My eyes open before closing again to adjust to the light coming in from my balcony door. I rub my eyes before slowly sitting up. I look around for my phone before spotting it on my night stand. I check the time to see that it's ten twenty three. Well, it isn't as late as I thought it was. I also notice the missed calls and messages from Abby. I don't bother to respond to them. I yawn before swinging my legs out of bed.
I look down, noticing that I'm still naked. I search for my briefs before finding them hanging on my lamp. I grab them before putting them on. The scent of bacon hits my nose and I exit out of my room to find Eleana in the kitchen, cooking with my dress shirt on. I lick my lips, not minding this at all.
"Good morning." She smiles.
"Good morning." I smile before going over to her and wrapping my arms around her waist. I kiss her on the cheek and she laughs.
"Stop it, Jordan." She laughs.
"That wasn't what you were saying last night." I smirk.
"I wasn't cooking last night." She points the spatula at me.
I smile before looking at what all she has prepared for me. I didn't have much in the fridge, so I doubt it's much. She places the bacon on the plate along with eggs and toast. Simple yet perfect. She hands the plate to me along with a glass of orange juice and I take it over to the table, setting it down on the table. She comes over to the table, sitting across from me. I take a bite out of the toast, moaning. She's beautiful, good in bed, and she can cook. I might have to keep her around.
"Hey, I have a shoot next week and I'll be out of town, but when I get back we should do something." She suggests.
"Yeah, if I'm not out of town myself." I say.
"Right, I forgot that you were going back to your hometown with Troy and Daniel." She takes a sip of her orange juice before stabbing her eggs with her fork.
There's a knock at the door and Eleana stands up. "I got it."
I don't argue with her because I'm starving and I honestly am too lazy to get up right now. She opens the door and I hear the words "Hey, Abby." come out of her mouth. I choke on some of my egg, grabbing the orange juice and quickly drinking it. What is Abby doing here? This is not going to go well for me. Eleana is in my shirt and I'm only in my boxers. I mean, she can't really be mad at me. We aren't together anymore.
I stand up, going over to the door before this gets out of hand. Abby isn't the same shy girl used to be. She has no problem letting you know how she feels. I got a glimpse of that last night.
"Hey, Abby." I say, awkwardly.
She looks at me and I can see her putting the dots together. She looks down, trying to hide how she really feels and all I can think about is how I probably shouldn't have called Eleana over last night. I'm constantly in this battle to please her or just do what I want, but what I want is for her to be with me.
"I'll give you to some privacy." Eleana kisses me on the cheek before going back to the table.
When she's out of ear shot, Abby speaks, "Just friends, right?" She scoffs, quoting what I told her.
She turns around, leaving and I close the door behind me, going after her. I grab her arm, stopping her and she turns around to face me. I can see the hurt and anger in her eyes, but now I'm confused. Could she actually still feel something for me?
"Don't do that." I say.
"Do what?" She pulls her arm away from me, giving me a look of disgust.
"Pretend I'm the bad guy. I didn't do shit to you, so you can't be mad at me. We're not together anymore, remember?" I try to keep my voice down, not wanting to disturb my neighbors.
"I know that, but I thought you were done being that guy!"
"What guy?" I retort.
"The guy that lies and sleeps with girls just to do it! If you really weren't interested in her then why'd you sleep with her? I'll tell you why; because I hurt your little feelings and you did what Jordan knows how to do. Run away from his problems. You're not a teenager anymore Jordan! You can't go around messing with girls' heads and thinking there won't be any consequences! If you just would have answered my call, we could have talked things out like adults do, but you ran. Like you always do!" She shouts and I can see the tears forming in her eyes and I'm shocked because I don't know what to say.
"Can we just go somewhere and talk then? Can we talk without the shouting?" I ask, trying to calm her down.
She lets out a humorless laugh, "Why don't you invite me into your hotel room? Wait, I know why. It's because you have a half naked girl in there wearing one of shirts and I'm guessing all of her clothes are thrown everywhere around the room."
I stare at her, unsure of how I should go about this. She's angry at me for acting like my old self or because I slept with her? I decide to act on the anger that's slowly bubbling up inside of me. She claims she doesn't care yet she's acting like this.
"What the hell are you really angry about? Don't give me that bullshit about me acting like my old self because I never stopped being that Jordan. You're just jealous that I slept with her." I accuse.
"The only thing you're right about is that you never stopped being that Jordan. You proved that to me when you made a stupid bet about me and you went through with it after claiming you loved me!" She pushes me against the chest, tears falling down her face.
My face softens and I run a hand through my hair. "I thought we were moving on from that? I told you I was sorry and I know how bad I messed up."
"It doesn't matter anymore, Jordan. We never were meant to be, so let's stop trying to do this with each other. I wanted a friendship with you, but you obviously don't want that. Another lie yet again. Let's just pretend we had never met again in that meeting room." She walks away from me, but I refuse to let her walk away from me again.
"You're running away from your problems now!" I yell.
She stops walking and turns around, "I'm not running away, Jordan. I'm not afraid to face my problems, but I know when to give up and you're a lost cause Jordan."
My heart feels like it's being stomped on right now and she wipes her eyes before leaving me. I let a small tear fall down my face before wiping it and going back inside. When I get inside, Eleana is fully dressed with my dress shirt neatly folded on the couch. I really can't deal with her right now.
"Was what she said true?" She asks, her voice cracking.
I grab the whiskey bottle on the table and take a swig of it. "Yeah."
She looks down, not wanting me to see her cry. I have my own fucking problems and they don't include on comforting her. I only comforted one girl in my whole entire life and that was Abby. I'd like it to stay that way.
"You're sick!" She finally says like I knew she would.
"I heard it all before, trust me. I've been a lot of things in my lifetime, but you know what baffles me? The girls I sleep with, they know how I am. They can sense it, I know it, but they choose to ignore it. They still sleep with me and then the next morning they pretend like I'm the bad guy. They knew what they were getting themselves into. Why do girls do that?"
"Cause most girls believe a guy can be saved and they want to give him a chance, but Abby is right. You're a lost cause and that's why you'll forever end up fucking alone. You don't deserve her or me!" She spits before leaving out of my hotel room.
I sigh before sitting down on my couch and becoming best friends with the whiskey bottle. I drink and drink until I feel like I don't remember anything. I turn on some depressing music, letting it blast throughout my room. I don't remember when I pass out, but I do and I end up dreaming about a hurt Abby.
~~~~
It's been three days since I talked to Midget. Well, argued with her. I tried calling her and texting, but she ignores both of my efforts. The past three days have been spent ignoring everyone and getting drunk. I even left her a few drunk voicemails that I regret sending the next morning.
I'm currently sitting in a bar, on my third glass of whatever this is. The bartender recognized me and said whatever I wanted was on the house. I told him to surprise me. A few people come up to me, asking for my autograph and/or a picture. I don't mind it though. At least some people still think I'm good.
I take the third shot to the head and grab my phone out of my pocket. I click on my contact icon and begin to scroll until I get to the m's. I click on Midget and contemplate on calling her. What's the point? She isn't going to answer. I slowly move myself off the stool, stumbling a bit.
"Hey, Jordan, are you sure you can drive?" The bartender asks.
"Um, probably not. I'm just going to call a friend to come get me." I tell him.
He nods his head, staring at me warily. I head for the bathrooms, deciding that I have to pee. I shouldn't even be in this stupid bar. I thought I was done with emotional drinking, but I guess not. Abby's the only person that can do this to me. I go into one of the stalls, taking a quick pee before coming out of the stall. I take out my phone, looking at Abby's contact in my phone. I press the dial button before I know it and put the phone up to my ear.
"Jordan, stop calling me! I'm done, okay!" She answers the phone, sounding frustrated.
"I can't drive." I blurt out.
"We established that back in high school." I'm sure if she wasn't so mad at me, what she just said probably would have been a joke.
"I mean, uh, I'm drunk." My words slur together.
"Not surprised. You've been leaving me drunk voicemails for the past three days."
I sigh, "Yeah, and I wish I could take them back."
"I don't see how you being drunk and not being able to drive has anything to do with me." She says.
"I'm at a bar and I'm ready to go. I can't exactly drive back home." I sit down on the bathroom floor, tired of swaying back and forth.
"Why don't you call Eleana?" I can hear the sass in her voice and I laugh a little at how jealous she sounds.
I chuckle, "If she didn't hate my guts as well, I probably would have called her."
"Maybe you should stop being an asshole." I'm not offended by this because she's right. I am an asshole.
"Why'd you pick up?" I dare to ask. I was surprised when she picked up and it's been on my mind since we got on the phone. I'm grateful she picked up because if she hadn't, one of these strangers would have to drive me home.
She's quiet for a moment before she sighs, "I don't know." She's lying. I can tell by the way she paused that she was contemplating on telling me the truth or not.
"Will you please come pick me up?" I beg, not caring how desperate I sound. I miss her and I just want to see her.
It's quiet on the other line before she sighs, obviously tired of me. "What bar?" She asks.
"Um, I think it's called Buckey's Beer." Really stupid name for a bar, but they do sell some good alcohol.
She laughs a little, "Of course you would be there."
"What? You've been here before?" I ask, resting my head against the wall, closing my eyes.
"Once with Shawn. That's when we used to go out and stuff." I can tell that she didn't want to bring up Shawn by the way she hesitated. She should be used to hurting me by now. I know I'm used to it.
"Listen, I'm just going to walk there because I don't want to have to leave one of our cars there. People do break into cars still."
"How are you going to get back to your place?" I ask.
"Um, you can stay in my guest room for the night then you can leave in the morning." My heart nearly jumps with joy that she's letting me stay the night with her.
"Don't get too happy. I'm still pissed at you and I'd like it if you didn't say much to me when I get there, okay?" She won't be mad for long. This is my chance to fix things with her.
"Yeah, I understand." I say into the phone and she hangs up.
I slowly get up off the floor, making sure I don't fall back over. I exit out of the bathrooms, waving goodbye to the bartender before leaving the bar. I sit on the side walk beside my car, waiting for Midget. When she arrives, I'm playing some stupid game called twist that I'm doing horrible at because I'm drunk. Yeah, I'm blaming my lack of skills on being drunk.
"Ready to go?" She asks.
I nod my head, handing her the keys to my car. We both get in and I instantly close my eyes, trying to relax. I haven't been feeling all that well lately and the drinking hasn't really helped me either, but it takes the pain away a little. She turns on the air and begins to drive towards her condo.
"You can't drink your problems away, Jordan." She says out of nowhere.
"I know." I simply say.
"Then why do you do it?" I open my eyes to look at her, but she isn't looking at me. I'm not the only one that has a problem with facing problems.
"Because I'm in pain, Abby. I don't know how to deal with pain. I've never known how to deal with pain. When my parents died, I started acting out and became the person I was. When you left me, I got drunk most of that summer and almost killed myself. When the guys and I fell apart, I got drunk. So you see, Abby, I don't know how to deal with pain. When you figure out how to deal with it, let me know." My face is red from anger and hurt, and she finally looks at me, pity and sadness in her eyes.
She shakes her head, sniffing. Please don't cry over me. You've done it enough. "You know why I picked up the phone earlier, Jordan?"
I don't answer her because I know she's going to tell me. "Because I care about you. No matter how angry you make me, I don't want anything bad to happen to you. All those times you called me drunk, the first thing that crossed my mind is that I hope he isn't driving drunk and that he doesn't wreck. And when you called me tonight, I just got a bad feeling that if I didn't pick up, something bad would happen to you."
She's crying now and I'm left speechless. I hadn't expected her to say what she said. She doesn't need to be driving while emotional, but I can't exactly take over. I'm in no condition to drive either.
"Abby, pull over." I'm not asking, but I'm demanding in a nice way. She doesn't argue with me and she pulls into parking lot of some store.
I face her and I'm about to speak, but she cuts me off. "I get what I said hurt you and I'll admit I said it to hurt you, but you can't go out and try to hurt me. The only way I know how to deal with the hurt is by facing it, Jordan. I didn't do that when you broke my heart and I ended up turning into someone I wasn't. I can't tell you how to deal with things, but drinking isn't the answer. You're going to get hurt in life and you can't drink it all away because it never goes away. Even when you think it does."
"I know, Abby. I don't have anyone, though. I'm alone all the time. I could call up the guys, but once we're off the phone, who do I have? No one. You have Shawn. He can be there for you when you feel hurt or unhappy. When I'm in pain, who do I turn to? I'm just left to sit here and figure it out on my own, and I don't know how to do that." I look away from her, feeling like I'm about to break. I don't want her to see me break.
She places a hand on my forearm, "Let it out, Jordan."
"I can't." I choke out.
"Let it out. I'm here." Her tone is soft and compassionate. I look at her, seeing the sincerity in her eyes and I turn away from her.
I let out a loud scream before tears start roll down my face. She wraps her small arms around me while I cry and cry. Everything that I never actually faced or tried to let out is finally coming out. She doesn't rush me or say anything. She just rubs my back, letting me know she's here for me with this small action. After a while, I finally calm down.
"I'm sorry, Abby." I finally say after a while.
"For what?" She asks.
"For everything. You could have been happy in life if I hadn't came and interrupted everything. I should have never taken that stupid bet."
"In a way, I'm glad you did. You brought something out of me that wouldn't have come out if you hadn't stepped into my life. I do forgive you, Jordan. Now it's time for you to forgive yourself." She touches my cheek briefly before starting the car again and heading to her place.
The rest of the ride, we're both quiet. We don't have anything else to say to each other, at least not right now. She's right. I do need to forgive myself for that stupid bet. So many times I thought I was done with feeling guilty about hurting her, but I'm not. I just have to learn to deal with the consequences of my actions and learn to forgive myself. There's no point in her forgiving me, if I can't even forgive myself.
We enter her condo and she turns on the light, tossing my keys on the counter. She walks down the hall and I follow her to another room.
"You can sleep in here for tonight." She tells me.
"Thank you. I really do appreciate everything you've done for me. I really don't deserve it." I kick my shoes off and I notice myself in the mirror. My eyes are red and I look pale. Not one of my best days, I guess.
"Hey, are you feeling okay?" She asks, coming over to me.
"It's probably just the alcohol and the mental breakdown I just had." I try to joke.
She places her hand on my forehead and I stare at her. I look over her face, noticing every single detail. She's so perfect to me. I stare at her lips, mentally sighing because I can't kiss her. The friend zone sucks and I regret laughing at all those dudes who got friend zoned in movies. In my defense, I never thought it'd happen to me.
"You're burning up. I'll be right back. Get in the bed." She commands before leaving.
I strip out of my things before sliding into the comfortable bed. I bet Shawn picked out everything for this room. None of it screams Abby, but she wasn't always herself. Maybe she did pick this out when she was being the version of herself that I turned her into.
She comes back with a wet wash cloth, medicine, and a Gatorade. She has me take the medicine first before drinking half of the Gatorade. She then has me lay down before placing the wet cloth on top of my forehead. It feels good and I smile a little at how she's taking care of me.
"What?" She smiles a small smile.
"What happened to don't say anything to me?" I laugh a little.
She laughs, "We can still do that if you'd like?"
"I'm good. You know I have to repay you, right?"
She shakes her head, "Just work on getting better for me, okay?" I know there's a double meaning to that, but I don't call her out on it.
She places a small kiss on my forehead, surprising the hell out of me. "Good night, Jordan."
She leaves the room, leaving me stunned. I hadn't expected her to do that. I hadn't even expected her to be so kind to me. She's always been more than what I deserve and that's why I'm madly in love with her.