Chapter Forty Five
(A/N: last na to. kung may iiyak man dito. last na po. kailangan kasi talaga ng mga gantong pangyayari para mag give way sa gusto ko. like a boss ako eh. haha.)
"You're always like that." Mommy said softly and put her arms around my shoulder. nasa mansion kami ngayon. nasa tabi ako ng pool habang nakalaylay yung paa sa tubig. its been a month since na she woke up and she's doing good.
"like what Mom?" i asked and forced myself to smile at her.
"spaced out and sad." she said sadly. ngumiti lang ako saka niyakap sya sa bewang saglit.
"Di naman eh." i smiled and turn my gaze on the water.
"is there anything i can do to help?" she said softly.
"Naah. why are you worried about me Mom? i'll be fine." i said softly and played with the water in my feet.
"you'll be fine. so that means youre not fine right now. come on baby. you can tell Mommy anything." she said softly. i sighed and look at her sadly.
"i'm fine Ma. i just miss nanay lusing and tricia." i said softly. dalawang beses ko palang natatawagan sila nanay dahil lagi kaming magkasama ni mommy. nawawawalan ako ng oras.
"i want to meet them someday." ngumiti nalang ako sa kanya saka di na nagsalita.
"oh! look what came in the mail today." she showed me an invitation. i slowly took it from her hands and opened it.
Cervantes-Montes Nuptial
We,
Lawrence Angelo Cervantes
and
Alaine Jessica Montes
invite you to share with us,
the beginning of our life together as we pledge our love as one.
on saturday, eighteenth day of June..
nagsmudge yung letter na nasa invitation. dahil sa pumatak na tubig na hindi ko alam kung san nanggaling.
"Anak are you okay? why are you crying?" Mommy said worriedly. i wiped my tears and stood up.
"i have to go Ma." i took my keys and went out.
***
"Ana. nandyan ba si Venice?" Aurora asked when i picked up the phone.
"Au. wala si Venice dito. never saw her the whole afternoon. why? she's missing?" i said worriedly.
"she went away after i showed her the invitation this morning." Au said worriedly.
"oh no. i'll tell Lance to find her." i put down the phone and called Lance.
***
"Venice? missing again?" i answered.
"yes Anak. can you look for her? your mommy Au is worried sick. mamaya kung ano nanaman mangyari dun?" she said worriedly.
"then tell her i found Venice and she's safe. i'll find Venice. i promise." i hanged up and went straight to her penthouse.
***
"Sir. she never went here. why dont you try your house." Nina suggested. right!
"Thanks Nina." i went out and drove straight to the mansion when it hit me. why would she be in our mansion? then suddenly i know where she is
i drove straight to our wedding house. and i found her.
her car is parked inside our house. its been six months since i last went here. when i met Alaine i stopped going here. the cleaners and maintenance ay nagpupunta dito every 2 weeks kaya walang tao dito.
"Venice" she did not answer. umakyat ako sa taas. wala rin sya dito. so i went in our Garden.
she's here.
and she's crying.
it feels like somebody punched me in my stomach.
nakasubsob yung mukha nya sa braso nya habang nakapatong sa tuhod nya. may nakalatag na kumot sa inuupuan nya.
i heard her moaned and cried. her sobs were like daggers that hitting through my heart. i cant stand it.
"why this soon Lord? why so soon?" she said softly.
"I still love him Lord. can i beg for another chance? pleease." she said in a broken voice.
i slowly went to her and hugged her from the back.
"whats wrong Ven?" i said softly.
"Laance." she moaned and cried. hinarap ko sya saken saken saka niyakap.
"whats wrong Love?" i said softly.
"i love you Lance. i still love you. i never stopped loving you. di na ba pwede? di mo na ba ko mahal talaga?" she said softly "please say you still love me Lance. pleease." she begged.
"i cant. Venice. i cant. Alaine's been there when you left. she helped me picked up the pieces of my broken life." i said softly. you dont know how much will power i used to stop saying what i really feel. to stop saying that i still love her too. i love Venice. i never stopped. i just stopped showing it.
"Alam ko. she's been there. i'm sorry for hurting you Lance." she wiped her tears and smiled sadly.
"cant i have another chance to be with you Love? pleeease." she kneeled at me.
tinayo ko sya saka niyakap.
"I'm sorry Venice." she moaned and cried. i buried my face in her neck. i wanted to cry too
"i guess this is really the end of this. can i ask you one last favor?" she smiled sadly. humiwalay sya saken saka tinignan ako.
"Can i kiss you Goodbye now Love? huli na to Love. after this i wont be around to witness you walking down the aisle. that will surely kill me." she faked a laugh. hindi ako umimik. she took that as a yes.
she slowly wrapped her arms around my neck and slowly pressed her lips to mine. i did not move. she did not too. we just stood there. i can feel her tears running down her cheeks. that kissed showed me how much she misses me and how much she love me. i closed my eyes tightly. coz God knows how i want to wrap my arms around her waist and hug her too. i love my wife so much. if only there's no Alaine. i would grab this chance again and be truly happy. if only.
"Be happy okay?" she whispered in my lips and flashed a broken smile. "i love you so much Love. and i want you to be happy." that did it. i let my heart rule over me. i hugged her and kissed her. showed her how much i miss her and how much i love her. i cant stop this anymore. i'll think tomorrow. but right now i'll follow what my hearts been wanting for so long.
i slowly laid her to the blanket and kissed her senseless. i started removing our clothes. i kissed her tears away.
"I love you Love. i love you so much. forever and Always." i whispered before making our body as one.
right at this very spot where we first made love.
***
when the fire is gone. he dressed himself.
"this is wrong Venice." he said exasperated.
just as i thought i had my second chance. i bit my lips to compose myself.
"yeah, i know." i covered my body. "this is just temporary insanity. i initiated this so no need to feel guilty. i'll take all the guilt Lance." i said softly. breathing so hard so i wont burst out crying.
"i'm sorry. shouldnt have took advantage of your vulnerability." he look mad. "i have to go." and just like that. he went away.
i laid back on the blanket and curled up in a fetus position. exposing my legs and my back. its cold but i cant feel anything right now. i feel so numb.
that overwhelming happiness that i felt when he said he still love me is nothing. so nothing compared to this searing pain i'm feeling right now.
i hugged my legs tighter. i just lay there. doing nothing. i dont have the strength to cry or to stand up.
ganto rin kaya yung naramdaman ni Lance nung iniwan ko sya?
bat ganon? di ba dapat hindi na masakit kasi alam ko naman na ganto rin yung patutunguhan ng lahat? di ba dapat wala nalang to?
why does it hurt more? what i felt two years ago when he gave up on me is nothing compared to what i feel right now.
and i dont wanna move. coz if i did. i'm afraid i'll stumble down to pieces.
i had my chance...
but i blew it.
***
"Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" ilang beses kong pinalo ng malakas yung manibela sa harap ko.
i feel like an asshole standing there when she look at me with tears in her eyes. i feel like the worst idiot ever existed leaving her like that but thats the right thing to do.
and for the first time in my life. i dont wanna do the right thing.
"Damn you Lance!" i cursed under my breath and bump my head to the steering wheel.
i love Venice so much..
but i'm tied in a commitment with a woman who stayed with me through my worst.
i have Alaine and i cant afford hurting her because of my stupid issues with the past.
but how i wish i can stop time and stay there. you dont know how hard it is leaving her like that. walking away from that place where i want to grow old with her. its like walking away from whats keeping me alive.
i love Venice. but we dont have anything but our past.
now i'm left with two choices.
its about choosing where i want to be and where i have to be..
doing the right thing or doing what makes me happy.
to be with Venice and be happy..
or to be with Alaine and be fine..
i'm so sorry Venice..
even if i want to
i cant be with you anymore Love..
★★★
A/N:
wala munang update ha? gonna do my plates eh. :) student mode muna. by the way. thank you po sa mga comments and votes. and even messages. thank you so much. your comments and messages makes me think i'm effective as a writer :)
★PR :)