The stars that spread like a blanket in the sky was the only sort of light which was visible in my room. All lights were off which left me alone in the bitter pity ness of it. The acrid feeling of heart burn and the stinging of my eyes from the excessive amount of tears which stopped flowing, somehow made me feel better. Though the constant straining of my heart were there, the memories began staining my heart.
I laid still on my bed just staring at the ceiling. Its been two days, 12 hours and 37 minutes since I saw Sydney. I missed her but also never wanted too see her in my life again. I was conflicted but my anger won.
"Emotions are the enemy!" I shouted to the empty, dark room. "Why did you make me love you?"
A new wave of sadness washed over me and a new set of tears cascaded down my face. I couldn't control the sobs that ripped through my throat so I pressed my palm to my mouth in hope to control it. Which didn't work and only made the pain less bearable. The tears streamed down my face as I remembered everything we been through. From the first time I met her till the last time I saw her.
I remembered all of our fights, kisses, everything. I remembered everything. I fell for my replica and it turned and bit me in the ass. Maybe love wasn't for me. I seriously couldn't figure it out. I fell for Sydney and she used me. Used everything I told her, for her own deeds. She went along with having James. What if she aborted him and only used that as an extra set of convincing methods to trap me? Swarms of questions clouded my mind. None made sense but that didn't stop them.
They all kept hitting me wave after wave. After every memory came a question and after very question came a distinctive memory. From the thought of her almost killing my brother and also the thought of my best friend being involved. I felt betrayed. I am now broken. My heart is shattered and its all Sydney Pearson's fault.
What plans did god have in store for me? What is the reason of this turmoil in my heart? Everything felt so surreal. One moment I am touching the most beautiful woman I ever saw, then the next moment she disappeared. Yes I hated the gray eyed beauty, but the love I have for her may never dwindle. That is what scared me. The ability to never be able to hate the woman that caused me all this pain. If someone told me a month ago that Sydney was really a spy, I would of laughed in their face and maybe kill them for insinuating such a heinous thing about my Sydney. Though look at me now. Crushed and broken. I may never return to my usual state.
I cried out once more before grabbing a pillow and covering my face. Rather rudely, my pillow was snatched from my face and I scowled at my ex- best friend and now enemy.
"You have the nerve to show up here. Actually no! You have the audacity to look me in the eye." I glared at her. At any given moment I may have killed her but now, I felt useless. I had no strength to even raise my voice. My words all came out soft as a whisper.
Guilt splashed her face but knowing Jinx she never gives up.
"Makada.."
"Stop right there!' I growled, "you have no authority to call me by my name."
"You need to understand her reasons Scar." Jinx pleaded.
"Reasons?!" I laughed dryly. "I didn't know it had reasons for making a person fall in love with you and then almost killed her brother. Wait, don't forget, also bringing her best friend into it." It took all my willpower not to hit Jinx and she knew my patience was running thin.
"She loves you Scar!" Jinx growled.
"Right! I love weed and I never betrayed it and sold myself out to the police. Did I?" I asked sarcastically.
"She didn't plan to fall in love with you. You seriously believe she would of agreed to having your child if she didn't." Jinx growled.
"It was part of the plan! Don't you see? She planned everything precisely." I stated.
"Makada you are hallucinating."
"Who the fuck do you think you are to tell me what I am seeing?" I hissed and fled off the bed and into Jinx's face.
"You fucking betrayed me. Not only me but the entire gang. You are a fucking enemy now." I stated dangerously low.
"I did it to save fucking you." She yelled.
"Next time allow me to die instead of trying to kill my brother." I yelled.
Our breathing was shallow and it took everything within us not to rip each other to shreds.
"You are no longer second hand man in my gang. You are now a mere underdog. You should feel happy I didn't permanently exclude you from the gang." I growled.
"You are not serious?!" She asked wide eyed.
"I am dead serious. Now get the fuck out of my house." I snarled.
She shook her head lightly and walked out of my room. She stopped at the door and turned slightly, "she really do love you Scar. Its only for you now to realize that." And with that she was gone.
----------------
"No Janet, Chris is a liar. Don't believe him." I wallowed as I stuffed my face with cookie dough ice cream. I stared intently at the Spanish soap opera and felt closer to the characters.
Its ironic how I'm the one crying my eyes out while I'm pretty sure Scar is maybe killing someone. Its been maybe two, three days since our argument and I've never left this position since.
I haven't taken a bath in so many days and the food which I kept ordering from room service was my only source if nutrition. I decided to leave Kelly in the apartment and I went to my penthouse suite in the tradewinds hotel.
The blinds were all shut, leaving the room in a dark haze. My Sanity was slowly leaving and I knew I had to get out of the apartment at sometime. I felt hopeless. No amount of ice cream can fathom how I feel right now.
I rubbed my stomach, remembering that I have a little one growing inside me now. Soon he will get bigger and I'll have my baby boy with me. I smiled as I remembered how scared I was to have a child but Scar reassured me that I'll make a great mother. Also the time when she convinced me to ride on a motorcycle with her, almost killing me in the process. I remember her laugh and how cute she looked with the wind blowing in her face. I missed her so much.
My heart was slowly dying and only Scar has the will to revive it. The soap opera ended which left the room in a dark shadowy pit. I felt the soft damp drops if tears on my hand and I didn't bother to wipe the tears. The spoon dropped into the bowl of ice cream and I gently laid back onto my bed.
Every time felt surreal. One moment I was about to get fucked senselessly and the next I'm screaming for the love of my life to come back. I love scar so much and I know I hurt her in the worst way possible but I just hope that she forgives me one day. If not for the sake of me but for the sake of our unborn child.
"Sydney open the fucking door!" I heard yelling from the outside of my door.
"No! Leave me here to die." I cried.
"Sydney don't let me break this door down!" She yelled.
"Don't you dare. That door was hand crafted from fine Italian oak wood." I quickly stood up and rushed to the door. Jinx stood outside with a permanent scowl on her face.
"You need to get back scar."
"She hates me!" I said weakly.
"She doesn't hate you Sydney, she hates what you did. And quite frankly you deserved it, we both do. That isn't the point tho." Jinx stated. I walked away from the door and into the house and I knew she was following me.
"Scar hates me Jinx."
"She also hates me but I still went and tried fixing amends with her."
"Basing on how sorrowful you look I'm guessing it didn't go well."
"Yeah she sort of made me an underdog in the gang."
"Ouch!" I stated.
"We need a plan Sydney. I am not loosing my best friend and you are not loosing the love of your life. So go take a bath because you smell like a skunk and let's go."
"I am not smelling that bad Jinx." I said and instinctively smelt my arm. The smell hit me like an earthquake and I quickly pulled my face away.
"Okay maybe you're right!"
Jinx laughed and I proceeded to the bathroom.
I really hope this works.