It had been over a week and Jax couldn't stop from spending hours looking at his only sonogram photo of his kid. He seemed to find something new every time. He was slowly visioning what his son, or daughter, was going to look like, and who he would take after.
Despite all the imagination about his child, Jax still felt a spike of fear shoot through him when he thought about his child's arrival and the change that would come with it.
Jax never once doubted the club or questioned the lifestyle he lived, but now he was expanding his world to fatherhood. He could admit it was mostly from his best friend's recent stint in Chino that got him thinking. If being an outlaw, or more specifically running guns, was worth the potential missed family milestone's. Opie missed 5 years and looked at what he is going through.
Though the club got rid of dumbass Kyle who left Opie to get caught; a club deal could go wrong or even David Hale, Mr. Captain America, could find something to pin on them, and if they pushed him too far they would have the ATF in all of their collective rectums.
It was those thoughts that crept in when he envisioned his child's first steps or words. If he missed all of that because of something from the club he wasn't sure how to handle these new feelings that were infecting him.
Abstract feelings soon turned to Delilah. In the past week, he made sure to regularly text or call just to make sure she was alright. But he learned very quickly that Delilah wasn't one to be coddled, and she let him know he didn't need to text her 20 times a day. He even received a mini rant when he made an offhand comment about her being pregnant around a bunch of porn stars. He decided not to even breach the topic of money.
It was strange how immediately he felt protective over Delilah and their child.
Thinking about Delilah beyond the sense of his son's mother was where his most troubling thoughts began. As soon as his mother discovers this development in his life, he expects a lecture from her proclaiming him to be a dumbass for knocking up a friend of the club's only relative. Then the wheels would soon be turning on to set the two up as a couple. Typical Gemma.
Jax wasn't averse to a relationship, but he didn't think he would be ready for the relationship that would involve a kid. Besides, marriage left a bad taste in his mouth even though it could be partly blamed on the fact him and Wendy were a disaster from the start.
It was just in his world there wasn't time for anything slow and steady. If you didn't want her to be your Old Lady then there was no point in trying to begin anything.
He wasn't saying that Delilah couldn't be his Old Lady; it was just there was a baby involved and if it didn't work out that could lead to trouble. Plus he didn't even know if he wanted an Old Lady at this point.
He wanted to focus on the club. It was looking like Darby was trying to make a bigger crew for his distribution game trying to ruffle the feathers with the club, and it didn't help that the beef with the Mayans seemed to be slowly escalating. The last thing they needed was another goddamn war.
He wanted Delilah separated from that. He knew other crews didn't usually go for Old Lady's. It was an unwritten rule that no one ever went after women or children, but he knew Donovan wouldn't want her to know what exactly it meant to be involved with SAMCRO.
Donovan Carmine. Jax could admit he was kind of worried about how the drunk was going to take this news. He had immense respect for Donovan as he was a friend of the club, but he didn't know how he was going to look this man in the eye knowing he knocked up his niece from a one-night stand. Jax shuddered thinking about the inevitable beating he is going to get from Lip.
Jax looked back to the spot on his dorm bed where Delilah occupied months ago. Now he was constantly analyzing that night. Jax could admit that he had some attraction to Delilah because if he didn't he wouldn't have sought her out in the first place.
In the grand scheme of things, Delilah could be what he needed. She was smart and reserved. She was highly independent. She was never one to follow the crowd. He knew she would not be afraid to challenge him. There were a lot of pros in wanting to pursue the relationship, but he knew it could be because of the baby they were having.
Jax got up and placed the sonogram in his wallet and decided to visit the one person who could provide some perspective on this whole situation.
. . .
Jax took a seat on his best friend's couch with a beer in his hand. Opie and Jax had been best friends since in utero. Opie was the only one Jax trusted with anything. He knew his best friend would be the one to call him out on any of his bullshit. Opie never lied to him, and he always spoke the truth even if Jax knew he wasn't going to like it.
Since Opie's stint at Chino, Jax found his friend slipping away from him. Opie was leaning right these days and even had gotten a legitimate legal job chucking wood for Oswald's logging company.
Yet, with the visage of trying to be a reformed outlaw, it was clear to see the stress of Opie being other than that as it was ingrained in him since childhood being an outlaw was all there was. The message hit home even more as the income wasn't the same as it became an open secret of the money troubles that plagued them since Opie's incarceration.
Jax had tried to help Donna not only as duty from Opie being his brother in the club but because he was his best friend and Opie was his family, club or not. Donna was too proud to accept the help and she didn't seem interested in taking help from the affiliations that got her husband locked up in the first place.
Despite her reservations in accepting help, Jax would still leave a little cash here and there or make sure Piney at least passed the aide to his daughter-in-law.
Taking a long drag of his beer, he observed the defeated look in his friend. Seeing Donna's absence, he knew she must have been working an extra shift at her job as a housekeeper in the local nursing home. Jax knew that Opie didn't appreciate he couldn't provide for his family. Hell, Jax knew he would feel the same way. He suspected it had something to do with the way they were raised believing it was unacceptable to live off their Old Ladies, but Jax knew it was more than that which plagued his friend.
Opie had been with Donna since high school, sophomore year to be exact. They were the ideal high school sweethearts. In retrospect, it seemed love hit both of them at the same time as he found Tara around the same time Opie found Donna.
Unlike Tara, Donna seemed to have accepted who Opie was and what the club meant to him. Jax could admit he was extremely envious his brother found someone that could accept him and the club, but that set of mind Donna seemed to have shattered when Opie got locked up for five years. Leaving a woman alone with two babies would be sure to taint the woman in anger and hate for the club that put her husband and the father of her children in jail.
This was the true test of their relationship, Jax knew it didn't help that Opie and Donna seemed to not have full disclosure. Of course, it wasn't his business if Opie told Donna anything.
Loving Donna and trying to do right by his family, who struggled in his absence, conflicted with his love for his club. This battle was embedded deep into the Winston foundation as a family as it splintered the infrastructure as his kids didn't know how to act around their father either.
"So I know you didn't come here to just drink beer. What's plaguing your mind, brother?" Opie asked Jax as he inhaled his beer.
Setting the empty bottle on the table, Jax looked at the empty bottle as if it held the solutions to his worries. Running his hands ran through his hair free of his reaper cap. "I fucked up," Jax admitted as he looked his best friend in the eye. Opie looked at him with an expression that told him to elaborate. "I'm having a kid."
Jax watched as his stoic friend gave him a wide-eyed as he tried to swallow his beer, but had to stop the beer from escaping his mouth from shock as some of it leaked out his mouth into the coarse hairs on his chin, "You got Wendy pregnant?"
Jax shook his head and realized the blessing in disguise from not getting Wendy pregnant. He could have saved himself a lot of trouble if he would have listened to Opie in divorcing Wendy. It should have happened when they both became aware of the fact Wendy had a problem with the needle. His thoughts drifted to Wendy, he hadn't heard from her since her latest overdose as he demanded her to take him off as an emergency contact. What made the hospital visit even more strained as she was insistent that they could fix their marriage. She kept blabbering about promises of doing this and that. He was tired of her broken promises of getting clean and he was tired of having to try to make himself love her. The last promise he wanted from her was a vow to sign the divorce papers and to get out of his house.
"Then who did you knock up?"
"Delilah. Delilah Carmine."
Jax watched Opie's eyes widen before he released a loud boisterous laugh that vibrated his whole body, "You're fucking with me right?" Opie got his answer by the non-amused look on his face. "When the fuck did this happen?"
Jax sighed and leaned back on the white faded floral pattern couch, aging from use, as he relayed everything from the moment he saw Delilah trying to ward off the advances of the hang around until last week when he received the news that was slowly changing his world.
"Donovan and Lip are going to beat the shit out of you. Jesus fuck...how in the hell did you manage that one."
Jax sighed because he already knew that, but this was the consequence of him thinking with his dick and from opening the lid on his latent lust for Delilah. "I know, but there is nothing I can do now."
"So you traded a wife for a baby...when you plan on telling people?"
"At least after this next appointment," Jax answered.
"She'll be what four months? You sure you want to keep your mom out the loop that long?"
It wasn't ideal for Jax, but he still needed to come to terms with how to figure out how to handle this news without his mom breathing down his neck and trying to influence how he and Delilah were going to do this. He also knew he would need to figure out how in the hell he was going to talk to Lip about this.
"You think you're ready for a kid?" Opie asked the expectant father.
"Not like I have a choice, do I?" Jax countered back.
"Well if it means anything, I think your swimmers picked the right choice. I mean you could've gotten Wendy or a croweater pregnant. That's not the ideal situation for the mother charter's VP."
"Yeah, you're right," Jax agreed.
"So what do you and Delilah plan on doing, though?"
Jax furrowed his brows in bemusement, "What do you mean?"
"Besides, the obvious co-parenting, are you going to try to pursue something because you slept with her for a reason, bro."
"Nah," Jax said as he shook his head and tugged on the growing hairs of his chin, "I think we should just focus on the baby. I mean the last thing I need is an angry baby mama." Jax cringed thinking about how Bobby's relationship was with his ex-wife, Precious. Another man now was practically raising his sons.
"Well, you shouldn't rule it out completely. Delilah has got a good head on her shoulders well besides the questionable decision to get pregnant by you," Opie teased.
"Fuck you, bro," Jax countered giving the single-finger salute.
"I'm joking," Opie said getting up from his seat and grabbing their empty beer bottles, "but you shouldn't rule it out. Sometimes you find something good without looking for it and I think Delilah could be what you need."
Jax knew what Opie was saying in between the lines. Jax remembered all too vividly how much of an emotional mess he was when Tara left him without even the decency to give him a proper goodbye.
Tara tore him fucking apart.
He remembered the screaming match they had after he told her he refused to leave Charming – his family and his club – despite how much he loved her. He recollected watching her leave his dorm, her shoulders tense her face screwed up in anger and if he looked in her eyes there would be a pinch of hurt dilating her pupils. He recalled the echo of her slamming his door, the sound similar to a gunshot and he knew she expected him to chase after her like he always did, but he didn't. He just sat in his dorm and threw meaningless items like he always did after their big, but familiar arguments.
He remembered the next day when he went to apologize. He was standing on her father's doorstep like a dog with its tail between its legs only for her deadbeat drunk dad to tell him she left to go to San Diego.
He thought he would at least receive a phone call, letter, or something, but he got nothing but radio silence and dust on old pictures documenting their happier times. He contemplated burning the pictures, hell in his drunken fits of rage his lighter burned the edges of a few of them. Instead, he hid them in a drawer as he slowly tried to move past the pain and void she left in him.
He began his healing process by sleeping with anything that would spread their legs and make him forget her and what she did to him. After so long that became boring and he was lonely and that was how Wendy fell into the picture. The total opposite of Tara and that was a fucking wreck of a whole other proportion.
Through those years of damaging his liver and having a constantly sore dick, Opie told him that Tara was only one girl. The pain would go away or the classic some things weren't meant to be. Jax quickly brushed off Opie's words of wisdom as what did he know. His high school sweetheart – the love of his life – didn't leave him like he didn't matter. Opie and Donna got their happily ever after with the two kids.
Jax was stuck in a perpetual grieving for someone that had probably forgotten about him and moved on with their life, unlike him.
Love was fucking brutal and more dangerous than a loaded gun.
Now, his friend was putting noise in his ears about Delilah and his heart skipped a beat.
. . .
Delilah was making a beeline to her office as she did her best to ignore the visuals in her line of vision. Despite being here for almost 4 months, seeing sex displayed so visibly and various body parts wasn't something she liked to see daily.
She was eager to lock herself in her office and smell lavender instead of sex when her steps falter at the sight of Ima hanging by her door.
Since Delilah started Ima had been nothing but nasty to her. Delilah was unsure of what she ever did to the girl, but Delilah wrote it off as the skinny blonde just being catty. Some girls lived for the drama. Most of the girls, like many people in general, are nice. At the end of the day, it is a job.
"How can I help you Ima?" Delilah asked calmly as she ignored the loud smacking of the girl's lips as she chewed her gum.
"I have my clearances and my updated paperwork," Ima told her, wiggling the papers in her vision.
Delilah unlocks her door and enters the office. "You can set them down on my desk," Delilah told her. She expected the popular porn star to leave and get ready for set. Instead, Ima stood and admired her office.
"Is there something else you need?"
Ima gave her a once over her eyes lingering on her belly. Delilah felt self-conscious in the pink belted maternity dress she decided to wear. It was more conservative than what was seen was worn around the studio or even to Ima, who was wearing a micro skirt and halter top that should have been declared a strapless bra.
"You grew up around the club right?" Ima asked as she ran her manicured nails along with her desk.
"I guess you can say that."
"So you're friends with Jax?"
Delilah fought the urge to roll her eyes. She already knew where this conversation was headed. She had this same meaningless conversation since people realized that she saw and spoke to Jax almost daily.
"If you're looking for Jax, you can find him at Teller-Morrow. Other than that, I can't help you Ima, with whatever you clearly want." Delilah told her as she took a seat and began booting up her computer.
Ima pursed her lips together, as she didn't expect the conversation to end the way it was going. "You know I saw you there that night."
"What night, Ima?"
"You know, which night I'm talking about, where Jax played your knight in shining armor."
Delilah's body tensed slightly.
"And people say you aren't like your mother," Ima departed as she headed out of the office.
. . .
Delilah made her way through the small bistro, Redwood, which was just built in Charming. It was a welcome change to Hanna's Diner although since becoming pregnant she couldn't resist Hanna's milkshakes and greasy bacon cheeseburgers. Redwood, which was such an original name for the local bistro shop, seemed to have promise from the cherry wood with a nice ocean blue that almost resembled Jax's eyes as the interior, it was nice seeing new business sprout in Charming and even though the enterprising here was controlled, this place was still a local business owner's wet dream.
Delilah finally located the brunette mop of hair that was shorter.
"So you cut your hair?" Delilah said, causing the girl to slightly jump from being immersed in the menu.
"And you got pregnant." Delilah gave her friend a sheepish shrug and brought her into a hug. "I am so pissed I had to find out from croweaters."
Delilah pulled back from her friend her brows furrowed, "Croweaters?"
"Yeah, it doesn't help that you work at a studio filled with a bunch of catty women. Ima's been telling everyone that will listen to her," Her friend said slightly touching Delilah's expanding stomach. "God I thought I would get pregnant before you."
Delilah honestly doesn't know what Ima's problem is with her. "Well, it seems you are the most responsible one, Rosie."
"Nah, your tubes were tired of being lonely. They got excited by the prospect of getting some action," Rosie replied causing Delilah to let out a snort.
Rosie was Delilah's only good friend in her life. Rosie was Delilah's best friend. Delilah met the brunette wild child when Rosie and her family moved to Charming when Rosie was eight after Rosie's mom left her father. They didn't become friends immediately, but somehow Rosie wiggled her way into Delilah's life. Rosie was the total opposite of her. She was outspoken, brash, and she had a reputation for her promiscuous ways. It was the complete opposite of Delilah. Most people like her uncle, still had a hard time believing two complete opposites could be best friends.
Yet, even with Rosie seemingly being a carefree spirit, Delilah could depend on her for anything and everything. Even if the wild brunette had questionable judgment like somehow getting involved in that whole croweater scene, Delilah wasn't sure how involved Rosie was in that life, but she was concerned why she would want to be passed around through those men. Although if she probably asked no doubt she would get the stereotypical answer: daddy issues. Even then she got something out of it as she became Juice's old lady.
Delilah took a seat opposite Rosie and picked up the menu that was only one-sided and her nose wrinkled at the choices, "Do you really think that this rabbit food is going to fill me up?"
"They have a ham and cheese sandwich." Rosie pointed out.
They were politely interrupted by the waitress asking what they would like to drink. Delilah went back to skimming the menu, but she could barely focus on the various, but limited food options when she felt a hole being burned in her head, "What?"
Rosie looked incredulous, "Are you going to act like I am not pissed off by you neglecting to tell me you are indeed pregnant. The last time I checked to make a baby you need to be bumping uglies with someone of the opposite sex and you, my dear, have been single for what six months?"
"There isn't really anything to say, Rosie. It was a pleasant surprise and now I have to take responsibility for it." Delilah replied simply.
"Delilah, who is the baby's father? Is it your ex-boyfriend from San Diego?"
"No, it's not him."
"Then who is it?" Rosie was not impressed by Delilah's evasiveness.
"We decided not to tell people yet not until after the next appointment."
"It's not Sebastian's, is it?"
Delilah looked wildly confused and her nose wrinkled at the mention of her high school boyfriend, "Sebastian Fields? What? No, why would you think that?"
Rosie leaned back in her chair and looked past her, "Because he is currently walking over here with a wide smile on his face and it isn't aimed at me."
Delilah didn't want to turn around. She knew he still hoped they could rekindle their high school romance that was just a high school romance. He lost his appeal and any chance of reconciliation when he thought sleeping with literally everything and anyone after they broke up thinking it would somehow make her jealous and women made irrational choices when they were "emotional."
She felt him before she heard him call out her name. She tensed when his hands laid on top of her shoulder and she assumed it was meant to be affectionate, "Delilah Carmine, I heard you were back in town."
Delilah peered up at him through her long eyelashes and gave him a small smile, "Yeah, been back a few months."
Sebastian Fields was the stereotypical good-looking American boy who had been the star quarterback in high school. He still had the short dirty blonde hair that she still didn't know if it was brown. His eyes were warm chocolate that for a time made her hate milk chocolate. He had a strong jawline and the chiseled body she got fairly acquainted with during their relationship. Sebastian was everything you wanted in a boyfriend: loyal, caring, loving, patient, and supportive. That was why she let him go because he deserved someone who could appreciate that fully. He deserves someone who could love him just as much as he could love. She couldn't give him that.
"I see," He responded with his charismatic smile. "How have you and your Uncle Donavan been?"
Delilah slightly glanced at Rosie who was looking amused as Sebastian took it upon himself to take a seat on their table. "I am well and so is my Uncle. How are you?"
"Still a woman of few words," Sebastian observed aloud before he answered, "But I am good. I just got my license to be a chiropractor and I just decided to work in conjunction with St. Thomas. I hope one day to start my practice."
"That's good for you, Sebastian," Delilah says neutrally.
"What about you? Planning to open your restaurant or something?"
"Uh, no, not at the moment. I work at Cara Cara studios. It will get me some experience and money."
"Cara Cara," Sebastian said thoughtfully. "That's the adult entertainment –"
"Yeah," Delilah said.
Their conversation was momentarily interrupted when the waiter politely set down their drinks and asked for their orders and if Sebastian would be joining them. Luckily, for Delilah's sake, he wasn't.
"I take that as my cue to leave, ladies." Sebastian looked at her with a hopeful smile as he stood behind his vacant chair, "Would it be okay to ask for a hug?"
Delilah nodded her head and as soon as she got up she was reminded of her current situation as he spoke in a shock hushed tone, "You're pregnant."
Delilah looked down at her stomach and instinctively put a hand over it, "Yeah a little over three months."
Delilah saw a brief hint of hurt flash across his eyes before he brought her in a hug and whispered congratulations before he walked away.
Delilah sat back down in her seat when Rosie spoke up, "He still has it bad for you."
"Well, I don't know why," Delilah muttered.
"It's okay to love people, Del."
Delilah didn't reply as she took a sip of her tea because she didn't have it in her to dispute her friend's statement. She didn't understand how Rosie could want to love when she saw how her father showed her mother love by breaking the dining room table, and instead of kisses he used his fists. Delilah knew love was lethal when she saw her mom wither away after her father's presumed death.
She saw how addictive love could be. Rosie was always looking for the high and constantly relapsing and her mom overdosed leaving Delilah with the symptoms.
If Delilah knew one thing, she wasn't an addict. However, she couldn't deny the love she already felt for her child.
. . .
Delilah pulled into the driveway of her Uncle's home extremely exhausted physically and emotionally. After dealing with Ima and Sebastian, she wanted to take a nice warm bath and then hide under the covers. Seeing Sebastian drained her a little emotionally. It wasn't that seeing him was like an "I lost my breath" moment, but she recognized that adorning look in his eyes.
She never understood why he always thought there was some unfinished business between them since she was the one that ended things. But despite her conceptions of love, she was not even ready for the commitment he wanted like getting married right out of high school. It was too similar to her parent's tragic fate.
Delilah was so lost in her emotionally charged thoughts her heart nearly exploded when a tap came from outside her window and she came face to face with steely blue eyes looking at her in concern. Delilah unbuckled herself from her seat and Jax opened her car door and peered down at her confused, "You okay?"
Delilah grabbed her purse and got out of the car with Jax closing the door as he leaned against analyzing her. She nodded her head as she replied, "Yeah, just a long day at work."
"Yeah, I imagined long and hard," Jax quipped.
Delilah rolled her eyes. She didn't understand why Jax was so concerned about her working at Cara Cara. She wasn't the type of woman to live off a man and especially a man she wasn't even dating or married to. She also felt the urge to question him on any history she should know involving him and Ima, but she decided she did not want to know. Plus, with her current mood, she wasn't particularly fond of starting another debate that she is just pregnant not on bed rest. "What are you even doing here?" She asked, switching the topic.
Jax tilted her head towards her neighbors' home, "Visiting Opie, I was on my way to leave when I saw you pull up."
Delilah looked past Jax's blonde locks to the Winston home behind him. She knew the family was currently struggling to adjust to Opie's recent return home beside the financial factor. She knew when she was gone her Uncle watched the two Winston kids help Donna take more shifts as she refused to receive outside help, especially from the club.
"How are they doing? I only see them occasionally." She usually saw Donna leaving for work in the morning or with the kids coming back from somewhere and she rarely saw Opie.
Jax moved off her Jeep and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he met her eyes, "Still adjusting, but they'll get through." He told her his voice low and hinting at more than Opie's family situation.
Delilah found herself lost in his gaze as they stared intensely at her and she remembered his gaze being similar to this one on that night. Delilah quickly looked away, breaking the contact to prevent her body from becoming flushed as she took in the underlying meaning of his words and she gave him a warm smile. "Well, I think I will have to invite them over for dinner to catch up."
"Am I invited?" Jax asked cheekily.
"Sure, I am sure the kids will love to see their Uncle Jax also," Delilah drawled. At the mention of the word Uncle, Delilah saw Jax grimace and she looked at him questionably. "What?"
She watched Jax swallow before he spoke and his hands went to his head and quickly flipped his Reaper cap so the visor was in the back. "Your Uncle is probably going to kill me."
Delilah let out a little laugh and she didn't miss the pointed look Jax gave her, "He won't kill you, Jax, maybe beat you into a bloody pulp, but kill you? No."
"Yeah, that's real comforting darlin'," Jax replied sarcastically.
"Don't worry, I'll protect ya." She told him cheekily.
"Look at that, a mama bear already," Jax teased. "How is the little guy?" He asked and he felt the itch to touch her growing stomach as it was the only thing that made what was happening real.
Delilah looked down at her stomach and her hands ghosted over the small, but growing bump, "He's good." She told him with a smile.
"That's good. So I was thinking maybe we could get together for lunch or something a little outside of Charming before we announce the news."
Delilah looked up at her baby's father with a smile, "Sure, I would like that."