*The beautiful Violet above*
When I come to, I groan in pain, muffled only because I find myself face first in a pillow. Squinting against the harsh light pouring in, I roll on my side and cringe at the gross drool on my pillow. God, what the hell did I do last night? This is gross, and I feel gross. My stomach turns a little, warning me that throwing up is still a high possibility.
As soon as my eyes adjust, I look down and frown at the unfamiliar grey and blue bed sheets. My eyes dart up and see a lamp and dresser that I'm sure I've never seen in my life, along with a window and a view I've never seen.
Just when my confusion really begins to set in, I feel an arm wrap around me, making me panic instantly and jolt upright and practically trip out of the bed. Breathing heavily-- and painfully because my ribs hurt like hell for some reason-- I turn and see a still sleeping Reed. My eyes widen immediately as I take in his shirtless appearance, all the while, a million things start running through my mind.
What happened last night? Did we hook up? We couldn't have or he'd know. Does he know!? How did he get me here? Where is Carter? Is he worried? What time is it? Oh, god, what the hell did I even do last night?
I notice my beanie on the floor and go to pick it up, but suck in a sharp breath at the pain radiating from my ribs. Quickly tucking my hair away, I reach up to rub along my chest and wince in pain, realizing I still have the bandages on. They must have rubbed and worsened the bruises. I should probably check and make sure it doesn't look too bad, maybe I can adjust so it doesn't hurt so bad.
Backing away, deciding to get answers after I fix my appearance, I slip out of Reed's bedroom and down the hall in search of a bathroom. They have a really nice house, honestly. Pretty cream coloured walls and pale wood floors, family pictures hung here and there. Something about it, however unfamiliar, feels even homier than my own.
Finally finding a room with a toilet, I slip inside. There's a second door, but I figure it's just like a towel closet or something like that, so I hurry to the bathroom mirror and quickly take in my appearance. I look horrifying. My face is pale and there's bags under my eyes. There's a dry line of drool on my cheek and my clothes are disheveled and reek of alcohol.
First thing I do is splash my face with some cool water to wake myself up and clean up. After that I quickly take off the beanie, leaving it on the counter while I tug my shirt over my head , leaving me in just jeans and the ace bandages wrapped around my breasts. Already I can see bruising along my ribs beneath my armpit, where it's probably tightest. Just gently poking it makes me wince in pain.
Trying to be careful, but still hurting myself anyway, I gently start unwinding the bandages until they are a pile on the counter. Even once off, it's still hard to breathe and I can't help the build up of tears in my eyes as I cough and the sudden expansion makes my ribs ache like I just got hit by a truck. This isn't good. I have no idea why this hurts so bad, surely the bandages couldn't have hurt me this badly, people wrap up parts of their bodies when they're injured all the time! Maybe I did something last night.
Leaning against the counter, trying to catch my breath, I attempt to recall last night. I remember showing up and dancing with Reed. I remember going out to the swings and talking with Reed and him almost kissing me-- and then that boy-- Jeremy. I think that was his name. He showed up and I remember getting kind of upset and going inside and drinking a lot. I'm an idiot, why did I even think that would be a good idea? This is why I don't drink.
I remember finding carter and asking him to take me home, but then-- then I saw Jeremy kiss Reed. My heart pounds painfully at the memory, making my chest hurt all the more. After that everything just seems te become hazy. I think I drank more with Carter and ended up back in the livingroom. Some guy said some really harsh shit and I think Carter started a fight with him, and then I was suddenly in Reed's arms and I have no idea how that happened and then the last thing I can properly recall is going back to the kitchen to try and drink more because I was really upset.
Nothing else. That's all I can seem to recall, and this headache of mine isn't helping any. I decide to leave the bandages off for a moment while I drink some tap water, but just as I turn to wrap myself up again and go find my cousin to figure out how we ended up here, a gasp has me jumping back in shock and fear.
My chin jerks up, eyes meeting a set of familiar honey-brown ones. Violet.
"Shit. Violet--uhm, this isn't-- I can explain," I ramble uselessly, trying to cover my breasts in some futile attempt at hiding them from her, as if she hasn't seen.
"Th-Theresa?" She asks, brows scrunched in confusion.
Tears fill my eyes as I shake my head, stumbling back against the door and dropping down until I sit with my head in my arms, knees brought to my chest. Panic over rides everything as my heart rate escalates and breaths begin to come out in short bursts, making my chest radiate with pain. I knew this would happen. People would find out. How could I think I could keep this a secret forever? She knows, and she'll tell her brother, and he'll probably tell Jeremy, and then it'll get to the school, and Lane will hate me for not telling him, and then my parents will find out and they'll be ashamed of me when their church friends find out and look down on them for birthing a fre-
"Hey," Violet's gentle voice brings me out of my state. "Ther--Theo? Hey, you need to breathe okay? Whatever you're worrying about, you don't need to. Just explain this to me, and as long as this isn't some weird way to hurt my brother, I swear it stays between us."
I look up at her through blurry eyes, rubbing at them tiredly, "It's not, I swear! I--I really like Reed."
She nods, making sure the door is locked before coming over, handing me my shirt to cover myself properly, "Okay. Then what is this about? I have an idea, but I think it's best you tell me yourself. I don't like when people assume things about me, so I won't do that to you."
I nod, scared beyond my wits that she'll be disgusted with me once I say it, but the words leave me anyway, "I'm... I'm Theo, a--a boy."
"You're transgender?" She asks, surprising me that she knows that word.
My eyes widen, nodding slowly, "Yeah, how'd you-- never mind. I just... it's rather new. I mean, I've known I guess, but I've only just started doing something about it and Reed met me as Theo and I just loved being recognized as a boy and nothing more and I really liked him, and then when he met me as Theresa at school, I just couldn't tell him and risk him hating me for lying."
"My brother's more understanding than you think... Theo? Is that what you'd prefer?" She asks, treading carefully with me, and I nod gratefully. "I mean, I can't promise what will become of his feelings for you as Theo, when he finds out you're also Theresa--because I know he has a thing for you--but he wouldn't hate you. If you find the right time to, I think you should really tell him."
I shake my head, hating myself for the tears. Rarely do I ever cry, but anything related to this just makes it so hard to hold up my stoic image, "I-I can't. Not yet. I haven't even told my bestfriend and he's known me for years. Only Carter knows and that's already scary enough. Just... I'll tell Reed eventually, I just can't yet."
"I promise I won't say anything... but, Theo?" She says to get my attention, and when I look up I see her frown, looking worried. "Just... don't let things go too far with Reed until you tell him, okay? I'm glad you like him, and I'm proud of you for embracing who you are, but he deserves to know who he could potentially be falling for, you know? I just don't want him to get hurt, nor you."
I nod, knowing she's right. If I was to invest myself in someone, and let myself fall for them, I'd like to believe I knew everything I possibly could about them. To find out the one you love isn't who you think... I know that pain. It sucks, and that's the last thing I want to do to Reed. I'm just not ready, and as much as I hate myself for being so scared, I know it's rational. My whole life could turn upside down if the wrong people find out about this.
Violet offers to help me re-wrap, but at the sight of my bruises, she gasps, "Theo, is this from the bandages?"
I nod, frowning as I lightly touch them, "Yeah, I think. I have no idea what I did last night, but I'm feeling it today, that's for sure."
"I don't know a whole lot about this kind of thing, but I don't think this is healthy if it can hurt you like this... one second," She says, rushing out of the bathroom.
I finish wrapping myself up, wincing at the pressure being applied to my injured ribs. Once my shirt is back on, I fix my hair and tuck it up in the beanie, pleased enough with my appearance. Hungover Theo just isn't going to look much better today.
Violet comes back in seconds later, locking the door against and handing me a card. "I may not be much help, but this is where a friend of mine works. Her name is Rene, she works up front. Trust me, you'll know her when you see her. Just tell her that Violet sent you."
I nod, looking at the business card for some club, "Are you sure I can even get in?"
She smiles and shrugs, "It's not illegal for you to go in during the afternoon hours when there's no one there but the old regular's. I do it all the time and never get any grief. Don't worry about it. Again, if anyone asks, just say you know me and you'll be all good."
"You're far too interesting for someone so quiet and shy," I tease, making her blush. "Thanks, Violet."
I give her a hug and she giggles at my sudden forwardness, "I'm not truly shy, I'm just weary of people. I don't trust them not to hurt me."
I frown at that, because that's horrible for anyone to have to feel, "I won't hurt you. Do you trust me?"
She nods, smiling sadly at me, "Yeah. I do."
With that, I return the smile and ask her to help me find my cousin. Turns out he crashed in the bedroom next to hers so she could check on him in the morning, and I can't help but roll my eyes at his appearance. Sprawled across the bed on his stomach, hair disheveled and a stupid smile on his face.
I quickly shake him, trying to wake him, but when I have no luck I resort to grabbing him and flipping him off the mattress altogether. "What--wh-what's going on? Theo?"
"Morning starshine!" I say with a cheeky grin. "Time to do our walk of shame and get out of here. We're late for church."
He groans, peeling himself off the floor. The two of us manage to sneak downstairs and get our shoes and jackets, Violet keeping an eye out for her brother who I really don't want to run into until I think of the right thing to say to him. I still have yet to even find out the rest of what happened last night. I need to get my thoughts together before I face him, and I think Violet understands that.
"Thanks for everything, Violet," I say, half way out the door. "If you ever need to talk, get my number off your brother, okay?"
She nods happily, waving us off as we stumble down the streets in the chilly morning air, clothes and hair disheveled, and both smelling of booze. Whatever happened, at least we can say we had one hell of a night.
**
Standing just out of sight from my house, I pull Carter to a halt, "How do we do this?"
"Well, normally you walk through this thing called a door," He says sarcastically, giving me a flat and tired look.
I roll my eyes, shoving him, "No shit Sherlock. I mean I can't just sneak in because I'm pretty sure they've noticed we're missing by now, and I can't just walk in there like this. They can't know about me yet, Carter, they just can't-"
"Okay, okay!" He says gently, trying to calm my nerves. "Look, just... stay here."
He quickly runs along the side of the house, attempting to look stealthy but making me laugh with how dumb he looks. I've missed this kid. I watch him climb up onto the short garage roof with the help of the little fence and then hauls himself up onto the little roof just outside my bedroom window with one large leap. He peers inside before climbing in and doesn't return for a few minutes. When he does, he waves me over.
Shaking my head, hoping he knows what he's doing, I run from my hiding place to the side of the garage and wait to see him look over. A backpack launches down suddenly, almost hitting me. "The hell, man!"
"Whoops," He says, wincing and smiling down at me. "Just hurry up and change. Put your old clothes in there and toss it back up."
I huff, inching around the back of the garage where I have coverage thanks to the hedges. I slowly drop my jacket and tug off my shirt, moving slowly so as to not irritate my bruises further. Once I've --painfully-- unwrapped my chest, I reach in the bag to quickly grab what's inside. I'm glad it's not a tight and uncomfortable dress, but this still isn't exactly my first choice. The bra hurts my ribs, but I ignore it as I slip on the grey, knit sweater dress anyway, along with the black leggings and riding boots. The last thing I pull out is a long, gold, cross necklace.
"Really?" I deadpan, look up at him flatly.
He covers his mouth to quiet his laughter as he shrugs, "I thought it was appropriate."
I roll my eyes, but put it on anyway so my mother doesn't complain that my outfit isn't formal enough. At least it looks like I'm still trying this whole religion, faith, thing.
After shoving my gross clothes into the bag, I toss the backpack up to Carter with one big heave, and finger comb my hair so it at least looks presentable before going back around the front of the garage to meet up with Carter. Just as he leaps down and comes around the corner is when my parents and younger brother step out of the house in their Sunday best. The moment my mother sees me, I know I'm in for it.
"Theresa!"
I hold back a sigh, walking forward trying to look guilty, but Carter rests a hand on my shoulder to silence me, "I'm sorry, Kate. This isn't Th-Theresa's fault. I was really upset last night and I guess I wasn't really thinking and I just took off. Theresa didn't want me out on my own like that, so she came to look out for me. Lucky too, who knows what would have happened or if I'd get lost. We didn't have any money for a bus or cab back and she said it wasn't safe to walk so late, so we stayed with a friend, but she made me promise we'd be here to get to church-- so, here we are! Sorry again, please don't blame her."
I keep my face blank, but inside I'm dumbstruck by this boy's incredible lying skills. My mother seems equally floored, but more by the story and 'honesty'. "Oh. Well... I'm glad you both are okay. But... next time you tell me, Theresa! Now, let's go before we're late."
I nod quickly, happy to end this peacefully and climb in the back of the car with Carter and Liam. Glancing over at Carter, I try to convey to Carter how grateful I am with my eyes and he seems to get it because he nods and nudges my knee with his before leaning against the car door and closing his eyes. I didn't notice until now, but he really does look exhausted. I'm not sure if it has to do with last night or his mom, or maybe a combination, but I had a feeling things would only get worse when we sobered. Last night seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I'm really starting to regret ever agreeing to go to that party.
Pressing my hand against the card in my pocket, I close my eyes and breathe as evenly as possible. Tomorrow after school, I'll visit this Rene. I'll listen to whatever Violet thinks I need to hear from her, and then I'll keep things as uncomplicated as possible with Reed until I sort myself out. I'll keep things simple between him and 'Theresa' as well, and hopefully things can go smoothly. As long as I don't lead anyone on, and don't get caught up in too big a web of lies, maybe we can all get past this unscathed.
Let's just pray this goes well, I think sarcastically with a small smile before closing my eyes and leaning against my cousin.