Serendipity | Jax Teller

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Being an outlaw came at a highly dangerous – lethal - price. Sometimes the price was your freedom or even worse it was your own death.

As an outlaw, Jackson Nathaniel Teller was prepared for a lot of unexpected and somewhat unpleasant things in his life.

He was predisposed to accept many life-threatening events from melees, bullets aiming for his body, and explosions set off by a trigger designed to take you out.

All of those things had in common were that they provided addicting intravenous drops of adrenaline-laced with fear. It made his heart pump faster against his ribcage to the point he felt it vibrate his whole body because despite how superior he may believe he was, those moments reminded him how easily the reaper, who he wore proudly on his back and his leather, would come for him.

As an outlaw who recently turned 30, no one wouldn't believe that fear was something he would admit to having, but fear had been a constant presence in his life that refused to lay dormant and let him rest.

Watching his little brother, Thomas Wayne Teller, slowly deteriorate from the family flaw was his first brush with fear. He remembered feeling that terror of what would happen to his brother next. How would his family move on when he and his mother both had that same fatal flaw. He feared, especially for his mother, that her heart would one day take her away like it was doing to Tommy.

He didn't know how his family would move on. He watched his mom try to remain strong for him.

His dad drifted away as his brother did just not from the same disease, but even though Jax wasn't as perceptive as he was now. Jax watched his father distance himself from his family and his brothers. He saw his father's heartbeat slowly every day trying to overcome the loss of his youngest son.

Jax remembered that day very well where his dad's heart tried to stop beating. His dad left for a ride as he had been doing more often despite the bloody headlines captivating Charming. His dad gave him his usual kiss on the head and he walked out the door for the last time.

Jax remembered playing with his Sega with Opie when his mom got the call. He saw Gemma put a hand to her heart and his first fear crept back upon him. During those two days, while his dad was fighting for his life, Jax feared he wouldn't know how to live without his father. He feared his mom would fall apart. He feared for what would happen to his father's club.

It was only three years later when fear snuck up on him again when the women he loved more than himself and almost more than his club left him. She easily walked away from him like he meant nothing at all. All those promises she made him, saying she would stay and she would never leave him didn't mean anything. He didn't mean anything. He feared that he would never move on from her. He feared she would always haunt him like a ghost and his heart wouldn't know how to beat without her. He feared that he would become that love-sick puppy who became weak at the heart and he didn't want that to happen again.

Jackson Teller was accustomed to fear making his body run, just as it did only days ago when he awaited the release of his best friend from Chino. For the past five years, he feared his friend wouldn't walk out those doors and it would leave his wife and kids permanently without him. He feared he would lose his best friend. He dreaded that Opie would be a different man from who he was when he went inside to the man that was released.

For Jax, fear came in various ways.

He knew he had a handle on fear. He knew when to use it to his advantage. He thought it would be highly arrogant of him not to have fear in certain situations. The last thing he needed was to feel like some sort of invincible God. An absence of fear would make him stupid and borderline reckless, but maybe that was got him in this position in the first place.