Someone's hand is resting on my thigh, closer to my hip, moving their thumb back and forth in a comforting way. I take a deep breath and open my eyes and see Julie sitting in a chair, right at my eye level. I realize I'm lying down on my side in a bed. I flutter my eyes. I sleepily half way roll onto my back to see who's sitting on the bed by my legs. I hear Julie's soft whisper and a deep British voice I could recognize anywhere.
"Someone's finally awake," Julie says with a smile. She places one of her fingers at my neck, feeling for my pulse. After she jots something down on a piece of paper, she helps me sit up by pushing my back up. Theo is sitting at the foot of the bed, moving his hand up my leg a little ways. I use my right arm to keep myself upright. He smiles sympathetically at me, but then his smile turns to relief. He touches my cheek gently, brushing it with his palm. His breathing is shaky and I can tell he was sitting anxiously, waiting for me to wake up. "I'll tell Sam and Miss Ida that you're awake. I'll let you two have a few minutes alone." Julie politely steps out of the room, leaving Theo and I to each other.
"You're okay," he assures me, and probably himself too. Theo leans in, giving me a quick kiss before putting his arms around my waist, hugging me. I put my arms around his shoulders and neck, burying my face in the side of his neck. He rests his cheek on the side of my head, cocooning me with his arms. I feel a tugging sensation on my shoulder blade, right where the bullet went in and notice my shoulder is generally stiff. It feels like a large bandage, but I don't pay attention to it. All I'm thinking about is that I'm safe and sound, at home, the love of my life holding me.
"I love you," I tell him, not sure what else to say.
"I love you too," he says to me with his low voice. He rubs my back with one hand. I take my face away from his neck and grasp onto his lips with my own, kissing him with a lot of passion. I feel his lips hold onto my bottom lip, kissing me back just as hard. I hold the back of his neck with my hand, caressing him. Who knew a kiss could feel this electric? I feel my body start to feel warm; love filling every tiny space in my body. I get chills down my back as Theo kisses me back progressively harder, yet still not very hard. My face feels hot like I'm blushing. My hand moves from the back of his neck down his left arm. It feels stronger and bigger than I remember. I follow it all the way down to his fingers. He laces our fingers together and I feel my hands shaking against his. I don't know why, but it's like I'm nervous to be with him again. My breaths even tremble as we kiss.
I come up for air to catch my breath. I take my lips away and feel his nose resting on the side of mine. I keep my eyes closed, breathing rather heavily, but still wanting to kiss him. I try to lean in again, but just barely catch his succulent lips.
"I was so worried about you," he says, sneaking in a smile. It translates to me and I find myself smiling softly. For the first time in for what seemed like an eternity, I see his eyes sparkling. It's been so long since I've seen it, it seems to draw me to him. Before he can react, I put my lips back into place on his. We only kiss for a few moments before he pulls away again.
"I could say the same for you," I say aloud, looking right into his twinkling eyes. "I missed you." I can't really put how I feel into words. Of course I missed him, but it feels like more than that. When he went to visit his parents, I missed him. This is different. I don't know what exactly it is, but it's more than just missing someone. I press my lips together, holding back the tears the best I can, but a few slip away from me.
"Oh, love, don't cry," he says in a hushed tone.
"They're not sad tears, I promise. They're 'I don't know what to feel right now' tears." I lean forward, resting my head on his chest. I move my left shoulder to stretch it out, trying to relieve the tension I feel. That shoots searing pain all the way down to my finger tips and up into my mid-back region. The stitches pull and one of them tears at my skin. I quickly pull my arm back in by my side. I moan and clench my teeth, holding my breath and wanting it to stop. Theo kisses the top of my head and gently rubs my shoulder, comforting me and calming me down.
"Just take deep breaths" he says ever so calmly. I close my eyes and listen to the alluringness of his voice.
"I never meant for any of this to happen," I say with my voice shaking. "I'm so sorry," I whisper.
"We both can blame ourselves, you know." Hearing him say that makes me hang onto him tighter. The fact that he thinks this is his fault just as much as it is mine, honestly makes my heart... hurt. Ache. There is a slight knock coming from the door. He steals one last little kiss from me before anyone comes in. He holds my chin in between his fingers so I can't move anywhere. He holds my lips captive against his until the very last second. Slowly, the door opens and Julie walks in, followed by Miss Ida. Following after her is Sam. We haven't spoken since... I push all of the negativity away and focus on what's really important. We're all okay, Lionel is dead and I'm still alive with minimal injuries.
"I was going to give you two longer," Julie says quietly, "but Ida couldn't wait." I barely have a smile on my face before Miss Ida comes to the bedside and hugs me tenderly, not wanting to hurt me. I look over her shoulder and Sam is standing in the doorway still, avoiding eye contact. Miss Ida doesn't say anything, she simply embraces me. Theo rests his hand on my leg after noticing Samuel. I don't know why he does it, but I'm sure it has something to do with, 'We're still together, despite what you think.'
"I've been waiting nervously since you crashed during the surgery," Miss Ida tells me. I furrow my eyebrows and Miss Ida backs away, ending the hug.
"What?" I ask, unsure what she means by that.
"I... uh- I hadn't told her yet, Miss Ida..." Theo tries to say secretly. "I'll let Julie explain." Julie flashes him a glare, as she probably doesn't want to be the messenger. She's very soft spoken and doesn't talk much anyway, but she continues.
"There was a point in the surgery when your heart rate slowed down and basically plummeted so quickly, Carter and I thought for sure that it was your body shutting down. Your heart rate was well under normal for the average person and Carter said yours is a little bit higher than average. There was three seconds where you flat lined. You started breathing on your own again and your heart rate jumped back up to what it was before on the helicopter. We have no idea what caused it, but you're perfectly fine." She squints her eyes closed a little. "Well... not perfectly fine, but-"
"Julie will be keeping an eye on it for the longevity of the time you're here," Miss Ida tells me.
"Wait, you put me under for the surgery? I thought I had a concussion," I say, confused.
"Once you got here, I administered basic tests to check for a concussion and besides light sensitivity, I couldn't find any reason to say you have one. I'm almost certain that you're light sensitive because you hadn't seen the light of day in a week. As far as I was concerned, you are concussion free. That meant it was safe for me to give you the anesthetic to make you sleep for the surgery on your shoulder. Everything went fine; you have a few stitches where the hole was and you'll be wearing the bandage for a while. I gave you a few IV's because you were severely dehydrated and we waited for the anesthetic to wear off. I ran some blood tests while you were under and the only thing that was out of the ordinary was that you had some sort of narcotics in your system. It looked like they had been active more than a few days ago..." Theo looks over at me, stunned. Miss Ida doesn't look the least bit surprised. She probably knew. Julie must have told her already.
"When was I supposed to hear about this?" Theo asks Julie and I.
"I just got the bloodwork results a few hours ago. You were sitting in here with Aphro and Miss Ida happened to accompany me to retrieve the results." Theo sighs and looks over at me. It's hard to tell if he's disappointed, or just relieved.
"It could have been worse..." I tell him innocently, hoping he's not upset.
"I know it could have been, but-" he stops short of finishing his sentence. He doesn't want to think about that and neither do I.
"The kind of drugs he gave her was harmless, Theo. It just made her sleepy and more than likely make you hallucinate, correct?" I nod, not exactly remembering any of the things I saw or dreamt. I know it happened though. "Anyway, the four of us agreed that you should wake up on your own terms when the medicine wears off, so we let you sleep. I warned them it may take a while, but I guarantee that it was very well needed rest."
"There wasn't anything else in the results, was there?" I ask cautiously. Julie flips through a few pages she's holding and shakes her head.
"No, nothing except the narcotics. Should there be something else I need to watch for?" I shake my head quickly, hopefully not in a suspicious way.
"No, I was just curious." Theo leans over and comfortable rests his head on my right shoulder. I find his hand and hold it, realizing this probably isn't the easiest thing for him to hear or see me go through. I crane my head so I can see his eyes a bit better.
"Are you okay?" I whisper. He nods. I kiss his forehead and continue listening to Julie. I put my head on his, with my ear pressed against the top of his head. I see Sam glance over at us, keep his mouth tightly shut and resume is attention back to Julie when he notices I see him. I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach.
"While we're all in here, now would be a good time to go over some things..." Julie digs out a different slip of paper and starts reading it aloud. "No lifting objects over seven or eight pounds. That might even be too much. Your muscles were twisted tight and the bone that is your shoulder blade was cracked pretty severely. Basically, you shouldn't move it at all. No rotating you shoulder, no raising it above your head, no outstretching it-"
"That would have been nice to know..."
"You'll need quite a few sessions of physical therapy, and not just for your shoulder. Carter said that you lost a lot of muscular strength and stability. After you're healed and finished with therapy, then you can move onto training. It'll be a while before we get to that point, but until then, absolutely no training. That will only make it worse."
"Theo has been assigned to keep an eye on you," Miss Ida chimes in. I look down at him again.
"You're not going out on any missions?"
"It was my choice. Someone needs to make sure you don't cheat," he says with a smile. "I'm not going without you. I'll help you out around here. By the way... we'll be staying here until Julie clears you medically." I feel like I should argue that point, but eh. Whatever. I've missed being here at home. Truthfully, I'm a little glad I get to stay here for a while.
"Be glad that you are right side dominant, because I can tell you right now, it's going to feel like forever, Aphro. We won't start therapy for at least a few weeks. That won't last long at all. Maybe two weeks or so max. Then training pretty much from scratch until you're back to normal. That's going to take the most time, I'm sure."
"Luckily for us," Miss Ida begins, "there are no new missions as of right now. No rush, so don't think you need a speedy recovery." Julie starts flipping through some of the other papers and sets them down on a small desk behind her.
"While I'm doing all of the talking..." she starts, "we told Daisha-" I groan in exasperation, already knowing where this is headed.
"Why do we need to tell Daisha everything?" I ask, sounding like a sixteen year old girl.
"Her and her family moved about fifteen minutes from here," Theo tells me. He lifts up his head and sits up straight again, preparing to talk to me. "She just wants to make sure your mental state is where it should be. This was a huge traumatic event, Aph."
"I love her to death, I love all of you too," I say, looking at Theo, Miss Ida, Julie... then very quickly glancing at Sam. I love him too, but... still awkward. "Don't you think it would be a good idea for me to go to her once I'm ready? If you put pressure on me-"
"She's not assessing you for anything, but if you want to talk about what happened, she'll be close. That's all the further this was going to go," Theo assures me. "We hadn't actually arranged for you to meet with her." He squeezes my hand and steals a momentous kiss from me. It's very subtle and soft, but at the same time it makes me feel the thing I longed for at night while Lionel held me. Who knew such a simple gesture could mean so much? One kiss from that one special person can make a world of difference when you've been deprived of it.
The kiss is hardly a second or two long, but I can feel the steam coming from Sam all the way over where I am. He's still uncomfortable with it. What is it going to take? ]
"You can go to her when you're ready. No rush and no pressure." Surprisingly, Theo steals a second kiss and then a third one. On the lips and then under my ear on my jaw line. One of my favorite places to get kisses, as he knows. I'd never think he would forget, but it still sends shivers down my spine. I smile at him longingly and remember that we are in a room with other people. I blush and I know that Miss Ida noticed it for sure. My face feels warm and Theo just chuckles to himself.
"We can talk more in depth tomorrow. We kind of drilled you with a lot of information at once," Julie says. "Let me know if you need something. Right now the pain meds should still be working. If it gets to be too unbearable, I can either up the dose or give it to you more often." I watch as Miss Ida approaches Sam and she closes the door behind them as they walk out together.
"I'll be around, so let me know if you need something," Julie says before walking to the door. She stops just shy of closing the door and looks back at me. "Make sure you get a lot of rest and don't push yourself." I smile and thank her as she continues out the door, closing it shut behind her.
Theo gets off the bed and pulls up a chair so he can face me. He helps me lie back down onto my side and carefully tucks my hair around my ear. He continues brushing my hair back, making me calm and serene. I notice he is occasionally glancing at the dagger-shaped scar at my collar. I'm still in just a sports bra, probably because Julie needed to constantly check the bandage and the burn. He stares at it for a few seconds at a time, and it's not unnoticeable like he may think it is.
"Would it make you feel any better if I told you it didn't hurt?" I ask, propping myself up on one arm.
"For some reason, I don't think that is necessarily true." He smiles with sympathy clear across his face. He takes in a large breath and exhale slowly. "Is that what I think it is? A brand?" I look up, directly into his beautiful brown eyes and nod.
"It'll fade with time." I try and give him some hope it won't be this pronounced forever.
"Hopefully the memories will too," he tells me, making me feel better that he's not afraid to talk about it with me. I may not want to be an open book about it, but I'm glad he's not scared. He keeps running his fingers over my hair; his touch alone is enough to send me to a more meditative state.
"I love you," I tell him again. He bends down from the chair and kisses my jaw again; closer to my ear this time.
"I love you too," he whispers with his low voice. He sits up straighter and strokes my cheek with his thumb, making me feel more at home and comforted. "Miss Ida told me she wants me to talk to her and Sam about something. After that, I'll help you get into your own bed instead of this one." I noticed when I woke up that I was in the surgical room, which is an extension of the training facility.
"What about?" He shrugs. I know that he knows, he just doesn't want to tell me.
"Get some rest, okay?" I smile at him and grab his shirt collar in my fist, pulling him onto my lips. I move my hand from his shirt to around the back of his neck to make sure he stays put. I kiss him hard, but he kisses me in a gentle manner.
"You know, you don't have to be so timid," I whisper. "You're not going to hurt me."
"I'm not afraid of hurting you. Things aren't going to go back to normal right away, though. I can tell that you're not the same person you were a week ago. Something is bothering you and still on your mind." I reach up both arms, like I'm not really supposed to, and embrace him tightly.
"Please don't treat me differently. I want things to be normal," I murmur.
"I know you do. So do I, but we both understand it's going to take a little time, right?" I nod and let go of him, knowing he should be getting out to talk to Miss Ida and Sam. I want to go back to sleep too before I'm moved around back into my room. Theo kisses my forehead. I lie back down and gently close my eyes, watching him walk out the door. It doesn't take me long to fall asleep again as I calmly think about how lucky I am to have someone like Theo. He wasn't kidding when he said he knows me better than myself sometimes. I really, really, intensely love him. With all of my heart and soul, I love him.