s1
d/f/c - dead favourite character
"Y/n? Where are you?" Down the hall, Kaldur's voice masked the soft sobbing coming from your throat. You caught your breath, not wanting him to hear you crying for some stupid reason. You stayed quiet until you were sure he had gone. You resumed your pouting, thinking about the death of your favourite character on your favourite tv show.
Since the cave was empty, and kaldur left still looking for you, you had a good amount of time to think things through. With the topic of death on your mind, you thought of what the death of kaldur or the team or your family would do to you. And the thought of their death just made you cry harder. Death was inevitable and there was nothing you could do about. What would you do to prevent it?
The cries filled your ears and tears clouded your eyes; blocking the outside world. So when you felt arms wrap around your torso, you flinched not expecting it. After you blinked hard you noticed the strong, beautiful brown arms of kaldur.
Even though you didn't want anyone to see you cry, you welcomed his touch.
"What happen, y/n?" Kaldur frowned.
"d/f/c... died," that made you burst out crying again, so you wiggled your body in a more comfortable next to Kaldur.
You expected him to laugh or act like you were joking but he nodded and squeezed you stronger.
"Death is nothing to be afraid of, y/n. He/she/they were/was a fictional character. In your head you could always make an alternative ending. Characters only die if you want them to."
"Would you not die if I wanted you to?" You looked up at him with wide expectant eyes.
"Y/n," kaldur sighed, realizing that this wasn't just about fictional characters, "dying is apart of life and if I die I'll die happily know that you.... you're my friend."
"But people could die at any point in life. An unexpected car crash or a terrorist attack, kaldur! What if you die before I tell you something important or what if my family dies before their time. I'm not ready to lose someone important to my life."
"Y/n—"
"And think about it. One day we will die. So what's the point of living now if in the end all those wasted breaths will be for nothing."
"Y/n."
"And, Kaldur, there's so much things I wanna do. Go through more life experiences, be a normal teenage, get married..." You lowered your eyes from his and scooted away from from Kaldur.
You were both quiet for a second. Kaldur took in what you said which made him muster up the courage to do what he's wanted to do for a while now.
"Y/n—"
"Yes?" You didn't miss a beat as you snapped up your gaze at him; a hands away. Kaldur moved his hands to support your back.
"You don't have to be worried," with his other hand, he stroked your cheek, "I'm never going anywhere. I don't ever want to leave your side, so I won't. It would break me beyond death to see you mourning anything or anyone. I swear on Neptune's trident that nothing bad would ever happen. Ever. Because I love you, y/n. And love is something that not even death can break. You may not feel the same, but that doesn't matter. I'll never leave your side. I'll always protect you. Death is something that won't happen until we're both old and happy. I'll ensure that. You'll be safe. Always."
You didn't move your gaze once, "And I'll protect you too, Kaldur. Till death and even beyond that. But your wrong. I do love you. Very much. We'll protect each other. Always." You shot back. The smile on Kaldur's face mirrored yours. It was unmistakable.
So for the rest of the dark and empty night in the cave, you and Kaldur lay together hugging and kissing sweetly like your death would be tomorrow
•—•
For the 3,650th time in ten years you walked out of your car, taking a deep breath and squeezing the bright flowers in your hands. Every step you walked become more shaky. Every step became more forced and droopy. You didn't want to be here. You wanted Kaldur to come back. Not for you to go to Kaldur. But, nonetheless, you made him a promise one day.
The bright moon in the sky reflected against your sad, tear filled eyes until you reached your destination. But it hurt too much to see the marking on the stone. Shutting your eyes tightly, you squeezing the flowers until your nails cut the plastic.
You fell to your knees on top of the grave and dropped the flowers carelessly, "Kaldur," you cried. The pain was too much for you. You fell to your side and cried. And cried. Until you didn't have any tears left.
It had been ten years since the death of Kaldur. It was the week before your marriage but there was a mission. One that required Kaldur. You insisted that he didn't go but he didn't listen to you. He left anyways.
"I'll be right back. Remember our promise?" Were the last words Kaldur said to you. But they weren't good enough. They were far from good enough.
Ever since you have lived on your own, fighting crime like a normal hero but nothing more and never anything less, it was your duty. You weren't going to let Kaldur's death ruin you completely. But you worked by yourself and had never let anyone in since. Kaldur's death destroyed you. No one was as worthy of your time unless it was him.
That was just the way it was. For five years the team and the new additions have tried to cheer you up. But it never worked. After Wally's death they understood that all you wanted was Kaldur and nothing could change that. Yet they still didn't approve of your choices.
But that never changed anything. Kaldur was still gone and you were still crying over it. And there was nothing anyone could do to fix that. Except Kaldur. But he was dead. Forever. Unless...
You stopped crying and sat up quickly. There was a chance!
There was a chance to talk to Kaldur face to face.
•—•
"ZATANNA!" You screamed again, banging on the door, "I need you! Now!" You were beginning to grow inpatient. You knew Zatanna's apartment number and had went ten minutes ago. You knew she was here because her car was still in the parking lot but she wouldn't answer her door.
"Huh? Hmh? Hmph? Ugh, Dick, get off me, there's someone at the door. Ugh where's my clothes? Well what are they doing over there?" Some noises could be heard from throughout the apartment which from who you realized was Zatanna and Dick. There was a time you would make fun of them but no you couldn't care less that they were sleeping together. You just needing Zatanna's services to speak to the dead.
Five minutes later Zatanna opened up the door messily wearing regular clothes and her hair was up in an undignified matter. Dick could be seen in the kitchen making coffee, looking equally as tired. Zatanna seemed a bit drowsy but once she noticed it was you, she perked up instantly attacking you in a hug, "Y/N! Oh my gosh are you okay? We haven't heard from you in ages! Oh dear god you look awful. Oh my gosh I remember today's the anniversary of—"
"Zatanna!" You stopped her before she could ramble on, pushing her away.
"Y/n?" Dick said from behind Zatanna. You noticed a frown on his face, "is that really you? I haven't seen you since... Wally's funeral," it pained his face to say those words.
You sighed deeply and nodded, "Yes whatever it's nice to see you guys too I guess." You looked away from Dick, as he reminded you of Kaldur, "I need to talk to Zatanna alone."
Dick frowned deeper, "But—"
"I'll talk to you later, Dick," you said more sternly, your eyes darkening. Something in his expression changed as he shook his head.
"Y/n, you're not thinking what I think your thinking are you?" He narrowed his eyes. You mentally cursed him your head. Trust your long time friend and detective to know what your up to. You scowled at him.
"What? What is she thinking?" Zatanna looked at Dick.
"She wants to talk to the dead. She wants to talk with Kaldur." He crossed his arms.
"Y/n!" Zatanna exclaimed, looking at you surprised, "you know that goes against all the laws of life!"
"You did it for Dick," you pointed out, crossing your arms as if mimicking Dick,"what difference does it make for me? What, do I have to sleep with you to see Kaldur?"
Zatanna frowned and shook her head, "No, it's not like that. Dick wasn't able to see Wally. My spell didn't work."
You wanted to argue that Wally wasn't dead but Kaldur couldn't wait, "I don't care. You can try again."
"Y/n, I know how hard this must be but is this really a good idea?" Dick cut in.
"NO! You don't get to talk!" You yelled at Dick, "You did the exact same thing as I'm doing. You loved Wally and you were so lost without him you wanted to see him one last time. It's only fair that I get the same opportunity! So shut up!" You then turned to Zatanna, "and you! I need your help now," you voice wavered at the end, your throat hurting, "... please."
Zatanna was struck for a second, as was Dick. His face was as red as Wally's hair. Zatanna was lost for words; her face seemed slightly broken, "No... No you're right. You deserve a chance, even if it won't work. I'll gladly help you."
She stepped aside to let you inside her home, which you did with a grateful smile. You were finally going to see your lost love.
"And you," she glanced at Dick for a split second, "Leave. Thank you for coming over but I have other matters to attend to," She then looked away from him.
"Y/n, Zatanna—"
"Goodbye, Grayson," Zatanna looked down. Dick clenched his jaw and grabbed his backpack next to the door. He left, not hesitating to give you a look you couldn't describe on his way out.
Two, very nonverbal hours later, you and Zatanna were underneath the bright moon in an empty park stood around a huge circle with different designs and markings in it.
Zatanna told you to sit in the middle of the circle which would be where you would enter the spirit world to talk to Kaldur after she finished the incantation. If Kaldur didn't appear, all you had to do was get up and walk far away. If Kaldur did come, you had about ten minutes with him until you had to leave. She warned you not to look back while leaving because that would send the spirit into the mortal world, which wasn't a very good idea.
The whole time Zatanna seemed a bit off, probably because of what was spoken back at her apartment, but you could address that later. Now, you had to focus on entering the spirit world.
In the circle you sat, your eyes shut tightly while Zatanna said the incantation, her hands together as if in prayer. Air began to blow this way and that way, faster and faster until Zatanna finished the incantation with a yell, followed by a bright light filling up your eyelids. Then silence.
You took that was your cue to stand up; slowly but not too slowly, Zatanna had said. Looking around, you noticed the room wasn't really a room or anything you expected. It was if you were standing on glass way up high in the clouds. It was soothing, but also a bit nerve racking as Kaldur, or any man for that matter, were no where in sight.
But that all ended when just about twenty feet away from you the outline of a buff young man could be seen walking. Closer, the man walked until you could see the strange markings on his arms, his skin as dark as chocolate, and his eyes as warm as a camp fire. He looked the same way he did ten years ago.
Kaldur.
He stopped when he was within arms reach of you.
Now for ages you have always come up with things to tell him if the day ever came when you would meet him again. The list was endless. But now, you were lost for words. Unable to find a world to describe the emotion you were feelings, or all things you wanted to say. Luckily, Kaldur did.
"Y/n," was all you ever wanted him to say. Your name rolling off his lips in a perfect way. The way his eyes lit up during every syllable of your name. You missed the smile that came after. But there was no smile after your name, nor a twinkle in his eyes. It was almost as if he was... Disappointed in you.
"Kaldur," you breathed out. You wanted to touch him, feel his body heat for another time. But it didn't feel right this time to do that.
"Why did you come for me?" Kaldur asked, his face with no emotion.
You took a step forward, "I needed to see you. I-I'm dead without you. I miss you so much. The promise we made that day haunts me, the last words you ever said to me... Kaldur I had to see you."
His eyes softened a little at your words, "I know. I've been watching you." Yet he frowned a little bit.
"You're not happy of me being here, are you?" You noticed, wanting his touch more than ever.
Kaldur let in a breath of frustration, "You really have no idea do you?"
"Of what?" You frowned.
"Of how you effect everyone, y/n! I'm dead. Wally's gone. And you ditched everyone. The teams split apart because of you. Do you even care?! Everyone felt that there was no team anymore; now that people were leaving and ditching the game. No one wanted to be the cause of someone's death. You should've been there for everyone. You would've said to keep together. But no! You reserved to yourself in self pity!" Kaldur's voice began to raise, "You should've helped people! Artemis is on the brink of going through what you are! Bart has been hitting himself ever since Wally had gone. Dick and Zatanna were fine until you barged in today! I once told you that I would die happy knowing that you loved me back. Death happens y/n, so toughen up, or you'll never get anywhere grieving the loss of everyone for ten freaking years!"
By the end, you both were in tears. Kaldur made a face once he was done and buried his head in his hands, walking in circles and cursing himself. You, however didn't blame him. He was right, after all. Everything he said was right on point. You were being a baby and focusing on your own problems instead of helping others.
"I'm sorry." You whipped your cheek, "I know, I known I've been stupid. I've neglected others. I've ruined relationships and friendships and your peaceful death. I was just consumed by your death, Kaldur. I loved- I love you too much to let you go. I just wanted you back. You don't wanna talk to me, I get it. You hate me. I'll go and change everything. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." You sniffed and was about to turn around, but Kaldur grabbed your shoulder firmly.
"No... I could never hate you y/n. You made poor decisions in the past but I know for certain that you'll change everything. That's why I love you too. Come here." He took you in with both his arms and wrapped you in his embrace. You gladly accepted it. For ten years you craved to be in his hands again and here you were getting your wish.
You began to cry again. You messed everything up. But you would fix it; make everything better. Because if Kaldur was okay, then you had he power to make everything okay.
In loving memory
of Lancelot (Merlin)