Gerard
(A/N: after editing a few chapters I forgot I mentioned Bob texting Frank about H or Heroine so I'm using that now)
****MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING ON THIS CHAPTER****
Work was busy and Frank was off a bit. My phone kept buzzing in my jeans pocket and by the time eight rolled around, I had to clock out. Frank understood I was leaving and said he'd text me.
As soon as I stepped out of the warm restaurant, the chill of night blew through my ivory black strands of hair. I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it with a match before pulling out my phone.
36 new messages from Bert
It took me everything to open my messages. The last one read; meet me at the old apartment.
And that's what I did. I chained smoked four cigarettes on the twenty minute walk to the dingy apartment complex that made it obvious that prostitutes, drug addicts, and the poor souls caught between it all. (A/N: I lived in an apartment complex like this once. There was a meth lab explosion)
The boards that made up the stairs were stone but the wood that structured the building was peeling and molding a bit. The smell of mothballs was putrid and clung to the air like a parasite to a poor host. Moss was clinging to some of the stone steps and the iron rail was peeling and rusted. The second floor didn't look any better but some of the door frames seemed to hardly keep its own weight up.
The third floor, only two apartments were built here. Some porn star and Bert. Anxiety built in my stomach, grasping my throat with its spindly fingers, trying to choke me. My younger, nineteen year old self was staring me in the face, sneering at me with disgust. Almost like I was asking myself what am I doing back here.
Before I turned, the door on the left opened, revealing my fears. It was like a train hit me head on with everything flashing before my eyes. His hair was greasy but he still looked cold.
Like he never knew anything but pain and evil.
"Well? Are you coming in?" He asked, moving aside, motioning me in.
I really didn't have a choice, did I? I was here. I have to face my past, right?
A small nod was given to him as I walked for what seemed like heavy boots weighing me down for eternity when it was just a few seconds in reality.
Bert closed the door behind me, causing me to flinch. He had a beer in hand and the room smelt like vomit or cat piss. Somewhere between the two. The underlay smell of alcohol and weed was hardly noticeable under the other scents but it was still there.
It was disgusting and I don't know how I was able to live like this.
An arm wrapped around my waist from behind and I tensed up. I found the strength to break away from him and turn around.
"You look beautiful as always, Gerard." He mused. His fingers trailed around my mid section, sliding dangerously low. I broke from his grasp and shook my head.
"Why do you want to see me?" I strained, my breath speeding up. A dark scruff decorated his face, lips hidden in the prickly hairs. His mouth started to lift a bit, curling into an innocent looking smile.
"I just wanted to see how my favorite little addict was doing. Tell me, Gerard, are you still doing lines? I can always give you one for a fuck." He suggested, eyes glinting with something other than the welcoming innocents he spoke with.
"No. I'm not like that anymore." I whispered, shaking my head. My arms snaked around my waist, almost like they were encouraging me to keep myself together.
Like it was holding together a project with wet glue waiting to dry.
"Shame. Maybe we can see if you're still the little virgin you claim to be." Bert laughed, giving me the sick, twisted look that he gave me when he wanted something. I could only shake my head because that wasn't sex. That wasn't loosing my virginity.
I never counted it as that because of the force.
My breath hitches and I swallowed back the lump in my throat. The tears threatening to spill down my face.
"No, Bert. That wasn't loosing anything. You took it and I'm not counting you fucking me as anything. I'm going to fucking block you from my phone and you're not going to text me anymore. Don't you are think I'm some filthy little drug whore of yours! I'm not like that anymore! Fuck the prostitute next door!" I burst. I was shaking, the tears building up.
I am weak.
Bert looked at me with a look of hatred. He approached me and grabbed my shoulders. He forced me to the ground, my knees hitting the stained carpet roughly with a guarantee of bruised knees. He unbuttoned and unzipped his dark blue jeans and pulled his dick out of his nasty ass stained underwear.
"Open." He growled. And boy did I open my mouth.
And bit his dick.
He let out an agonized scream which gave me time to get up and sprint for the door. He was struggling to get his mini penis in his jeans while I was already out the door and running down the stairs. I just kept running though, I didn't stop until I knew I lost him.
I was near Frank's but I needed to sit. My body collapsed onto a street bench, head in my clammy hands before the tears spilled. Choking sobs and my pained gasps filled the nights stillness despite the passing of a car every once in a while. The street lamp above flickered, moths meeting their unknown soon as they're lured like prey into the trap known as light. The little zaps faint as if they were unimportant to anything but falling victim to heat.
My eyes hurt when I was reduced to the just quiet tears that slid down my face into my hands, down my arms and falling on my jeans from the crook in my elbow. My life felt like it was being zapped out by sadness, just like the light was killing the unknowing moths that circled around the street lamp.
With heavy feat, I pulled myself up, kicking pebbles as I began walking to Frank's apartment that was around the corner. My mind was clouded with my own memories, memories I've blocked out for so long that didn't need to be brought back.
I ventured up the steps of his building before finding his apartment, the door slightly cracked as if he was in too much of a hurry to close it all the way.
Hesitantly, I pushed it open before making my way quietly inside, giggles coming from the bedroom. My throat closed and I felt my heart pound.
His door was closed, staring back at me as if it was challenging me. Taunting me and saying I was weak and couldn't face the fact of anything going on beyond this door.
But the anxiety was eating me which causes me to open the door.
Frank sat on his bed, a syringe in his hand. He had tied a tie on his upper left arm and was halfway through injecting himself with heroine.
My world stopped and so did his as he looked up, finger freezing and not pushing anymore of the drug into his system.
My heart was breaking as I approached, carefully taking away the needle that was between my middle finger and thumb. My heart raced more knowing I was holding a needle which caused me to just throw the dammed thing.
"Your door was cracked open." I whispered, taking his arm and squeezing the bruised puncture wound. Some of the white, liquid drug dripped out, Frank shaking as he watched. Not all came out though.
"I haven't d-done it in so l-l-long and I n-needed it." He whispered, voice breaking. Frank was vulnerable right now though. He was high and the dazed look in his eyes stared at me like a mirror of myself when I was nineteen.
"Why did you do it?" I asked softly. His lips pulled back into a sad smile with a watery chuckle. He looked like a small child caught stealing something.
"Heroine f-fucks you up. I-I needed it. S-s-sometimes I can't stan-stand being alone anymore. Like t-the walls are taunting me. It w-was a new batch. I-I only got enough f-for a needle b-because tha-that's all that was left. T-the walls talk. L-like we're friends. They still make fun of me though. I-I can't deal." He whispered, watery tears slipping down his flushed face.
Slowly, I pulled him up and led the boy to the bathroom. I pulled off the tie that was surely cutting off his blood flow and I plugged the bathtub. The faucet was soon running with warm water, filling the tub with a welcoming appeal.
I helped Frank get undressed and into the tub, getting a bear bottle and washing it out. I filled it up with water from the tub and poured it over Frank's head, wetting his hair.
"I used to snort cocaine." I whispered. "You can get off this. I can help you, Frankie. You just need to want to stop. This will kill you and I don't want you dead."
Frank looked at me with sad eyes and smiled. "I want to but I don't know if I can." He replied. To that, I shook my head.
"Recovery is always possible when you want it, Frank. You'll just have to let me help you. Maybe go to rehab." I suggested as I washed him.
"No. I'm not going to rehab. I'm not crazy. I ca-can stop on my own if I try hard enough. I can't right now but I will stop." He fought and I sighed.
"You can't just quit. You can't do it alone. Maybe not rehab but I can help. I used to be like you but I did cocaine. Mikey helped me with my problem and now I've been clean for five years. Trust me, Frank." I tried, voice pleading.
Frank looked at me and sighed, eyes slowly drooping from assumed tiredness.
"Maybe." He mumbled before getting out the bath, leaving me kneeling beside the tub and looking after where he was. Frank has already dried off though and gotten dressed before going to his room, leading for me to drain the tub and clean up what ever mess I made with the water.
It was well after midnight by this point and I had laid a glass of water on the night side table of the queen sized bed Frank occupied. He was hardly awake before looking at Gerard through a haze.
"Come lay with me...sing me to sleep." He whispered, snuggling his face in his pillows. I stripped my jeans and shoes off, pealing off my socks before climbing under the covers and pulling Frank to my chest where he buried his head into my chest. My fingers traced light designs on his back before I sang Knocking On Heavens Door by Bob Dylan. Personally, I prefer Guns 'N Roses's cover of it but you really can't tell without any instrumental.
Frank let out soft snores, no moonlight to highlight his features as it hid behind the clouds. My eyes were slowly closing, voice fading before I too fell asleep.
A/N:
IM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER. IM EVEN GOING TO UPDATE THE OTHER FRERARD AND THE SAD ONES THIS WEEK TO MAKE IT UP.
I already did the Kellic.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and sorry if I triggered anyone. But, please tell me what you think!
I love you guys!
(Sorry it's kinda short)