the door to the hospital room opens and Clarke and Lauren walk in together.
''Hey!'' Camila calls out happily, shaking Lexa out of her thoughts as well.
''Hey baby, move over I need to lay down.'' Lauren exclaims immediately, moving straight to the bed. Camila laughs and scoots to the side to give her girlfriend some room and Lauren doesn't waste a second in letting herself fall down on the mattress and into the astronaut's arms.
''Tough training?'' Camila asks with a smile, leaning in to press a kiss against Lauren's lips gently.
''Hmm hmm.'' Lauren mutters, letting out a deep breath and closing her eyes after letting her head rest on her girlfriend's chest.
''You been tough on my girl, Clarke?'' Camila accuses playfully while the blonde let's out a small laugh.
''Hey, I have to make her strong again. It's my job to give her a hard time.'' She answers with a smile, resting her hands on the bar at the end of Camila's bed.
''Funny, that's what Lexa says to me every time she tortures me too.'' Camila replies, feeling Lauren chuckle at her remark and watching Lexa blush for the millionth time.
''Well, she's right.'' Lexa answers, standing up from her chair. ''Hey Clarke, do you want to go grab some coffee? I want to ask you something.''
Camila raises her eyebrows with a proud smirk while seeing Lexa give her a subtle wink before looking back at Clarke.
''Oh yeah, sure.'' Clarke answers with a wide beaming smile and Camila can clearly see the sparkle in her eyes.
''Great!'' Lexa says with a nervous chuckle. ''Uhm, let's go then.'' She mutters, leaning down to pick up her bag and shoving her papers inside quickly. She looks up at Camila when she hears her obnoxiously clear her throat, to which Lexa immediately rolls her eyes.
''They eyes, Lex. Pay attention.'' She says, making Clarke tilt her head in curiosity while Lexa quickly nods at her with a smile.
''Thanks, Mila.'' She says, before walking up to Clarke and leading her out of the room after saying a quick bye to Lauren and Camila. Clarke waves once more with a smile and before they know it, they're gone.
''The eyes? What was that all about?'' Lauren asks curiously, looking up at her girlfriend with interested eyes and Camila smiles.
She reaches out to tuck a strand of black hair behind her girlfriend's ear and leans forward to kiss her softly. Lauren kisses her back immediately, gently pushing her forehead against Camila's when they pull away after sharing a few more kisses.
''Nothing, baby, just me telling Lexa to make a move on Clarke already.'' Lauren looks at her for a few moments, knowing Camila isn't telling her everything. But the calmness in her brown eyes make her feel comfortable in not knowing what they talked about. So she nods, kisses her again and lays back down on her girlfriend's chest.
''How's Kyano?'' Camila asks after a long time of comfortable silence between them. Both women enjoying their calming cuddling and the other's mere presence.
''Good. Both our parents arrived this morning just before we started our training. They took him out for breakfast and went to a play castle, I think. They'll be back here after lunch to check up on you.'' Lauren tells her and Camila nods. Their parents all wanted to come down to the hospital as soon as they heard Kyano was safe. And like true grandparents, they took him out for food and fun, making Camila smile.
''Hmm, that's great.'' Camila mutters, kissing Lauren's head and enjoying the feeling of her arm wrapped around her stomach and her fingers caressing her ribs softly.
''He hasn't said anything about Brody yet.'' Lauren mutters after a few minutes.
Camila stays silent while a frown makes its way to her face slowly. ''Yeah, that's strange.'' She mutters, earning a hum in agreement from Lauren.
''I don't know why, though. He spent a lot of time with Brody from the moment he took him until you saved us. He went through a lot with him these past few weeks, yet he hasn't said a word about it.'' Lauren states, voicing her worries over her son's coping mechanism carefully.
''Yeah well, I don't talk about him either so maybe he gets that from me.'' She mutters, making Lauren move off her chest to be able to look her in the eyes. ''I agree though, that it's strange. We can't have him bottling everything up and holding it all in. I think our idea of letting him see a psychologist is a good plan.'' She adds.
Lauren nods in agreement to that before looking down at her now fiddling fingers. After a while she speaks up but doesn't look at her girlfriend. ''Do you... Do you want to talk about Brody?''
Camila frowns a little while she studies the technician carefully. ''What do you want me to say?'' she questions.
Lauren looks up now before letting out a sigh. ''I don't know. You don't have to say something. I just thought... so many things happened and we haven't really spoken about all of it.''
Camila nods now too, reaching out to caress Lauren's cheek. ''Do you want to talk about it now?'' she asks, seeing Lauren nod.
''We need to talk about it at some point, so now is as good as ever, right?'' she says and now it's Camila's turn to nod. ''I just don't know where to start..'' she adds, looking at her girlfriend questioningly and giving her the silent push to talk about whatever she wants to start the conversation.
Camila takes a deep breath and nods again, giving one more kiss to Lauren in reassurance.
''You ran.'' She whispers and Lauren gulps in guilt immediately. She looks down and nods. ''I understand.'' Camila adds, seeing the relieve appear in the technician's eyes quickly after her green eyes connect with her brown ones again.
''You do?'' Lauren asks carefully. But Camila simply nods.
''Yeah, I do. He gave you a chance to be with our son and you jumped at it. No matter how much I could be upset about it or wishing you told me, I get it. I think I would have done the same. I'm not mad at you for that. I was hurt that you didn't tell me and left me on my own to deal with not only losing Kyano, but also losing you. It almost became too much.'' She says softly, watching tears appear in Lauren's eyes while she feels her own eyes stinging as well.
''I'm sorry. I should have informed you about it, I know I should have. But I was too worried that Brody would hurt Kyano if he found out I told you about it... I had to play his game.'' Lauren apologizes with an explanation, making Camila nod.
''I know. I know, and that's why you kissed him too.'' Camila says, making Lauren's eyes widen for a moment before looking down in shame and guilt.
She closes her eyes when she feels Camila's lips press against her forehead softly. ''It destroyed me... to see you kiss him. For a moment I felt my heart... crack. But I realized why you did it.'' She tells her.
Lauren gulps heavily and opens her eyes, a few tears rolling down her cheeks soon after. ''I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that... I just... I didn't know what else to do.'' She whispers.
''I get it.'' Camila whispers quickly, using her thumbs to wipe away Lauren's tears gently before pressing another kiss against her forehead. ''Really, I do. If anything, that kiss is what gave me the time to run up to you to tackle him.''
Lauren nods with watery eyes but the expression in Camila's eyes reassures her and calms her down immensely.
''I understand now.'' Camila whispers after a few moments of silence. Lauren looks up at her with confused eyes but the astronaut's eyes have closed this time. ''In that moment I understood exactly how you felt when I hurt you like that. I always thought I understood the pain I caused you when I fucked up, but actually feeling your pain myself....'' Camila shakes her head, tears now streaming down her cheeks rapidly.
Lauren watches her struggle. All she can do is hold Camila's hand and kiss the palm of it gently in support.
''I'm so sorry, Lauren...'' she trails off with a breaking voice, opening her eyes for Lauren to see her utter heartbreak, guilt and disappointment in herself for cheating on her all those years ago. ''I'm so sorry.''
''Camz... Look at me.'' She whispers, tilting her head up by her chin slowly to make the astronaut look back at her. ''I have forgiven you.'' She tells her clearly, her voice barely above a whisper.
Camila lets out a shaky breath while her teary eyes look back at her girlfriend carefully. She gulps, searching Lauren's eyes for her honesty and reassurance. And she finds it almost immediately.
''Thank you.'' She whispers out, making Lauren smile at her lovingly. She leans in to press her forehead against her girlfriend's and they both close their eyes.
''Can you forgive me too? For running away without telling you and for... kissing Brody?'' she asks softly, feeling Camila nod against her almost immediately.
''Of course.'' Camila breathes out and leans in to connect her lips with Lauren's in a forgiving, loving and almost healing kiss.
''I love you.'' Lauren mutters against her lips, opening her eyes to stare into her girlfriend's caring and calming brown ones.
''I love you, too.'' Camila whispers back, staring into those beautiful green eyes full of love and reassurance. Staring into her home.
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